Dr Seuss' Wisdom

One of my favorite books is "And To Think It Happened on Mulberry Street" by Dr Suess.  The boy "sees" (imagines) all sorts of fantastic things on his way home from school, and yet when he gets home his father shoots down his wonderful imaginations.  When you "run away from home", you meet all sorts of people and go all sorts of places.  So far, Ween and I are doing great, and it has been a great adventure.

God is such a great God.  He told me in Israel (1992) that He would take care of me, if I let Him.  I was "forced" to do just that this week.  Bob and I have separated and I have moved out of the apartment.  Big move for me, and yet I felt it was the thing to do.  It's a long story so I won't bore you with the details, suffice to say, I thought I didn't have any place to stay.  Charles could not take me in because of Wiener, and it's very hard to find a place to stay in Orlando when you are in an entirely different place geographically.  I gave it all to God, which I should always do and don't.

He woke me up "early" this morning with the realization that I have an apartment to live in.  I am not scheduled to leave there until Nov 1, so I can actually move back into the apartment when I return to Orlando and stay there until my one bedroom apartment is ready.  How simple!  And, He didn't reveal this to me until I spoke the words, "He has always taken care of me, and He will continue to do that."  He is so patient.  Why should I be amazed?  He loves me, unconditionally.  (Wiener is a lot like that).

WHO AM I

Theoretically, as a close relative would say, I am living in three different locations at this place and time.  Emotionally, I feel like "silly putty" being pulled in all directions.

Eight tenths out of the old apartment, one tenth in storage, and one tenth in with "The Relative" I can't mention.  He has his father's patience.  I'm not sure I could put up with me, especially right now.

So many regrets I can't list them all, but a few are:
.  Could I have done anything else?  One person I thought was a friend is believing lies told about me.  I don't have Wiener with me, at this time.  I've wasted so much time in doing "busy" things.  Where do I go from here? 

Who am I?  Identity has always been important with me.  Right now, I don't really have any.  I'm just me.  And, I guess when it comes right down to it, that's all I've ever had.

Disappointing Beach

Usually I rejuvenate at the beach.  This time is different.  I am ready to go home. WHY?  Maybe it's the fact that I am moving soon, and have so much to do. Maybe it's because I am restless.  I don't know exactly.  I just know I'm over this trip and I have 2 more days to go. Thinking back, I probably should have driven home and come back on Sunday. (shoulda, woulda, coulda)

Missing Wiener so much.  She is such an integral part of my life now, I don't relax when she isn't with me.  I worry about her.  She's so tiny and helpless, and I feel responsible.  I know Bob would never intentionally hurt her, but he ignores her sometimes and she is such an attention hound that I'm concerned.  She also doesn't understand why I'm not there.  I hate that part. (Silly huh)

The beach is not as enticing this time.  We have a beautiful room, great food, and a fun time with a new friend here.  I think maybe I'm being unrealistic. We're going to attend church here tomorrow for the first time.  That should be interesting.  I let SI choose the church.  We'll see.  A church is a church, right?

MAYO, Ketchup or Mustard

Decisions are hard for me.  Once I make them, then I feel relief, but I am a typical "Crab" sign when it comes to that area of life - I like to crawl in my shell, hide, regroup, and come back out to see if the "storm" has passed.  (That is something not everyone knows about me.)

I am told I have control issues, but I can't see it. (This still bothers me, as you can tell.)  I do "COP" to not wanting to accept one answer to each possibility, but if I truly had control of issues, I would definitely make better choices every time.  I would also make sure everything that happened would wind up being in my favor.  That is certainly NOT the case.  I do like "What ifs" in most issues.  Some people might see that as trying to control.  I see it as different possibilities.

Friends are so important to me.  I don't say it enough, but I am truly blessed with unbelievable friends.  Back to MAYO in JAX tomorrow.  My friend, SI, is going with me again.  She had emergency surgery a few weeks ago, so a week on the beach will certain benefit her healing.

I will see a neurologist, allergist, sleep specialist, and surgeon.  My continual weight gain is of "Grave" concern at this point.  Everything I do seems to only increase my weight, not decrease it.  This is not good!

On a happier note, I went to a concert with "a relative I can't mention" and some of his friends.  It was the "Encore" musical group at "WDW."  Although it was long, they are always a fantastic performance.  I don't know why, but I am always amazed at the talent that is present there.  This particular group performs each year and donates the proceeds to a non-profit group that benefits the area.  It changes each year.  This year the donation went to "Make a Wish Foundation."  This is a tremendous group that I do support as they accomplish the seemingly impossible for people throughout the world.  (If you have a chance to support it, please do so.)

As sleep seems to elude me, I guess I will start packing to leave tomorrow, which is already today, time wise.  Wiener sleeps on.  She has gotten used to these crazy hours we keep.  Amazing, huh?

Officially Official

Human nature being what it is, things happen.  We don't always like our choices that are available, but sometimes we have to make decisions based on what we know at the time.

Moving on the 18th of August is not my idea of a "fun" time.  As it stands, I will be moving in with Charles for a few months, and then get my own apartment.  I don't know what I'm going to do with Ween, as Charles doesn't want her in his apartment.  I need a sitter for a few weeks.  My things will go into storage until I can use them again.

Some time soon, I will also be going back to work at my old job, but part time only.  I not only need the distraction, but I miss the perks and the "love offering" I received every Thursday just for talking on the phone.  Right now, my work days are Sun/Monday/Thursday; 7:30-3:00.  (Subject to change at a moment's notice)

Feelings are fickle, but in many ways I am relieved for most of the pressure was from just making the decisions.  On the other hand, I am sad about the move.  I wish I didn't have to do it, but wishing doesn't make it so even though I live in Orlando where "Magic" abounds.  I will be back in JAX the 12th through 16th wrapping up some details of my other visits.  That will be a time of additional reflection and relaxation.  I can't wait to be on the beach again, and to spend more quiet time with God.