Anger is something I thought I had put behind me. I grew up so infused by anger. My parents, each for different reasons; my "friends" because they had so much more than me; and anyone else who happened to come into my life at the time. I didn't know it, but my mother was also a very angry person. We never talked about it, but it was evident in most everything she said or did.
When Tom died, I went through the many stages of grief, one of which was anger. Miraculously, God took away that anger and I really haven't had that problem for a long time. Oh don't get me wrong, I've been upset about things along the way but not the deep seated ANGER that I once had -- deep seated, temperature rising, shouting anger that I once felt.
We have had some "relatives" staying with us. Charles and Mock had gone out of their ways to get them into the parks for several days, so I suggested they spend Thursday night with us and not leave until Friday morning as they were tired and they wouldn't have to hurry and try to pack up Thursday after being at the parks for two days. They agreed, but the relative who they were to visit didn't like it that way and she "disregarded" their feelings and had them leave the parks early, missing a much "wanted to see" fireworks, Rush to our house, gather their things, pack up the car, and drive the hour and half to their home, in the darkest of dark places where they live, so that she could get what she wanted. She is selfish and manipulative. We have repeatedly helped them and she has shown little or no gratitude over the years.
I can't quite figure out why I'm so angry. Is it her actions of messing with MY plans? Is it a control issue or was I really trying to be helpful to the visitors? I don't know which, but I need to stay away from her for a while because I'm still angry and I've learned that if I am to NOT to get angrier or say things I shouldn't, I need some space.
I'm also very tired.. Not an excuse, just a reason. I spent several days with a friend who is very ill. I love her so much and in many ways we are closer than relatives. But, God is good. I'm sure He will help me to sort all of this and calm my spirit.
