KNOTAZOU

Disney's Animal Kingdom advertises that they are  KNOTAZOU. or Not a zoo. I sometimes feel as if I need to shout that about my life - it just seems SEEMS like a one.  I plan such good plans; follow such wonderful layouts, and it still turns out crazy.

Saw Dr Filart yesterday.  He did an EKG, x-ray, and a "sh" test.  He thinks I may have pneumonia. The EKG looked great.  My heart beat is steady and even.  No more Afib.  The x-ray and "sh" test revealed a "nearly frozen" diaphragm, which explains why I can't breathe properly.  The right side is about 2 inches higher than the left side. I don't know much about that condition but I know today is not a good day.  The nausea is still continuing and should have stopped.  I'm taking so much medication that it could also be the problem.  I'm sure that I am able to give Walgreens a run for their money matching pill to pill.  

Losing weight seems the most logical cure to all the problems.  That isn't a problem right now - everything is tasteless.  

Ween took a little "jaunt" around the apartments today.  She has this "cutesy" little act she does by leaving by the patio doors, and makes her way around the side of the building to the front door.  She thinks that is so cute.  She's much too smart.  Right now I don't feel like walking her so the only option is to allow her to go out by herself.  Against the rules here, but I haven't much choice right now.  So far, she's stayed close.  She's very nosy thought.

I haven't any idea how this "physical" body will end up but I still believe God is in control.  That comforts me.

OKAY

Days are passing and I'm feeling much better.  Have developed a "viral infection," blisters on my tongue, and still some "tummy trouble."  Incisions are healing.  I'm trying to get an appointment w/my doctor for follow up.  He is so busy.  I don't know how he has time to breathe.  The problem is that he cares for his patients.

Ween is still clingy and doesn't want me to leave her eyesight.  I have managed to redirect her attention when she wants to get on the furniture. She's almost to the point she doesn't even ask any more.  She will be so thrilled with having her own yard.  The weather is cooler and she loves being outside.

I'm getting cabin fever from being inside so long.  Ween is mostly the only "human" I talk with each day.  She looks like she's interested, especially when I'm eating something.  I wonder.  DOES SHE LOOK INTERESTED ONLY BECAUSE I AM HER FOOD SOURCE? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I DO have a nurse that visits 3x a week.  She comes to check my vitals and blood level.  Cute little oriental lady that goes through every procedure each time and makes the same recommendations for me each time.  I just nod and say  "sure" "okay" or shake my head.  It makes her happy.

Today is another day or recouping.  I'm glad to be home.

Second Day

This is my second day home.  I haven't mastered the art of keeping my food down yet, but I'm working toward that goal.

The eval nurse was here, took off old bandages, let me take a shower, put new bandages, and checked all my vitals.  Low blood pressure, but its been low for a while.  She came to make an eval of how much help I need.  My nurse, Rose, will be here tomorrow to check my clotting level. If its good, I will not have to take shots again.  It needs to be 2-3. When it was last checked, it was 1.9 so I'm almost there.  It needs to be thin when I don't have any procedures done; thicker when there are some to be done.

Also blood count is a little low.  I have some sort of blisters in my mouth, indicating what I don't know.  I have to get an appointment tomorrow w regular dr to see what is going on now.

I should have a "PHD" in visiting drs.   If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care off this body.

Some wonderful friends stayed with Ween while I was in the "big house." Heidi and David were coming to visit Orlando, and they agreed to stay here so I wouldn't have to board her.  She was so calm and low keyed when I got home.  That was good. I thought they had drugged her. (Probably just tired from all the partying.) When I came home I gave her part of a Arby's roast beef. After she ate, she put herself to bed and slept from around 3:00 to 7:30. Being so cute is hard work.( She is so spoiled.)

We're watching another ball game, OR the ME of we is -  NY v Green Bay. Ween is sleeping, of course.  So far it's been very boring.  Up the field; score. Down the infield; score. Boring!

Busy tomorrow. I'm working toward getting better. What will I ever do when I don't need to spend time visiting waiting rooms.  I should call some agency.  I could be their "scrounging around person" and check out the place.  "Board of Health?"  I guess not.

New Day

Dawn is breaking and it's another day for me.  My room is beside the helipad. It has been busy all night.  I'm sure whoever they brought in are in worse shape than me.

The surgery went well. Dr Filart corrected the heart "boo boo" and I'm breathing much better.  I can't say enough good things about this place.  Except for a slightly uptight "blood sucking vampire" named Richard, everyone has been fantastic.  No beach area, but this is a great resort.  I'm waited on hand and foot, I don't have to clean anything, and the food is not bad.

I hope to leave today.  I miss Ween and my apt.  It was a "God thing" that David and Heidi could stay there.  I'm sure my little girl aggravated them because she does me, but I really appreciated them being there.

I'm thinking a shower would be good right now. I'll ring for someone. (This won't last much longer.)

Surgery

All is well. More later.

REMEMBERING

Washing clothes leaves a lot of time between w/d time.  I have begun to think - big mistake.  
The day Tom was born - SURPRISE - C-section; he was such a perfect baby - no misshapen parts to his body, all ten fingers and toes, and so hungry.  He was the only baby in their hospital history that had GAINED weight instead of losing.  

I loved him long before I even knew his dad.  I knew I would have a son; I knew I would name him after his dad. 

He did everything early - his teeth - he had 8 by 7 months. [I told my mother that he was cutting his teeth at 2 months. She said I was crazy.]  That was probably true, but nevertheless, a tooth edge was showing.  He had a word vocabulary of 50-60 words (maybe more) by 8 months and sentences by 10 months.  Potty trained himself and was walking without help by 9 months.  We did word games and puzzles before he was a year old.  The perfect child.  MAN. This baby thing is easy. (Famous last words)  

Then there was Charles.  I threw up all 9 months and even on the operating table.  He did not cry when they took him out.  He made a little whiny noise and balled up in the fetal position.  He was cold.  He still gets cold easily.

Charles wasn't talking except for about 5 words until he was almost 2.  He didn't walk by himself until he was about 1 1/2 and was perfectly content to sit in his play pen and WATCH everything around him.  I thought he was deaf or at the very least SLOW at growing.  The next thing I knew he said, "May I have a peanut butter sandwich, please." (Where did that come from?)

His potty training, when he was 2 and talking complete sentences, spelling and knowing the alphabet, consisted of me taking him to the bathroom, pointing to the commode, asking him what it was, "Potty" he said.  I said,  "What is it for?"  He said, "To go to the bathroom."  I said, "If you pee or poop in your pants again, I will spank you."  He looked at me and said very nonchalantly, "OK." He could read at 3.

Tom's personality was not really evident until he was about 12.  He was an early bloomer.  He turned into a "teenager", enough said.  He has more of my personality than I would like, but has turned out to be such a wonderful man who is educated, talented, creative, knowledgeable. I am so proud of him.  He can never know how much I love and appreciate him.

Charles has continued his approach to life situations - nonchalantly.  He is his father's child - intelligent, creative, knowledgeable, and self assured.  He has come to mean so much to me.  We have always had a special relationship.  I love and adore him more than he will ever know.  He keeps his dad's memory alive.  He is here for me while I am going through . . . He just called.  He is at the Realtor's office finalizing the choices for things for his new house.  He asked about the tile in my two rooms.  He has asked me to live with him.  He is so kind.

Charles doesn't like me writing about him.  I'm sure Tom doesn't care, but just in case - It would probably be a good idea not to mention this particular blog to them.  Then again, I don't really care.  Ween thought it was a good idea.

COUNTDOWN

Testing starts on Monday.  Depending on the numbers on my PTINR (Blood clotting factor) it will determine whether I have to take shots before the surgery.  Taking Coumodin affects the thinness of my blood and if it will clot properly.  So many things have to be checked.  Tuesday I will be at the hospital at 7:00 am and other testing will be done to determine if "all systems are go."  If it is, the surgery will be done early Wednesday morning.

Again, it's early and I'm awake.  There was a time when waking up early scared me only because I liked to sleep late.  Now I welcome it with open arms.  It has become a good friend that I seek.  So many thoughts about today. Who will I see today?  Where will I go?  If I don't leave my apartment, what will "my world" be?

My thoughts remind me of the character in the movie "UP" that is talking to a friend, and suddenly jerks his head sideways and yells, "SQUIRREL."  (Short attention span.)  That's me today.  Oh well.  I might as well admit it - It's me most days.

Heidi and David are coming on Wed and staying in my apartment.  I'm so glad Ween will have company.  I see my little "blanket lump" on my bed and she sleeps innocently.  It's only a matter of time until she's up and wanting to go out. I get my attention span from her - "SQUIRREL."

Peace and quiet

Sitting here at midnight, alone, with the quietness of the apartment, I can't think of anything that I actually need. Mary cleaned the apartment tonight and made a wonderful dinner for me - salad, meatloaf, mashed potatoes w/gravy, fresh corn from the cob, and a bowl of fruit and a cinnamon roll.  I am very grateful for her friendship.  She is getting ready to fly north for T-day.  But tonight, she is driving to Naples to work there tomorrow; left my place about 9:00. I don't like her driving so late by herself.  (God be with her.)

Mock came over Tuesday to take me to my 8:00 am Doctor's appointment.  What was I thinking?  I have water behind my ear drums, and "out of whack" thyroid.  So what's new. She once again changed my medicine.

I think I have someone to watch Ween while I'm gone.  Heidi and David are coming from Georgia to visit the "Parks" so they have agreed to stay here and watch her.  I really do like keeping her home.  Their children, Abby and Max are coming too. Such a nice family.  I really appreciate them staying here. There is a slight "snag" in the schedule. They're not coming until Wednesday, and I have to be in the hospital by Tuesday.  I'll get someone to stay or keep her for one night.

I'm not concerned about the surgery.  Whatever happens is what happens.  I would like to get over this and get on with my life.  We'll see.  Dr Filart is an excellent doctor.  I really appreciate him and know he's the best doctor I could have, so on Wednesday, one day before T-day, if all goes well, I will have the ablation surgery that was supposed to have happened the last time.

Thank  you  God  for  all  you  do  for  me.  I  love  you, Abba Father.

MY LIFE

Pragmatic is the name of the game.  I don't know when I identified that characteristic but I know it has certainly been true since Tom died.  Of course, I measure most everything by that time frame.  

Two weeks from today, I should be having surgery.  I'm looking forward to getting through it and going on to be whole.  I know everything seems to be hinging on this, but I feel like it will be life altering.

My friend Vicki is also having surgery that day.  Hers seems much more serious, but as my son found out this week, any surgery can be harried.  One of his co-workers went in for some heart surgery, had a stroke, and slipped into a coma. (He subsequently died.) This brings it to reality. (I'm  okay  with  reality.)

No matter what happens, its a WIN/WIN.  If it's successful, I win.  If it isn't successful, earthly definition, I still win.  That has been my philosophy for a LONGGGG time.  That is also how I handle most situations in my life.  God has been so good to me, I can't complain.  I've made some "not smart" decisions in my life, but God has remained steady and sure. I'm so glad that is true.