FL Dreamin'

Falling in love with Florida was easy.  It's beautiful here.  This is my favorite time of the year - 80s, breeze, sun and blue skies.  I've never wanted to live any where else since arriving in the early 1970s.  Lately though, I have felt I was swimming in "quicksand" in this lovely place.

I've been so fortunate in that I haven't really had to think about money.  I'm not rich. I never have been, but I guess the term "comfortable" comes to mind.  I thought my life changed so much when Tom died, and it did, but my lifestyle really didn't change.  I could travel, work or not work, do pretty much whatever I wanted to do.  For the first time, ever, that isn't true.  I feel that there isn't any thing or any way to turn, so I find myself almost paralyzed and definitely overwhelmed.

There are boxes everywhere, piles of paperwork that needs to be take care of and I can't seem to be able to make any progress in any area.  I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, a car that is in good shape, and of course, Wiener, my constant companion and confidant.  GOD HAS TO DO SOMETHING!  I know He is in control and that He is working.  I just need His blessing, NOW.

I don't "do nothing" well, and yet that's all I can seem to do.  Please let it stop.

Football Games

This weekend has been up and down emotionally, as far as sports is concerned.  The only thing better than watching a great game on TV, is to be there in person.  I would love to have been in JAX to see the FL/GA game. Once of the best games I have seen in a long time, bar none.  It was even better that FL won in overtime, 24-21.  (Lots of turnovers and action to behold)

On the other hand, my very most all-time favorite team, DALLAS COWBOYS, played worse than any middle school team I have ever seen, EVER!  Have mercy!  It was as if they decided to see how many mistakes they could make and still be standing when the game was over.  Dallas won the award for this year, maybe for the last 5 or so.  I doubt any other team would have even come close this weekend.

As the saying goes, "There's always next year" or is there?  There was talk among the announcers that neither the quarterback nor the coach would be back next year.  That remains to be seen but let's not forget the remainder of this year.  Will I stop watching Dallas?  No way.  They are my team, always.

How real do I want to be

Platitudes are aggravating and frustrating to me, especially when someone regurgitates the very advice that I already know, but choose to ignore.  I have long thought most of the information that I have "stored" in my ever decreasing memory is mostly "useless knowledge" except if I wanted to go on Jeopardy, or a similar situation.  And yet, I used the very same "wisdom" with someone else this week.

I awoke very early this am and was struck with the thought that I had thrown out a piece of advice for a friend as if I actually knew what I was saying.  Pompous isn't it? That I would actually have a solution for another person's problems is hubris at the very least, ignoring the person entirely.  Those of us who know things, tend to do this occasionally.  Why do I do this?

My "high school history teacher", Victor Asseff, once told me, "You will either grow up to be an advice columnist or a psychologist.  You like to dissect "why" for someone, go about delving into their lives, and then explaining the reason to them. Eureka.  I have the answer."  He called it some sort of syndrome.  I am older and supposedly wiser, yet I still have a penchant for doing exactly that. 

Why?  I really don't know.  I actually think I'm helping someone, at the time.  Even as the words "jump off the page" or come rolling out of my mouth, they sometimes sound ridiculous to me.    Will I never learn?  It is much easier to keep quiet, than to try to remove the foot from my mouth.  Either way, I'm always sorry.  I'm glad God forgives me even if the other person doesn't.  I AM getting better - at least I recognize that I have a problem now.

DATING OR WHAT?

Mostly out of curiosity, I went to dinner with Bob.  It was "interesting" and enjoyable.  I have never known Bob's agenda, but sometimes tried to figure it out.  If there was one, it wasn't evident to me.

We went to "Logan's Steakhouse" which is a restaurant close to Hunter's Creek, where I still live even after moving. We talked, we ate, and I had a nice time.  Julie asked me why I went.  Curiosity was certainly a big part of it, but since I am living on a tight budget, it WAS a free meal.

Interestingly enough, Bob had a hard time looking me straight in the eye.  I just now thought about this.  Prior experiences with him, usually meant he was not exactly "truthful" when he behaved like that.  Whatever it meant, God knows and He can deal with it.  I'm glad I don't have to any more.  I did offer to reciprocate in that I promised him a meal as a thank you.  We'll see.  (The saga continues.)

About my new apartment - I am living on a preserve-type area that has a lake. The trees are turning, as much as they can in Florida. (Picture is my backyard) The serenity is unbelievable.  I am in an isolated section-only 2 buildings, with a security gate across from my sliding glass door to my patio.  I have a 2/2.  It's smaller but I use the word "cozy" to identify my place now.


I have a roommate.  He works at Disney also, and I have known him about 3 years.  In fact, I was one of his trainers when we worked in Research.  He needed a place to stay.  I need the extra money, and Ween loves him.  He is "house and doggy sitting" for someone right now and works 40 hrs a week.  I don't see him a lot and he's quiet; it works, so far.


And, we have a visitor.  She visits two or three times a day, hungry. She has babies and needs the extra food for them.  She's skittish, which is okay with me.  It means she isn't rabid, just hungry.  Ween isn't fond of her, but she's beginning to relax a little when the raccoon arrives.

The interview hasn't produced a job, yet.  It was over on Friday.  There are 10 part-time positions available and I "SHOULD" have a good chance to be "rehired."  We'll see.

God's plan isn't totally clear yet, but I'm sure He will keep me and provide. He always does.

New Post

New Post; new apartment; new life.  I think a trend is beginning.  New is good.

Opening boxes is getting to be ridiculous. I didn't realize I had so many; about 60.  I'm down to the last 20; mostly books.  I am trying to weed through each box to see if I really need to keep every one.  Books are so much a part of me that I feel like I am getting rid of one of my children when I give them away.  I try to find good homes each time.

Interesting event - my husband just sent me a text and asked me to dinner.  I wonder why.  Does he miss me?  Does he still love me?  Or, has he decided to get a divorce.  Aw.  The mystery deepens.  I will be going about 5.  And, then the suspense will be over.

Ween is settling in.  We have a raccoon that comes to our back patio. She comes in the day time.  I'm guessing for probably one of two reasons - Her babies are driving her crazy or they are draining all her energy.  She comes hungry. I feed her old dog food that Ween wouldn't eat.  She eats and leaves until the next visit.

We live on a preserve with a scene that is framed by the sliding doors.  I look to the sky, blue and white mixtures; trees swaying in the light wind, and I feel serenity.  I am where I am supposed to be for now.

FRIENDS

If you've ever seen the Friends TV show, you can see how people can get close to each other, especially when they live together.  I have people who are dear to me, in real life.

One of those people is Vicki.  This woman has so many "irons in the fire," she could use a wife to take care of all the details.  And yet, she always stops her world and comes to rescue me from some other "Lucy/Ethel" project. Yesterday was such a time. Last week, I mentioned that I wanted to get a platform bed, but that they were very expensive.  Her 'wheels' started moving.

I showed her on HGTV the info concerning several beds that they had made. We talked, measured, talked some more,  looked on line, and she came up with a "drawing" that resembled some "Child Art" that needed to be on the refrigerator, not actually used.  It was awesome!

It was definitely a trial by error project. First stop-Home Deport.  An awesome man, Dante, was there to help us.  He made suggestions and gave us options. After selecting materials, loading it, and setting up at home, she was good to go. "Mock" also helped.  (He's the brawn of the group)  Four hours later, I have a bed.  (I used the mattress Charles had on his "loft" bed)  This woman is incredible.

There must be something totally wrong to have a bed made just to let "Wiener" have a place to sleep, on her level.  Can you say 'SPOILED.'

ROUGH WEEK

Life is funny sometimes.  It seems when one thing happens, it snowballs into several other things.  I broke two toes on my left food, my partial and a glass globe for one of my candle holders.  I also have several other things happening that I prefer not to list at this time.


You never know WHY things happen, but if God is really Lord of my life, then I must believe I am exactly where He wants me to be, no matter what happens.  He is always in control, just sometimes we can't see the "behind scenes" events until they unfold completely.  I am ready for that miracle and would really appreciate it soon.

Wiener is taking everything in her stride. She eats, poops, pees, and sleeps. She is not worried about anything; very trusting that everything will be okay. I am learning so much from her.

WHAT NOW?

Moving in doesn't necessarily mean everything is in it's place.  I've made a good start, with the help of friends and relatives, but one bedroom is full of boxes, so if I'm going to have a roommate, I HAVE TO get that stuff emptied out and find a place for it.

After that, what?  Am I going back to work?  Do I sit and twiddle my thumbs until ...?  I haven't the faintest idea.  My life has changed so much lately, I don't even recognize me.  (That might not be so bad?)  Whatever it is, I'm excited to find out what God has in mind.  He has a way of doing things totally different from anything I can imagine.  So, we'll see.

Ween is settling in.  I let her scatter her toys all over the apartment so she would feel at home.  Her blanket is on the floor, so she has access to it, and she knows where to find her bowls for food and water.  I put those in the laundry room.

I am still sleeping on an air mattress.  Haven't quite decided what to do about a bed.  Charles offered me his double bed that is in the loft and I might do that.  The bedroom isn't large enough for a queen.  I don't know.  Ween doesn't have enough room in a queen-sized bed.  How could she possible sleep in a double?  It certainly will be interesting looking at life from this position.  Ween has the right idea.

NEVER AGAIN

Saying "Never" is the kiss of death in that if I say it, I always regret it.  I usually end up eating those words.  In this case, I can safely say, "I'M NEVER MOVING AGAIN.  EVER!"  As if life isn't stressful enough, throw in 4 moves in 2 months, and you obviously must be mad.

My new apartment is nice, but smaller than the previous one, so needless to say, too much furniture is too much.  Having a "Kadzillion" boxes of books doesn't help any.  Where in the world did I get all of these?  My second bedroom is completely full.  What to do?  What to do?

Moving seems to be an event that I depend on friends and relatives to help with, when they can.  One relative, who I can't mention, will donate money to get someone else to help.  One son is in DC.  One working.  One who said, "You're moving?"  Julie and Vicki have helped me move so many times, I can't even count that high.

I've come to the conclusion, that if you want to know who your friends really are, tell them you're moving.  God willing, I will never have to say that again.