Today would have been my brother's 73rd birthday. My mind will not let me visualize him at that age because he died when he was 30 years old. I was in summer school at college, in Nashville, TN and don't remember a lot of the details of the event. I know his plane went down on my birthday, July 12, and they found the plane and his body on his daughter's birthday - July 15.
I had one of my "spiritual" experiences at that time. The 15th was a Sunday. I was at church; sunday school had just finished. I walked out of the chapel and was waiting for Tom on the porch-like area outside the chapel. I felt an arm around my shoulder. At the same time, I heard my brother whisper in my ear - "It's okay. I'm fine. Everything will be okay." He hugged me; I felt warm all over and he was gone. This was "before" I was called for them to tell me they had found his body. (I have had many of those in my lifetime. I can't explain them or why I have them. Just one of the perks of being a child of God.)
I know from experience that I was in shock and your memory isn't reliable enough to properly grasp the details in that type of instance. Bits and pieces stand out and yet, I was fully aware of some of the "intense" events - my mother crying to the point of making herself ill; the memorial service having lots of "Marines" there and wondering why because my brother hated being in the marines; landing at the airport in Charleston, WV - diving to land on the mtn top landing strip; getting back in Nashville and wondering how I got there.
About 3 weeks later I received a reel-to-reel tape from my brother. I remember it sounding depressing. I only got to play it once in that it erased as it played. (Providentially, I'm sure.) I could only remember parts of it. I don't think my sister-in-law believed me when she asked about it several months later. He died in Yokohama, Japan. Billie Jean, his wife, returned after getting most of the paperwork completed. And, I lived with her for several months after she came back.
She had a rough few years - She had another child while in Japan; Her Mother died of cancer; Her Father died in car wreck; She developed cancer and had to have surgery; Charlie, my brother, died in his own plane wreck. I reminded her of Charlie, and she and my mother didn't get along. I was the one there at the time. Those are only some of the reasons she seemed upset all the time.
Not many people did know my mother though. She was very guarded with her true emotions. In all fairness to her, I guess she had to be. She worked hard most of her life and was only able to relax when she was able to retire after moving to Florida. I didn't actually get to know and understand her until she came to live with us shortly after my father died in 2000.
Not many people did know my mother though. She was very guarded with her true emotions. In all fairness to her, I guess she had to be. She worked hard most of her life and was only able to relax when she was able to retire after moving to Florida. I didn't actually get to know and understand her until she came to live with us shortly after my father died in 2000.
As for my brother, I still miss him. I probably always will. I do remember when I was finally able to mourn for him. I was sitting on the riverbank, some time later, behind the house where my parents lived, and I felt an intense depressive feeling come over me and I just started crying. I thought I wasn't going to be able to stop. But I did and life goes on. I look forward to seeing him again. He could always make me laugh.
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