A New Year

As I look back over this last year, the files of my mind hold so many experiences.  I ended last year, looking toward my life, yet so many unexpected things have transpired on different roads that I never dreamed of traveling down.  

I thought I might be back in school to finish my counseling degree; I wasn't planning on getting married again; I thought I would possibly be moving into a new house with Charles; and, on and on with things that could have happened and didn't, and things thought impossible coming to pass with little or no effort.

I've traveled some; vacationed for over a month; and, enjoyed creating a new life with a new husband.  This has been our first Christmas holiday together.  He spent entirely too much money on me so I've restricted him to only 2 presents at any given occasion.  (We'll see)

This is a picture of Bob resting after having surgery.  (There are some holiday decorations around him)  He's much better and I think anxious to get back to work.  His first day is tomorrow.  He's not sure if he has been reinstated at work, so he may be back home shortly after he leaves.  We'll see.

As I look toward this next year, I am trying to imagine what will be happening.  It's probably a good thing we don't know the future.  There would be nothing to look forward to - and that would be a sad commentary on life.

Merry Christmas

It is "theoretically," as Charles would say, already Christmas.  I am alone, in my living room, on the couch using my new laptop computer that my sons gave me for a present.  I love a MAC and find it so much easier to use than a PC, so I am good to go for using this new toy.

This week has been brutal.  I have worked over 60 hrs, had guests since the 23rd, sung in the processional, shopped, wrapped, walked Joey, tried to cook, ... and the list goes on.  I am exhausted and almost too tired to push down the keys, but I am Oh so grateful for all that God has given me and all the friends and family I will see tomorrow at our place.  

And, even if I never see another Christmas morning, I have already received more than I could ever deserve.  I love my family.  I love being able to work where I work.  I love all the new people I've met lately, but most of all, I feel a sense of peace in my life that had not been there for a while.  Peace is good.  And, my prayer for whoever reads this is that you too will experience the peace that God gives-all we have to do is ask.

Anger

Anger is a waste of energy. I have always believed it, but I try to practice the philosophy and pragmatic attitude that "Life is too short" to waste time and energy on things that do not matter and are not productive. I try to fill each day with positive ideas and things that will be uplift me and others. It even bothers me when I DO waste my time.

With that in mind, I must also say that WHEN I DO GET ANGRY, it is usually because of an injustice either done to me or one of the people closest to me. One of the two or three things that really make me angry is when I am accused of something I haven't done. I have tried to analyze WHY and I have come up with no real answers except I really don't like it. That is exactly what happened to me this past week.

An African American man came up to me this week and wanted to do one of my surveys. I explained that our company's policy is not to do surveys with people who volunteer, and that I must select the people who answer our questions. He stepped even closer into my face, twisted his face in anger and once again said, "I said, I want to do one of your surveys!" I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I'm sorry sir. But we select people randomly for our surveys. It is company policy not to do surveys with people who volunteer to do them." "Where is your manager?" he asked. I directed him to Guest Services which was to the left of where he was standing. He walked into Guest Services and evidently complained to someone that I was a "Racist" because he wasn't allowed to do a survey.

The bottom line is that I explained it to Guest Services, called our MOD (Manager on Duty) and sent an email to my manager explaining what happened. They all said that I did the right thing and there wasn't any problem with what happened, at least on my part.

Did their statements make me feel better? Somewhat. Did I just forget the incident? Not on your life!

I have always believed that there isn't any one person in this world that I couldn't get along with, my mother excluded. I actually enjoy talking with our guests and walking around the parks all day. It is so neat being part of their "experience" to O-Town. I love hearing their stories of why they are here.

People visit from all over the world and add so much to my knowledge base daily. This man, on the other hand, bothers me even today. I know that I have let his accusation have too much of my valuable time. Being the Type-A personality that I am, I am having a hard time "Letting it go." Was this man for real? Was he a "plant" to see how I would react. It really doesn't matter. Ultimately I am responsible for my behavior only. Even now, I can still see his face "up close and personal" inside my own personal space. I am praying through my attitude and soon I hope the hurt will go away.

I do have one consolation though-My company has a policy that I must wear a name tag attached to the left shoulder of my shirt. For probably only the 2nd time in my almost 3 years of working there, I had forgotten my own name tag. I was wearing the name "Beth" on my shirt.

Poor Beth. I almost feel sorry for her. (My manager laughed out loud when I told her that)

My Mess

The living room is a total disaster; the bedroom has clothes that need to be folded and put away, and there are clothes to be washed. What am I doing? I am sitting here, typing, and ignoring the mess around me. That is very hard for me to do in that I am usually very organized and must have things put away, but for some reason I just have no energy to do any of what needs to be done.

There is still a lot of shopping I need to do and it is getting closer to Christmas every day. Bob has "over" bought and already wrapped the gifts he has and even has some ready to send north. He is doing fine after his surgery but the Dr recommends he stay off until after the first of the year. He is almost to the point of being bored though.

I had friends visit from Pasco on Sat. That was really awesome. I miss my life there, at times. Sometimes I almost feel that now is a dream and that I will awaken one day to find out I'm still teaching and Tom is still alive. I sometimes feel as if I am going through the motions of living this life. I don't know if that is normal, but it is at least what it is. And, I am what I am. Most of the time, that is all I CAN do.

Whew!

He made it through, despite all he thought. It took a little longer than the Dr first expected-a little more repair than originally indicated. And now, we are recouping at home on the couch.

Bob is not a wimp. I just want that noted. He is a ride mechanic and has always done "manly" things. But this pain "thing" is totally new to him. He's not use to NOT doing what he wants; when he wants. And, he can't - YET. I keep reminding him that this will be better soon and the pain will go away. (He's not sure.)

He wanted to get out today so we went to dinner @ Mimi's. It went well, but it was painful to get in and out of the car. I'm hoping he will let me give him some Tylenol PM tonight so that he can sleep. He was very restless last night and did not sleep well. So far, he's only taken 2 Aleve, which I applaud for his not wanting to take medications or get hooked on anything, but he does need to rest.

How long will it take to quit hurting, he asks. If I knew that, I could really make some money. "When it's ready, it will quit" is my answer. That's as close as I can get. He just says, "Mmmm."

(This is Bob recouping-"The Cat" is keeping watch on the back of the couch-all dressed up in his Christmas outfit-and a few decorations in the picture.)

ALONE TIME

The mornings are more friendly to me now. When I was younger, just pulling my "over worked" body out of the sack at the crack of noon was a chore.

Now-I'm quite comfortable with the early morning time especially when I am at the beach. The sound of the waves hitting the shore with the reflection of the sun on the water in the wee hours of the morning relax me more than most anything else I know. This has also become the time of day that I have alone; just for me.

I think. I read. I pray. I study. I answer e-mail. I blog. I like it. I become creative, especially after Bob has gone to work. I have never had much "alone" time during my life. Maybe that is why I like it so much now. I don't really understand why.

When else can you dance to music no one else likes or wants to see you do? When else can you bake and eat anything you want, and no one else knows about all that decadent stuff? When else can you cry out to God and no one else hears you or thinks it's you going off the deep end?

It's all good. It's all beneficial. I think I'll keep this "alone" time just for me. Some would call it selfish. I call it self preservation. And, I not only like it-I need it.

Tomorrow

We've made all the preparations; we've jumped through all the hoops for SW; WE are prepared as WE can be; so what's the problem?

Bob is convinced he will die. I am the one with the positive attitude. He is more of the Eeyore type-"Don't bother to put my tail back on; it will just fall off again." (One of Eeyore's famous sayings) That is Bob.

I personally think he will be fine. If for some unforeseen reason a happening does occur, he will certainly come back and say, "See. I told you so." If anyone could do that, he would.

The picture is of Bob on the last day he worked for BB. He is wearing his alligator costume. I think he should have one to wear all the time. (He never likes my "creative" ideas.) Until tomorrow...

Austin

Even in the midst of all the "goings on" with Bob, the hoops he's having to go through with his work place to have his surgery done on Friday, and trying to get to a performance of candlelight, I had scheduled a birthday celebration with MacKenzie. She is TOTALLY not her sister, and the "fru fru" stuff that the younger one does. does not appeal to her at all. But coming out of HOB when we were celebrating 2 other birthdays, Kenzie saw the D Quest sign and said she would like to do that for her birthday. (I had asked both what they wanted to do, and she had not decided until that very moment) Of course I said, "No problem." And then she asked if she could bring a friend. "Absolutely" was my response.

Her celebration had been scheduled weeks in advance, so it was extremely necessary to me to keep that commitment with her. My schedule has been so crazy lately that I never know exactly what "dates" or "happenings" that I can or cannot make, but this was very important to her and also to me.

To tell the truth, DQ is not one of my favorite places. I'm a "curl up by the fire, eating chili on a cold day and reading a book, kind of person. DQ is E X T R E M E L Y noisy (Large Arcade type place) and my ears are always ringing when I leave there, but a promise is a promise. So she came home with me after early service at church, we changed into play clothes, and drove to DTD.

Her "FRIEND" is Austin. You have to know, this is totally new for her. Boys have always had "cooties" and girls do not associate with them except to play baseball, soccer, or whatever time-of-the-year sport it happens to be. So now, we are 13, and we have a "friend" named Austin.

Cute kid. Polite. AND, I got to go to the 5th floor where the food is, read, sip cappuccino, eat lunch, put my feet up and really relax. I was more than happy to have Austin go with us. Kinzie's last statement was very interesting though - "Aunt Sheila, since we had such a good time with Austin, and he was very well behaved, don't you think we need to include him in more of our trips to the parks?" I think Austin will be a nice addition to our soirees.

ORMC

If you have never had any connection with a medical staff where you live, I suggest you get acquainted. Sooner or later you will need to meet someone to deal with health issues. Fortunately for Bob, I am probably a Number one, Grade A, or even AAA expert on the subject of surgery.

Those who know me, know that I am the Surgery Queen. I take the cake when it comes to surgery, or any other clique you want to use to indicate numerous body invasions. In fact, if the truth be known, I probably have only the necessary parts that my body needs to help it function reasonably well. Let's just say, I can't lose any additional parts and live. (Bob is in good hands with me. [Why do I suddenly feel like I am about to hear an Allstate commerical in the background] .)

As you can probably guess, he has to have surgery. I'm told it is no more serious than taking out tonsils, which I had out when I was 7 and I still remember that fiasco. So let's get serious here.

Surgery is Surgery!!! And I don't mind admitting when I am concerned, even if Bob won't. His comment was "I don't want to "stay" in the hospital. People who "stay" in the hospital die." Those are the only type experiences that he has had. Needless to say, he is preparing for his life to end with this surgery.

I don't even pretend to know what God has planned for his life. I barely know day to day what is going on in mine, but I do know - none of us have any guarantees, even for the next few minutes. And, I'm okay with this for me. But he is not for him.

If you are reading this, and you are a praying person, please remember Bob on Friday, November 30; between 6 and 8 am. You know how surgeries go; they never give exact times. And, if God wills, this man that has dropped into my life for this short period of time will continue to be with me a little longer than he thinks. I don't know if that is good or bad for him, but I know it is definitely good for me.

One more time

Here I go again trying to figure out things, but why is it when you think your life is going in one direction and you "have things figured out" there is a drastic 90 degree angle and you go in another direction. Sometimes, it is even a 180.

I went to a "farewell" party for one of my favorite people yesterday. It was back in the other-county life and got to see old friends and met some new ones. There is always good food and great company so we eat too much and laugh a lot, though there could never be too much of that.

My husband was working and couldn't go so I took a male friend that I worked with at the other place here in O-town. He seemed to have a good time, which he usually does most anywhere he goes. He also got to "unload" with me on the way over which seemed to help him too.

Margaret has been a great friend during the time I have known her. She not only gave me a job when I needed it, but she also came over to O-town a few years ago when I had just gotten over pneumonia and helped some other friends buy, deliver, set up, go to storage and get the decorations and actually decorate a Christmas tree for me. (They even returned the boxes to storage.) They knew it meant a lot to me to have it up and it would make me feel better too.

That is the kind of friends I have. And, you know, you can't buy that for any amount. I am truly blessed.

RUTH

Ruth is a long-time friend that I simply adore. She is talented, capable, knowledgeable and has such a sweet spirit. She is the Director of computer programming for a local county library system. I was her oldest daughter's kindergarten teacher and that's how we first met.

I had lunch with her today. Her husband had meetings here this week and whenever we can, we get together either over in her part of the state or here in mine. Our relationship is not hard to define - she's just there for me whenever I need her.

In the last 25-30 years, we have both lost our parents; I've been divorced and remarried the same man-he died about 6 years ago, and now I'm remarried; her girls are grown and married-she's a grandmother; my sons are grown and I've inherited two granddaughters; life has happened.

She has just finished kemo and is getting ready to do radiation. After that, she faces another mastectomy on her other breast and then reconstruction. She is so real and alive it seems almost impossible to believe she would ever not be here for me.

Once again I am face to face with the frailty of this form we call life. I surveyed a family last year that their seven-year old daughter was in remission from a form of leukemia. The little girl was very positive about her condition, all that happened and how much better she felt. As I talked with her, the mother was standing behind her shaking her head "NO." When the little girl stood up, I saw her t shirt. I believe it said it all - "CANCER SUCKS." She's right. It certainly does.

Hard to be Humble

ONCE UPON A TIME - you know the story about how a simple indentured servant became the "princess" of all times. The 20th was Charles' 35th and Monday was MacKaylas. We celebrated last Sat with the "maiden" voyage of our new grill as my previous comments have indicated.

Saturday was my present to MacKayla - a day at the new Bippity Boppity Boutique in "The Castle" at MK. I had planned to clean out the office when Kayla was getting "glammed up" as I am moving to a new park on the 6th and yesterday was the last day I was officially assigned to MK.

As many things in my life transpire, they don't always happen the way I plan. Her mom had a class that came up at the last minute and as someone had to stay with the "Princess", my plans changed and I got to stay as the Fairy Godmother did her magic.

MacKayla is so cute making her look regal isn't hard but as I watched the orchestration of it all, the "glow" continued to expand until the final results were truly magical.

It was her day. The schedule was to be determined as we went along and she decided to do things she had never done before at MK. Believe it or not, she had never ridden the train. As this didn't seemed to be an activity that would "muss" her hair, we jumped on the train after I cleaned out the office. (She waited for me on a bench as she is not allowed backstage)

As we descended from the train station, we were approached by a member of the "Dream Squad." She asked if we were going to be at MK at 12:55. I said probably not and I could not participate as I am a cast member. She assured me that being a cast member didn't matter in this case and again asked if we were going to be in MK at 12:55. (We were on our way out at the time.)

"Well" she said, "If you WERE to be here at 12:55 you could have an personal audience with Cinderella." MacKayla looked up at me, her mouth and eyes wide open, and we both immediately shook our heads and did a choral version of "YES, WE CAN BE HERE AT 12:55."

We DID lunch at Cosmic Rays and headed back to the prearranged spot. Behind some curtains, a photographer captured her look as we entered Cinderella's space and bathed in her presence. She IS as gracious as she seems and MacKayla was "over the moon" with excitement.

When it was time to leave, Cinderella said she hoped that Princess MacKayla would visit the Magic Kingdom again some time soon. MacKayla's only response as she left was "Perhaps."

Friends and Family

The members of my family and my friends are very important to me. They support me; they pray for me; they love me. Bob has not had good, close family ties so this is all new to him. He doesn't know how to respond most of the time, but he's learning.

Yesterday was Charles' birthday so to "christen" our new gas grill, we threw together a last minute "steak/etc." dinner at our place. As I looked around the table, Bret, Julie, Charles, Bob and I were there eating, talking, relating. M/M (the girls) were close by at the coffee table. Bret is "unofficial" griller and Julie makes a wicked salad. I'm just around to make sure we don't run out of coffee or tea to drink.

I don't know about anyone else, but for me it was a great night. (Oops - We forgot to take a picture BEFORE we cut the cake)

Prayer Changes Things

Being born in July makes me a "crab" sign and I am a lot like that. When "Life Happens" and I have trouble processing, then I crawl into my shell, try to sort all the inputting that is going on, and then come out on the other side with resolutions or processes that I can use. This usually involves prayer. When I can't pray, I can't process. That is where I am now:

• I have just gone through the "shift bid" process at work and I chose to move to another area that I really didn't want to move to, but I asked for the opportunity several months ago to try it, so I have to put up or "shut up" so to speak.
• I went to Brooksville to help Em with all that was involved with moving Marshall's other plane back into his hangar and pick up the Denali that was stored in the hangar. I wasn't much help to her. I was okay until I saw the Cessna and then reality arrived.
• On the way home to Orlando last night my battery light came on. I called Bob and he said to keep driving-if there was any damage it was already done and as long as it ran, I needed to try to get home if possible. The light went off and I made it home. Today as we started to go some place (Bob happened to be off-they messed up his work schedule) the battery light came on and stayed on. He called the Ford place and we took it in to get it checked out. Bob paid the $600.00 bill for me and even put gas in my car one more time this week, not to mention the sundry times he has taken me out to eat the last two weeks.
• Kathryn called and the person responsible for setting up interviews for a job for which I applied isn't even calling me for an interview - they didn't like my resume'.
• In less than 3 days my checking account should be at least $200.00 overdrawn and I won't have any money until the 30th.
• And, last but by no means least, tomorrow is Charles' 35th birthday and I don't even have him a birthday card.

I actually wasn't supposed to be here this week-end. I was scheduled to attend a women's retreat in GA. I couldn't walk off and leave the area as long as we are trying to make sense of Marshall's disappearance. I am going back to Pasco on Monday. We are meeting with the Coast Guard Captain who is bringing all the information they have available regarding Marshall.

How do I process all of this, especially without prayer?

When?

Yesterday my "sister" Emily called me with the news that her brother Marshall's plane was reported missing off the coast of Nassau.

Marshall is a brilliant man who is very thorough and conscientious. He is always in control of any situation. He is NOT a risk taker, nor is he a dare devil.

Reports from the Coast Guard's Search and Rescue Teams have come in indicating the finding of his life raft. They know it is his as he had his name, plane #, and other vital information printed on it. That's how detailed he is.

The newspaper article in the Miami Herald and the Coast Guard have indicated that he was in radio contact with MIA about some turbulence when his airplane signal suddenly disappeared from their radar.

This is a picture of the airplane he was piloting.


Knowing Marshall as I do, I HAVE TO BELIEVE he is waiting for his rescue on some island or in the water attached to a piece of his on-board equipment.

He will want to know what took so long. Me too.

To View or not to view

Yes, We made it. This is the set, or at least the
starting of the set of The View. We were not allowed to use cell phones during the program, and we forgot the camera. This is the only picture I got before they made the announcement to turn off all electronic equipment. It causes static on the program.

Charles explained the concept of the group while we were waiting to go in. Five women sit around and talk about whatever happens to be going on at the time. Whoopi Goldberg, who happens to be a favorite of mine, was the moderator, and Meredith, who I'm told once starred on the program, was back visiting today. The girl who stars in the new "Bionic Woman" TV series, who is actually English, was also there.

It was verrrrrrrrrry interesting; fast pace and at times funny. Charles said I was commenting on each thing they said and I didn't need to do that. I didn't even realize I was doing it. But I did get to ask Whoopi a question - "Is there a movie coming up for you?" She said not right now. She has a radio show and now a TV show, so she doesn't have the time.

There was very little interaction with the audience. Barbara Walters went up to talk with the people in the "balcony" area. It wasn't a balcony but higher level seating. The whole studio probably held 200 people and we were on the front row right beside the set.

What was my take on it? It was something I had never done; I was with Charles, whom I miss; they laughed; they talked; they gave us presents. Would I do it again? ABSOTUTELY!!!

The most shocking thing though, and I know you find this hard to believe, not one person asked for my autograph.

Interesting if not laughable

Just when I think I've seen everything, someone shows up to prove me wrong. I can't quite decide though which is the more interesting of the three. Could it be the person dressed as the Statue of Liberty, face paint, torch and all, or maybe the "cowboy" on the street corner wearing only a cowboy hat, boots, white briefs and strumming a guitar (He charges $1.00 apiece to have your picture taken with him). It could quite possibly be the girl with red, white, blue pasties on her breasts with red, white and blue short, short, short, shorts. I don't know. It's just a toss up. But NY certainly is interesting.

We did a triathlon today of two Broadway shoes, one dinner at an Italian Restaurant with friends of Charles (Trisha/Matthew and 3 children) and even found time to throw in a little shopping. I think the only time I sat down was when I went to the restroom. I DID manage to sneak in a Starbucks or two, which is a MUST as far as I am concerned.

Zanadu last night was phenomenal; Hairspray today was funny; but Wicked tonight was just right down engrossing. They all are so different, yet each one in their own right held me just where they wanted me. I found myself totally engrossed as if I was the only person in the theatre - they were playing to me; just for my enjoyment.

And the wonderful aromas and places to see (Flags in front of Rockefeller Center )- I can hardly wait until tomorrow when I venture out on my own.

We have tickets to see The View. I really haven't seen it, but Charles says it's a good show to visit. Who knows? I could be discovered tomorrow.

I promise I won't forget "the little people" when they put that star on my door.

"Start Spreading The News"

Here I am again; traveling. And, like all the times before, this is my view. We're traveling Continental this time, but the view is the same; just the material of the seat in front of me changes. I DID have more room this trip though - 3 across and the middle seat was empty.

It made the ride very pleasant except for the reparte of the pilot and stewardess from "National Lampoon's vacation" on the loudspeaker -

"We're holding"; "No, we're not holding"; "Please fasten your seat belts and put your seat in an upright position for our impending landing." "Ignore that voice; we're in a holding pattern for the next 20 minutes"; "Oh wait, they've changed their minds; we're getting ready to land." "No. We're on hold again." "You can keep all your electronic equipment on." "No. Wait. Please turn off all electronic equipment and place your seats in an upright position." Well, you get the picture. It got a little ridiculous after many indecisions.

This picture is out the window of the airplane. I thought the clouds looked like snow and the wing looks like a shark or dolphin laying sideways. (I've probably had a lack of oxygen or out of body experience.)

We're staying tonight at the Lucerne at 5th/79th. Very nice place; I didn't ask why but tomorrow we move to the Palace. Tonight we have tickets to see Xanadu. Can't wait.

Tomorrow is brunch at Balthazar - supposedly "THE" place to brunch. I'll have to skip Brooklyn Tabernacle visit this trip; can't do everything I want to do; too much to do; so little time.

The trip from the Newark airport was 2 hrs-through the Lincoln Tunnel. [I think we were actually in Mississippi for a while, but who knows.] It took 45 minutes - It is 8,216 feet long (I looked it up) and we inched along so slowly the driver could moonlight as a turtle.

What is with the fire extinguisher's every so many feet? That can't be a good sign. Makes me want to go "Hmmm."

Another odd thing about the tunnel - There was an American flag hung from the front of the entrance and it had systematic rows of half-moon shaped holes in the flag. I don't know what that was all about. If anyone who reads this knows, please let me know.

I got a great view of the Weehaucken Public Library which is shaped like a chalet from the Swiss Alps. I could have actually checked out books it took so long to get past it.

Taking the cab back from uptown was an experience in itself. I have been in many "interesting" cities and had many "different" drivers, but this driver either has a death wish or he is the last living kamikaze pilot who found himself without a job and migrated to NY just because...

I called Kim and asked her - "Do you know where I am and what I'm doing?" She said - "Yes I do. You are sitting in Time Square and drinking a Venti Cappachino from Starbucks." (I hate that she knows me so well) You gotta love a place that has a Starbucks on every corner, any imaginable show you would ever want to see and never seems to close down. Can't wait for tomorrow.

Communication?

It's hard to plan around conflicting schedules, especially when one of the two individuals don't know WHEN they can get off. As I have said many times, my life is not my own, so when my sons gave me a trip to NY for my birthday, it was already scheduled to coincide with the time Charles was to be there. That schedule was out of my hands.

When the women's retreat set their schedule for October, and I asked Bob if he could get off during October, he said "ABSOLUTELY NOT! This is the time they are redoing the train and no one can get off during this time." So, I asked if he minded if I went to the women's retreat in GA. He said no problem; go for it.

And, when Sherry asked when Bob and I could get off because she and her husband wanted to give us a week-end at the beach for a wedding present, the only time that was for sure available was the 12th/13th. I asked Bob if that would be a good time, and AGAIN, he said he couldn't get off during October. I invited 2 friends from Pasco to come over and spend the time with me at the beach.

I've also had some testing scheduled for this month, and, those are basically the reasons why I took off the whole month.

NOW, it seems Bob IS able to take time off. He has, in fact, already scheduled it. Of course, the first few days are during the time I'm in NY; the next times are when I'm in GA; and, of course, the only week-end he has taken off is the 12th/13th.

What now? The events are already set; the times are in place; how do I placate my husband? I think this is one of those "NO WIN" situations.

One more time

Here I am again-3 am and nothing to do; no parties; no playmates; no work to do (that I want to do) so I'm once again writing to "whom it may inform." Some times "in the scheme of things" as my former principal Rich used to say, life doesn't go as you plan. Choices are always interesting no matter how much information we have going into something, it is not always cut and dried how things will go. That is why I have my list of "Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time."

Under this heading goes:
Dance Lessons
Changing Lights Over the Bed (while standing on the bed)
Going back to school
Retiring from Teaching (jury is still out on this one)
Driving alone on a long distance trip with a small baby
Selling my house
Moving to Orlando
Going back to work full time

Just to name a few.

Why I "wax maudlin" during the early morning hours I don't know. Call it what you will or try to analyze it, it doesn't matter. What DOES matter is that when I can't sleep, blogging seems to be what I do to while away my time.

And, oh yes, watching the movies that I've taped and haven't seen while I'm blogging. Right now I'm watching "First Daughter" with Mariel Hemingway. She is an FBI agent protecting the President's daughter on an "Outward Bound" trip in the mtns. I've seen it probably 10 times. Funny thing, it ends the same every time. (Go figure)

That leads me to one clear cut revelation - Why do I do the same things over and over the same way, and expect different results? (Joyce Meyer statement) Human nature? My own stupidity? Either could be the truth, or maybe a little of both. Any way you look at it, I'm still up; I'm still tired; and I have 7 more days until I have the month of Oct off. Wahoo!

Auntie Em

For several years I have been able to talk, walk, drive, balance my checkbook, and a lot of other things - all by myself. So I'm glad I am taking the month of October off from work. I will be able to "get myself together", so to speak.

I did not realize how much I used my ATM card until it was gone. I NEVER carry cash. Or at least, I never did until the card went MIA. The very nice lady at the credit union asked, what I thought was a totally interesting question, "Where did you lose your card?" That in itself seems harmless, right? But doesn't it stand to reason, if I knew WHERE my card was lost, I'd go get it and bring it home? I don't know; it must be just me.

The process to getting another card is tantamount to moving to a third world country, buying a national building to tear it down and building a McDonalds, or some such activity. That isn't even counting how long it will take or the mess you go through while you DON'T have a card. I have noticed though that I have more money in my account than I usually do this time of the month. Could it be I can't spend it so easily thus leaving it in the account?

Really, Auntie Em, we truly are not in Kansas anymore!

"Snarf"

My husband is a genius. No. I mean it. He knows so much and is so up to date with current events. The last time I read a newspaper, Gutenberg was setting the type by hand. So when he used the term "Snarf" I should have known better than to bet him it wasn't a real word.

The e-encyclopedia says:
Snarf is:
A character in the cartoon ThunderCats.
Snarf, a character from the animated television series Trollz.
The main character from SnarfQuest, a comic that ran in Dragon Magazine.
SNARF-1 - a fluorescent dye that changes colour with pH
An underground comic from Kitchen Sink Press

Who knew?

My contention is that he used it incorrectly. He said I "snarfed" at him. Nowhere in those explanations does it give a "verb" as an explanation. So, as Charles would say, theoretically, I am right. I guess I still owe him the $10. Oh well. It's only money. And, that leads me to the reality that I have lost my ATM card. That's another blogging altogether.

I've asked "WHY" before

My son and I have a mutual friend - "J", and, he and his family have been on my mind the last few days; maybe because something on the radio reminded me of him, or, maybe because they are visiting O-town this week-end.

He and his young wife have a beautiful little girl that could be a child model if they chose. They are the "picture" of the perfect family. You would never know J has a condition that is affecting his heart muscles. It was first thought to be a slow process that might take years, but is progressing more rapidly than the doctors first anticipated.

Life is so daily - we plan; we go through our daily routines; we try to make a good life for our family; we look to the future. Then something jolts us into the reality that we are actually frail and merely "dust in the wind." And, it scares us.

It would be so easy to once again ask why. But, the real questions is "Why not?" Scriptures say "It rains on the just and the unjust." To me that means, we all live in this world and life happens! Reality is tough!

Bob is So Bob

What made me think I should get married again? Obviously there are times in our lives that go under my favorite heading - "It Seemed Like A Good Idea At the Time." And, with all my Christian upbring and training, living together didn't seem to be an option. But marriage?

I think there should be an alternative option to the two obvious ones, which are:

Living Together

Marriage

Could there possibly be an arrangement where you could live together, in the same place, with all the "options" except the bedroom part, and learn about each other BEFORE the wedding. Is this possible?

This man I've married is an enigma to me. He is different from anyone I've ever known. He likes things that are foreign to me. He has memories that I haven't even read about. He knows things I don't know. He's exerienced so much. Why does that bother me?

Probably the most enlightening thing to me is that there must be so many people, just like Bob, who know absolutely NOTHING about the love and mercy of God; Who have never experienced the cleansing forgiveness of a power so great that can reach down just to lift me up; who loves me unconditionally; who knows me and still loves me, and best of all, sent His only Son, whom He loved, to die JUST FOR ME.

I am such a poor example of what I should be.

Today is Today

As I sit here, at home, trying to rest, so many thoughts run through my head-Where am I going in life? Why am I taking the whole month of October off? Why am I so tired? Who put that glass on the table without a coaster? - very important issues, right? Okay, some are not so important but issues just the same.

I have almost filled the whole month with activities; some are passive; some active. I'm going to NY with Charles; a week-end at Daytona; a 4-day retreat in GA; and sandwiched somewhere in between all that are two very special birthdays - MacKayla and Charles'. For MacKayla something pink is always good; for Charles-who knows? What do you get someone who can buy anything he wants? And, usually does.

My sons Tom and Edward just returned from Seattle. They want to move out to the other coast, but have only visited thus far, as far as I know.

I don't know when my sons started making their own decisions. I "think" it happened some time between diapers and college, but I can't be any more exacting. Edward and Bret, of course, are adopted so I can't know with them due to age and proximity, but I can't be any closer with Tom or Charles, and I was right there.

Wow. I sound really philosophical, don't I? Enough of that. Life is too short to get too esoteric or maudlin, so I will start watching "Gilmore Girls" and veg out. Both are something that I can do very well and not even have to do any thinking. It's all good.

Training?

My husband has a few really annoying habits. He knows they annoy me and he still does them. Is my job to retrain him to correct his habits? I'm not exactly sure.

One thing is if he is watching TV and I get ready to go to bed, I go over to him, kiss him good night and tell him I'm going to bed. Considerate, right? RIGHT! He, on the other hand, just gets up and goes to the bathroom and then goes to bed. No notice. No kiss. No nothing. And that is just plain rude, not to mention annoying.

There is a "hallway" leading to the bedrooms from the bathrooms, and I don't know he's doing this. So, when he went to the bathroom tonight, I was supposed to know he was going to bed? When I finally realized what he had done, I "marched" right into the bedroom, flipped on the light and said, "That was really rude!" I can't believe you do this to me." His response was, "You knew I was going to bed." "And, HOW was I supposed to know this?" "You know me well enough to know where I was going." How's that for logic? I am NOT psychic nor do I have a "board" to figure out the future. But I'm expected to do that?

I really do love this man, but after the week I have had at work, I'm not sure I want to try to figure out what he is thinking. And yet...

Another annoying habit is playing the television 20-30 decibels louder than a small tornado inside our apartment. I am NOT going deaf, but he has to be. Or maybe it's just his way of avoiding listening to me. Hmmmm.

I was married before to a passive aggressor or someone who disagreed with me, but would never make a fuss about it, or let me know he was upset, and then go and do whatever he wanted to do anyway. Bob on the other hand is what "I call" a "conditioner." He uses ways of trying to get me to do what he wants by not talking to me or what I call - the silent treatment. Then when he thinks I have had enough "time out" he will talk with me again and act like nothing is wrong and he proceeds to do whatever HE wants to do; the way HE wants to do it.

Behavior patterns are learned and conditioning is only another way to try to control another individual. I know that but tell me this - Why am I drawn to controlling men? I can't say for sure but it could do with the fact that I was never in control of anything throughout my life. I came close when we had children, but even they had their own way of doing things. And, in the classroom I was supposed to be in control. But, those are different issues all together.

Control is a funny thing. I had real insight into this once. It is really only an illusion that some people have in that they THINK they are actually running their own lives and making things happen within their realm of lifestyle. What they don't know is that God is really in control and with very little effort on His part, He can totally shake up our lives so we wouldn't even recognize them. Believe me - Been there; Had that happen.

On the other hand, I have to give them credit for their direction or slant on life. With that in mind, I must jump to this one question - What would Freud do? Actually, I think it is time for me to go to bed. This is way too much thinking for this late at night.

I hate halloween

When Charles was 4, my sister, who is the "artsy" one in the family, sent both my sons wonderful costumes to wear to "trick or treat." After weeks of anticipation, it was time to get ready. We spent 2 hours selecting the "perfect" candy to hand out before/after we went out. We had to find the most appropriate "makeup" to use along with the perfect disguises. We raced home from school/work so we could be ready on time; gobbled some sort of dinner; spent over an hour getting dressed, left "Dad" to hand out candy while we canvased the apartment complex, and we were off.

The very first door was "Chocolate Heaven." The proprietor was dressed to the "hilt" and played the hostess like a veteran, handed us way too much candy, AND THEN, the door closed...

While we were walking down the stairs from that very first place, Charles, my wonderful, pragmatic, analytical dressed up son looked up at me and said, "Do we have to do this any more?" He was over it. And that, as they say, was the sum total of all our trick or treating experiences!

When I was in my previous lifetime avocation, teaching, Halloween seemed to be a signal for "Lets back the dump truck up to our front door, deposit all the spoils of all the hours of roaming the neighborhood for the evening and let my otherwise fairly sedate off springs eat all the specialized junk food stuff they can possibly consume over and over during the next few weeks without any consideration to the end results." (This is my interpretation.) When I returned to school each year after the summer hiatus, the first thing I always did was to fill out a request form to be off on October 31, which pretty much guaranteed me the day.

This year October has a little different meaning - I'm going to New York for a few days with Charles, I'm spending 4 days in GA at a retreat, and I truly need an attitude adjustment as far as work is concerned. With all this in mind, it made sense to me to take the month of October off. And... It's been approved.

I have never done this before and I can't really say any one reason I am doing it now except I just want to. And, with all of this in mind, I am sooooo looking forward to October this year, which is totally different for me.

Been There; Done That

Yesterday I attended a lovely wedding in a local church. It was very interesting. I forget from time to time the extent of the ceremonies and festivities involved in a church wedding. I couldn't help comparing their wedding with my own just 6 short months ago and then quickly going back to my first wedding in 1967.

My mind can skip from one place to another as quickly as the snap of a finger. I wondered if Diane was as nervous as I was that rainy June night so long ago. I had no apprehensions about the person I was marrying, but I did have lots of questions about me as a wife. I thought I knew that man so well and as the months, slowly at first, rolled into years, I found out Tom WAS the solid, dependable man I first thought he was and became a rock I leaned on for so long.

My new husband is so very different from my first. And, even though I try not to make comparisons, it is almost possible not to do so, especially as I sat there waiting for the ceremony to begin. Bob is a good man, but very much a mystery at times. He keeps so much to himself. I wonder where he goes mentally when he has that "look" in his eyes, or what is going on when he looks at me and doesn't say anything at all, just looks. I ask, but his reply is usually, "Oh nothing."

Diane looked beautiful, of course. Skip looked handsome. Father of the bride looked very distinguished and "cleaned up nice." I work with all of them, and seeing them in "regular people clothes" is always interesting. These are people I have seen outside of work for they are also friends, but being dressed in all the "froo froo" finery, is another issue all together.

Bob worked until after the ceremony, but I had time to come home and get him for the reception. There were other people there from work. They cleaned up nicely too, especially the men who work in engineering. They are usually wearing "overalls", sweaty, and totally different from today. It's good to be in a different scenario and socialize outside of work.

The happy couple leaves today on a cruise. I wish them well. And, here I jump again, what about poor little "Bubba" who is left behind? He will have to suffer staying with Diane's father, who absolutely spoils him rotten. It's a rough life. (Bubba is actually a Yorkie. He just doesn't know he's a "D-O-G.")

Welcome to my world

There are times I wish I could read minds. Today is one of those days. Who is this man I married, and how can I figure him out?

Today is the wedding day of a close friend from work. I asked for this day off in December last year. We knew there would be a lot of people from work who wanted the day off too. I have planned to go ever since they decided to get married. I have had the invitation for weeks and have been in a dilemma over what to wear for months.

Diane's mother died a while ago and I think in the back of her mind, she thought there could possibly, at some future time, be something between her father and me. I love him to death, and even though we have been to lots of events together, the 'spark' just wasn't there to make it more than just friends. She still calls me "Mom" and I am so happy for her, so I DO need to be there.

Bob is working today and he told me he couldn't go. I invited someone else to go with me, and this morning at 5:00 am, Bob said he thought he could make it to the reception. He wants me to come home and pick him up. What to do; what to do?

Sleep is highly overrated

Here I am again at one of the bewitching hours that I sometimes spend after Bob has left for work. This time, I am not entirely at fault.

I had a friend's husband call me last night with a disturbing question - What did I know about his wife's affair? It blew me away. I haven't had a chance to talk with her. I don't know if what he said is true, but does it matter? That is the question that I am now trying to answer.

I have a tendency to be extremely loyal to my friends and she IS a close friend. What should I do? How much do I want to know? Am I in danger from her husband?

I have to talk with my friend. I will try to do this as soon as possible. Today.

TTA

My reminder, who is sitting beside me, is "devasted" that I didn't mention her birthday present for me. It was "supposedly" a life-time supply of orange-flavored tic tacs. Unfortunately, I happen to reallllllllllllly like those little "suckers" so they were gone within 24 hours.

Those who know me, know I "can" be a little compulsive in nature. With that in mind, you will understand when I say that my husband has suggested that I join "TTA" or "Tic Tacs Annymous."

Kimmie is so cute. I really love working with her, but in the future she needs to do a "survey" to find out exactly how long an orange tic tac will last with the average person and multiply it by several million to determine how many will be a life-time supply for me. After all, we are in the business of doing surveys. (I'm calling IT today and have it added to our computers so we can find out exact totals)

Been a while

It HAS been a while since I have added info in my blog, but it is not entirely my fault. First of all, Charles took the laptop to Ireland. I didn't get to go, for which I am still pouting, but I got several consolation prizes - a new "retro" Mickey watch, several t-shirts and some candy. Not bad, but the really best thing he did, since he missed my birthday, was to log in for me to get into the "cast" choir for the Christmas presentation. I had to work and did not have access to a computer that morning, so ALL is forgiven with that one act of kindness on his part. I would have eventually forgiven him anyway, but it's nice he was able help me. {The 'boys' also gave me a trip to NY for October at my "after the fact" celebration.}

For those of you who remember, I was in cast choir last year - totally without a doubt, the highlight of my year. That experience was so amazing that I am excited about this year just thinking of it. Last year, all the alto parts were taken within 1.47 minutes, so you see it was vitally important that I sign in within seconds of it opening up or I wouldn't have been able to do it.

My husband, Bob, is doing well. He is STILL bringing me flowers, at least once a week. And, on the 11th, we celebrated our 5th month of marriage. I can't believe it. Almost half a year has passed and we're still married. (Ha Ha!!! to those who said it wouldn't last.)

Another reason I haven't been writing is that I have been working an enormous amount of hours, which is slowing down now and I am back on a "mostly" regular schedule. Only 40 hours this next week. I won't know how to act. Now if I could get my husband on a 40-hr week, he might get some rest and I might get to see him.

What is with repair people? And, why are we at THEIR mercy? I missed church yesterday, something I don't like to do and try NOT to, but Charles had to have a repairman here and it was the time they gave me. My time is usually more flexible than his, so I usually end up being at the apartment for any necessary deliveries and repairs. Bob asked me what that was going to cost, I said I didn't really care. It was Charles' money. And, while it's not true that I don't care, it IS Charles' money and he wanted it fixed while he was gone, so there you are.

I am at Charles' apartment right now using his desk top, trying to catch up on some mail and duties I have to do on-line. Tomorrow it's back to the "salt mine." I have to "walk around all day, talking to people, and they pay me." It's a rough job, but some one has to do it. Right now, I'm glad it's me.

Batman or Pollyanna?

My husband and I grew up in two entirely different worlds. He refers to his as "Gotham City" and mine as "The Nunnery." He remembers mostly being beaten and told he was "incorrigible." He asks "How was it living in a sheltered, naive, uneventful world?"

While it's true we did have vastly different experiences growing up, I'm not a child any longer and I am responsible for my own attitude and actions. He prefers to "explain" his behavior by looking at his past. I, on the other hand, prefer to believe God is taking care of me and shields me from a lot of things I don't need to experience. You can imagine how this makes for interesting "discussions."

While we grow in our relationship, it is interesting to discover all the differences we have. He isn't a snuggler. I am. He likes to watch car shows on TV; I like movies plus the Gilmores. We both like Law and Order though. He doesn't like to go out to movies very much; I love a good movie (Ratatouille for example). I like to cook at home; he likes to eat out. He likes to watch the evening news; I think it's depressing. And the worse thing of all - He likes the Simpsons. (Yuk)

Some things we DO have in common. We both like Disney. We are both involved in decorating the house, and we both have mustangs. Is this enough to keep us together? We actually do have more than these things, but, as I am learning, this is a man that I am enjoying learning about. I think it's work the effort.

Who invented work?

For the life of me, I can't understand WHY we have to work. I get up very early in the morning, shower, dress, go to the area I am supposed to be, do my thing, come home, eat dinner, yawn, kiss Bob good night, and I go to bed; only to get up the next day and do it all over again. I don't know about you, but repeated behavior without seeing any positive, forward moving results, is just plain dumb to me. So why do it? Habit? Keeps me off the streets and out of the bars? Yes. That is all so true.

Wouldn't it be better if I was paid to stay home? Or, paid to travel sounds much more exciting even. In fact, it sounds so much better that in another few days, I am going to a meeting to find out all the particulars of a new program my 'employer' is instituting where there is definitely a lot of travel.

Maybe that is what I should do. I will at least go to the meeting and see what it is all about. You've heard the old adage, "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is."

And, I know, I just got married, and have a new husband that I have to consider. I didn't leave him out of the mix. I asked him what he thought. He said, "Whatever you decide, I'll back you." Am I paranoid or did he answer that too quickly?

The Basic Needs of Life

When I was a Kindergarten teacher, the curriculum that was used in the system where I taught, said that there are four basic things we "NEED" in life - food, clothing, shelter, and water. One of my very wise students corrected me in class the day I was teaching that concept and added that we also need another thing - love. She was so right. Without love, we can't even begin to try to grasp the concept of what it means to accept or understand others.

According to Kay Arthur, noted speaker and writer, unconditional love is not often given and is extremely hard to find. I have known "unconditional love" from two living things on this earth - Tom, my first husband, and Carson, our family's beloved pet.

I just had a call from my son and Carson has slipped into the realm we know as death. I can't tell you how much hurt that gives me. Once again, I have to reach out to God for strength to get through this. I can barely see the computer screen as I try to write about feelings that have been with me too many times in the last 7 years.

My dad died in 2000; my husband in 2002, my mother in 2003, and now Carson in 2007. The pain of loss has covered me so intensely that breathing is difficult at times.

As memories crowd in, I especially remember one time Carson was with me soon after I had remodeled my house. Even as a very young puppy, Carson had a habit of taking in a full mouth of dried dog food, running to the living room and depositing it on the carpet just so he could eat one piece at a time. My son said it was because the bowl was always in the kitchen area. In order to eat when Tom had a party, Carson would bring his own food to the "party area" as he was not allowed to have "people food."

Shortly after the removal of carpet and the replacement of tile all over my house, Carson came to visit for a few days. Being a creature of habit, at dinner time, Carson grabbed a large mouthful of dried food, turned around to take it to the carpet, and realized there was no carpet to be seen ANYWHERE. His expression was priceless. It was what I call "The deer in headlights" look, one of panic and wide-eyed discovery. You could almost "hear" the wheels moving to trying to figure out what to do.

After a few seconds of disbelief and indecision, he noticed an area rug in the family room, ran over to it and "spit" the food out. After breathing a few "sighs" of relief, he turned around and looked at me with the expression of "How could you do that to me." I nearly fell down laughing he looked so funny.

Even though I don't feel much like laughing now, I know I will always have a smile when I remember his antics and the expressions of his face. And so, as I end this oh so painful diatribe, I must say I am thankful to have had, at least for a little while, someone who loved me "unconditionally."

Where is Starbucks when I need them?

There are just SOME things I don't understand. Here I am - 3 am and can't sleep. I know it's been only 4 months since I got married, but I have already become accustomed to someone "breathing" beside me. He doesn't snore, per se; just this "breathing" sound; kind of a soft "wheeze" or something like that.

And, not only am I working 60 million hrs for the last few weeks, but now Bob has to work from 12-12 the next two nights/days. What is with that? Don't they know I can't sleep without him beside me? He has become my sleeping metronome, so to speak. I really think his employer could be a "LIT-T-LE" more considerate. Hey! They may not even know they are disrupting my sleep pattern. Maybe I should tell them. (I guess not.)

But that brings me to Starbucks. Why aren't they open all night? I would be willing to bet if they were open, they would have more business than they could handle. People to work? Not a problem. What about all those "night owls" that can't sleep and need employment; not to mention students who only sleep if absolutely forced to do so? I mean, there are all kinds of employment opportunities just waiting for Starbucks to "snatch" them up at a moment's notice. Huh? Huh? (I could be one of their recruiters.)

I really think I get my best ideas this time of day. Don't you? Sometimes I even amaze myself!

Bummed

I just received a notice from Ticketmaster. The Etta James concert that I had tickets for has been cancelled. I can't describe how awful I feel. I have ALWAYS wanted to see her in concert. "House of Blues" at Downtown Disney is small and intimate, and I was really looking forward to this.

I purchased 2 tickets to her concert as a birthday present "from me to me". Bob didn't want to go, so a friend and I planned a "girls night out" with dinner at a local "hot spot", then the concert.

She must have had a good reason. I am so sorry it isn't happening. As my philosophic husband said, "Everything happens for a reason." Yeah. He can say that. It wasn't a big car race for which he had tickets. I think I'll file his comment away for future use. I feel somewhat better already.

My "Four" Sons?

Yesterday was my birthday. I now have 3 ex-sons. Only Bret and Julie are now related to me - they called and even sang Happy Birthday to me so of course they are currently my favorites. Where my other sons were, who knows.

According to Son #2, or the younger son, "I never told him what I wanted to do for my birthday." It couldn't be because he never asked, could it?

I'm certainly glad my husband didn't forget. He went way overboard, though. The first picture is of Lennox china ornaments that I saw when we were on our honeymoon. Mickey and Minnie, of course.

This picture is a beautiful Lennox china tray that I also saw on our honeymoon - The castle at Magic Kingdom surrounded by clouds.

He also got me a Lennox china Pooh, flowers, chocolates, and 2 Remys-The main character from Ratatouille-the new Pixar movie.

This picture is of the my flowers and the Remys. The "Chef" Remy talks. The "Plush" Remy is to snuggle with when Bob isn't here. If you haven't seen the movie, it's worth the time.

I received cards and calls from various friends and that was also nice. I have great friends and really enjoy hearing from them for any reason.

Elizabeth, my friend from Atlanta, is going to one of my favorite places this week-end - Charleston, South Carolina. I love that place and I am "pea green with envy" that she is going and I am not. This working is for the birds. It is really interfering with my personal time.

Bob and I are going to see a presentation of the "Songs of Abba" on Sunday, my only day off this week. I am already so tired that I barely know my name, but next week we start on a new phase of surveys and I will only be facilitating, so I will be able to catch up on my reading while the other people fill out forms. Sounds "cushy" doesn't it? It is, but it is long hours; 10-14 a day.

And, for my present to me - I have tickets to see Etta James in person. I am so excited about that. She is one of my favorite singers and I can hardly wait until next Sat.

Well, you probably know I haven't totally disowned my sons, and I'm sure they have their reasons for not acknowledging my birthday. Bob says I better not put my phone anywhere he can get to it. He's taking this "protecting" things wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too far.

THE Day

There are so many "days" in my life, especially lately, but the next important day is July 12, my birthday. As I look toward that day, I am excited and yet apprehensive. If you remember, last year was the pits - Tom forgot; Edward only remembers when Tom reminds him; Charles was in Hong Kong; Julie and Family cancelled, and I wasn't seriously dating Bob. So, as I look toward this one I wonder - What will the day hold? I know I have to work-we have a team builder meeting; otherwise I know of no other plans.

Gearing up for ...

I love my job. I have said that very few times in my lifetime. Perks are great, most of the work is easy, and fellow employees are awesome, especially Kim. She is young (about 35, I think) perky, capable, a great mom, and many positive attributes. I would love to dislike her, but I can't. She is too sweet. They call us "Frick and Frack" at work, and she compliments my short comings. But I am very concerned about her - she tries to do too much. And, I see a lot of myself in her. Not that I've ever been cute or perky, or any of the characteristics I attribute to her, but work and energy wise I used to be like her. Therein lies my concern.

Burnout is such an overused word, but it is truly a reality and that is my concern for Kimmie. I would love to help her, but I don't know how. She burns the candle at both ends. I see the tired in her eyes and shoulders. And, day to day she "tries" to keep up with everything at work, but she's losing the battle.

I'm off today for the first time in too many days to count, and why am I up at 4:00 am?; partly habit but also that "workaholic" mentality within me. Where does it come from? Probably years of trying to please my mother, or some such "psychological" reason. I don't even try to figure it out any more. Yes. I DO love my job. But I am seriously thinking of quitting and going somewhere else. Would it help? Probably not. Do I want to work? Yes. Do I want to work somewhere else? No. So thus the dilemma. What do I do? I guess just wait and see. For me, that has always been the best policy. Right now-That's all I can do.

Honeymoons Are Interesting

Sometimes taking time off can be relaxing; sometimes not.   As I have said, Bob and I had not had many days off together so when we decided to have almost two weeks off, we both wondered how it would go.

The beginning of the time off was a little shaky, but for the most part it was enjoyable.  We went to one of the on-property hotels and spent 4 days - eating, walking, visiting the parks, and just learning a lot about each other.  

Our time off also coincided with the opening of Pixar's new "Ratatouille" which I was dying to see.  Of course, my new husband took me to see it.  I fell in love with Remy, the lead character.  Little did I know, the character was going to be at MGM on opening day.  Bob took me and I have pictures with Remy.  

My loving husband also bought me 2 stuffed Remys - one is a "plush" if you know what that is, and the other is a talking Remy with a chef hat and spoon.  

This is the "plush".

Isn't he adorable?

One thing is for sure - Not many women can boast of getting a rat on their honeymoon. 

Is being tall important?

What is it about short people and trying to do things they shouldn't? I am not typing very quickly right now due to "slight" injuries-one of my "Seemed like a good idea at the time" ideas.

It was too warm in the bedroom sooooo I decided to turn on the fan over the bed. Little did I know the light would come on with the fan switch. I really didn't want to have the light on, so I figured out that I needed to "unscrew" the light cover and loosen the bulb because the light switch on the fan would not move to turn off the light. (Obviously faulty) Everything was fine until I tried to put the cover "back" on the light. Needless to say, I'm not quite tall enough to do that, easily, while standing on the bed. My weight lowers the bed level. (Who knew?)

So, when Bob came home at midnight, I had blood running down my left arm, black and blue marks on my right arm, scrapes on my leg and a funny colored big toe on my right foot; Not to mention the moaning sounds I was making. The bulb was hanging from the socket by the filament wires. He just started shaking his head in disbelief.

He bandaged my bloody arm, used his pliers to get the broken bulb out of the socket; replaced the bulb and cover and tried to get me to go get xrays of my right arm. He "implied" that he hadn't had that much work to do all night. The theme park had less accidents.

I was in so much pain the next day, I went to a local Centra Care office and had x-rays. Nothing broken, but lots of bruises and pain. I am now in a brace with a "school bus yellow" wrap on it, and I have had two days at work with reduced work strats. (I think it glows in the dark) I dont' even want to go into the teasing I have had when I was asked what happened and I answered "I fell off the bed." Everyone knows I am a newlywed so you can imagine the comments.

It couldn't have happened at a better time, if there could be a good time. I am now officially on a planned vacation for 2 weeks, or more accurately a delayed honeymoon. Bob's birthday party is on Friday and we're spending a few days at the theme parks so I really wouldn't be working anyway. It will certainly be interesting.

Who knew you could use a chair to reach the light? I have married a genius.

OIL AND WATER

Have you ever met someone who you just don't always see eye to eye with, and you are at opposite ends on a lot of issues? Sometimes this is my new husband and me. Sometimes not. I personally like it when it is not, but he seems to "THRIVE" on disagreeing. In fact, he laughs at me when he has me to the point of frustration on any particular item. Is that fair?

He also has a Garfield hand puppet that he compares to me or visa versa. He says I'm a lot like THE cat - short blond "fuzz" for hair, big eyes when I get excited, "princess" mentality - need I go on? He has also "personified" the cat. Of course, the cat always wins. (We're all surprised about that.)

I personally don't see it. I have offered to call his Dr. There has to be medication for him. But the interesting things is, when "I" try to blame the cat, he says it couldn't be possible for the cat to do that (whatever I say about the cat) and yet, I've seen that cat in action. It isn't pretty. Oh no. Now I've started acting like the cat is real. I wonder if there is enough medication for both of us?

This is "THE CAT" watching me work on the computer. I'm not sure whether Bob has a warped sense of humor, or I'm hallucinating. Either way, life is interesting.

Surprise?

Surprises are not always good, but with Bob they are. He bought me two new sets of bookcases, put them together, and had them in place when I got home today. I also had a delivery of a table, mirror and lamp for the alcove of the apartment. He also added me to his AAA motor club because he didn't want me to have car trouble and not have any way to get help. (He continues to take care of me.)

This week has been hard - He's working 3-11, and I haven't seen him for 4 days AND NIGHTS!!! I have already worked 35+ hrs this week and I am only on my 3rd day of work. It's a good things he isn't here, I guess. He works his other job tomorrow and Sat, so he will be home at night. WAHOO!!!

I made reservations at one of the "nice" restaurants on property for tomorrow night. He's never been there, so we'll see. I had one of the managers give me his reservation. He couldn't use it and I happened to mention it was one of my favorites. I can't wait.

Then again, maybe we need to stay home.

Only days

There are only 8 more "working" days until Bob and I actually celebrate our marriage. We were both so busy at the time of the ceremony, that we decided to wait to take time off. On the 21st my time starts and on the the 22nd Bob works his last day for a while.

If you've read my blog, you might remember that Bob has taken off two days 2 times previously, and they were very "eventful" to say the least. The first two days we fought; the second two were part of a week of me with the stomach flu. So, who knows.

I PERSONALLY feel it will be wonderful; Bob is a little more skeptical. I don't know. This marriage thing is certainly different. I spent almost 36 years with one man - We grew up together and we did a lot of things together in those many years.

Bob, on the other hand, is a totally new entity into this mix I call my life. He is totally different than ANYONE I have ever known. And, he has years of experiences with other people I can't even imagine. We both bring all these events to our marriage.

He speaks of things from his experiences, and I haven't any frame of reference. For instance, he was once a stock-car driver and loves racing. I thought Nascar was a type of hybrid vehicle. He talks of shoveling snow and it is a far distant memory for me; He wants melmac, I love crystal; he hates country music and I am just beginning to enjoy it; opera for him is big women screaming at little men-La Boheme is one of my loves.

God certainly has a sense of humor though. Putting us together is tantamount to possibly adding vinegar to soda. But, we DO have a few things in common - we both have mustangs, and we have a strong love for each other. Our life might maybe be described in Disney Terms as "Mr Toad's Wild Ride." But, if you remember - "Mr Toad" has been replaced by Winnie the Pooh. Interesting is it not? And, Oh yes, he just bought me a dozen more roses. He's so sweet.

I Hope This Works

Once again, I've had another brilliant idea-I am trying to arrange a dual "SURPRISE" birthday party for Bret and Bob; their dobs are 5 days apart. I don't think Julie is too excited about it, but I think it will be "interesting", at the least. Since neither Bob nor Bret read my blog, I think I'm safe reporting this.

June 22 starting @ 5ish at the same place as our wedding. For those who read this and know me, you're invited. Call if you need directions.

I am applying for another job - it is a "Dream" job in more ways than one. I went to two leadership meetings yesterday. I'm not much for meetings any more. The Good Lord knows I've been in a "gadzillion" in my lifetime, but these were different and actually enjoyable. The second one was about this new position. It is to make dreams come true. Wow. I've always wanted to do that. Who knows; maybe I can.

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

Ever have something happen and you just want to ask God, "What were you thinking?" I sometimes feel that God and I are on different pages in the book of my life.

This week I have had many items of interest in my life. I worked approximately 60 hrs; it was my last day at one of the parks-I had been subbing for one of the RSIIs; I had a friend call that I had not heard from nor seen since 1962 and we had lunch; and yesterday Tom and I would have been married 40 years. So many memories are lost within this "gray matter" I sometimes refer to as my brain, yet the emotions of all my life come flooding back at times.

Where I am today is "comfortable" and I feel "blessed" for my life. So why am I mulling over all my past memories?

I am considering changing jobs. It's not that I don't love my job-I do; and the people I work with, but I've done just about everything I can at this level. Either I go higher, as a Manager, or I switch departments.

I don't know about being a Manager. There are many perks "annnnd" many things not so "perky." Do I want to "gear up" to be a Manager? Would they even hire me as one? I don't know.

I have applied for a position as a recruiter for the "The College Program." That sounded interesting. With that, I would be traveling 18-24 weeks a year. Don't get me wrong, I like to travel. Could I travel THAT much? I don't know. Would Bob miss me? Probably not. He's very self sufficient and really doesn't need me much at all. Would I miss him? ABSOLUTELY. We'll see. I am always excited to find out "WHAT GOD WAS THINKING?"

And the winner is?

I guess the diagnosis I received was the best possible scenario - The Dr found 3 areas that are "seeping" blood, but not infected. He said they weren't ulcers, but he couldn't tell what caused the irritation. There was nothing in the colon, not even polyps. All in all, a pretty easy gig. He believes that with prilosec and zantac, that should be enough to help the healing. I'm a little sore today, but I'm glad I took the day off to rest a little more.

Bob stayed with me today. He is worn out. He works 7 days a week; it's too much. I don't know who needed the rest more, me or him. I had my first chocolate today that my hubby bought me. It's dark chocolate and Ghiadelli; mmmmm.

My sister calls me a brat. She might be right, but I'm having fun. I think she might be a "little" jealous, but that's okay. I guess she might have a right to be. All in all, I'm really enjoying this married stuff. And, it's all good.

"THE" Procedure

On Monday, I am having what I lovingly call "ROTO ROOTER." For anyone who has had an endoscopy and colonoscopy at the same time, you definitely know what I am talking about. Those of you who have not, can only imagine.

Bob suggested that they just do one procedure - using an instrument similar to a "bottle brush" and starting at the stop, just move the instrument downward; "Whew" enough said. I don't think that would work, but who knows, it might. My hubby is soooooooo creative. I think I'll leave it up to the dr though.

Speaking of Bob, this wonderful man today bought me 18 roses and some Ghiadelli chocolates. (Picture Included) Why? I don't know. He just did. I can't believe him. I know I don't deserve such lovely presents, but I really like receiving them. He makes me feel so special. I could never explain how much he means to me. It is overwhelming at times. And, "Just in case", as Esther Zissamopoulous used to say, "I fall off the end of the earth on Monday", or some such happening, I want to go on record as saying - I AM BLESSED; far more than I could ever deserve. God is so good; all the time! All the time; God is good. And that concept is even more overwhelming.

Every Event

It seems as if every major "holiday" or event turns out to be a gigantic production in my family, and Mother's Day was no exception.

"The guys" started about two weeks ago wanting to know - "where, when, how many, etc" that we wanted to go to for the event and it went down hill from there. We finally settled, on Sunday morning, for Outback at 1:00. That time was changed with the event of an accident on I-4 (whatever did we do without cell phones) and we finally met about 1:30.

Lunch went well - 3 of my 4 guys were there. Bret and the girls came over Sat night for a cook out as Sunday is a very hard time for him to do anything extra with all his duties at church. Julie was in Atlanta and due back some time yesterday. Happy, Happy all around, but no flowers.

I sound ungrateful, don't I? Well, maybe I am, but I can't remember a Mother's Day without flowers from at least one of my guys. In actuality, it isn't Bob's responsibility to get me flowers for Mother's Day, but I would have taken them from any one. Oh well. Life goes on. I'm not REALLY upset, and, there is always next year. I DID get an itune card and a CD and cards. I am blessed.

Surprised by Love

The amazing thing about life is that it is ever changing. Being in love and remarried is still very new to me.

This man, my new husband, just 2 days short of two months ago, is unbelievable. He has now seen me at my worst, or I hope this is it, and he has made it through. He waited on me hand and foot, "hovered", and when he went to the store to get crackers and ginger ale, he also brought me some lovely "shades of pink" roses. (Picture to the right) He even changed my windshield wipers for me today.

Why does he do this? I guess he really does love me. Wow!

Porcelain is better seen as a figurine

This week has been "interesting, if not enjoyable", as Tom would have said. Saturday I started with a headache and felt nauseated, and it progressed from there. Without the gory details, suffice to say that I have been desperately ill from what I surmise is a stomach flu. It has been a very long time since I have been this sick.

Today I am home with the immense headache it all started with but it is subsiding somewhat for I am able to keep crackers and ginger ale in my stomach, so far this morning. Why is that important in the scheme of things - it is only annoying; another crises averted. And, I am not a good patient, by the way. I prefer for people to leave me alone when I am sick and today, I am alone. Bob has gone back to work.

He took Sunday and Monday off, with the anticipation of us spending some time together. I don't know, it seems as if we are not supposed to be off at the same time, or is it my imagination? The last time he took off, we got into a humongous argument and hardly spoke all week end. (Something stupid, by the way) This time, I got desperately ill. Sounds like a pattern to me.

Now we are planning to be off for about a week and half in June - What then? I dare not think. I just assume it will be a wonderful time of rest and relaxation. Yes. It is true what my son Tom says, "I DO live in Fantasyland in the State of Confusion", and it works for me.