WHEN

At what point do you face reality and stop dreaming?  I'm not sure, but I know there are so many things that I would change or do differently, if I had the chance.

I would, probably NOT have bought my 2010 white Mustang.  I would have kept my 2004, red convertible.

I would exercise more.  I actually started jogging when Tom and I separated.  I had moved into a one-bedroom apartment that had several lakes with sidewalks round them. I decided that I would jog around the lake every morning, and I did, for six or eight months of the year that I lived there. When my lease was expiring, my dad was going into a nursing home, and my mother didn't want to live alone so I moved to Largo. I lived about an hour from school, but I like driving and it was "release" time for me, so I didn't mind.

I would try to be more understanding and patient especially with Tom and both of the boys. I didn't know how to be a wife and mother.  In frustration and with lack of training, I didn't know what I wanted or how to relate.  They deserved better. Tom was a gentle soul that would have blossomed with understanding and a loving person as his spouse. I didn't know HOW to love. He finally gave up trying after some years. Tommy was so much like me.  In his frustration, he said and did things he didn't  mean but didn't understand "HOW" to relate. Meeting Ty and learning to deal in certain situations has helped him so much. And Charles, how did he survive me to become such a special person?  Fortunately, he inherited most of his father's traits. He is so much better with me than I was with my mother. I appreciate him more than I could ever explain.

I would work longer and be a better teacher.  I would look for the best in everyone.  I would forgive quicker. I would appreciate more. I would plant more flowers.

I can't go back and change the past. I can only go forward and reevaluate how I respond NOW. And, that's exactly what I intend to do.