Training?

My husband has a few really annoying habits. He knows they annoy me and he still does them. Is my job to retrain him to correct his habits? I'm not exactly sure.

One thing is if he is watching TV and I get ready to go to bed, I go over to him, kiss him good night and tell him I'm going to bed. Considerate, right? RIGHT! He, on the other hand, just gets up and goes to the bathroom and then goes to bed. No notice. No kiss. No nothing. And that is just plain rude, not to mention annoying.

There is a "hallway" leading to the bedrooms from the bathrooms, and I don't know he's doing this. So, when he went to the bathroom tonight, I was supposed to know he was going to bed? When I finally realized what he had done, I "marched" right into the bedroom, flipped on the light and said, "That was really rude!" I can't believe you do this to me." His response was, "You knew I was going to bed." "And, HOW was I supposed to know this?" "You know me well enough to know where I was going." How's that for logic? I am NOT psychic nor do I have a "board" to figure out the future. But I'm expected to do that?

I really do love this man, but after the week I have had at work, I'm not sure I want to try to figure out what he is thinking. And yet...

Another annoying habit is playing the television 20-30 decibels louder than a small tornado inside our apartment. I am NOT going deaf, but he has to be. Or maybe it's just his way of avoiding listening to me. Hmmmm.

I was married before to a passive aggressor or someone who disagreed with me, but would never make a fuss about it, or let me know he was upset, and then go and do whatever he wanted to do anyway. Bob on the other hand is what "I call" a "conditioner." He uses ways of trying to get me to do what he wants by not talking to me or what I call - the silent treatment. Then when he thinks I have had enough "time out" he will talk with me again and act like nothing is wrong and he proceeds to do whatever HE wants to do; the way HE wants to do it.

Behavior patterns are learned and conditioning is only another way to try to control another individual. I know that but tell me this - Why am I drawn to controlling men? I can't say for sure but it could do with the fact that I was never in control of anything throughout my life. I came close when we had children, but even they had their own way of doing things. And, in the classroom I was supposed to be in control. But, those are different issues all together.

Control is a funny thing. I had real insight into this once. It is really only an illusion that some people have in that they THINK they are actually running their own lives and making things happen within their realm of lifestyle. What they don't know is that God is really in control and with very little effort on His part, He can totally shake up our lives so we wouldn't even recognize them. Believe me - Been there; Had that happen.

On the other hand, I have to give them credit for their direction or slant on life. With that in mind, I must jump to this one question - What would Freud do? Actually, I think it is time for me to go to bed. This is way too much thinking for this late at night.

I hate halloween

When Charles was 4, my sister, who is the "artsy" one in the family, sent both my sons wonderful costumes to wear to "trick or treat." After weeks of anticipation, it was time to get ready. We spent 2 hours selecting the "perfect" candy to hand out before/after we went out. We had to find the most appropriate "makeup" to use along with the perfect disguises. We raced home from school/work so we could be ready on time; gobbled some sort of dinner; spent over an hour getting dressed, left "Dad" to hand out candy while we canvased the apartment complex, and we were off.

The very first door was "Chocolate Heaven." The proprietor was dressed to the "hilt" and played the hostess like a veteran, handed us way too much candy, AND THEN, the door closed...

While we were walking down the stairs from that very first place, Charles, my wonderful, pragmatic, analytical dressed up son looked up at me and said, "Do we have to do this any more?" He was over it. And that, as they say, was the sum total of all our trick or treating experiences!

When I was in my previous lifetime avocation, teaching, Halloween seemed to be a signal for "Lets back the dump truck up to our front door, deposit all the spoils of all the hours of roaming the neighborhood for the evening and let my otherwise fairly sedate off springs eat all the specialized junk food stuff they can possibly consume over and over during the next few weeks without any consideration to the end results." (This is my interpretation.) When I returned to school each year after the summer hiatus, the first thing I always did was to fill out a request form to be off on October 31, which pretty much guaranteed me the day.

This year October has a little different meaning - I'm going to New York for a few days with Charles, I'm spending 4 days in GA at a retreat, and I truly need an attitude adjustment as far as work is concerned. With all this in mind, it made sense to me to take the month of October off. And... It's been approved.

I have never done this before and I can't really say any one reason I am doing it now except I just want to. And, with all of this in mind, I am sooooo looking forward to October this year, which is totally different for me.

Been There; Done That

Yesterday I attended a lovely wedding in a local church. It was very interesting. I forget from time to time the extent of the ceremonies and festivities involved in a church wedding. I couldn't help comparing their wedding with my own just 6 short months ago and then quickly going back to my first wedding in 1967.

My mind can skip from one place to another as quickly as the snap of a finger. I wondered if Diane was as nervous as I was that rainy June night so long ago. I had no apprehensions about the person I was marrying, but I did have lots of questions about me as a wife. I thought I knew that man so well and as the months, slowly at first, rolled into years, I found out Tom WAS the solid, dependable man I first thought he was and became a rock I leaned on for so long.

My new husband is so very different from my first. And, even though I try not to make comparisons, it is almost possible not to do so, especially as I sat there waiting for the ceremony to begin. Bob is a good man, but very much a mystery at times. He keeps so much to himself. I wonder where he goes mentally when he has that "look" in his eyes, or what is going on when he looks at me and doesn't say anything at all, just looks. I ask, but his reply is usually, "Oh nothing."

Diane looked beautiful, of course. Skip looked handsome. Father of the bride looked very distinguished and "cleaned up nice." I work with all of them, and seeing them in "regular people clothes" is always interesting. These are people I have seen outside of work for they are also friends, but being dressed in all the "froo froo" finery, is another issue all together.

Bob worked until after the ceremony, but I had time to come home and get him for the reception. There were other people there from work. They cleaned up nicely too, especially the men who work in engineering. They are usually wearing "overalls", sweaty, and totally different from today. It's good to be in a different scenario and socialize outside of work.

The happy couple leaves today on a cruise. I wish them well. And, here I jump again, what about poor little "Bubba" who is left behind? He will have to suffer staying with Diane's father, who absolutely spoils him rotten. It's a rough life. (Bubba is actually a Yorkie. He just doesn't know he's a "D-O-G.")

Welcome to my world

There are times I wish I could read minds. Today is one of those days. Who is this man I married, and how can I figure him out?

Today is the wedding day of a close friend from work. I asked for this day off in December last year. We knew there would be a lot of people from work who wanted the day off too. I have planned to go ever since they decided to get married. I have had the invitation for weeks and have been in a dilemma over what to wear for months.

Diane's mother died a while ago and I think in the back of her mind, she thought there could possibly, at some future time, be something between her father and me. I love him to death, and even though we have been to lots of events together, the 'spark' just wasn't there to make it more than just friends. She still calls me "Mom" and I am so happy for her, so I DO need to be there.

Bob is working today and he told me he couldn't go. I invited someone else to go with me, and this morning at 5:00 am, Bob said he thought he could make it to the reception. He wants me to come home and pick him up. What to do; what to do?

Sleep is highly overrated

Here I am again at one of the bewitching hours that I sometimes spend after Bob has left for work. This time, I am not entirely at fault.

I had a friend's husband call me last night with a disturbing question - What did I know about his wife's affair? It blew me away. I haven't had a chance to talk with her. I don't know if what he said is true, but does it matter? That is the question that I am now trying to answer.

I have a tendency to be extremely loyal to my friends and she IS a close friend. What should I do? How much do I want to know? Am I in danger from her husband?

I have to talk with my friend. I will try to do this as soon as possible. Today.

TTA

My reminder, who is sitting beside me, is "devasted" that I didn't mention her birthday present for me. It was "supposedly" a life-time supply of orange-flavored tic tacs. Unfortunately, I happen to reallllllllllllly like those little "suckers" so they were gone within 24 hours.

Those who know me, know I "can" be a little compulsive in nature. With that in mind, you will understand when I say that my husband has suggested that I join "TTA" or "Tic Tacs Annymous."

Kimmie is so cute. I really love working with her, but in the future she needs to do a "survey" to find out exactly how long an orange tic tac will last with the average person and multiply it by several million to determine how many will be a life-time supply for me. After all, we are in the business of doing surveys. (I'm calling IT today and have it added to our computers so we can find out exact totals)

Been a while

It HAS been a while since I have added info in my blog, but it is not entirely my fault. First of all, Charles took the laptop to Ireland. I didn't get to go, for which I am still pouting, but I got several consolation prizes - a new "retro" Mickey watch, several t-shirts and some candy. Not bad, but the really best thing he did, since he missed my birthday, was to log in for me to get into the "cast" choir for the Christmas presentation. I had to work and did not have access to a computer that morning, so ALL is forgiven with that one act of kindness on his part. I would have eventually forgiven him anyway, but it's nice he was able help me. {The 'boys' also gave me a trip to NY for October at my "after the fact" celebration.}

For those of you who remember, I was in cast choir last year - totally without a doubt, the highlight of my year. That experience was so amazing that I am excited about this year just thinking of it. Last year, all the alto parts were taken within 1.47 minutes, so you see it was vitally important that I sign in within seconds of it opening up or I wouldn't have been able to do it.

My husband, Bob, is doing well. He is STILL bringing me flowers, at least once a week. And, on the 11th, we celebrated our 5th month of marriage. I can't believe it. Almost half a year has passed and we're still married. (Ha Ha!!! to those who said it wouldn't last.)

Another reason I haven't been writing is that I have been working an enormous amount of hours, which is slowing down now and I am back on a "mostly" regular schedule. Only 40 hours this next week. I won't know how to act. Now if I could get my husband on a 40-hr week, he might get some rest and I might get to see him.

What is with repair people? And, why are we at THEIR mercy? I missed church yesterday, something I don't like to do and try NOT to, but Charles had to have a repairman here and it was the time they gave me. My time is usually more flexible than his, so I usually end up being at the apartment for any necessary deliveries and repairs. Bob asked me what that was going to cost, I said I didn't really care. It was Charles' money. And, while it's not true that I don't care, it IS Charles' money and he wanted it fixed while he was gone, so there you are.

I am at Charles' apartment right now using his desk top, trying to catch up on some mail and duties I have to do on-line. Tomorrow it's back to the "salt mine." I have to "walk around all day, talking to people, and they pay me." It's a rough job, but some one has to do it. Right now, I'm glad it's me.

Batman or Pollyanna?

My husband and I grew up in two entirely different worlds. He refers to his as "Gotham City" and mine as "The Nunnery." He remembers mostly being beaten and told he was "incorrigible." He asks "How was it living in a sheltered, naive, uneventful world?"

While it's true we did have vastly different experiences growing up, I'm not a child any longer and I am responsible for my own attitude and actions. He prefers to "explain" his behavior by looking at his past. I, on the other hand, prefer to believe God is taking care of me and shields me from a lot of things I don't need to experience. You can imagine how this makes for interesting "discussions."

While we grow in our relationship, it is interesting to discover all the differences we have. He isn't a snuggler. I am. He likes to watch car shows on TV; I like movies plus the Gilmores. We both like Law and Order though. He doesn't like to go out to movies very much; I love a good movie (Ratatouille for example). I like to cook at home; he likes to eat out. He likes to watch the evening news; I think it's depressing. And the worse thing of all - He likes the Simpsons. (Yuk)

Some things we DO have in common. We both like Disney. We are both involved in decorating the house, and we both have mustangs. Is this enough to keep us together? We actually do have more than these things, but, as I am learning, this is a man that I am enjoying learning about. I think it's work the effort.