One More Time

During this tropical storm Debby, my son drove me to Jacksonville.  Three hours later we are at the Lab, doing Dr ordered blood work in the Davis Building.  ("He" has been so gracious with his time.  I do appreciate him and all he does for me.)  Once again, plans go awry.

After labs, we head for the Mayo building with him pushing me in a wheel chair.  We check in on the 1st floor, move to the 5th floor and are told that they aren't ready for me until 12:30.  It is now 10:30.  They advise that we can go eat.  The cafeteria is back in Davis building.  He wheels me back over to Davis, I eat.  He just had something to drink.  Afterward, we have to traipse back across the campus to the Mayo building.

We arrive at the 5th floor waiting area at approximately noon, and settle down to wait again.  As I have said, Mayo is very exacting with their scheduling.  Today was no exception.  At 12:30 the nurse comes out, takes me back into the procedure rooms area and I undress and put on the "fashionable" procedure wear.  And, I wait.

Donna, the assigned nurse, came back into the "holding" area and sits down in the other chair.  "I see you are taking Coumadin.  When did you stop your medication?"  I didn't know what she was asking.  I HAD NOT stopped the pills. "We have a slight dilemma."  My thought was "We who Paleface?" (Old joke)

She asked if Dr Dorcher had advised me to stop the meds.  I said if he did I had not remembered. They can't do the procedure while I am taking the meds, and my cardiologist must "sign off" on the procedure.  (Someone at Mayo had dropped the ball.)  Sooooooooo, basically we made a six hour trip to have blood work done.  And, they had not even included the PTINR test to check the clotting level.  It's time to head for home.

Back to Jacksonville

Sounds like a country-western song; if not already available, I think I'll write it.  Blood work and a procedure for my back; so much fun.  "He" is taking me. This is supposed to relieve the pain I'm having.  Dr talks surgery, but I don't want that unless it is the VERY LAST option.

It is a total day of fasting tomorrow.  I don't really mind that so much as I do waiting.  Mayo isn't as bad as most places.  They usually stay to a strict schedule and minimal waiting is their directive.  I like my doctors there.  They actually seem to care.

Wed is "blood check" day with my regular GP.  And, then on Friday, I'm back to my cardiologist for more testing.

My life seems to exist just to see Drs.  Although they are extremely capable and kind, I'm really over the "thrill" of the visit.  To me, its like eating the same meal 3 times as day, 7 days a week with no changes in the menu.  I still haven't been able to get to the PT that is waiting for me.  I'd really like to do that.  It probably will help more than anything else.

I would love to get into the water again.  It has rained so much, it is not only hard to get into our pool between storms, but the water is also too cold to use it.  The temperature of the water adversely affects my over all body temperature.  It needs to be at least 80 degrees for me to be able to tolerate it.  It would be nice to have solar heating available.

Today is another day of holding down the couch.  Ween and I have already "assumed" our positions.

Good News; Bad News

Once again supporting the AMA - the doctor "de jour" was my cardiologist. The "echo" showed an enlarged upper chamber on one side.  I am still having the "afib" problem so he is once again increasing the meds.  I am to go back next Friday to see if there is any change and to have another echo.  If not, surgery is recommended.


If we have to go the surgery route, it is a procedure called Ablation:


In cardiac ablation, doctors insert thin, flexible tubes (catheters) with electrodes on the tips into a blood vessel in your arm, groin or neck and thread them through your blood vessels to reach your heart. Doctors then apply heat (radiofrequency energy), a laser or extreme cold (cryoablation) through the catheters to destroy (ablate) abnormal heart tissue causing your heart rhythm disorder  (from Mayo Clinic website)


It is, once again, a wait and see game.  I think that is worse than actual procedure.  I find it much easier to be a patient than being a fixture in the waiting room.  


The President is visiting the Magic Kingdom - EVERYTHING SHUTS DOWN for his visit.  Traffic, parks, and various sundry areas.  It is such a mess when he visits.  I hope he likes the weather.


Ween and I are watching the clouds roll in with the beginnings of a storm coming closer and closer. I love storms. Oh not out in it, but watching the fierceness and presence of God.  Living on a preserve, it is awesome to see the lightening skip across the water, trees bending to the pressure of the wind, and the large, hard raindrops that are released by the dark clouds. Ween is fine with watching it from inside; outside, not so much.  Right now she is ignoring all the signs of the outdoors.  Sleeping is a hard job; but, someone has to do it.

Four Days In Hell

Probably the most frustrating thing about my "four days in hell" is once again being misunderstood.  It has been a reoccurring theme throughout my life. And, yes, it still makes me angry. Maybe I don't make myself clear. Maybe I am trying to give too much responsibility to others.  Either way, that's what had transpired and landed me at "The Farm."

I had to have someone unlock the bathroom door for me.  Permission to bath is also required.  Eating and "group" meeting times are rigidly dictated.  There are absolutely no electronics allowed.  They search your room and belongings all through the day.  And, a really big AND, I miss Ween.

I didn't have anyone to "lick" me awake, if I could finally sleep.  I didn't have to stumble around trying to let someone go outside.  I didn't even have someone to share my food.

Yesterday I "got" to see the Grand Pooba (Psy Dr)  He determines if someone can leave.  He sees me for all of three minutes and he can evaluate my competency?  POWER. It's a wonderful thing.  You have no power or opinion there.  You are a face that moves in front of a body.

I have been blessed to be able to travel.  Tijuana, other border towns, Paris' train station, an interesting shop in Israel.  I guess I was surprised about the facilities - mold in the shower, shower curtain is fall down, window blinds broken, floors dirty to name a few things.  On the positive side, there was hot water for a shower, I have clean linens (uniforms) to wear.  And, don't get me started on the uniforms that "the guests" must wear. Plain street clothes for the staff, and paper blue scrubs for those not yet admitted.  All possessions are taken away and stored "somewhere."  You are supposed to get them back when you check out.

Food is edible up there on 4 W; not so much in the "holding" area.  It took approx 14 hours to get admitted. I had to stay in two different areas before finally moving up to the fourth floor. They did have bag lunches in that area. I'm not sure how they could improve those except by adding a cafeteria. It's a bag lunch.

Cameras are all over.  I even had one in my room.  It's supposed to be because of my heart condition.  My room mate is interesting too.  About 14-16 and sometimes acted like she was 4 or 5.  She screams on a level almost out of normal hearing range.  She's required a "handler" most of the time.  They gave her a shot the first night and she slept after that.

Short of being in an arena at a sporting event, the noise level raises to a slight roar.  My day is usually very quiet and like it this way.  It is indigenous to an ant farm with super bowl speakers on crack.  The walking dead in the halls have blank looks on their faces.  There is also laughing for no apparent reason, screaming, shouting at invisible targets.  Medicated or need meds, I don't know.  I just know my TOTAL goal is getting out.

UNTITLED

I am greatly upset at the "misunderstandings" that people have recently made .


IF YOU HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT ME, DO NOT CONTACT ANOTHER MEMBER OF MY FAMILY TO FIND OUT ABOUT ME.  


Kindly contact me.  Or, better yet.  Keep your concerns to yourself and discuss them with God.  He knows what is going on and doesn't fault me or misunderstand me.


I am old enough to make my own decisions and really do not appreciate anyone's input unless I ask for it.  


This is all I have to say about the matter - If you don't like what I write, don't read it.

TIRED

Anyone who has kept up with me, knows how my life has been spiraling. As I told my doctor, "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired."

I have tried to do what is right.  I have tried to hold it together.  I am too tired to try any more.  Please don't make a big deal out of this.  I know things are constantly changing, but they have not changed for the better in the last 10 years.  I'm too tired to fight any more.

Please forgive me.



(An excerpt from a story in the writing stage by Sally Kirk.)

Practicing Medicine

You realize, of course, doctors are just "Practicing" medicine.  Every time I go to another office; every time I wait in a crowded noisy waiting room; every time I have to get weighed I try to imagine my life without doctors.  I wouldn't have any place to go or have expectations of wonder over what is their diagnosis.  My life would be so boring.

I'm being referred to another doctor to have an "Echo" done; meds have been changed again at both places today; and, blood was checked for clotting level - 3.7 - a little high so we're changing that too.  Where would I be without my doctors.

I stopped at the store and got dinner.  Mock was off today but had to do the doctor thing too. He's still on restricted duty so he's back in a park tomorrow. He is going to "sweat" again.  I remember those days.  That was one of the reasons I changed for an inside job - heat, sweat, sun poisoning, all those good things.  He can hardly wait.  I'm sure he will have several "scenarios" to tell me about.  Oh what a day.

Canada is North, Right?

Canada is north and Mexico is south.  Seems simple enough, right?  "He" has made it to Canada from Kalispell.  Now for the next leg of his trip.  This is officially business now. Everyone in my family went to Canada one summer. I have never been.  I would love to have been included in this trip, but alas. (You know my song of woe.) I'm not sure where "He" goes from Calgary, but I'm sure it will be a great trip.

Doctors appointments on Wed will keep us busy.  I have two; Mock has one. We believe in supporting the AMA. At this point in life, I haven't much choice. Still trying to get things straightened out so I can start my PT.  My heart doctor on Wednesday will be able to advise me more.

Dr Dorcher, at Mayo Clinic, wants me to see their Cardiologist.  I tried to get an appt for several weeks and they said they were booked.  He got me in to see one the middle of July.  In the meantime, we are still testing and whatever needs to be done.

Mock is on "light" restricted duty due to his injured thumb.  He's at Epcot today, and off Tues and Wed.  He is supposedly a greeter.  With his sunny disposition today, he may not play as nice as he should.  He hasn't had any sleep and he is crabbier without it.  Oh well.  It was probably nice for him to work there.

Who made breakfast necessary?

Tom could eat the moment his feet hit the floor.  I, on the other hand, have a challenge to try to figure out what to eat in the a.m..  I have to eat to take my meds, but I really don't like breakfast food.  I'm more of a "bruncher" than I am excited about eating early.  I have "leftovers" from Mary's breakfast last night.  I also have yogurt, eggs, turkey bacon, bread and cheese.  It's just too early to eat, in my humble opinion.

Shouldn't the day start around 11?  Ween thinks so.  She usually gets up at the crack of 10, comes to the couch and proceeds to take her "nap time" at the other end.  (It is a lonnnngggg way from the bed to the couch.  It "could" be a grueling experience.)

I'm not sure if Mock is sleeping or at one of the parks.  He was supposed to let someone into STUDIOS today, but had not heard what time they wanted to get in.  His keys are not on the counter, but his doors are closed. Ah, the mysteries in my life.

The numbness in my brain says it's time to nap.  Honestly, Ween is so much wiser than I could ever be.  With "Gilmore Girls" music in the background, I just have to organize my day, right after my rest. Ween would be proud.

Cleaning Day

So many times I have said I am blessed with good friends.  Today is another example.  My friend Mary, who also happens to clean my apartment for me, cooked the most marvelous meal for Mock and me.  When she comes to clean, she also brings food.  Today's dinner "de jour" was actually a breakfast. Sausage and biscuits, sausage gravy over biscuits, toast with egg in the middle and hash browns that are to die for.  Everything is "homemade" and low in calories. It not only was great to eat but also marvelous for her to do this.  (Did I mention that she is also a caterer?)

Received a text from "Him."  Beautiful picture of Lake McDonald.  According to Wikipedia, it's the 2nd largest lake in Montana.  They are visiting Glacier National Park today.  And, afterward, I believe they're having a bbq.

We have gotten some much needed rain today.  I had to take a pain pill earlier so I slept most of the morning.  Ween has so much sympathy, she slept with me.  She is so helpful.  I woke up in time to shower and let Mary into the apt.

Now that our "tummys" are full, we're thinking very seriously of going to bed. That is probably the best idea Ween has had all day.

I wouldn't tell "Him" this, but I miss "Him" when he's gone.  I hope he has a great time.

It's Party Time

Dropped "someone" off at the airport this morning. He's on his way to his first leg of his journey.  (He has a rough job, but somebody has to do it.) He's doing one of the "Adventures" because he has to know what he is talking about when he talks to Media People about the trip.  He will be in Kalispel, Montana for a few days.  He wants to see Glacier Park.  According to him, it's free tomorrow.  I would love to have gone but at this time, I'm not quite able to do all that involves.  I'd love to see Canada, and do all the wonderful things they will be experiencing.  Maybe some day.

While I was at the airport, which took all of 12 minutes, Ween managed to put herself in the proverbial doghouse. I took her out 2 minutes before I left. When I came home, there was a "gift," "heap," or ginormous "PILE" on the carpet in front of the door.  And, another smaller pile over by the dining room table, AND a large wet spot on the carpet going into Mock's room.  I was, and still am, LIVID.  That has sealed her doom.  She WILL NOT be left loose when I exit the apartment.  She WILL BE penned in the kitchen.  It's a good thing Mary is cleaning tomorrow. She has a special liquid she uses on the carpet to get up the "spots."

When I finally move into my house, I will only have tile.  That will eliminate a lot of problems on her part.  Until then, if I don't kill her she will be lucky.

Other than going to the airport, I am basically "holding down the couch" again today.  Mock injured his thumb last night and went to "Centre Care" and had x-rays.  They said it wasn't broken, but he's not supposed to use it for several weeks.  I'm sure that is going to go over like a lead balloon with his boss.  He uses the keyboard all shift, soooo who knows how they will handle that. Since he did it at work, it is considered Workman's Comp.  He's wearing a brace over his thumb and forearm.  What fun.  Always something exciting going on in my life.

I am cooking "black beans," which I haven't done for a very long time.  Julie sent me some on Memorial Day and they were delicious.  And, believe it or not, Arby's roast beef sandwiches and black bean soup are the only two things my stomach could tolerate when I had ulcers.  Since I had some black beans in the pantry, I decided to see how they would taste.

And, paperwork.  Don't get me started on all the paperwork that needs to be filed and filled out.  It's all over the apt. and it needs to be gone.  Since the "tooth fairy" isn't available, I guess I have to do it.  Of course, I haven't tried pixie dust.  I'll see if I can find some.

No Dr Day - Wahoo

Today is another resting day.  I was released yesterday to drive and exercise.  I felt like singing - Free at Last.  I sometimes sound so pitiful to myself.  It's impossible to deny I'm blessed.  I have far more "things," friends and family than most people, yet sometimes I get in a "funk" and can't see a way out of issues.  


I'm reminded of Job and what he had to endure.  I'm nowhere near that place, yet occasionally I feel God has hit his "MUTE" button and is ignoring me entirely.  In a verbal whisper in my ear in Jerusalem, He promised to take care of me. Sometimes His idea of care isn't mine. And yet, I hear Garth Brooks' song, "Sometimes I Thank God for Unanswered Prayers."


Is God saying to satan what He said about Job - "Have you considered my servant Sheila?"  Can He actually say that about me? I'm not sure.

If it's Tuesday it must be Jacksonville

Here I am again. As the picture indicates, I'm waiting to see another Dr at Mayo. Most waiting rooms look alike, right? This one isn't any different. We've been here since 8:30, with a short trip to Bob Evans, and I'm pretty much over it. 


Don't even have time to see Aida. She isn't free until 3, and I can't wait until then.  According to Dr, I "probably" have a pinched nerve, hopefully.  If not, we may have to do surgery.  


Testing today - x-rays; EKG; and wanted to do blood work, but it has to be done fasting, so we had to put that off until I can get it done.  When I go back, in July, he wants to do MRI, blood work, pain induction (?) and decide what needs to be done.  


According to him, I was taking the wrong medication for pain, so he changed it.  Mock says I can take one and see him next Thursday.  (He has more experience with pain meds than I do, so he thinks this will put me out.)  He's probably right.  Two aspirins knock me out for the night, so I don't know what this stuff will do.  We'll see.  The script says I can take one every 4 hrs.  (Yeah.  That is going to happen.)


Had dinner with Julie and Bret.  Julie invited us to stop on our way home.  It was delicious.  I'm really not to have spicy foods, and this wasn't too bad, but it was Tacos.  I made a Taco salad and ate about half.  I brought the other half home for tomorrow. MMMMMMMMM good.


Just got home and I'm totally wiped.  I have another dr's appt tomorrow and "he" is taking me.  I feel really awful that "he" is missing so much work, but "he" says not to worry about it.  So, I won't.


Ween is already in bed.  I'm right behind her.  I wonder if she took one of my pills?  Na. She can't even open the bottle.  It's a "thumb" thing.

Monday Again

Once again Monday happens.  Ween and I held down the bed most of the day yesterday.  I don't know why, but I had no energy at all.  I think the Coumadin and my blood pressure medicine are interacting to lower my blood pressure too low.

No appts today.  Wow.  It's a miracle. Tomorrow "he" is taking me to MAYO in Jacksonville.  I absolutely HATE not being able to drive.  It is such a nuisance. Someone must take me everywhere outside the apartment.  It's ridiculous, but I guess necessary.  Hopefully, it should end soon.

Wednesday is another "blood" checking day.  I have to go to the drs office to have that done.  I also need to get my allergy shots at another drs office. Hopefully, no other drs this week. It will seem like vacation.

I Know where I was

Forty-five years ago today, I was in Nashville, TN. The plans were made. People were in place. All was set up for the big event. What could possibly go wrong? Tom forgot my flowers; I was so nervous I had to pee, with my dress on, five minutes before going down the aisle; I put his ring on the wrong finger; It rained all day and night. Did any of that stop us? Thank goodness it didn't.


I was married to one of the most amazing people in the world. I didn't even realize it at the time. The first year and a half were wonderful. We loved. We laughed. We had fun. Then I found out I was pregnant and I threw up all nine months. That does not make for a "happy" time.


He was understanding, helpful, and patient. I was a total bitch, and I didn't even know it. I didn't know how to love that man properly. I did not let him be the person God had created him to be. I was self absorbed, and not the woman God wanted me to be. If I could I would go back and change so many things.


That man made such an impression on me. I learned so much from him, and his "sayings." I recently spent some time with our old friends Mary and Byron. We reminisced about those times - most were good; some not so much. We all felt we were blessed to have known him, even for such a short time.

Rain, Rain

Today is an especially nice day to stay indoors.  Our much needed rain has finally arrived in Orlando.  My view from the couch, out my patio doors, gives me a very green view of the "flora and fauna" that is on the property.

Ween is terribly distressed at the water all around.  She loves baths but hates rain.  Go figure.

Mock has had a busy day today.  After sleeping two hours, he had an 8:00 am breathing test at the hospital.  Came home and tired to sleep a few hours.  On to pick up a friend who needs to return a u-haul she used to move, and then take her to her new place which is not really close to anywhere.  He is planning to go to work from there.  He is extremely "crabby" when he doesn't get sleep.  (I hope he doesn't get fired today.)

My "relative" is taking me shopping tomorrow.  I'm still in a "resting" mode and can't drive.  That is really annoying.  I don't think that is a "control" issue, but it sure is limiting to where and when you can go some where.  I'm really getting tired of it.  I can't even imagine how he feels taking me everywhere.

We go to Mayo on Tuesday.  He is driving.  This is a great inconvenience for him.  He hasn't complained once.  He hasn't even indicated that he doesn't like doing it.  I so appreciate him.  Maybe I'll be able to drive soon.  That would really be nice.  Ween agrees.