MAYO, Ketchup or Mustard

Decisions are hard for me.  Once I make them, then I feel relief, but I am a typical "Crab" sign when it comes to that area of life - I like to crawl in my shell, hide, regroup, and come back out to see if the "storm" has passed.  (That is something not everyone knows about me.)

I am told I have control issues, but I can't see it. (This still bothers me, as you can tell.)  I do "COP" to not wanting to accept one answer to each possibility, but if I truly had control of issues, I would definitely make better choices every time.  I would also make sure everything that happened would wind up being in my favor.  That is certainly NOT the case.  I do like "What ifs" in most issues.  Some people might see that as trying to control.  I see it as different possibilities.

Friends are so important to me.  I don't say it enough, but I am truly blessed with unbelievable friends.  Back to MAYO in JAX tomorrow.  My friend, SI, is going with me again.  She had emergency surgery a few weeks ago, so a week on the beach will certain benefit her healing.

I will see a neurologist, allergist, sleep specialist, and surgeon.  My continual weight gain is of "Grave" concern at this point.  Everything I do seems to only increase my weight, not decrease it.  This is not good!

On a happier note, I went to a concert with "a relative I can't mention" and some of his friends.  It was the "Encore" musical group at "WDW."  Although it was long, they are always a fantastic performance.  I don't know why, but I am always amazed at the talent that is present there.  This particular group performs each year and donates the proceeds to a non-profit group that benefits the area.  It changes each year.  This year the donation went to "Make a Wish Foundation."  This is a tremendous group that I do support as they accomplish the seemingly impossible for people throughout the world.  (If you have a chance to support it, please do so.)

As sleep seems to elude me, I guess I will start packing to leave tomorrow, which is already today, time wise.  Wiener sleeps on.  She has gotten used to these crazy hours we keep.  Amazing, huh?

Officially Official

Human nature being what it is, things happen.  We don't always like our choices that are available, but sometimes we have to make decisions based on what we know at the time.

Moving on the 18th of August is not my idea of a "fun" time.  As it stands, I will be moving in with Charles for a few months, and then get my own apartment.  I don't know what I'm going to do with Ween, as Charles doesn't want her in his apartment.  I need a sitter for a few weeks.  My things will go into storage until I can use them again.

Some time soon, I will also be going back to work at my old job, but part time only.  I not only need the distraction, but I miss the perks and the "love offering" I received every Thursday just for talking on the phone.  Right now, my work days are Sun/Monday/Thursday; 7:30-3:00.  (Subject to change at a moment's notice)

Feelings are fickle, but in many ways I am relieved for most of the pressure was from just making the decisions.  On the other hand, I am sad about the move.  I wish I didn't have to do it, but wishing doesn't make it so even though I live in Orlando where "Magic" abounds.  I will be back in JAX the 12th through 16th wrapping up some details of my other visits.  That will be a time of additional reflection and relaxation.  I can't wait to be on the beach again, and to spend more quiet time with God.

You just don't get it, do you?

Linner (combo of lunch and dinner) today with an old friend reminded me once again of what happens to each of us when we have decisions to make.

Her son-in-law decided about 5 weeks ago that he "needed to find himself." He doesn't think he wants to be married right now and he got married too young.  AND, he didn't know what was involved in being married. (quote/unquote)

That is all well and good, but what about their 4-year old daughter?  How do you explain these things to her when they don't even make sense to adults? So, my friend's daughter packed up and moved in with Mom and Dad.  What else could she do?

Mom and Dad  have a big 4-bedroom, 3-bath house w/pool.  There is a cleaning lady who not only cleans but also washes and irons the clothes; Mom cooks all the meals, and Mom and Dad do the dishes. Even as good as all that sounds, it doesn't make up for the fact that there is no husband for the wife; no father for the daughter; and, no one to live in that little house that they own.

The one thing that confuses me is that he doesn't understand why no one wants to include him in the "trips" to the beach, the 4th of July celebration, or the vacation plans for next month. He chose to leave the family and he doesn't understand why he's being left out of all the activities.  In other words, "He just doesn't get it."

Is there someone else in the picture?  I wouldn't be surprised.  That is usually the case when people want to "find" themselves.  Even if that is true, the bottom line still remains - You can't make someone else do what you want them to do; even if it is the best thing for them.  If that were possible, I would have made my husband take better care of himself so he wouldn't have died.

ONE MORE TIME

There is a real possibility that I will be working again pt time, back at my old position.  In fact, I've already had one supervisor tell me they would be glad to have me back.  This was before I even knew I was considered.  I've already been sent the days I'll be working, Sunday, Monday and Thursday. What is the hold up?  They don't do anything quickly.  If I am not re-employed by Friday, I lose all my seniority.  Not much chance of that; so be it.

I am looking forward to having some extra money again.  It's been tight these last few months, especially with having to make trips to JAX every other week or two, but I am right now "Pain Free."  Wahoo.  I also have energy again, and I guess I'm tired of staying home everyday and doing nothing.

I have worked since I was 17 years of age, and I believe I "think" and move better when I am employed.  I mean, come on, Ween can only look interested for a few weeks.  She is nodding off when I talk to her now.  It must be time to go back to work.  And, if I have to work, there isn't any better place with as many perks.  So, I guess I'll go back.

I can hardly wait to hear all those complaints again.  It will be like "magic" to my ears.

First Time

There is always a first time for everything, or so I'm told, and today I had a "FIRST" happen.  Two or three weeks ago I had a procedure done at Mayo to alleviate the pain I had been having in my legs, (my right one mostly). Today, I had a call from my surgeon's office, his charge nurse, to find out how I was doing since the procedure.

I must be the queen of surgeries - tonsils, appendix, C-sections, gallbladder, hysterectomy, 2 knee arthroscopic, and a rhinoplasty (I think that is all), but NEVER have I had a Dr or hospital call to see how I was doing after a procedure.

I have been so impressed with this hospital.  They are not only organized and do not waste my time with appointments that don't happen or are off schedule, they are also kind and extremely helpful with all the encounters I have had.  I can't say enough good things about this place.

I would advise anyone who is having medical problems and your doctors can't seem to focus on the real problem, just make an appointment and go there.  It is not only beneficial, but also rewarding and emotionally settling. They are the best place I have ever seen a doctor, nurse, or office staff. They should give lessons.

SMOOSH

Who invented the mammogram?  It had to have been a man - no women would inflict that torture on another woman.  Why do we suffer?  Why the pain?  Why is it necessary?  It saves lives!

I have a friend who has had 2 mastectomies. She is the same, outwardly, physically.  For the most part, she is the same emotionally.  What has she been through?  Only she can tell you that.  I have just seen a very brave person go through a personal hell, and survive.  Her husband is supportive and protective.  Their marriage goes on, much in the same way it has for the last 40 years.  Could I have been so brave?  I like to think so, but you never know how you will respond until you go through something.  She's a hero, but she'd be the first to deny it.  I am so proud of her.

My young friend, Mock, got out of the hospital today.  I picked him up and took him home.  He was all ready to do laundry and go back to work tomorrow.  I suggested he take another day off, and do laundry tomorrow, a little at a time.  He text me later and said after his shower, he decided to follow my advice.  He was wiped out.  (Sometimes I do know something).

The other Sheila is doing better.  She has worked her way up to liquids for meals, instead of the IVs, so she's progressing.  She probably won't be let loose until Thursday or Friday, so I offered to take her home.  She said she'd let me know if her husband couldn't take her.  We'll see.

Also heard from another friend, Cloe, that wants to do dinner on Thursday night.  Sheila in Clearwater, and Cloe in Tampa.  I think that would be easy to get to both friends on the same day.  I hope that works out.  I have great friends and I'm always excited to see them.

Ween's eyes are getting droopy and she needs to go to bed.  Since we sleep together, she wants to stay up until I get ready, but she's too sleepy.  I call her my "undercover dog" because she always burrows under the covers and sleeps until she get too hot, then she wiggles around and comes back out to her pillow and sleeps until she get too cold and then repeats the process again.  (She's gone for the evening).

It's late.  I'm all alone; typing and listening to tv at the same time.  Multi-tasking has always been one of my strong suits.  Where was I again; Oh yeah...

Earth, The Moon, or Mars?

For some unknown reason, Bob got the "wild" idea to go to NASA Sunday after he had worked all night.  Loving to drive, and he being a little tired, I drove to the space center.  


Beautiful day, clouds fluffy, and little or no traffic made it an easy drive to Cape Kennedy.  A few things have changed since I was last there.  The 3-4 hr bus ride is now broken up into 3 stops instead of being one continuous drive and only "viewing" different areas.  They have even added 2 or 3 new restaurants.  After the bus ride, Bob was pretty much wiped out, he was ready to go.  (short and sweet trip).

With the few pictures I did manage to take, they seemed to be fairly clear.  I enjoyed seeing the changes, but we really didn't see anything new.  I guess it's hard to conjure up new experiences once the idea has been introduced.  We did have a good lunch at Cracker Barrel.


(Picture of V A B or Vehicle Assembly Bulding)
Unfortunately, today I am a little achy and really need to take a day off.  I was going to see my friend, the other Sheila, who had to have emergency surgery Sat night, but I text to tell her how I felt and she agreed that I needed to rest.  Mock is also in the hospital; some sort of heart arrhythmia.  He expects to have a stress test before they will let him leave; probably some time tomorrow.  Some people.  They just couldn't stand me having all the medical attention.  Good luck and prayers to both.

Another Year?

Another birthday has come and gone.  Lots of best wishes on Facebook; cards; and flowers from my elder son. (Picture at left) All in all a very nice day.  Wiener and I stayed in bed most of the day. Mock came on Tuesday and took me to have my tags renewed, my allergy shots, and lunch.  I hope to be driving again by Friday, and swimming in the pool by Saturday.


It's amazing to me how our bodies work, and that doctors actually know some things that help us to keep our bodies moving.  This procedure has made a world of difference in my ability to move about.  I am grateful.

Wiener is taking very good care of me.  She rests when I rest. (Resting with her favorite stuffed animal - Pink "Princess" Mickey)  She eats when I eat.  She walks when I walk. She barks, but I haven't tried that yet.  Who knows?  That could be my next new adventure.  

D.O.B

Back from Mayo and feeling sooooooooo much better.  I have a very "slight" ache where the "boo boo" happens to be, but no pain.  (PTL) (Jax beach on left.)

I have two more appointments in August.  Those are basically consultations in different areas and I'm not expecting anything major.  The results of my two blood works done in the last two weeks were good.  I am slightly anemic, and sugar level is of concern, but for the most part, they look good.

Today is my birthday and I am so grateful.  I have to take it easy for the week - no driving and no pool, but those are very minor concessions for relief of pain.  I have contacted my former Director at the park, and there are a few part-time positions available.  I am interested.  We will see where that takes me.
(Bottom picture is a view from the pool area in Jax)

All in all, a great day today with Wiener.  She seems to be glad I'm home.

Teachable or Our Own Thing

Back in the Ice Age when I was employed as a teacher, I was always looking for that "Teachable Moment".  That time, in class, when something comes up for discussion, incidentally, that is actually pertinent to our learning.  Most days it did not appear.  Sometimes, it was like pulling teeth to try to teach anything. Something happened this morning that was a "Teachable Moment" for me.

While I was waiting to go to Mayo for my surgical procedure, I was enjoying the beautiful view from our balcony outside the spacious room.  The waves were lazily rolling in, touching the sand, and rolling right out again.  A man and his dog were on the beach.  Periodically the man would stoop, pick up something, throw it with some sort of "flinging" thing, similar to the jai lai basket, and the dog would run down the beach,  catching the item in his mouth or retrieving it from the water.  Enjoying the moment, the dog would run into the next wave, do a happy dance in the water; eventually even laying down in the coolness; almost totally ignoring the man.

The man would call to the dog, the dog would look in the other direction, momentarily, then reluctantly pull himself up from the water, ever so slowly walk toward the man, tail and ears hung.  As another dog approached, he was chained; dropping to the sand, the dog would roll back and forth as he was having a rapid back massage.  He had given up.

The antics of the animal did not stop the man from his "thing" of exercising - stretching, bending, and contorting his body in stretches.  With the chaining of the dog, the man proceeded to put the animal through a seemingly known set of obedience tricks - shake, roll over, etc.  With some hesitation, the dog slowly obeyed.

Isn't this a good analogy of God with us?  God sends us something to do, but we want to play in the nice, cool, comfortable water of our lives.  He calls; we reluctantly head back toward Him, distracted by most any thing.  He sends us again, we hesitate.  We want to stay in the nice cool, water of doing our thing. He coaxes us; He offers comfort, but we want to wallow in the laziness of our own disobedience.  Eventually, we have to be "reeled" in; possibly our chain even needs to be "pulled" to help us realize we are somewhere in an area that is not right for us; we are not doing His will.

I want to obey, yet I really like the comfort of my own decisions.  I pull away at times; do my happy dance of selfishness, and show my reluctance of obedience.  Eventually, I turn back to God.  I am so glad God knows my heart and patiently forgives and calls again.

HEADS OR TAILS

There are times in my life that are vivid memories.  Some are good and some are not so much.  We had an experience while driving to JAX that I probably won't forget for some time.

We decided NOT to take I-95.  We  found US 90 instead.  It runs North to South up the eastern coast of Florida.  The beauty was not lost on us; greens, purples, rolling hills.  The small towns passed, one much like the other, as we made our way to our destination. I was sailing along, approximately 60 miles per hour.  During one "nanosecond", I saw four car lights headed toward me, on a two lane road, as they dipped into the pocket of the road.  I immediately slammed on my breaks, and pulled to the right shoulder.  Before my friend could even ask what I was doing, the black car veered into the left lane in front of the car he was illegally passing.  Some time after that I started breathing again.

It will be a very long time before that image will leave my mind.  We both thanked God for His mercy. He really does take good care of me.

Oh well

At the last minute, actually, the Dr realized that I was allergic to Lidocane and cancelled the procedure for the day.  I was ready to go ahead, even with the allergy, but he said no.  We have rescheduled for next Thurs and Friday. Now he has to do surgery instead of a simple procedure. More tests next week and have to stay somewhere all night Thursday.  My friend has offered to go with me again, but she has to check with her husband about their schedule.

I am very disappointed that the procedure wasn't done.  I was ready to be out of pain.  This is supposed to work, and again my weight was mentioned by everyone I talked with yesterday.  I HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT!  I'm considering a lapband procedure.  I have to contact my head doctor at Mayo to see if he will refer me, AND, if medicare will cover it.  Who knows?

The procedures and processes take a long time at Mayo. They are very thorough.  But, I'm frustrated, at times, with everything.  I hope that I am learning something; at the very least - patience.  And, we all know I certainly need that.

Back at home today and really wiped out.  I have to take the "Sim" that is in my bipad to the company today.  They need to read it and see if I'm following all the rules.  I THINK I should be okay.  I'm certainly sleeping better, usually for at least 6 hrs or more.

It was good to "refresh" my relationship with my friend.  It's very interesting in that we have a lot of the same ideas on what we need to be doing with our lives.  I wonder if God planned this?  He's know for doing things like that.

No Lottery Today

Being in Tallahassee gives me pause for thought - What if?  It certainly makes my head spin.  I went to Jacksonville yesterday for a follow-up visit.  I saw the "Pain Management Dr." and he wants me to come back today to get injections in my back.  That in itself isn't unique, but ending up in Tallahassee could have been.

A friend I have know for about 10 years is with me.  Coming to Tallahassee and staying at her daughters apartment was not only to visit, but to be in the "general" vicinity for my appointment today.  It's great to renew friendships and to learn what has been happening during our time apart.  We also dreamed of what we could do for God with all the Lottery money.

It's a good thing my friend is with me.  She has to drive back.  If you know me, my car is just another thing to me.  Don't get me wrong, I do like it; can't afford it; but like it just the same.  She thinks I have issues about someone driving my car.  (It's probably a control issue thing.)  Little does she know, I really don't care who drives my car and look forward to sleeping on the way back.  It could have been so much more interesting though if we had won the money.

Anyone have tissues?

Is it okay to call all tissues "Kleenex?"  Probably not, but whatever you want to call them, I need some.  Somehow I have developed a sinus infection and have probably blown my nose so much I could probably paper my bedroom wall with the amount of tissues I've used.  In fact, I think I saw that episode on HGTV, starring Vern Yip.  I now have antibiotics, sprays, inhalers, and most anything else I can take to try to stop the drainage.  (Yes I know, thanks for sharing.)

I actually have been feeling so much better lately that I am even considering going back to work.  I have an appt on June 30 at Mayo.  I will get an update on my progress.  I am now on a Bipap machine and have been sleeping quite well at night, except to get up to blow my nose.  This machine is quiet and I have a nose clip that I use instead of the face mask.  It has 2 levels-one to start and then it ramps up to my prescription amount on the 2nd level.

I have a friend going with me to Mayo.  It was somewhat confusing when I worked with her, as her name is Sheila too, but we have remained friends and I really appreciate her friendship.  Since I haven't seen her for a while, we will have a lot to talk about while we motor to JAX.  We've decided to make it a "road trip", maybe even staying overnight on the beach.  Who knows?  But then again, we could also end up in Tallahassee.  We might have to pick up that Lottery winnings.

Is Honesty Really a Good Policy?

When someone hurts your feelings, what should you do?  Tell them?  Ignore it?  or come back with some sort of "retort"?  I'm never sure how to respond. I try to ask questions to find out why they feel that way, but usually I am so surprised that I can't do anything at the exact moment.

Yesterday was one of those days, one of those comments, and it came from a "friend."  I had just been to a movie with this "friend" and she text me, and when I opened it she said, "You are so mean; you hate everyone."  How do you respond to that?

I responded with "What makes you say that?"  Her response was, "Everyone thinks that."  I asked her who thought that and where was this remark coming from.  She said it would take too long to explain, but she would talk to me soon. (She left it at that)

My youngest son says I have control issues.  My husband "implies" I can't do anything right.  And now, from a friend I'm mean and hate everyone?  I don't know.  I must be a horrible person, but I don't see any of that.  I try to be kind to everyone.  I have no control over anything-sometimes not even my body functions.  I don't hate anyone.  And, I know of a lot of things I can do right. So, where do I go from here?

Green Acres

It's a good thing I have a smart GPS or who knows where I would be today - trying to decide whether to play the theme song from Deliverance on my banjo, or sing "bop bop, Green Acress is the place to be; farm living is the life for me..." decisions, decisions.  There were slight apprehensions when I couldn't find 2 streets my GPS was trying to direct me to take.  Only later did I find out that the name of 2 of the streets had been changed.  Needless to say, I did not have the faintest idea where I was or in what direction I needed to go. 

I stopped by to see my friends who have moved to "God's Country" in North Florida.  I use this title because even the satellites on my phone or car could not get any signals; only God can reach this place easily. 

It WAS peaceful and quiet - The birds were the only things"twittering". Trees, trees and more trees; lots of quiet, and more trees.  I DID sleep 9 hrs that night which might or might not have had to do with PT at Mayo, and a 4.5 hr drive in the sun, or a very long day beginning very early.  Who knows for sure.  I do know this-it was good to see them after a very long absence.

These are the type friends that are always there-no matter how long between visits, we just picked up where we left off.  We all went to college together 40+ years ago and have lived close to each other several times in those years.   In fact, two of the three times I've been married, Byron facilitated.  We have a lot of history, and they are very dear to me.

Since then, I've been visiting drs, picking up information, and continuing to try to get healthy.  I now have a "bipap" machine to help me breathe better at night.  I am sleeping longer and deeper which allows really wierd dreams.  I may even include one or two sometime just to let you know how really crazy I am.

Tonight we are going to MK to see the former electrical street parade and new fireworks.  It will certainly be a good time had by all.

THE MONTH OF MAY

Life can be crazy and busy.  Life can be confusing.  My life in general tends to be all of the above, at the same time.  Barb, my friend from out of town, came and spent a month with me.  She came to help me organize my house and life.  She also came to give me support, which I desperately needed at the time.  She went to Mayo with me and will continue to support me as she has gone home.  She gives me "Reality Checks" which we I need from time to time.  Only a true friend can do that.

Returning to Mayo on Tues, I will have additional testing and determine levels of medication and Physical Therapy.  I will go by myself this time.  (I'm a big girl; I can do it.)

During this past two weeks, I have also had a cousin visit, nephew and his wife and 4 children, my sister-in-law and her daughter, plus some friends with their young daughter.  Busy times, and I am tired.  I have literally slept off and on for the last two days.  Weiner has been right beside me.  I don't know if that is good for her or not, but she is there all the same.  Even though it has been hectic, these are people I have not seen for some time and have enjoyed every minute I have been physically able to spend with them.

My family and friends mean so much to me.  They continue to support me with prayers and wonderful thoughts.  To my husband, too many people can be overwhelming.  To me, they are comfort and warmth.  They are support and "warm fuzzies" when I need them, and they lift my spirits when they don't even know they are doing it.  Without them, I'd be lost.  I am blessed!

CULT OR CHURCH

Where does becoming a "follower" begin?  Is it at the time of acceptance of Jesus, or could it be later, or earlier?  I'm not quite sure, but I do know that God requires us to FOLLOW HIM.  How we do that is different for each person as He has multifaceted  paths for each of us-no two people are the same.

I do know He does NOT:
require us to "shun" our family
listen ONLY to the "leader" of our church
read ONLY books written by a "certain" group of people
argue with people about religious beliefs

We are not convicted by someone else's beliefs, nor are we to follow a "person" who says he is Jesus Incarnate.  We must have a PERSONAL, MENTAL, and SPIRITUAL relationship with God.  Prayer,  Bible Study, The Holy Spirit, and having an "Open Heart" to God's leadings, are all things we must nuture in order to get stronger in our beliefs and have a closer, more personal relationship to God.

God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit are on call 24/7.

Mustard or MAYO

If you have never seen an Ant Farm, and would like to see one, go to the MAYO Clinic, Jax, FL.  Trails, levels, places to eat, and oh yes, ants.  Switch ants to people and you have the place.

One week there of testing and exhaustion is enough for me.  Efficient, logical, timely, and any other positive adjective you can imagine for the clinic.  "Testing" days, ending with 3 flights of stairs up to our condo just about kicked it for me.  Barb and I decided to come home early.  (We really missed Wiener)  The condo was not all it was cracked up to be.

On a more upbeat note, I received good news and even better news.  Diagnosis is multi-faceted:

1.  Bone spur in one of the nerves of my spine
2.  Fibromyalgia
3.  Border-line diabetes
4.  Extremely high-
     Triclycerides; thyroid- should not be higher than .4 and mine was
     77.6; blood pressure; white cell count (usually indicates infection);
5.  Vitamin D deficiency - practically non existent
6.  Sleep Apnea - timing out once every minute I was asleep - Going back
     June 1/2 for "full blown" testing for this

I THINK that is it, but all treatable.  PRAISE THE LORD!!!

It is hopeful that the bone spur can be dissolved and not have surgery.  I'm doing PT and go back for "shots" and consultation duing June 1/2 visit.  Already started on medications to help deal with other issues.

Reprieve is the only word that comes to mind.  The condo is a whole different issue.

HOWEVER OR BECAUSE

Tutoring is a favorite thing for me to do.  I am now working with a lady who is back in school to regain a new profession.  She's having some problems with language and math.  We are working together 2 or 3 days a week in those areas.

One of the things she had never learned in school was not to use However or Because to start a sentence. It doesn't seem to be a rule any more; why I don't know.  In fact, we come across the usage frequently in her practice books.  Teaching to the test, which is what most teachers have to do in this day and age, does not give you much time to actually teach the skills necessary for reading and writing.

I know Charlie Crist has had some flack about vetoing the teacher merit evaluation but it is probably one of the best things he has done while in any office for the State of Florida.  He and Jeb Bush, in my opinion, have really messed with the Educational System in this state.  My question is "How can you make decisions about ANYTHING that you have not experienced or about which you have no first-hand knowledge?"  Leave it to your advisors?  This is probably what is being done, but as we all know GIGO-Garbage In; Garbage out. If they are advised by people who have axes to grind, so to speak, or don't really know anything about the classroom or teaching, then you get poor decision-making tactics and lousy laws.

Why should a teacher be paid on student performance?  No one else's salary is done this way.  If my surgery doesn't go well, do we withhold the Hospital's payment?  If my car doesn't perform correctly, is the mechanic sued or the car?  Most people are paid on "their" performance.  And, while I'm complaining, why must we have the idiotic tests anyway?  Tests only tell us what someone doesn't know; not what they do know.

Most European countries have two strains of learning - If you want to go to college, you take certain qualifying tests, if you pass them, you stay on the "strain of learning" that leads to college level classes; then move into college almost as an additional "level of learning" much like here when students move from Junior High to High School.  If you don't want to go to college, you take the "strain of learning" leading to some sort of trade or apprenticeship. I personally think this makes much more sense than the way we try to cram all students into the "molds of learning" we have in the United States.  But, again, no one asked me.

It's time to retire my soap box once again and go to bed (total waste of time).  Tomorrow is another day and God is still in control.  I am grateful for this.  But one more thing I've noticed - What about the earthquakes and volcanic activity we have had?  Anyone read Revelations lately?

Longer

For some reason, this April 7 was harder than usual for me.  It took several days to get back to my "normal," activities, whatever those happen to be.  The "normal" line keeps moving in my world, so it's hard to tell where it is at any given time.  Time marches on and I'm back up to "doing" and "moving" in my spaces.

Wiener is having some health issues in that she has a "rash of some sort" from a mysterious unknown allergic reation.  She really needs a bath, which she will get tomorrow as she has an appointment on Friday with a new vet.  My previous vet has moved to Emergency "vet things" whatever that happens to be, and a friend recommended a new vet that I'm going to visit.  Her other vet was about an hour away and extremely expensive.  This change is probably good.  I look forward to meeting him.

I went to a new dermatologist this passed week and I also have a rash on my shoulders and chest.  It is a mysterious, unknown allergic reaction to an undiagnosed substance.  Sounds familiar doesn't it?  Maybe we both should either see the vet or the dermatologist together.  Decisions; decisions.  I'll just ask for additional meds from the vet.  That should take care of everything.

ONCE AGAIN

It's been another year without Tom; eight altogether now.  The "wound" is not so raw; it just aches.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and what might have been.  I know God loves me and wants the best for me, so why wasn't Tom that "good" that I needed.  As my friend's grandson used to say, "I can't know."

Wednesday I will do my usual "hiding" thing somewhere by myself and try to get through the day one more time.  I'll try to remember the events of THAT day; my friends; the numbness; the police; my sons; and, I'll get through it again.  And, I'll go on.  My biggest question is "Why not me?"

WHAT TO DO?

The old adage that you really don't get involved until it affects you is true. With resigning from my former job, I had to reassign my health insurance. What a mess of paperwork!!!  That is not why I'm upset.  I went to pickup 4 prescriptions yesterday and they wanted me to pay almost $300.00. That is with two different insurance companies supposedly covering me.  What is with that?

Not only do I not want to pay that much, I won't pay that much for pills that I don't even want to take in the first place.  No wonder Americans can't afford to be sick.  THAT IS JUST WRONG!!!

We are the richest nation in the world.  We feed and clothe every other nation in the world.  We send money and supplies to everyone else and can't even take care of our own people. It is a crime.  Where does it stop?

Across the Pond

My friend, Meg, is in the great state of Florida from across the pond, as she likes to state.  She's been here since March 8 and I haven't seen her yet.  She's leaving April 5.  Short trip.  I just tonight talked with her asking  "IF" she was gracing me with her presence.  Although she waves like QE, she isn't quite that snobby but her reply "If you're lucky" which is a typical response from her.

She calls her husband, Harry, TFB (aka The Filthy Beast.)  It was a name we gave him some time ago for reasons I'll save for another time.  We use it "lovingly" and with his dry sense of humor he responds much as he does with everything.  I love the English.  They were always my favorite people to survey and to work with while at my last job.  She would fight to the death denying she's English of course, just the same, Scotland is still part of the United Kingdom even though no one over there wants to admit it.

I can't believe it's been so long.  Her grandson, Bailey, is 6 now and he was just born the last time she was here, or at least the last time I've seen or talked with her.  We "hit it off" from the time we met; just one of those relationships.  We were both teachers; retiring about the same time from teaching for some of the same reasons.  We had been married about the same amt of time.  We both had 2 (natural) children.  And, we both had/have about the same type of humor, or lack thereof.  We had joined a water aerobics class in the "sparkling" town of Hudson, Florida and neither one of us knew what we were doing.  We quickly learned, neither did many of the other women that were in the class.  That was the year my mother moved in with us and we had the house remodeled.  We spent the summer in someone's house in Hudson to allow the "construction/destruction" to be completed.  Interesting how life turns and twists, isn't it?

We've made a "tentative" meeting for Monday at one of the parks.  I really hope that happens.  I even got my Scottish/English dictionary out and have been studying.  [I must quit for a time to go to the loo.]  It wouldn't be wise to take the computer into an area with that much water.  I know the phone doesn't work well submerged.  (Don't ask)  I'm thinking the computer probably won't either.  Stayed tuned for the ongoing saga of Adventures across the Pond or See Meg swim.  Swim Meg Swim.

How spoiled is too spoiled?

Watching the tv program "All Creatures Great and Small", filmed in the UK, I loved the individual characters and how they interacted with each other.


The time frame was just before WWII.  There were two vets Siegfried Farnon and the main character Dr. James Herriot.  The older vet had a brother, Tristan, who eventually became a vet also. But, one of my favorite characters was this extremely rich woman, Mrs. Pumphrey, who called Dr Herriot, Uncle Herriot, to her dog-Tricky Woo. The dog was a hand fed, overweight, creature with a poor digestive system, and could not exercise because of the weight problem. He mostly sat on a cushion beside Mrs. Pumphrey.


That dog was probably the most spoiled animal in the history known to mankind. I hate to say that Wiener is second to any other animal, but she is second ONLY to that little fluffball.


Wiener sleeps on her own pillow, or one of mine, whichever she prefers; in my queen-sized bed which isn't big enough sometimes according to her. She eats organic food, which helps to keep her stomach from being upset; not to mention prime rib, chicken and other "carnivorous type" items that are left over from my dinner.  (We've stopped the bagels and cream cheese - too many calories.  We're dieting.)


She does "circles" when she needs to go out.  After climbing up on the couch, she flops down on her back, with her legs up in the air, and demands constant "belly rubs" along with many back scratches and nose rubs. (I have no idea what she did when I was working.  It must have really been rough on her.)


As a saying from an old cartoon says, "He's Crabby Appleton - rotten to the core." She's not usually crabby, but definitely pushy and even more so "rotten to the core."


Yes.  In the dictionary beside the word 'spoiled' is a picture of Wiener, but she also serves a function in this family.  She is by my side most of the day; keeps me company and empathizes with me when I don't feel well.  My type of friend.  It's kind of neat having someone who really understands me. I am so misunderstood, and obviously very well trained.

The Ides of March

The Ides of March (Latin: Idus Martias) is the name of March 15 in the Roman calendar. The term ides was used for the 15th day of the months of March, May, July, and October. The Ides of March was a festive day dedicated to the god Mars and a military parade was usually held. In modern times, the term Ides of March is best known as the date that Julius Caesar was killed in 709 AUC or 44 B.C.

In William Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar, Caesar is warned to "beware the Ides of March."

Checking some of my journals, this time of the year, seems to be more "mopey" or even "indecisive" for me. That's the only way I can describe it.  Being in therapy, I can usually recognize the warnings, but sometimes they slip up on me and I get "down" before I can realize it.

Melodie Beattie's book "The Language of Letting Go", is so much a part of me that I could be the post child for it if she needs one. Today she says, "Sometimes the way is not clear. Our minds get clouded, confused. We aren't certain what our next step should be, what it will look like, what direction we are headed. That is the time to stop, ask for guidance, and then rest. That is the time to let go of fear. Feel the confusion and chaos, and let it go. The path will show itself. The next next step shall be revealed. We don't have to know now. We will know in time. Trust that. Let go and trust."

Wow.  That is so me lately.  When I moved to FL, almost 40 years ago, there were very few days throughout the year that were NOT sunny.  In fact, The St Pete Times had an offer that if the sun failed to shine some time during the day, the paper was free.  

As most everyone knows, we have had a dreary winter.  Maybe that is one of the reasons for my funk.  I'm not working outside the apt, which I have done most of my life.  That could also contribute.  In addition, I'm awaiting testing, cleaning out closets, readjusting my lifestyle.  And, it's raining most of the day today.  It probably isn't any ONE reason.  At least for today, I will practice waiting, trusting and resting.  So simple. Who knew?

Tomorrow

Procrastination is something I have always been able to master.  In fact, if degrees were given out I would probably have a PhD.  True to my "crab" personality, I retreat when overwhelmed, try to regroup, and then return.  In actuality, I am just avoiding the issue.


Right now I have piles of paperwork.  There is so much, I am depressed just looking at it.  I know I need to do it, but I don't want to.  This is an extremely dangerous cycle to continue.  Some of the paperwork is time sensitive.  I could have already missed some deadlines; even that doesn't both me. 


What to do; what to do.  I need a wife to take care of all this junk for me.  Cats have the right idea.  Nap now; search for food later.

To Sign or Not to Sign

Once a year, just like clockwork, our lease expires.  I have lived in this complex almost 5 years, 2 with the "person I can't mention" and almost 3 with Bob.  Ordinarily, we have been given 2 months free rent to renew our lease.  This year they have decided to only give us one month.  I am NOT a happy camper, to say the least.

I have contacted several "Managers" up the food chain and they are not budging.  If I was feeling better, I would move.  Right now, I can't physically manage it and Bob doesn't want to do so.  So, at least for this year, I guess we're stuck here.

It's not that I am dissatisfied with the apartment complex.  It's okay.  They are very quick to do repairs and they have always maintained the grounds.  I just feel it is unfair for some tenants to get 2-months free rent, and some are not privileged to that option.  According to "one of the mgrs," the promotions are done due to accessibility of apartments.

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see how many empty apartments there are on this property and know they have to be hurting for tenants.  How can all the 2-bedroom, 2-bath apartments be full and the promotion only extended to two bedroom tenants.  According to everyone I've talked with if we MOVED to a one bedroom, or a three bedroom we could get two free months.  AND, the three bedroom apartments are cheaper than the one we're renting now.

I really don't understand all the logic or lack of, from what they are saying but I will certainly think long and hard before I renew again.  Maybe by then, we can afford a house.  Who knows.  I wonder if "Ween" has thought about modeling.

Documentation

Sarcoidosis is a disease characterized by the development and growth of tiny clumps of inflammatory cells in different areas of your body. Sarcoidosis can affect virtually any organ, but most commonly it affects your lungs, lymph nodes, eyes and skin. (Per Mayo Clinic)

Approximately 10 years ago, I was given the diagnosis of Sarcoidosis.  The only reason I mention it now is because I wanted a documentation of an episode I had today.  If you are reading this, it is not necessary to contact me.  This is just informational.


Today, while I was shopping at Publix, in my right eye I had a "stripe" of white that appeared.  It looked like someone had swiped a paint brush across my glasses.  (I wasn't wearing my glasses at the time.)  I broke out in a cold sweat and the store started swirling around.  Fainting is not something I have ever done, but I had no doubt I was about to do so.  I grabbed the cart and stood up straight. It's amazing what you HAVE TO DO, when you need to do it. Checking out of the store and going home at that time was something God helped me to do.


When I got home, I had lost so much water from sweating, all my clothes were drenched.  I asked Bob to put away the groceries and went into the bedroom to lay down.  Wiener automatically followed me.  She begged to get on the bed, crawled onto my stomach and began to lick my face rapidly.  She stopped.  Put her head on my face, took it off and began to lick my face again.  (I think she was trying to stop the sweating.)  When I stopped sweating, she stopped.


After about 15 minutes, I was able to return to the kitchen.  Fortunately, I had gotten some orange juice and quickly drank a glass.  I was thinking about dehydration or at least loss of potassium.  The juice helped me feel better, at least mentally.
[Kind of ironic that I comically talked today in an earlier blog about symptoms that I just had.  Who knew?]

The "B" word

Today is a good day.  Why you might ask?  It's payday.  In it's self that is not as exciting as some days of the week, but today is when I start my new "b-----."  I HATE THE WORD!!! It should probably be a 4-letter word, except it's not.  And, I have NEVER been very good at it.  If I am to survive without working, I will certainly have to pay attention to it.


Being the "spoiled, overly pampered, privileged princess" that I am (Bob's words; not mine) I have not really thought about "the word" much in the last 40 years of my life. Reality is - I have to do this. How do I go about setting up a "b-----?"  Where do I start?  Who gets what?  


I am already sweating; vision is getting fuzzy; I think I'm going to faint.  (It's a good thing I can type laying down.)  I have heard people use the phrase "Champagne taste with a beer b-----."  I'm about the find out what that means.

WAITING

Lines.  Traffic.  Money.  Promises.  Sometimes it seems as if all I do is wait.  I don't know about you, but I do not do it well sometimes.  If I were to confess honestly, and that is the best policy, I don't do it well most of the time.  But, thank God, I'm better than I used to be.

Is impatience heredity?  Where does it derive?  Do we learn to wait?  Or, does waiting become easier the more we have to do it?  Or, maybe it becomes easier with knowledge, and, dare I say it, with age.  I can't say for sure how we obtain patience except by experiencing life.  For me, it is hard.  I'm in, what I call, a "holding" pattern right now.  Resting is about the only thing I can do well.  And, of course, talk with God and Wiener.

Wiener has learned the word wait.  (Sometimes I think she's smarter than me.)  I ask her to wait when we go out so I can tie my shoes. Then when we go for a walk I ask her to wait while I talk with a neighbor.  And, the most impatient time for her is when I am getting her food ready - she has to wait then, too.  You can learn a lot from Wiener.  I may need to write a book on "Wienerism" and then follow her advice. Sometimes waiting also involves napping.

TODAY

"This is the day that the Lord hath made.  Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

STINKER OR THINKER

What is the difference between talking WITH God or praying TO God?  Is there a difference between thinking GREAT thoughts or thinking BIG thoughts about GOD?  Dreaming GREAT dreams or dreaming BIG dreams for God?  Doing GREAT things or doing BIG things for God?  Do we achieve the same results in doing either?  Are the words interchangeable?  And, will God be pleased with either?

Do I have to have the answers when I come up with these enormous theological questions? Maybe not. Joyce Meyer JUST NOW said on the tv, "It's enough just to be at peace.  We don't have to think a lot or do a lot of things to get answers.  Common sense is a gift from God.  Frustration and confusion are not from God.  Just DO the word!"  Wow.  Talk about timing.

FORM A HABIT:
1.  of studying the Word
2.  of talking to God about everything
3.  of being led by peace (Shalom)
4.  of saying NO to ourselves and YES to God

Every time God shows up with the answer to my questions, in REAL TIME as they say, I am amazed.  I don't know why.  "A relative close to me" has always said that my theme song should be "I Need Thee Every Hour."  It has been a joke in the family for years.  I think he might be right.  That is MY song.  I must remember that and live it like I believe it.

P.S.  Something that just came to me while I was conversing with God this morning - I'M ALREADY GREAT IN GOD'S EYES. " I am the apple of His eye."  "He has written my name on His right hand."  Wow!  I can't believe I had forgotten those scriptures.  Thanks for reminding me Father.

MOCK'S ADVICE

In the words of the esteemed Mr. Charles Mock, "The larger the screwup; the bigger the present."  If that is true, evidentially, Bob thought he was in deep Cau Cau.  He gave me all new living room furniture for Valentines.  (Maybe also Anniversary, Birthday and probably St Swizzle's Day.)
(Delivery day at Apt; beautiful FL weather)


Two weeks ago, He said "Let's go to lunch."  Seemingly harmless.  We usually eat lunch or dinner together, so I said "Okay."  Instead of going to a restaurant, he pulled into the parking lot of a local "Rooms To Go."  When I asked why we were here, he just said, "Oh; to look around."


After about 15 minutes of looking, he asked if I saw anything I liked.  I had already "eyed" a nearby set and said, "As a matter of fact, I did."  He called a saleslady over and asked, "If we were to purchase this furniture, does the 50" tv still go with it?"  


It's hard to keep me from talking, but believe it or not, I just stood there with my mouth open saying "What?"  Bob asked when I wanted it delivered and I calculated it would take several days to get the apt ready, so I said "Next Thursday." 


I honestly started to protest, but the last time I did, he accused me of being ungrateful.  I didn't want him to think I was rejecting his gift. (Also in Pastor's sermon last Sunday)  I had to get rid of all the furniture in the living room (required 3 different people to do a pick up or drop off); schedule a carpet cleaning, rearrange the bedroom furniture (also getting rid of some of it), schedule a tv delivery, and a Bright House person to attach the new box and set up tv in the midst of trying to buy supplemental insurance, looking at houses to buy, schedule testing at Mayo Clinic, picking up documents from my 8 doctors, and trying to meet with some friends from NY who were at WDW.  (pics later)


Thanks to friends, family, delivery schedulers, and anyone else I could beg, it all happened.  Vicki was especially helpful.  Have you seen the "Glad bag piano movers?"  That was Vicki and me moving the stuff and boxes that had to be moved.  Nothing ended up in a Glad bag, but it was touch and go for a while; especially trying to move the chair up a staircase of "a relative close to me."
Wiener has already chosen several spots. We're all surprised; after all, she lets us live here out of the goodness of her heart.  It must have something to do with her not being able to open the food or not having thumbs. I'm not sure.


I think this is the first time I have ever had a whole room of new furniture at one time.  It looks grey, but it is really a light chocolate color and I'm using green and red accents.  I have a "throw" that the girls gave me for Christmas one year and I have always liked the colors. (The HGTV shows are finally paying off.)


For whatever reason, Bob decided to give me the furniture and I really like it.  I guess now I have to be nice to him.  Mock was right - either Bob really thought he stepped in it or is going to, or could it be?  He really likes me and wants me to be happy? For whatever reason, we have all new furniture in the living room.


Who is Mock?  He's a man of deep thinking and ideas; very sensitive, and I use to work with him.  Maybe it's a "Magical Moment."  (Inside joke.)

Mayo Visit

Every new experience is an adventure for me.  Visiting THE Mayo Clinic was just that.  The government could take lessons in organization.  My five appointments went like "clockwork."  I went from place to place without any problems of scheduling or wasted time.


I liked the doctor I was assigned - Dr P.  Very professional, friendly, asked great questions and, actually seemed to hear what I was saying.  His evaluation of my symptoms generate the additional testing they will do.  I was actually scheduled to have additional testing this week, but I decided I was not prepared to stay so they rescheduled and I will be going back on May 17 for a week of testing.  


They do not have facilities for you to stay AT the clinic.  You must book a room in a nearby hotel, stay there over night and return the next day for the testing.  I decided I needed some time to make arrangements so we rescheduled and came home.


He found some neuropathy in my lower extremities.  That is part of the problem with my feet staying so cold.  He's not sure what is causing it, so he is testing to see what is found.  No one has ever mentioned that aspect of testing.  He also wants to do a "Psych Eval." (For those who know me, that has been a long time coming.  I have always been told I was crazy).  Sorry, they will be testing my memory.  And, when the results come back "normal"  I will have PROOF.  So there!


I certainly felt a lot better after talking with him.  I think I've come to the right place and we will FINALLY find out what is wrong with me, PHYSICALLY at least.  

New addition

We now have a new member of our family.  Luke.  He's my new Granddog.  He's so cute.  I didn't even know we were expecting.  I'm always the last to know everything.

We haven't had him tested yet, but I'm sure he's very bright; very intelligent eyes.  Now Joey has a playmate.  He's also part Lab, like Joey.  And, presumably, young.  He's still a little hyper (per the new Papa). 

He was adopted, as natural childbirth is not possible at this time.  He's trained, to some degree.  (We're still working on that).  Hey.  God is still working on my training too.

We're so excited.  I can hardly wait to meet him.  Wiener, on the other hand, is not impressed. 

When you're cute, you're cute

Shopping is not something I do easily.  I know; I know.  It's supposed to be a "woman's thing."  As a close relative of mine would say, "I didn't get that gene."  When I HAVE to go shopping, I try to make it a one place thing so that I can finish quickly and get out of the store.  I went to a local "super store" several days ago, had 5 things on my list.  I got 7. There were 2 "adorable" dresses there, $1 each, for the "Ween."  Of course, I had to have them.

When the temperature here drops below 65, she doesn't want to go outside, and she loves playing dress up, so we had to try out one of the outfits as it was only a high of 60 today.  She didn't want me to take it off when we returned to the apartment.

Julie says she looks like a sausage.  I say more "bratwurst" than wiener.  But, who's to say.  You can't see the writing on the back, but it says  "Princess."  (I wonder?)

She's glad to have me home.  I feel like singing "Me and My Shadow."  I can't even move without her RIGHT behind me.  The question is though - How else could she show off her new outfits if I were not here? Shortly after I took that picture, she had to nap.  (It's hard work looking this cute.)

Addendum to Highs and Lows

Anyone read the book or see the movie - Catch 22?  The basic principle was there were only two choices and neither one would work. I happen to "march" into Catch 22 many times.  This is one of them.  When I was working, I qualified to buy the house.  Now that I am not working, I do not qualify to get the house. Oh well.  It was fun while it lasted.

I'm not upset, just a little disappointed.  It seemed everything was falling into place.  I know God is in control.  I just wonder what He is thinking some times.  Not that I have to know, or that I would even understand; it would just be nice.

I use to say, "Wait until I die.  I have a million questions for God."  Now, I've come to the conclusion, neither the questions nor the answers will matter in Heaven, so I guess I can throw away my list.  Life is really too short to be bogged down in unimportant matters.  If I want to be great in God's eyes, then I have to Think Great Thoughts, Dream Great Dreams, and Do Great Things for Him.  And, that is my goal.  (That should keep me busy for a while.)

HIGHS AND LOWS

Ever have a day full of highs and lows?  It's really interesting, to say the least.

I have gotten this "totally wild" idea that I want to move into a house. Why? I can't for the life of me know, but there it is.  Yesterday, Julie and I went looking again.  We found a lovely house, in my price range, on the water, that needed some repairs.  I'm not really into that right now, so we went back to one we had already looked at.  I really liked it when I first saw it.  It was one of four that we were to look at, but 2 were "short sales" which is a challenge and don't want to do (or so I'm told.)  One was not available as it already had a contract pending and the last one, the one I liked, was still available.

We went back to the house, and wouldn't you know, the bank that owns the house, was adding all new appliances.  They had the yard mowed and cleaned of old leaves and branches; had added new carpeting and paint, and it looked even better than when we first saw it.  No additional price.  I was overwhelmed and excited.  Julie, who is a realtor, called the bank to see how we could make an offer.  It was amazing.

At the same time, we had taken Wiener, (seemed like a good idea at the time) she had pooped in the yard and when she sat down on my lap, proceeded to wipe her butt on my jeans.  Of course, it was green and smelly.  Needless to say, I had to go home and change before we could finish some errands we were going to do while out.

We're off again.  Found everything I needed; did everything I was to do; went home. Vicki can't come on Thurs to help me pack, so we rescheduled that for Monday; scheduled a trip to Pasco for Tuesday; called for a carpet cleaning for Tuesday, as they are bringing new furniture on Thursday and the carpet needs 2 days to dry; called about Ween's grooming on Wed. Sometime this week-end, I have to get rid of 2 couches, a bookcase, a chest of drawers, a coffee table and a TV in order to place the new furniture. (Bob's Valentines Day Present to me)  I know it's confusing but try to keep up.  I'm confused and I live here.

And, so my life goes.  It's a good thing I resigned.  I'm much too busy to work.

As Time Goes By

January 30, 2010
Today would have been my brother's 73rd birthday.  My mind will not let me visualize him at that age because he died when he was 30 years old.  I was in summer school at college, in Nashville, TN and don't remember a lot of the details of the event.  I know his plane went down on my birthday, July 12, and they found the plane and his body on his daughter's birthday - July 15.  
I had one of my "spiritual" experiences at that time.  The 15th was a Sunday.  I was at church; sunday school had just finished. I walked out of the chapel and was waiting for Tom on the porch-like area outside the chapel.  I felt an arm around my shoulder. At the same time, I heard my brother whisper in my ear - "It's okay.  I'm fine.  Everything will be okay."  He hugged me; I felt warm all over and he was gone.  This was "before" I was called for them to tell me they had found his body.  (I have had many of those in my lifetime.  I can't explain them or why I have them.  Just one of the perks of being a child of God.)

I know from experience that I was in shock and your memory isn't reliable enough to properly grasp the details in that type of instance.  Bits and pieces stand out and yet, I was fully aware of some of the "intense" events - my mother crying to the point of making herself ill; the memorial service having lots of "Marines" there and wondering why because my brother hated being in the marines; landing at the airport in Charleston, WV - diving to land on the mtn top landing strip; getting back in Nashville and wondering how I got there.

About 3 weeks later I received a reel-to-reel tape from my brother.  I remember it sounding depressing.  I only got to play it once in that it erased as it played.  (Providentially, I'm sure.) I could only remember parts of it.  I don't think my sister-in-law believed me when she asked about it several months later.  He died in Yokohama, Japan.  Billie Jean, his wife,  returned after getting most of the paperwork completed.  And, I lived with her for several months after she came back.  

She had a rough few years - She had another child while in Japan; Her Mother died of cancer; Her Father died in car wreck; She developed cancer and had to have surgery; Charlie, my brother, died in his own plane wreck. I reminded her of Charlie, and she and my mother didn't get along.  I was the one there at the time.  Those are only some of the reasons she seemed upset all the time.

Not many people did know my mother though. She was very guarded with her true emotions. In all fairness to her, I guess she had to be.  She worked hard most of her life and was only able to relax when she was able to retire after moving to Florida.  I didn't actually get to know and understand her until she came to live with us shortly after my father died in 2000.

As for my brother, I still miss him.  I probably always will.  I do remember when I was finally able to mourn for him.  I was sitting on the riverbank, some time later, behind the house where my parents lived, and I felt an intense depressive feeling come over me and I just started crying. I thought I wasn't going to be able to stop.  But I did and life goes on.  I look forward to seeing him again.  He could always make me laugh.

Sowing and Reaping

Galatians 6:7 (King James Version)

" ⁷Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."

There are many laws that God set up when He made the Earth.  The Law of Gravity - What goes up, must come down.  The Law of Genetics - Certain traits are passed to your offspring.  Or, the Law of Sowing and Reaping.  You cannot sow corn and expect strawberries.

I was reminded of the Law of Sowing and Reaping by one of my sons last week.  He could not be more like Tom, my husband, if we had physically had him, but he is one of my adopted sons.  He and "a relative I can't mention by name" are very much alike - logical; level-headed; forthright; and definitely honest with me.  I appreciate those qualities and often go to them for advice.

Going to other humans, you have several options.  You can listen and ignore them.  You can listen, analyze the words and ignore them.  Or, you can actually "hear" what they say and incorporate it into your decisions.  It's like going to the Dr. He tells you that you need to lose weight, and you get upset with him because he has stated the obvious or you follow his directions.

Actually, going to Wiener for advice is much easier.  She looks me square in the eyes, licks my hand or face, and lays down to take a nap.  Very sound advice.  She is extremely wise in her own way.  For now, I'll follow her example.  I should write this down for posterity; maybe a book.  I even know the title - "The Laws of Wiener."  You have to admit - It has possibilities.