HAPPY NEW (WHATEVER)

Looking back on 2010, I can't help but think of the many experiences that have occurred.  


Ween has taught me a lot - Resting is good; eating is good; potty is good and then go back to resting.  (She's very wise).  I have also learned - Plans are flexible; don't hold onto "things" too tightly; cherish your friends and family; dream a little dream occasionally; and, by all means - ENJOY WHERE YOU ARE, NO MATTER WHAT.


My life has changed so drastically that I don't really know WHO I am supposed to be.  At one point in my life, that would have freaked me out.  As my sister-in-law has said, "I am in a holding pattern.  Just hang on; God is working."  She's right.  I am also learning to be patient.  For me, that has been a hard lesson; one I am still trying to learn.  


I don't know a lot of things - where I am headed; what will happen; and, I could go on forever.  One thing I do know -  I am truly blessed and I thank God for that.  

Different

It seems that daily I experience changes in my life, and this holiday season is no different.  Instead of meeting with all the family on Christmas Day, we spread it out over 3 days.  Trying to get schedules together is more than I could deal with. I gave up and decided to feed "WHOEVER" and "WHENEVER" they showed up at the apartment.  It does elongate the gift giving but to a certain extent it is very tiring.  I used to be able to "throw" a party together with a moments notice. (Ah, the good old days.)

Elder son, Tom, made it out of DC just in time.  My sister-in-law and niece also made it here.  Now the trick - get back home.  Lila, my sister-in-law, is leaving tomorrow.  It is especially sad for me when she leaves.  She has been a wonderful mentor and prayer partner for many years.  I so appreciate her.  But, for now, she has to go back to Nashville.

Tom is in St Pete visiting friends after being here for several days.  He brought his dog, Luke, and decided to stay at a motel close by.  Luke and Ween's altercation was unreal.  Wiener was high pitched, running around, yelping and barking.  Tom said Luke thought he got a new, battery powered squeaky toy for Christmas.  That IS what she looked like "flying" around the living room.

(This is the tree that my friend Vicki bought me, even delivering it.  I have unbelievably wonderful friends)

Ween needs to go to obedience school, per Tom, and he's probably right, but Luke WAS in her home and she didn't like it. Either pooch would have been fine by themselves.

We exchanged gifts; not so much this year.  And, I am so glad.  None of us "NEED" anything.  I was personally glad to see the reduction.  My only sad part was that Edward and Betty were not here.  I miss them so much.

Tom is leaving some time this week; not sure exactly when.  I hope I get to see him on his way out.  And, next week, all will quiet down again.  

Best wishes and prayers to all who read this.  God bless.

CEL-E-BRATE GOOD TIMES; COME ON

This time of the year is always filled with emotions for me.  Happy, sad, up, down, and definitely remembrances.  This is one of the times I miss living in my house.  Lots of room to decorate; lots of decorations.  PICTURE THIS - the 90s (1990s)  OCTOBER 30.  For me, the start of the REAL holidays.  In School, get out the turkey pictures, fall colors, etc.  At Home, dig out the bins of decorations. Not only decorating, but food - cookies, candy; YES, even fruitcake; pumpkin pies, Farm Store's Eggnog (the only kind to have), and, of course,  more food.

I don't decorate as large a space now.  That isn't an issue.  I've pared the boxes down to 10 from over 20, so I feel good about that, but I miss all the chaos and clamoring - Christmas cards; Boys at home, school out for two weeks; having money to buy lots of presents; even Tom fussing about so many decorations.

I remember one year so clearly.  As most everyone knows, Tom and I were divorced for 3 years and then remarried.  This particular time was, I think, the first Christmas we were back together.  It was very special and I wanted everything to  be perfect.  Unfortunately, I caught the flu from one of my "cherubs" at school and came home on Monday before Thanksgiving, deathly ill.  I looked at all the decorations I had out, our trees were all real at that time, and I had not purchased it yet.  I slowly turned and went into the bedroom TO DIE. Tom came home, saw me in bed, asked about me, and he slipped into his "servant" mode.  (He started using that aspect of his personality with me after we remarried)

He went to the store bought ginger ale, crackers, cheese, bacon, and some other items.  (He remembered that I always want bacon when I'm sick.  Who knows why that is; it has just always been.)  I don't recall the rest of that day, and most of the next.  I was starting to come out of it on the third day, which was Wed.  I smelled the bacon cooking, and "STAGGERED" out of the bedroom to follow the smell.

My wonderful husband had cleaned the house, purchased a tree, decorated it and the rest of the house, and fixed me a large plate of bacon, and had even set the table.  I couldn't stop crying.  And so that you will know how REALLY special this was, if you haven't already, for the first 10 years of our marriage, Tom did not want to celebrate the holidays.  (Most of his memories were not as happy as they could have been)

Things are different now.  As I sit here on the couch, watching my partly decorated "real looking" tree flashing all the lights - the memories are so real. If the good Lord allows, I will make many more.  I look forward especially to this year - new start; new tree (not real this year but bought just for me by a wonderful friend) and I definitely can't wait to see all my Family.

Having "OPEN HOUSE" this year Noon until . . . Come join us.  Call for directions. EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE.

DC and more

Once again, my trip starts the same way - My View.  The seats change, but the view is basically the same.

Breaking one of my cardinal rules turned out great.  Wonderful flights, both way. Landed to 57 degrees weather.  We went to Tom's apartment and I got to meet my Granddog, Luke.  His energy level is way more than I had at that time, but so cute.  He's part Golden and Lab combo, but loves to jump up on you.


On the way home the clouds were so beautiful I couldn't resist taking this picture.  This was after we had begun traveling over the ocean.  


For it to be such a "whirlwind" trip, it was awesome.  Saw my Nephew Walter and his wife Nanette, sons Nathan and Chris.  What a joy to see them again.  Thursday we went to breakfast with some friends of Toms.  Rested, then went to someones (Parker) house for an unbelievable dinner with new and old friends.  Back to the hotel and then an early flight home.  (Turkey fixed 3 different ways, ham, veggies, pies, cakes, cookies, 3 different cranberry dishes, several different kinds of bread just to mention some of the food)

Tom gave me an I-phone (early Christmas present) and my trip was an early Christmas present from a "relative I can't mention."

Mock said Ween didn't eat while I was gone.  Hard to believe, she loves to eat so much.  I know she missed me as she didn't leave my side for several days after I returned.

It has been a long time since I have enjoyed so many things at one time. I am so truly blessed.  (The only down side is Dallas lost.  Guess you can't have everything you want)

A Little Miracle Just For Me

Having very few items left from my first husband, Tom, I cherish each with a great deal of love and fondness.  One of these items is a pair of earrings that Tom gave me the year after he died.

I know it seems impossible but I found a "gift certificate" for Tom. One that a student probably gave as a Christmas Gift several years before and he had never redeemed.  There were a bunch of papers that I almost threw away but decided to sort individually. And, there it was.  I called to find out if it was still valid and they assured me there wasn't any expiration date.  I decided to go by myself.  It was a lovely intimate jewelry store on Dodcanese Street in a nearby city that I actually love to visit. 

Tarpon Springs is a unique place.  There are the old sponge docks, restaurants, shops, bakeries, and the most amazing food any where. The primary income for many years was from the diving for and sale of sponges. The history is rich with tales of adventure and memories. I love to hear the stories my friends tell of bygone days.  The sponge economy is just recovering from a blight that killed the business years ago.  The surrounding town has grown into a "tourist" area to experience.

As I entered the store, an older gentleman rose from his desk behind an open area in the back of the shop.  I asked him what could I purchase for this gift certificate.  He showed me an array of items that were available and none were anything that "caught my imagination."  I said that I didn't see anything I could wear and started to leave.  He stopped me with a box from another case.  There in plain sight was the most beautiful pair of earrings that I had ever seen.  They had the "Greek Key" insignia wrapped in a circular form.  They were perfect. When I got home I saw the date was April 6. Tom died on April 7, the year before.  (How neat is that)

I lost one of the earrings three days ago.  My heart was broken.  I COULDN'T LOSE ONE OF THOSE.  As tears were rolling down my face in realization of what it meant NOT to see both earrings, I spoke aloud, "Please Father. Please, please, please.  Don't let that earring be gone. You know what those mean to me.  Please show me where it could be.  I can't lose it."  

I tore apart my bathroom and bedroom.  Nothing! The evening progressed.  I kept searching.  It was bedtime. I am using a nebulizer for my sinus infection so I reached down under the sink to get it ready to use, and there was a plastic bag on top of the liquid I use in my machine.  I started to move it and "My Voice" said, "Look in there."  

Inside were small items that I had gotten in Hong Kong.  I was sorting through them earlier that morning.  There in the bottom of the bag was my other earring.  How?  I remembered scraping the items off the top of the vanity back into the bag and the earring had been included.  I WOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT OF LOOKING THERE, but God did.  

Isn't it amazing that He even cares about something so simple.  He knows our heart.  I am grateful for so many things, especially the fact that He loves me and cares about me.  Thank you again, Father.  

Decisions

When I am headed in one direction, and suddenly the path does a 90 degree turn onto a different path, I'm usually confused at first. Disappointment is sometimes evident or a "what to do now" thought runs through my head.  I am at one of those crossroads even as I write.

I had reapplied to go back to work, part time, to the job that I had left in January.  I wasn't rehired.  Disappointed?  Yes.  Confused?  Some what.  So, where now?  I thought when the department supervisor sent me an email telling me of the opening, that it was more or less a "sure thing."  Over the weeks, the job changed, the requirements changed, and obviously I wasn't rehired under the new refocusing.

Believing God has my best interest in mind, I have to believe it was for a reason.  I still have some money problems, but He knows that.  I still need some sort of job, but He knows that too.  And, last but not least, God is still in control.  And, He knows that too.  I'm excited to find out what is next on HIS agenda.

Sunlight

As the sunlight streams into my living room, Ween is basking in the warmth and enjoying the afternoon.  A butterfly waves at her and moves on to a nearby flowering bush.  For me it's a little chilly but most everyone else seems to enjoy the change in the weather.  From here, the scene is perfect - trees weaving back and forth; leaves turning to an expected orange or red with smatterings of "Christmas Tree" like shadows in the distance.

The high today is 64; warming this week to about 80.  A "relative of mine I can't mention" has decided we need to go to DC for Thanksgiving.  Tom lives there now and we haven't seen him since May, when he moved.  We also have relatives in Westminster, Maryland and Virginia.  We're going to see all of them the 3 days we are there.

I HAD to ask the question, "Does it snow there in November?"  One of my few cardinal rules is "NEVER LEAVE FLORIDA AFTER NOVEMBER 1." And once again, thanks to that relative I mentioned earlier, I'm traveling after that date.  (Makes you want to say - "Hummmm")

Some of my concerns are that I can't find any shoes since I moved.  I mean NOT ONE PAIR.  I only have a pair of open-toed rubber sandals to wear right now.  And, I can't find many "heavy" clothes yet. I found a coat and 2 long-sleeved sweaters, and a couple pairs of long pants. I did find my jeans, but I can't get in them right now due to some weight gained because of inactivity and basic "sitting" ability. What a quandary.  At least I know what "that relative I can't mention" is getting me for Christmas - a round-trip ticket to DC.  (He gives great gifts.)

Shall We Dance

Doing the limbo is an extremely difficult thing to do.  Not the dance, but the "emotional" version.  It seems as if my life has been there for many years; probably since Tom died.  I really haven't noticed for a while, but I am great at ( "de nile") or denial; not the one in Egypt.

I have the perfect "Crab" personality - I'm running along; something happens to scare me, or confuse me, and I run and hide from whatever has happened.  When I feel safe, I venture out to once again take on the world. Not the best way to live life.  I feel reality is highly overrated, and difficult at times.  And yet, I deal with reality every day.  This is probably one of the reasons I like reading so much.  You can escape into another world, "observe" what is going on in the characters' lives and not have to deal with them, personally. That is the easy way to get through life.

But life is not always easy; ironically, it is daily.  Dealing day after day can take a toll on someone.  I don't know how single parents cope without some sort of "back up system."  I had my parents and friends. What do you do if you don't?; not as well I'm sure.

I have a friend that is also in financial problems; a lot worse than mine.  She's a single parent and needs help or she is going to lose her home.  I would like to help.  Wouldn't it be nice to assist people that way?  My friend, Vicki's daughter, Stacy is a real hero of mine. She had 2 great boys from a horrible previous marriage; met and married this wonderful man who also had children and moved into a "broken down" trailer in GA.  She is a RN, who chose to prioritize her family instead of working out of the house.  They have been able to live due to her ability to "creatively find" bargains to remodel, clothe everyone, plan healthy meals, and just "live" their every day life. She should give classes on how to do this.  She could.

When I think of just the people I know that need help, I want to get busy. What do I do first?  I'm praying that God will show me. Anything is possible with God.

FL Dreamin'

Falling in love with Florida was easy.  It's beautiful here.  This is my favorite time of the year - 80s, breeze, sun and blue skies.  I've never wanted to live any where else since arriving in the early 1970s.  Lately though, I have felt I was swimming in "quicksand" in this lovely place.

I've been so fortunate in that I haven't really had to think about money.  I'm not rich. I never have been, but I guess the term "comfortable" comes to mind.  I thought my life changed so much when Tom died, and it did, but my lifestyle really didn't change.  I could travel, work or not work, do pretty much whatever I wanted to do.  For the first time, ever, that isn't true.  I feel that there isn't any thing or any way to turn, so I find myself almost paralyzed and definitely overwhelmed.

There are boxes everywhere, piles of paperwork that needs to be take care of and I can't seem to be able to make any progress in any area.  I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, a car that is in good shape, and of course, Wiener, my constant companion and confidant.  GOD HAS TO DO SOMETHING!  I know He is in control and that He is working.  I just need His blessing, NOW.

I don't "do nothing" well, and yet that's all I can seem to do.  Please let it stop.

Football Games

This weekend has been up and down emotionally, as far as sports is concerned.  The only thing better than watching a great game on TV, is to be there in person.  I would love to have been in JAX to see the FL/GA game. Once of the best games I have seen in a long time, bar none.  It was even better that FL won in overtime, 24-21.  (Lots of turnovers and action to behold)

On the other hand, my very most all-time favorite team, DALLAS COWBOYS, played worse than any middle school team I have ever seen, EVER!  Have mercy!  It was as if they decided to see how many mistakes they could make and still be standing when the game was over.  Dallas won the award for this year, maybe for the last 5 or so.  I doubt any other team would have even come close this weekend.

As the saying goes, "There's always next year" or is there?  There was talk among the announcers that neither the quarterback nor the coach would be back next year.  That remains to be seen but let's not forget the remainder of this year.  Will I stop watching Dallas?  No way.  They are my team, always.

How real do I want to be

Platitudes are aggravating and frustrating to me, especially when someone regurgitates the very advice that I already know, but choose to ignore.  I have long thought most of the information that I have "stored" in my ever decreasing memory is mostly "useless knowledge" except if I wanted to go on Jeopardy, or a similar situation.  And yet, I used the very same "wisdom" with someone else this week.

I awoke very early this am and was struck with the thought that I had thrown out a piece of advice for a friend as if I actually knew what I was saying.  Pompous isn't it? That I would actually have a solution for another person's problems is hubris at the very least, ignoring the person entirely.  Those of us who know things, tend to do this occasionally.  Why do I do this?

My "high school history teacher", Victor Asseff, once told me, "You will either grow up to be an advice columnist or a psychologist.  You like to dissect "why" for someone, go about delving into their lives, and then explaining the reason to them. Eureka.  I have the answer."  He called it some sort of syndrome.  I am older and supposedly wiser, yet I still have a penchant for doing exactly that. 

Why?  I really don't know.  I actually think I'm helping someone, at the time.  Even as the words "jump off the page" or come rolling out of my mouth, they sometimes sound ridiculous to me.    Will I never learn?  It is much easier to keep quiet, than to try to remove the foot from my mouth.  Either way, I'm always sorry.  I'm glad God forgives me even if the other person doesn't.  I AM getting better - at least I recognize that I have a problem now.

DATING OR WHAT?

Mostly out of curiosity, I went to dinner with Bob.  It was "interesting" and enjoyable.  I have never known Bob's agenda, but sometimes tried to figure it out.  If there was one, it wasn't evident to me.

We went to "Logan's Steakhouse" which is a restaurant close to Hunter's Creek, where I still live even after moving. We talked, we ate, and I had a nice time.  Julie asked me why I went.  Curiosity was certainly a big part of it, but since I am living on a tight budget, it WAS a free meal.

Interestingly enough, Bob had a hard time looking me straight in the eye.  I just now thought about this.  Prior experiences with him, usually meant he was not exactly "truthful" when he behaved like that.  Whatever it meant, God knows and He can deal with it.  I'm glad I don't have to any more.  I did offer to reciprocate in that I promised him a meal as a thank you.  We'll see.  (The saga continues.)

About my new apartment - I am living on a preserve-type area that has a lake. The trees are turning, as much as they can in Florida. (Picture is my backyard) The serenity is unbelievable.  I am in an isolated section-only 2 buildings, with a security gate across from my sliding glass door to my patio.  I have a 2/2.  It's smaller but I use the word "cozy" to identify my place now.


I have a roommate.  He works at Disney also, and I have known him about 3 years.  In fact, I was one of his trainers when we worked in Research.  He needed a place to stay.  I need the extra money, and Ween loves him.  He is "house and doggy sitting" for someone right now and works 40 hrs a week.  I don't see him a lot and he's quiet; it works, so far.


And, we have a visitor.  She visits two or three times a day, hungry. She has babies and needs the extra food for them.  She's skittish, which is okay with me.  It means she isn't rabid, just hungry.  Ween isn't fond of her, but she's beginning to relax a little when the raccoon arrives.

The interview hasn't produced a job, yet.  It was over on Friday.  There are 10 part-time positions available and I "SHOULD" have a good chance to be "rehired."  We'll see.

God's plan isn't totally clear yet, but I'm sure He will keep me and provide. He always does.

New Post

New Post; new apartment; new life.  I think a trend is beginning.  New is good.

Opening boxes is getting to be ridiculous. I didn't realize I had so many; about 60.  I'm down to the last 20; mostly books.  I am trying to weed through each box to see if I really need to keep every one.  Books are so much a part of me that I feel like I am getting rid of one of my children when I give them away.  I try to find good homes each time.

Interesting event - my husband just sent me a text and asked me to dinner.  I wonder why.  Does he miss me?  Does he still love me?  Or, has he decided to get a divorce.  Aw.  The mystery deepens.  I will be going about 5.  And, then the suspense will be over.

Ween is settling in.  We have a raccoon that comes to our back patio. She comes in the day time.  I'm guessing for probably one of two reasons - Her babies are driving her crazy or they are draining all her energy.  She comes hungry. I feed her old dog food that Ween wouldn't eat.  She eats and leaves until the next visit.

We live on a preserve with a scene that is framed by the sliding doors.  I look to the sky, blue and white mixtures; trees swaying in the light wind, and I feel serenity.  I am where I am supposed to be for now.

FRIENDS

If you've ever seen the Friends TV show, you can see how people can get close to each other, especially when they live together.  I have people who are dear to me, in real life.

One of those people is Vicki.  This woman has so many "irons in the fire," she could use a wife to take care of all the details.  And yet, she always stops her world and comes to rescue me from some other "Lucy/Ethel" project. Yesterday was such a time. Last week, I mentioned that I wanted to get a platform bed, but that they were very expensive.  Her 'wheels' started moving.

I showed her on HGTV the info concerning several beds that they had made. We talked, measured, talked some more,  looked on line, and she came up with a "drawing" that resembled some "Child Art" that needed to be on the refrigerator, not actually used.  It was awesome!

It was definitely a trial by error project. First stop-Home Deport.  An awesome man, Dante, was there to help us.  He made suggestions and gave us options. After selecting materials, loading it, and setting up at home, she was good to go. "Mock" also helped.  (He's the brawn of the group)  Four hours later, I have a bed.  (I used the mattress Charles had on his "loft" bed)  This woman is incredible.

There must be something totally wrong to have a bed made just to let "Wiener" have a place to sleep, on her level.  Can you say 'SPOILED.'

ROUGH WEEK

Life is funny sometimes.  It seems when one thing happens, it snowballs into several other things.  I broke two toes on my left food, my partial and a glass globe for one of my candle holders.  I also have several other things happening that I prefer not to list at this time.


You never know WHY things happen, but if God is really Lord of my life, then I must believe I am exactly where He wants me to be, no matter what happens.  He is always in control, just sometimes we can't see the "behind scenes" events until they unfold completely.  I am ready for that miracle and would really appreciate it soon.

Wiener is taking everything in her stride. She eats, poops, pees, and sleeps. She is not worried about anything; very trusting that everything will be okay. I am learning so much from her.

WHAT NOW?

Moving in doesn't necessarily mean everything is in it's place.  I've made a good start, with the help of friends and relatives, but one bedroom is full of boxes, so if I'm going to have a roommate, I HAVE TO get that stuff emptied out and find a place for it.

After that, what?  Am I going back to work?  Do I sit and twiddle my thumbs until ...?  I haven't the faintest idea.  My life has changed so much lately, I don't even recognize me.  (That might not be so bad?)  Whatever it is, I'm excited to find out what God has in mind.  He has a way of doing things totally different from anything I can imagine.  So, we'll see.

Ween is settling in.  I let her scatter her toys all over the apartment so she would feel at home.  Her blanket is on the floor, so she has access to it, and she knows where to find her bowls for food and water.  I put those in the laundry room.

I am still sleeping on an air mattress.  Haven't quite decided what to do about a bed.  Charles offered me his double bed that is in the loft and I might do that.  The bedroom isn't large enough for a queen.  I don't know.  Ween doesn't have enough room in a queen-sized bed.  How could she possible sleep in a double?  It certainly will be interesting looking at life from this position.  Ween has the right idea.

NEVER AGAIN

Saying "Never" is the kiss of death in that if I say it, I always regret it.  I usually end up eating those words.  In this case, I can safely say, "I'M NEVER MOVING AGAIN.  EVER!"  As if life isn't stressful enough, throw in 4 moves in 2 months, and you obviously must be mad.

My new apartment is nice, but smaller than the previous one, so needless to say, too much furniture is too much.  Having a "Kadzillion" boxes of books doesn't help any.  Where in the world did I get all of these?  My second bedroom is completely full.  What to do?  What to do?

Moving seems to be an event that I depend on friends and relatives to help with, when they can.  One relative, who I can't mention, will donate money to get someone else to help.  One son is in DC.  One working.  One who said, "You're moving?"  Julie and Vicki have helped me move so many times, I can't even count that high.

I've come to the conclusion, that if you want to know who your friends really are, tell them you're moving.  God willing, I will never have to say that again.

Alone or Lonely

By nature, I am a very social person.  Being by myself again, is "interesting" to say the least.  Ween and I are doing fine. She loves all the individual attention.

I had to leave O'town quite abruptly in that I did not have any place to stay with Wiener.  I went to a friends in KY.  It was a time of enlightenment and enjoyment.  Ween had a great time too.  Lots of belly scratches and rubs (Wiener, not me)

While I was on my "sabbatical", I readjusted my attention on God and my direction. I had missed that focus just by not making Him first in my agenda.

He woke me about 3am or 4am one morning while I was there, with the thought - "I have a place to stay.  I am paying rent on a two-bedroom apartment that I can live in now and it won't cost anything."  Duh!

To get out of my lease, I had to pay 3 months rent - August, Sept and October.  It never dawned on me that I could still live there.  God is good, isn't He? In fact, it's a lot cleaner than when I left.  My cleaning lady had cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen, and had the carpet cleaned while I was gone.  It cost something to have my furniture moved back in, but God will take care of that too.

Why should I be amazed when the God that made the Universe takes great care of me?  "I Can't Know."  I'm just soooo grateful.  (More exciting news to come).

Dr Seuss' Wisdom

One of my favorite books is "And To Think It Happened on Mulberry Street" by Dr Suess.  The boy "sees" (imagines) all sorts of fantastic things on his way home from school, and yet when he gets home his father shoots down his wonderful imaginations.  When you "run away from home", you meet all sorts of people and go all sorts of places.  So far, Ween and I are doing great, and it has been a great adventure.

God is such a great God.  He told me in Israel (1992) that He would take care of me, if I let Him.  I was "forced" to do just that this week.  Bob and I have separated and I have moved out of the apartment.  Big move for me, and yet I felt it was the thing to do.  It's a long story so I won't bore you with the details, suffice to say, I thought I didn't have any place to stay.  Charles could not take me in because of Wiener, and it's very hard to find a place to stay in Orlando when you are in an entirely different place geographically.  I gave it all to God, which I should always do and don't.

He woke me up "early" this morning with the realization that I have an apartment to live in.  I am not scheduled to leave there until Nov 1, so I can actually move back into the apartment when I return to Orlando and stay there until my one bedroom apartment is ready.  How simple!  And, He didn't reveal this to me until I spoke the words, "He has always taken care of me, and He will continue to do that."  He is so patient.  Why should I be amazed?  He loves me, unconditionally.  (Wiener is a lot like that).

WHO AM I

Theoretically, as a close relative would say, I am living in three different locations at this place and time.  Emotionally, I feel like "silly putty" being pulled in all directions.

Eight tenths out of the old apartment, one tenth in storage, and one tenth in with "The Relative" I can't mention.  He has his father's patience.  I'm not sure I could put up with me, especially right now.

So many regrets I can't list them all, but a few are:
.  Could I have done anything else?  One person I thought was a friend is believing lies told about me.  I don't have Wiener with me, at this time.  I've wasted so much time in doing "busy" things.  Where do I go from here? 

Who am I?  Identity has always been important with me.  Right now, I don't really have any.  I'm just me.  And, I guess when it comes right down to it, that's all I've ever had.

Disappointing Beach

Usually I rejuvenate at the beach.  This time is different.  I am ready to go home. WHY?  Maybe it's the fact that I am moving soon, and have so much to do. Maybe it's because I am restless.  I don't know exactly.  I just know I'm over this trip and I have 2 more days to go. Thinking back, I probably should have driven home and come back on Sunday. (shoulda, woulda, coulda)

Missing Wiener so much.  She is such an integral part of my life now, I don't relax when she isn't with me.  I worry about her.  She's so tiny and helpless, and I feel responsible.  I know Bob would never intentionally hurt her, but he ignores her sometimes and she is such an attention hound that I'm concerned.  She also doesn't understand why I'm not there.  I hate that part. (Silly huh)

The beach is not as enticing this time.  We have a beautiful room, great food, and a fun time with a new friend here.  I think maybe I'm being unrealistic. We're going to attend church here tomorrow for the first time.  That should be interesting.  I let SI choose the church.  We'll see.  A church is a church, right?

MAYO, Ketchup or Mustard

Decisions are hard for me.  Once I make them, then I feel relief, but I am a typical "Crab" sign when it comes to that area of life - I like to crawl in my shell, hide, regroup, and come back out to see if the "storm" has passed.  (That is something not everyone knows about me.)

I am told I have control issues, but I can't see it. (This still bothers me, as you can tell.)  I do "COP" to not wanting to accept one answer to each possibility, but if I truly had control of issues, I would definitely make better choices every time.  I would also make sure everything that happened would wind up being in my favor.  That is certainly NOT the case.  I do like "What ifs" in most issues.  Some people might see that as trying to control.  I see it as different possibilities.

Friends are so important to me.  I don't say it enough, but I am truly blessed with unbelievable friends.  Back to MAYO in JAX tomorrow.  My friend, SI, is going with me again.  She had emergency surgery a few weeks ago, so a week on the beach will certain benefit her healing.

I will see a neurologist, allergist, sleep specialist, and surgeon.  My continual weight gain is of "Grave" concern at this point.  Everything I do seems to only increase my weight, not decrease it.  This is not good!

On a happier note, I went to a concert with "a relative I can't mention" and some of his friends.  It was the "Encore" musical group at "WDW."  Although it was long, they are always a fantastic performance.  I don't know why, but I am always amazed at the talent that is present there.  This particular group performs each year and donates the proceeds to a non-profit group that benefits the area.  It changes each year.  This year the donation went to "Make a Wish Foundation."  This is a tremendous group that I do support as they accomplish the seemingly impossible for people throughout the world.  (If you have a chance to support it, please do so.)

As sleep seems to elude me, I guess I will start packing to leave tomorrow, which is already today, time wise.  Wiener sleeps on.  She has gotten used to these crazy hours we keep.  Amazing, huh?

Officially Official

Human nature being what it is, things happen.  We don't always like our choices that are available, but sometimes we have to make decisions based on what we know at the time.

Moving on the 18th of August is not my idea of a "fun" time.  As it stands, I will be moving in with Charles for a few months, and then get my own apartment.  I don't know what I'm going to do with Ween, as Charles doesn't want her in his apartment.  I need a sitter for a few weeks.  My things will go into storage until I can use them again.

Some time soon, I will also be going back to work at my old job, but part time only.  I not only need the distraction, but I miss the perks and the "love offering" I received every Thursday just for talking on the phone.  Right now, my work days are Sun/Monday/Thursday; 7:30-3:00.  (Subject to change at a moment's notice)

Feelings are fickle, but in many ways I am relieved for most of the pressure was from just making the decisions.  On the other hand, I am sad about the move.  I wish I didn't have to do it, but wishing doesn't make it so even though I live in Orlando where "Magic" abounds.  I will be back in JAX the 12th through 16th wrapping up some details of my other visits.  That will be a time of additional reflection and relaxation.  I can't wait to be on the beach again, and to spend more quiet time with God.

You just don't get it, do you?

Linner (combo of lunch and dinner) today with an old friend reminded me once again of what happens to each of us when we have decisions to make.

Her son-in-law decided about 5 weeks ago that he "needed to find himself." He doesn't think he wants to be married right now and he got married too young.  AND, he didn't know what was involved in being married. (quote/unquote)

That is all well and good, but what about their 4-year old daughter?  How do you explain these things to her when they don't even make sense to adults? So, my friend's daughter packed up and moved in with Mom and Dad.  What else could she do?

Mom and Dad  have a big 4-bedroom, 3-bath house w/pool.  There is a cleaning lady who not only cleans but also washes and irons the clothes; Mom cooks all the meals, and Mom and Dad do the dishes. Even as good as all that sounds, it doesn't make up for the fact that there is no husband for the wife; no father for the daughter; and, no one to live in that little house that they own.

The one thing that confuses me is that he doesn't understand why no one wants to include him in the "trips" to the beach, the 4th of July celebration, or the vacation plans for next month. He chose to leave the family and he doesn't understand why he's being left out of all the activities.  In other words, "He just doesn't get it."

Is there someone else in the picture?  I wouldn't be surprised.  That is usually the case when people want to "find" themselves.  Even if that is true, the bottom line still remains - You can't make someone else do what you want them to do; even if it is the best thing for them.  If that were possible, I would have made my husband take better care of himself so he wouldn't have died.

ONE MORE TIME

There is a real possibility that I will be working again pt time, back at my old position.  In fact, I've already had one supervisor tell me they would be glad to have me back.  This was before I even knew I was considered.  I've already been sent the days I'll be working, Sunday, Monday and Thursday. What is the hold up?  They don't do anything quickly.  If I am not re-employed by Friday, I lose all my seniority.  Not much chance of that; so be it.

I am looking forward to having some extra money again.  It's been tight these last few months, especially with having to make trips to JAX every other week or two, but I am right now "Pain Free."  Wahoo.  I also have energy again, and I guess I'm tired of staying home everyday and doing nothing.

I have worked since I was 17 years of age, and I believe I "think" and move better when I am employed.  I mean, come on, Ween can only look interested for a few weeks.  She is nodding off when I talk to her now.  It must be time to go back to work.  And, if I have to work, there isn't any better place with as many perks.  So, I guess I'll go back.

I can hardly wait to hear all those complaints again.  It will be like "magic" to my ears.

First Time

There is always a first time for everything, or so I'm told, and today I had a "FIRST" happen.  Two or three weeks ago I had a procedure done at Mayo to alleviate the pain I had been having in my legs, (my right one mostly). Today, I had a call from my surgeon's office, his charge nurse, to find out how I was doing since the procedure.

I must be the queen of surgeries - tonsils, appendix, C-sections, gallbladder, hysterectomy, 2 knee arthroscopic, and a rhinoplasty (I think that is all), but NEVER have I had a Dr or hospital call to see how I was doing after a procedure.

I have been so impressed with this hospital.  They are not only organized and do not waste my time with appointments that don't happen or are off schedule, they are also kind and extremely helpful with all the encounters I have had.  I can't say enough good things about this place.

I would advise anyone who is having medical problems and your doctors can't seem to focus on the real problem, just make an appointment and go there.  It is not only beneficial, but also rewarding and emotionally settling. They are the best place I have ever seen a doctor, nurse, or office staff. They should give lessons.

SMOOSH

Who invented the mammogram?  It had to have been a man - no women would inflict that torture on another woman.  Why do we suffer?  Why the pain?  Why is it necessary?  It saves lives!

I have a friend who has had 2 mastectomies. She is the same, outwardly, physically.  For the most part, she is the same emotionally.  What has she been through?  Only she can tell you that.  I have just seen a very brave person go through a personal hell, and survive.  Her husband is supportive and protective.  Their marriage goes on, much in the same way it has for the last 40 years.  Could I have been so brave?  I like to think so, but you never know how you will respond until you go through something.  She's a hero, but she'd be the first to deny it.  I am so proud of her.

My young friend, Mock, got out of the hospital today.  I picked him up and took him home.  He was all ready to do laundry and go back to work tomorrow.  I suggested he take another day off, and do laundry tomorrow, a little at a time.  He text me later and said after his shower, he decided to follow my advice.  He was wiped out.  (Sometimes I do know something).

The other Sheila is doing better.  She has worked her way up to liquids for meals, instead of the IVs, so she's progressing.  She probably won't be let loose until Thursday or Friday, so I offered to take her home.  She said she'd let me know if her husband couldn't take her.  We'll see.

Also heard from another friend, Cloe, that wants to do dinner on Thursday night.  Sheila in Clearwater, and Cloe in Tampa.  I think that would be easy to get to both friends on the same day.  I hope that works out.  I have great friends and I'm always excited to see them.

Ween's eyes are getting droopy and she needs to go to bed.  Since we sleep together, she wants to stay up until I get ready, but she's too sleepy.  I call her my "undercover dog" because she always burrows under the covers and sleeps until she get too hot, then she wiggles around and comes back out to her pillow and sleeps until she get too cold and then repeats the process again.  (She's gone for the evening).

It's late.  I'm all alone; typing and listening to tv at the same time.  Multi-tasking has always been one of my strong suits.  Where was I again; Oh yeah...

Earth, The Moon, or Mars?

For some unknown reason, Bob got the "wild" idea to go to NASA Sunday after he had worked all night.  Loving to drive, and he being a little tired, I drove to the space center.  


Beautiful day, clouds fluffy, and little or no traffic made it an easy drive to Cape Kennedy.  A few things have changed since I was last there.  The 3-4 hr bus ride is now broken up into 3 stops instead of being one continuous drive and only "viewing" different areas.  They have even added 2 or 3 new restaurants.  After the bus ride, Bob was pretty much wiped out, he was ready to go.  (short and sweet trip).

With the few pictures I did manage to take, they seemed to be fairly clear.  I enjoyed seeing the changes, but we really didn't see anything new.  I guess it's hard to conjure up new experiences once the idea has been introduced.  We did have a good lunch at Cracker Barrel.


(Picture of V A B or Vehicle Assembly Bulding)
Unfortunately, today I am a little achy and really need to take a day off.  I was going to see my friend, the other Sheila, who had to have emergency surgery Sat night, but I text to tell her how I felt and she agreed that I needed to rest.  Mock is also in the hospital; some sort of heart arrhythmia.  He expects to have a stress test before they will let him leave; probably some time tomorrow.  Some people.  They just couldn't stand me having all the medical attention.  Good luck and prayers to both.

Another Year?

Another birthday has come and gone.  Lots of best wishes on Facebook; cards; and flowers from my elder son. (Picture at left) All in all a very nice day.  Wiener and I stayed in bed most of the day. Mock came on Tuesday and took me to have my tags renewed, my allergy shots, and lunch.  I hope to be driving again by Friday, and swimming in the pool by Saturday.


It's amazing to me how our bodies work, and that doctors actually know some things that help us to keep our bodies moving.  This procedure has made a world of difference in my ability to move about.  I am grateful.

Wiener is taking very good care of me.  She rests when I rest. (Resting with her favorite stuffed animal - Pink "Princess" Mickey)  She eats when I eat.  She walks when I walk. She barks, but I haven't tried that yet.  Who knows?  That could be my next new adventure.  

D.O.B

Back from Mayo and feeling sooooooooo much better.  I have a very "slight" ache where the "boo boo" happens to be, but no pain.  (PTL) (Jax beach on left.)

I have two more appointments in August.  Those are basically consultations in different areas and I'm not expecting anything major.  The results of my two blood works done in the last two weeks were good.  I am slightly anemic, and sugar level is of concern, but for the most part, they look good.

Today is my birthday and I am so grateful.  I have to take it easy for the week - no driving and no pool, but those are very minor concessions for relief of pain.  I have contacted my former Director at the park, and there are a few part-time positions available.  I am interested.  We will see where that takes me.
(Bottom picture is a view from the pool area in Jax)

All in all, a great day today with Wiener.  She seems to be glad I'm home.

Teachable or Our Own Thing

Back in the Ice Age when I was employed as a teacher, I was always looking for that "Teachable Moment".  That time, in class, when something comes up for discussion, incidentally, that is actually pertinent to our learning.  Most days it did not appear.  Sometimes, it was like pulling teeth to try to teach anything. Something happened this morning that was a "Teachable Moment" for me.

While I was waiting to go to Mayo for my surgical procedure, I was enjoying the beautiful view from our balcony outside the spacious room.  The waves were lazily rolling in, touching the sand, and rolling right out again.  A man and his dog were on the beach.  Periodically the man would stoop, pick up something, throw it with some sort of "flinging" thing, similar to the jai lai basket, and the dog would run down the beach,  catching the item in his mouth or retrieving it from the water.  Enjoying the moment, the dog would run into the next wave, do a happy dance in the water; eventually even laying down in the coolness; almost totally ignoring the man.

The man would call to the dog, the dog would look in the other direction, momentarily, then reluctantly pull himself up from the water, ever so slowly walk toward the man, tail and ears hung.  As another dog approached, he was chained; dropping to the sand, the dog would roll back and forth as he was having a rapid back massage.  He had given up.

The antics of the animal did not stop the man from his "thing" of exercising - stretching, bending, and contorting his body in stretches.  With the chaining of the dog, the man proceeded to put the animal through a seemingly known set of obedience tricks - shake, roll over, etc.  With some hesitation, the dog slowly obeyed.

Isn't this a good analogy of God with us?  God sends us something to do, but we want to play in the nice, cool, comfortable water of our lives.  He calls; we reluctantly head back toward Him, distracted by most any thing.  He sends us again, we hesitate.  We want to stay in the nice cool, water of doing our thing. He coaxes us; He offers comfort, but we want to wallow in the laziness of our own disobedience.  Eventually, we have to be "reeled" in; possibly our chain even needs to be "pulled" to help us realize we are somewhere in an area that is not right for us; we are not doing His will.

I want to obey, yet I really like the comfort of my own decisions.  I pull away at times; do my happy dance of selfishness, and show my reluctance of obedience.  Eventually, I turn back to God.  I am so glad God knows my heart and patiently forgives and calls again.

HEADS OR TAILS

There are times in my life that are vivid memories.  Some are good and some are not so much.  We had an experience while driving to JAX that I probably won't forget for some time.

We decided NOT to take I-95.  We  found US 90 instead.  It runs North to South up the eastern coast of Florida.  The beauty was not lost on us; greens, purples, rolling hills.  The small towns passed, one much like the other, as we made our way to our destination. I was sailing along, approximately 60 miles per hour.  During one "nanosecond", I saw four car lights headed toward me, on a two lane road, as they dipped into the pocket of the road.  I immediately slammed on my breaks, and pulled to the right shoulder.  Before my friend could even ask what I was doing, the black car veered into the left lane in front of the car he was illegally passing.  Some time after that I started breathing again.

It will be a very long time before that image will leave my mind.  We both thanked God for His mercy. He really does take good care of me.

Oh well

At the last minute, actually, the Dr realized that I was allergic to Lidocane and cancelled the procedure for the day.  I was ready to go ahead, even with the allergy, but he said no.  We have rescheduled for next Thurs and Friday. Now he has to do surgery instead of a simple procedure. More tests next week and have to stay somewhere all night Thursday.  My friend has offered to go with me again, but she has to check with her husband about their schedule.

I am very disappointed that the procedure wasn't done.  I was ready to be out of pain.  This is supposed to work, and again my weight was mentioned by everyone I talked with yesterday.  I HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT!  I'm considering a lapband procedure.  I have to contact my head doctor at Mayo to see if he will refer me, AND, if medicare will cover it.  Who knows?

The procedures and processes take a long time at Mayo. They are very thorough.  But, I'm frustrated, at times, with everything.  I hope that I am learning something; at the very least - patience.  And, we all know I certainly need that.

Back at home today and really wiped out.  I have to take the "Sim" that is in my bipad to the company today.  They need to read it and see if I'm following all the rules.  I THINK I should be okay.  I'm certainly sleeping better, usually for at least 6 hrs or more.

It was good to "refresh" my relationship with my friend.  It's very interesting in that we have a lot of the same ideas on what we need to be doing with our lives.  I wonder if God planned this?  He's know for doing things like that.

No Lottery Today

Being in Tallahassee gives me pause for thought - What if?  It certainly makes my head spin.  I went to Jacksonville yesterday for a follow-up visit.  I saw the "Pain Management Dr." and he wants me to come back today to get injections in my back.  That in itself isn't unique, but ending up in Tallahassee could have been.

A friend I have know for about 10 years is with me.  Coming to Tallahassee and staying at her daughters apartment was not only to visit, but to be in the "general" vicinity for my appointment today.  It's great to renew friendships and to learn what has been happening during our time apart.  We also dreamed of what we could do for God with all the Lottery money.

It's a good thing my friend is with me.  She has to drive back.  If you know me, my car is just another thing to me.  Don't get me wrong, I do like it; can't afford it; but like it just the same.  She thinks I have issues about someone driving my car.  (It's probably a control issue thing.)  Little does she know, I really don't care who drives my car and look forward to sleeping on the way back.  It could have been so much more interesting though if we had won the money.

Anyone have tissues?

Is it okay to call all tissues "Kleenex?"  Probably not, but whatever you want to call them, I need some.  Somehow I have developed a sinus infection and have probably blown my nose so much I could probably paper my bedroom wall with the amount of tissues I've used.  In fact, I think I saw that episode on HGTV, starring Vern Yip.  I now have antibiotics, sprays, inhalers, and most anything else I can take to try to stop the drainage.  (Yes I know, thanks for sharing.)

I actually have been feeling so much better lately that I am even considering going back to work.  I have an appt on June 30 at Mayo.  I will get an update on my progress.  I am now on a Bipap machine and have been sleeping quite well at night, except to get up to blow my nose.  This machine is quiet and I have a nose clip that I use instead of the face mask.  It has 2 levels-one to start and then it ramps up to my prescription amount on the 2nd level.

I have a friend going with me to Mayo.  It was somewhat confusing when I worked with her, as her name is Sheila too, but we have remained friends and I really appreciate her friendship.  Since I haven't seen her for a while, we will have a lot to talk about while we motor to JAX.  We've decided to make it a "road trip", maybe even staying overnight on the beach.  Who knows?  But then again, we could also end up in Tallahassee.  We might have to pick up that Lottery winnings.

Is Honesty Really a Good Policy?

When someone hurts your feelings, what should you do?  Tell them?  Ignore it?  or come back with some sort of "retort"?  I'm never sure how to respond. I try to ask questions to find out why they feel that way, but usually I am so surprised that I can't do anything at the exact moment.

Yesterday was one of those days, one of those comments, and it came from a "friend."  I had just been to a movie with this "friend" and she text me, and when I opened it she said, "You are so mean; you hate everyone."  How do you respond to that?

I responded with "What makes you say that?"  Her response was, "Everyone thinks that."  I asked her who thought that and where was this remark coming from.  She said it would take too long to explain, but she would talk to me soon. (She left it at that)

My youngest son says I have control issues.  My husband "implies" I can't do anything right.  And now, from a friend I'm mean and hate everyone?  I don't know.  I must be a horrible person, but I don't see any of that.  I try to be kind to everyone.  I have no control over anything-sometimes not even my body functions.  I don't hate anyone.  And, I know of a lot of things I can do right. So, where do I go from here?

Green Acres

It's a good thing I have a smart GPS or who knows where I would be today - trying to decide whether to play the theme song from Deliverance on my banjo, or sing "bop bop, Green Acress is the place to be; farm living is the life for me..." decisions, decisions.  There were slight apprehensions when I couldn't find 2 streets my GPS was trying to direct me to take.  Only later did I find out that the name of 2 of the streets had been changed.  Needless to say, I did not have the faintest idea where I was or in what direction I needed to go. 

I stopped by to see my friends who have moved to "God's Country" in North Florida.  I use this title because even the satellites on my phone or car could not get any signals; only God can reach this place easily. 

It WAS peaceful and quiet - The birds were the only things"twittering". Trees, trees and more trees; lots of quiet, and more trees.  I DID sleep 9 hrs that night which might or might not have had to do with PT at Mayo, and a 4.5 hr drive in the sun, or a very long day beginning very early.  Who knows for sure.  I do know this-it was good to see them after a very long absence.

These are the type friends that are always there-no matter how long between visits, we just picked up where we left off.  We all went to college together 40+ years ago and have lived close to each other several times in those years.   In fact, two of the three times I've been married, Byron facilitated.  We have a lot of history, and they are very dear to me.

Since then, I've been visiting drs, picking up information, and continuing to try to get healthy.  I now have a "bipap" machine to help me breathe better at night.  I am sleeping longer and deeper which allows really wierd dreams.  I may even include one or two sometime just to let you know how really crazy I am.

Tonight we are going to MK to see the former electrical street parade and new fireworks.  It will certainly be a good time had by all.

THE MONTH OF MAY

Life can be crazy and busy.  Life can be confusing.  My life in general tends to be all of the above, at the same time.  Barb, my friend from out of town, came and spent a month with me.  She came to help me organize my house and life.  She also came to give me support, which I desperately needed at the time.  She went to Mayo with me and will continue to support me as she has gone home.  She gives me "Reality Checks" which we I need from time to time.  Only a true friend can do that.

Returning to Mayo on Tues, I will have additional testing and determine levels of medication and Physical Therapy.  I will go by myself this time.  (I'm a big girl; I can do it.)

During this past two weeks, I have also had a cousin visit, nephew and his wife and 4 children, my sister-in-law and her daughter, plus some friends with their young daughter.  Busy times, and I am tired.  I have literally slept off and on for the last two days.  Weiner has been right beside me.  I don't know if that is good for her or not, but she is there all the same.  Even though it has been hectic, these are people I have not seen for some time and have enjoyed every minute I have been physically able to spend with them.

My family and friends mean so much to me.  They continue to support me with prayers and wonderful thoughts.  To my husband, too many people can be overwhelming.  To me, they are comfort and warmth.  They are support and "warm fuzzies" when I need them, and they lift my spirits when they don't even know they are doing it.  Without them, I'd be lost.  I am blessed!

CULT OR CHURCH

Where does becoming a "follower" begin?  Is it at the time of acceptance of Jesus, or could it be later, or earlier?  I'm not quite sure, but I do know that God requires us to FOLLOW HIM.  How we do that is different for each person as He has multifaceted  paths for each of us-no two people are the same.

I do know He does NOT:
require us to "shun" our family
listen ONLY to the "leader" of our church
read ONLY books written by a "certain" group of people
argue with people about religious beliefs

We are not convicted by someone else's beliefs, nor are we to follow a "person" who says he is Jesus Incarnate.  We must have a PERSONAL, MENTAL, and SPIRITUAL relationship with God.  Prayer,  Bible Study, The Holy Spirit, and having an "Open Heart" to God's leadings, are all things we must nuture in order to get stronger in our beliefs and have a closer, more personal relationship to God.

God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit are on call 24/7.

Mustard or MAYO

If you have never seen an Ant Farm, and would like to see one, go to the MAYO Clinic, Jax, FL.  Trails, levels, places to eat, and oh yes, ants.  Switch ants to people and you have the place.

One week there of testing and exhaustion is enough for me.  Efficient, logical, timely, and any other positive adjective you can imagine for the clinic.  "Testing" days, ending with 3 flights of stairs up to our condo just about kicked it for me.  Barb and I decided to come home early.  (We really missed Wiener)  The condo was not all it was cracked up to be.

On a more upbeat note, I received good news and even better news.  Diagnosis is multi-faceted:

1.  Bone spur in one of the nerves of my spine
2.  Fibromyalgia
3.  Border-line diabetes
4.  Extremely high-
     Triclycerides; thyroid- should not be higher than .4 and mine was
     77.6; blood pressure; white cell count (usually indicates infection);
5.  Vitamin D deficiency - practically non existent
6.  Sleep Apnea - timing out once every minute I was asleep - Going back
     June 1/2 for "full blown" testing for this

I THINK that is it, but all treatable.  PRAISE THE LORD!!!

It is hopeful that the bone spur can be dissolved and not have surgery.  I'm doing PT and go back for "shots" and consultation duing June 1/2 visit.  Already started on medications to help deal with other issues.

Reprieve is the only word that comes to mind.  The condo is a whole different issue.

HOWEVER OR BECAUSE

Tutoring is a favorite thing for me to do.  I am now working with a lady who is back in school to regain a new profession.  She's having some problems with language and math.  We are working together 2 or 3 days a week in those areas.

One of the things she had never learned in school was not to use However or Because to start a sentence. It doesn't seem to be a rule any more; why I don't know.  In fact, we come across the usage frequently in her practice books.  Teaching to the test, which is what most teachers have to do in this day and age, does not give you much time to actually teach the skills necessary for reading and writing.

I know Charlie Crist has had some flack about vetoing the teacher merit evaluation but it is probably one of the best things he has done while in any office for the State of Florida.  He and Jeb Bush, in my opinion, have really messed with the Educational System in this state.  My question is "How can you make decisions about ANYTHING that you have not experienced or about which you have no first-hand knowledge?"  Leave it to your advisors?  This is probably what is being done, but as we all know GIGO-Garbage In; Garbage out. If they are advised by people who have axes to grind, so to speak, or don't really know anything about the classroom or teaching, then you get poor decision-making tactics and lousy laws.

Why should a teacher be paid on student performance?  No one else's salary is done this way.  If my surgery doesn't go well, do we withhold the Hospital's payment?  If my car doesn't perform correctly, is the mechanic sued or the car?  Most people are paid on "their" performance.  And, while I'm complaining, why must we have the idiotic tests anyway?  Tests only tell us what someone doesn't know; not what they do know.

Most European countries have two strains of learning - If you want to go to college, you take certain qualifying tests, if you pass them, you stay on the "strain of learning" that leads to college level classes; then move into college almost as an additional "level of learning" much like here when students move from Junior High to High School.  If you don't want to go to college, you take the "strain of learning" leading to some sort of trade or apprenticeship. I personally think this makes much more sense than the way we try to cram all students into the "molds of learning" we have in the United States.  But, again, no one asked me.

It's time to retire my soap box once again and go to bed (total waste of time).  Tomorrow is another day and God is still in control.  I am grateful for this.  But one more thing I've noticed - What about the earthquakes and volcanic activity we have had?  Anyone read Revelations lately?

Longer

For some reason, this April 7 was harder than usual for me.  It took several days to get back to my "normal," activities, whatever those happen to be.  The "normal" line keeps moving in my world, so it's hard to tell where it is at any given time.  Time marches on and I'm back up to "doing" and "moving" in my spaces.

Wiener is having some health issues in that she has a "rash of some sort" from a mysterious unknown allergic reation.  She really needs a bath, which she will get tomorrow as she has an appointment on Friday with a new vet.  My previous vet has moved to Emergency "vet things" whatever that happens to be, and a friend recommended a new vet that I'm going to visit.  Her other vet was about an hour away and extremely expensive.  This change is probably good.  I look forward to meeting him.

I went to a new dermatologist this passed week and I also have a rash on my shoulders and chest.  It is a mysterious, unknown allergic reaction to an undiagnosed substance.  Sounds familiar doesn't it?  Maybe we both should either see the vet or the dermatologist together.  Decisions; decisions.  I'll just ask for additional meds from the vet.  That should take care of everything.

ONCE AGAIN

It's been another year without Tom; eight altogether now.  The "wound" is not so raw; it just aches.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and what might have been.  I know God loves me and wants the best for me, so why wasn't Tom that "good" that I needed.  As my friend's grandson used to say, "I can't know."

Wednesday I will do my usual "hiding" thing somewhere by myself and try to get through the day one more time.  I'll try to remember the events of THAT day; my friends; the numbness; the police; my sons; and, I'll get through it again.  And, I'll go on.  My biggest question is "Why not me?"

WHAT TO DO?

The old adage that you really don't get involved until it affects you is true. With resigning from my former job, I had to reassign my health insurance. What a mess of paperwork!!!  That is not why I'm upset.  I went to pickup 4 prescriptions yesterday and they wanted me to pay almost $300.00. That is with two different insurance companies supposedly covering me.  What is with that?

Not only do I not want to pay that much, I won't pay that much for pills that I don't even want to take in the first place.  No wonder Americans can't afford to be sick.  THAT IS JUST WRONG!!!

We are the richest nation in the world.  We feed and clothe every other nation in the world.  We send money and supplies to everyone else and can't even take care of our own people. It is a crime.  Where does it stop?

Across the Pond

My friend, Meg, is in the great state of Florida from across the pond, as she likes to state.  She's been here since March 8 and I haven't seen her yet.  She's leaving April 5.  Short trip.  I just tonight talked with her asking  "IF" she was gracing me with her presence.  Although she waves like QE, she isn't quite that snobby but her reply "If you're lucky" which is a typical response from her.

She calls her husband, Harry, TFB (aka The Filthy Beast.)  It was a name we gave him some time ago for reasons I'll save for another time.  We use it "lovingly" and with his dry sense of humor he responds much as he does with everything.  I love the English.  They were always my favorite people to survey and to work with while at my last job.  She would fight to the death denying she's English of course, just the same, Scotland is still part of the United Kingdom even though no one over there wants to admit it.

I can't believe it's been so long.  Her grandson, Bailey, is 6 now and he was just born the last time she was here, or at least the last time I've seen or talked with her.  We "hit it off" from the time we met; just one of those relationships.  We were both teachers; retiring about the same time from teaching for some of the same reasons.  We had been married about the same amt of time.  We both had 2 (natural) children.  And, we both had/have about the same type of humor, or lack thereof.  We had joined a water aerobics class in the "sparkling" town of Hudson, Florida and neither one of us knew what we were doing.  We quickly learned, neither did many of the other women that were in the class.  That was the year my mother moved in with us and we had the house remodeled.  We spent the summer in someone's house in Hudson to allow the "construction/destruction" to be completed.  Interesting how life turns and twists, isn't it?

We've made a "tentative" meeting for Monday at one of the parks.  I really hope that happens.  I even got my Scottish/English dictionary out and have been studying.  [I must quit for a time to go to the loo.]  It wouldn't be wise to take the computer into an area with that much water.  I know the phone doesn't work well submerged.  (Don't ask)  I'm thinking the computer probably won't either.  Stayed tuned for the ongoing saga of Adventures across the Pond or See Meg swim.  Swim Meg Swim.

How spoiled is too spoiled?

Watching the tv program "All Creatures Great and Small", filmed in the UK, I loved the individual characters and how they interacted with each other.


The time frame was just before WWII.  There were two vets Siegfried Farnon and the main character Dr. James Herriot.  The older vet had a brother, Tristan, who eventually became a vet also. But, one of my favorite characters was this extremely rich woman, Mrs. Pumphrey, who called Dr Herriot, Uncle Herriot, to her dog-Tricky Woo. The dog was a hand fed, overweight, creature with a poor digestive system, and could not exercise because of the weight problem. He mostly sat on a cushion beside Mrs. Pumphrey.


That dog was probably the most spoiled animal in the history known to mankind. I hate to say that Wiener is second to any other animal, but she is second ONLY to that little fluffball.


Wiener sleeps on her own pillow, or one of mine, whichever she prefers; in my queen-sized bed which isn't big enough sometimes according to her. She eats organic food, which helps to keep her stomach from being upset; not to mention prime rib, chicken and other "carnivorous type" items that are left over from my dinner.  (We've stopped the bagels and cream cheese - too many calories.  We're dieting.)


She does "circles" when she needs to go out.  After climbing up on the couch, she flops down on her back, with her legs up in the air, and demands constant "belly rubs" along with many back scratches and nose rubs. (I have no idea what she did when I was working.  It must have really been rough on her.)


As a saying from an old cartoon says, "He's Crabby Appleton - rotten to the core." She's not usually crabby, but definitely pushy and even more so "rotten to the core."


Yes.  In the dictionary beside the word 'spoiled' is a picture of Wiener, but she also serves a function in this family.  She is by my side most of the day; keeps me company and empathizes with me when I don't feel well.  My type of friend.  It's kind of neat having someone who really understands me. I am so misunderstood, and obviously very well trained.

The Ides of March

The Ides of March (Latin: Idus Martias) is the name of March 15 in the Roman calendar. The term ides was used for the 15th day of the months of March, May, July, and October. The Ides of March was a festive day dedicated to the god Mars and a military parade was usually held. In modern times, the term Ides of March is best known as the date that Julius Caesar was killed in 709 AUC or 44 B.C.

In William Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar, Caesar is warned to "beware the Ides of March."

Checking some of my journals, this time of the year, seems to be more "mopey" or even "indecisive" for me. That's the only way I can describe it.  Being in therapy, I can usually recognize the warnings, but sometimes they slip up on me and I get "down" before I can realize it.

Melodie Beattie's book "The Language of Letting Go", is so much a part of me that I could be the post child for it if she needs one. Today she says, "Sometimes the way is not clear. Our minds get clouded, confused. We aren't certain what our next step should be, what it will look like, what direction we are headed. That is the time to stop, ask for guidance, and then rest. That is the time to let go of fear. Feel the confusion and chaos, and let it go. The path will show itself. The next next step shall be revealed. We don't have to know now. We will know in time. Trust that. Let go and trust."

Wow.  That is so me lately.  When I moved to FL, almost 40 years ago, there were very few days throughout the year that were NOT sunny.  In fact, The St Pete Times had an offer that if the sun failed to shine some time during the day, the paper was free.  

As most everyone knows, we have had a dreary winter.  Maybe that is one of the reasons for my funk.  I'm not working outside the apt, which I have done most of my life.  That could also contribute.  In addition, I'm awaiting testing, cleaning out closets, readjusting my lifestyle.  And, it's raining most of the day today.  It probably isn't any ONE reason.  At least for today, I will practice waiting, trusting and resting.  So simple. Who knew?