Christmas is over

The chaos of Christmas is over and I am settling into a more "stable" routine. We all got too many presents, even Wiener. And, we all ate too much, especially Wiener. She loves Edward's Pumpkin Cheesecake, the roast beef, and almost anything else that happened to fall on the floor.

There WERE altercations with Joey, Edward's dog, but everyone survived, even Wiener.

This time of year always makes me a little sad for several reasons - Tom isn't here; all the decorations go away and everything looks "naked" for a while, and the presents aren't a secret any longer. The anticipation is sometimes more exciting than the reality.



This is a picture of the castle at MK. It is so beautiful and adds so much to the holidays. Bob and I took a "holiday" tour of all the hotels and decorations. There were some decorations that I had seen for the first time. Everything is so lovely this time of year. I enjoyed the tour.

For Tom's "40th" birthday, we had dinner at the one of the resort restaurants overlooking one of the parks. I had all sorts of his baby things on the table, booties, pictures, pacifier, etc. Charles bought him a birthday hat that lights up, and we all sang "Happy Birthday." I think we embarassed him enough. He seemed to enjoy it. I haven't received any photos that were taken, but I'll put them on when I do received them.

A friend and I are starting a new "organization", for lack of a better word. We are calling it - "Pay It Forward." I saw a great show on Oprah that inspired it. You simply help someone you don't know with something they need. It doesn't have to involve a lot of money, like hers, but just some sort of kindness to someone you don't know. It would also work with people you do know. Basically, you see a need and help someone. I will be reporting from time to time as we are given the opportunities.

I urge everyone to try it. It's amazing how great it makes you feel.

LIFE IN THE FAST LANE?

As you know, I have just changed jobs within the company where I work. Finishing 4 weeks of training with each week completed at different times of the day so my body is trying to adjust to my new time schedule which is 8-4:30. This is supposed to last through December. I asked for an earlier shift so I can do more candlelight performances, but I haven't heard anything about that. Right now, I'll probably be singing only on days off-Mon/Tues. So I have a similar schedule to my former position, only 5 work days instead of 4 ten hour shifts.

I worked on Sunday with the trainers beside us. I only hung up on 5 people, and sent some guest calls to the wrong place; all in all a good day for me. Wednesday I go back on the floor by myself with no trainer.

Everyone is so helpful and patient. I have really appreciated the encouragement from everyone, but we'll see.

We really talk with "interesting" people during the day. I am amazed at the questions people ask. Working in one of the parks, guests usually ask about that park. In the new position, they can ask any sort of question from A-Z and we are supposed to have the answer. Yes. It is positively time for me to write that book.

THE CHALLENGE

Changing workplaces is, at best, challenging. I had been in my previous department for over 3 years and, yes, I admit, I felt "comfortable" completing each day. And, there is a certain "safety net" with what you know, but it also can become boring and I become "stale" and lax when I don't have anything new to learn. I also have a tendency, as my family would say, to become "whiny" when I don't like the way things are done.

Yes. I have changed departments. I thought I would probably know about 80-90% of what I was going to learn. HA! I say "DOUBLE HA!" I am guessing that I knew "Maybe" 2% of what I need to know for this position. (That may be rating my knowledge too high) But I have met some new people in the transition.

Two are a little older than me and the other three are younger. (Ah, youth) I think being younger these days is a lot harder than when I was a young wife and mother. Maybe I had more help; maybe I just didn't notice it at the time.

All three younger colleagues have young children ranging from 8 to 2. One mother even works 2 jobs. I see how tired they are and I wish I could help alleviate their weariness. I hear all they have to do and it makes me tired thinking about it. Could I "juggle" all the "balls of responsibility" they have each day? I'm not sure. One thing I do know - They work hard just to keep their financial "heads" above water. They are more than brave. They are the true heroes of our country. But I have no doubt they will make it! They are strong and determined, and they love their children more than themselves. Yes. They will make it.

SHOES?

Shoes are highly overrated. I am supposed to be completely in shoes by now and I'm not quite there yet. Yesterday I wore my shoes all day-BIG MISTAKE. Today, instead of going to church I'm home with my foot propped up, taking aspiring, and icing my foot and yes, Wiener is by my side.

I thought Wiener was just going to be Bob's dog, and she is, but she has been a lot of company to me while I have been off. She's entertaining, she HAS to taste everything I eat, and of course, she has to be walked, which is also good for me. She even knows she has to wait sometimes until I catch up with her.

My time of being off is almost over. I go to the Dr on October 21 and I expect him to release me back to work. I can't stand, of course, but I'll have to take the wheelchair. I'm not really sure where I will be. I'm assuming at the park, but maybe not. I only have 4 days there and then I go to my new job. Yes. I got the one I interview for on Tuesday.

I won't be in any park, but in an entirely different area of the whole company. I'll just be answering phones from guests and other cast members. At least I'll be able to sit down. It will, of course, be hard to let guests into parks now. I have 3-4 weeks of training and then I'll get my schedule. I know I will work 5 eight hr shifts, but I don't know when or what days. I'm also trying to work in candlelight practice and then performances, so we'll see how all this goes.

I will miss the people I now work with at the parks. I will miss the "one-on-one" interaction with the guests, but I will not miss the 10-hr days, the hot/cold weather, nor the standing all day. I'm not good at doing new "things" with new "people". I'm much more comfortable "in my ruts" of life, but one thing for sure-I won't have to take my work home with me in this job. And, if something interesting becomes available, I can always change. Stay tuned.

WHAT DAY IS IT?

Today is Friday. I know because my husband reminded me. I went back to the Dr on Tuesday and the Dr took out the stitches. It looks very clean and healing nicely. It is difficult to work w/o the brace. I just tried on my shoe. Dr Funk said I should try to do that when the swelling went down. It is still swollen, a little, but I wore the shoe to lunch and I definitely had a hard time walking. But, just like the whole process, I get a little better each day.

I have applied for a new job at my present employer. It would be totally different than what I do now, but it would be inside and I would be sitting down. Five days a week; eight hr days; answering phones. I would be low on the totem but still retain my seniority within the company. I am hoping to get an interview for this one.

Wiener is still being protective and staying by my side. She is not very good at making sandwiches, but she is good at letting me rub her stomach. I believe that she would let me do that 24/7. She's sleeping right now; Another thing she does well. She DID try to help me type, but I assured her that I was fine so she flopped down beside me and decided to catch some zzzzzs. (She has such a rough life)

I'm studying up on my trivia about the company. I have to be super knowledgeable. Being off, I feel as if my brain has become a sieve, but I'll keep reading and hope some sticks. You never know. i MIGHT JUST remember something.

SHOWERS

"ODE TO THE SHOWER" is my next project. I'm working on it, even as I type. If you have never had to omit a shower from your daily routine, then you have no idea about this feeling. It is not only worthy of an ode, but also a prayer of thanksgiving is also necessary. Maybe even lighting candles of thanksgiving should be included also.

My Dr finally released me to shower yesterday. I had to wait until Bob came home today, just in case... It was well worth the wait. It was so wonderful I think I would even diagnose it as an "ethereal" experience.

Wiener has been like a "second" skin to me since I have been home. I don't think she has been away from my side except when Bob has taken her out "to sniff air" as I call it. That is mostly what she does along with every, single blade of grass in the complex. She is very protective right now and has "barked" her head off ever since I've been home. No one has been allowed to enter the door without her approval, including Bob. (Maybe he is a little suspect to her)

I have been home approx 1 1/2 weeks and probably will be off another week or so. IF I go back before the end of the 8 weeks, I will probably be in a wheel chair. I won't be able to walk on my foot for about another month or so.

Another project that I've experienced while I've been off is shattering the back window of my mustang. That was extremely interesting. Something I've never done before. It was covered by insurance, so I had no out of pocket expense. And, when the owner of Lloyd's glass in downtown Orlando found out I couldn't drive, he came and picked up my car and brought it back all fixed. Wasn't that sweet of him. Men are so accommodating, most of the time.

I went to a wedding recently. It was beautifully done-red and white were the colors; the food was excellent; music superb; and the couple looked great. I don't know why, but I have concerns. If you know me, then you know at times I have "feelings" about things. I can't explain this but I'll figure it out and then let you know. I wish them well, and all of God's blessings.

CREATIVE

You would think as many creative people in this world, that someone could come up with another color, and that we would no longer have to wear these "UGLY" black boots when something is wrong with our feet.

I had the surgery. and this is what my "leg" looks like right now. Black happens to be one of my favorite colors to wear, but this boot is sooooooo boring that nothing matches it and you can't "dress it up" in any way. Pitiful, huh?

And Wiener, she has stuck to me like glue. She is very protective right now. I think she senses something is not quite right but she doesn't know what. She is also very careful with my leg. She has jumped up on the couch, over my leg that is propped up on pillows, in the middle of my stomach. She didn't even come close to the foot.

I am out of work for 2-8 weeks. I have an appt next week w/my dr to have the staples taken out and he will determine what type of therapy I will have at that time. We will see how it goes. Until then, I'm trying to train Wiener to open the refrigerator door. The only problem with this is that I have to train her not to eat what she sees. This may not be as easy as I think.

Plantar Fasciitis

This is one of the pictures that I took while we had our Team Builder last week. It was a "behind the scenes" experience and "TOTALLY" awesome to be this close to the animals.
Another experience in my life was an "unexpected" turn and I will be out of work 2-8 weeks. I am having surgery on my right heel. I have Plantar Fasciitis, which is a type of infection or irritation in your tendons and tissue that can develop when you stand on your feet too long. Therapy only made it hurt more.
Dr Funk (yes. That;s his name) said I had 3 choices -
1. Do nothing and live with the pain
2. Continue with therapy, which isn't helping
3. Have surgery

I was ready to have him cut off the foot if that would have stopped the aching and pain up the back of my leg, but he assured me that surgery was the way to go. So, tomorrow morning at 6:30, Charles and I will be at the surgy center across from ORMC and should be home by 10. That is the plan now. You know how plans are. They can always be changed. And as has been the norm lately for me, they do.

Cloudy, Chance of Meatballs

Someone just reminded me that it had been a while since I updated the information of my life, which is probably true. I had a nice rest and visit with Barb. We slept a lot, ate a lot, rested, swam, slept, ate - well you get the picture.

The rain here has been unbelievable. If people had not lost their homes, the rain would have been a blessing. Our aquifer in Northern Florida was critically low. Lake Okeechobee was down lower than it had ever been, which affects South Florida's water supply. Wiener has been quite distressed having to "go potty" in the rain. And, the grass has not been cut due to so much rain, so this makes it even more difficult for her. She's become quite spoiled, I'm afraid.

Life is back to it's hectic normal. WORKING; WORKING; WORKING. I have had an infection in my heel and been going to an orthopedic Dr, having therapy, but it's not working. In fact, I think it's made it worse. At times I can barely stand on it. This has made work even harder, not to mention all the rain. It doesn't help using our computer tablets when it is so wet outside.

Our department has switched Managers around. My manager, who I would clone if I could, is moving to another park. I don't know exactly what I will do yet, but we have shift bid coming up soon and I am #1 on the list so I can pretty much do whatever I want. I just don't know what it is.

I have applied for several other jobs and would like to change departments, I think. We'll see how it goes.

For my birthday, Bob gave me 4 tickets to Discovery Cove, (One of the parks at Sea World) which is a "hands on" water park where you can pet the manta rays, dolphins, ride down the "lazy river"; have a "MARVELOUS" breakfast, lunch and snacks all day long. I took a friend, her daughter and a friend of her daughter. We had a wonderful day. I can't wait to go again.

And speaking of Sea World, Anheuser Busch is being sold. It is being bought by a German company but they only want the breweries, not the theme parks. The next question is, What becomes of all the theme parks they own? I think Disney should buy the Florida ones. We are supposedly in the process of building a new "water" park that was to compete with Discovery Cove, with a lot of the same offerings. We'll see what happens there.

My item that has upset me most this week is information coming out about PETA, Org. I have always been an advocate of PETA. I have even supported their causes at times, but this time they are "OTL" Or Out to Lunch. They want to buy one of the water parks and release the whales and dolphins out into the wild. They think it is inhumane to have them in captivity.

I'm on the wall about them being in captivity, but even I know it's too late for them to be released at this time of their lives. Most of these mammals have been raised at Sea World, they have 24/7 food and health care, and any other thing they could possibly provide for them. They would not survive the wild.

Bob is having some levels of problems with his diabetes, but he is doing okay otherwise. He has gone seasonal with his part-time job, which has allowed him some days off at times. I'm glad he decided to do that. I think that has helped him, but he doesn't rest well. He likes to stay busy, so I have some things that need to be done to my car that he is involved in right now. He's a little cheaper than the FORD dealerships.

I am off today and Wiener is glad. I still have some laundry and petting to do. It's a rough job being a dog.

On and On

The Chapman Family was on Larry King Live the other night explaining the events of how their daughter Maria was killed. I taped it and watched it 2 days later. It brought back a lot of memories from when Tom died. So many emotions happen during a time like this and even still, even though it's been over 6 years since he died. It is not such a RAW open wound now, and it doesn't get better, it is just different. That is the only way I can describe it. Needless to say, the Family is leaning hard on God and that is the only way you get through.

On a happier note, I was able to get into Candlelight Processional again this year. This is my 4th year and I am so excited. It is one of the main reasons that I still work at Disney. It is such a holy time of the year and Candlelight totally tops off the season.

My friend Barb is back in KY. Our friends Heidi and David were here from Atlanta. They are more like family. It's always great to have them here. Of course, Heidi and Abby fell in love with Wiener so there was constant petting and "belly rubbing" for the dog. She probably slept only a few hours while they were here. Wiener really has a problem if she doesn't get her 23 hrs a day, so when everyone left Wiener turned around a couple times, flopped down, and slept all night and most of the next day.

It's must be hard being so cute.

BACK HOME

I am back home and back to work. The farm was great for resting, but unless I win the Lottery, I will probably still be working for a while.

Wiener missed me terribly, but I'm not sure about Bob. He didn't seem to notice I was gone. Oh well.

I had a great time with my friend Barb. She was not feeling well for a few days and fortunately it rained during that time. We went to the pool, the beach, saw "Mama Mia" and shopped. In other words, we did what we wanted to do, which wasn't much. We did find lots of neat restaurants though and three "close friends" came over on Saturday for lunch.

I had a great time and did very little except rest, which is what my doctor ordered. Being back to work has been interesting too. I am also getting a new partner at work. I will miss Nick. He is very interesting and very talented. We'll see.

I am excited about tomorrow. Bob gave me 4 tickets to Discovery Cover at Sea World. Three friends are joining me and I expect to have a great time. It is all day with the dolphins and sting rays. I may even try to bring one home; stuffed of course.

THE FARM

The attendants at "The Farm" have just allowed me some time on the computer. Probably a big mistake on their part, but I thought I would update some info.

The food is not bad - gruel for breakfast; fried gruel for lunch; and mystery meat, white something and gruel w/cinnamon for dinner. Logically I should lose some weight, but you know me, nothing much helps me to lose weight.

Visiting here makes me think that my life is too busy and I really need to readjust my priorities. What that will be, I'm not sure, but I am considering many options.

I have made friends with one of the inmates and she talks to herself too, so we get along fine. The sky is clear and we have pool time 20 minutes every day.

My clothing is a light green pants and top. We have new "suits" to wear everyday and I don't have to do my own laundry, cook or wash dishes. Not bad, huh?

Some sort of "Critters" were outside my bedroom last night around 3:00 am. I'm not sure what they were, but they made all sorts of noises for about an hour. It would be interesting to know, I think.

We have snakes and lizards here. It's quite wooded and a long way from any shopping area, I think. If I have a chance, I would at least like to take pictures of the buildings so that I could include them in my blog. I'm not sure where my cell phone is, or I could take pictures with that.

I have a lot of books with me and am reading and resting when we are not going on our hikes or exercising.

Must go. Bubba is giving me serious looks and I think my time is up. Until next time...

New Adventure

God willing, on Saturday, which happens to be my .. birthday, I will be going to a condo on the beach for 10 days. I have had several drs "advise" me to quit my job because of all the stress. I don't "feel" stressed, except what I put on myself, but this is the alternative to quitting.

Several happy things are happening this week besides the trip - My wonderful friend Barb is coming down on Sunday to spend some time with me at the condo. We both get rejuvanated at the beach and we kind of do our own things when we vacation. We read, swim, walk, shop, eat, at any time we want. Oh yes, and sleep. We used to get together every summer at a beach, but we haven't for a while. I have missed that and I know she has too.

Another happy thing is my sister-in-law and her son, daughter-in-law and their children are visiting for the next 6-8 days. The sad things is I won't be able to spend the time with them. We went to eat last night and we are going on Friday night, but that is about it. I really appreciate my sister-in-law. She was a tremendous help when my husband died. She will never know how much she means to me. She even took his shirts and made a quilt out of them for me. She is a professional quilter and gets hundreds-thousands of dollars for her work. The one she made me was truly a labor of love for me and for her brother.

I will probably "blog" while I am gone but I'm not sure what type of computer set-up is at the condo, but I may not be able to publish it until I return. I will take pictures and make notes. I am very anxious to leave.

J I T

I come in contact with approximately 300-400 people a day. It's part of my job. I get to interact in their experiences and lives for "smatterings" of moments. Then there are probably another 100-200 people I know. These people are in my life for various reasons and I see them occasionally for diverse reasons. My close circle of people include about 25-30 people that I see or hear from on a daily or weekly basis. We either work together or are related. Then there are those very special friends that I hold dear to my heart. They are there when I need them. Time is not a constraint. Calling them at 3 in the morning is more than okay with them. And I know that even if they get upset with me, they still love me. Ruth is one of those people.

We first met when I started teaching kindergarten in a private school on the other side of our state. (That was in my other life) Her older daughter was in my first class. We were instant friends and have been for some 30 years. Even when I just see her name pop up in my personal e-mail box, it makes me smile.

Ruth is unique. She is intelligent, level headed, creative and so talented that she could have easily been a professional musician. I consider myself so blessed to call her my friend. We have been through a lot during these years - My divorce and remarriage to the same man; my parents illnesses and subsequent deaths; my first husband dying; her parents dying; me changing jobs several times; me moving to O-town; the marriage of both her daughters; her becoming a grandparent; my recent remarriage; and at the top of the list, her survival from breast cancer.

We have a survey that we do in my department. It's called "J I T" or Just In Time. It is a survey to capture something that our guests have just experienced and to get their reaction immediately after the event. Ruth is one of my "J I T" friends. She always calls or writes or visits Just In Time. She sent an email today to see if we can do dinner this Wed. We'll meet half way between our two places of living and get to spend some time yaking and catching up. But best of all, she will listen to all my "woes" and make me feel better while she listens. That is just what she does, and she does it well.

NEEDS V. WANTS

When does a "Want" become a "Need" or visa versa? Bob thinks I am high maintenance. When it boils right down to it, I'm actually not. I can't think of one thing that I actually need that I don't have. Wants? That's a different issue all together.

Probably at the top of my list of wants is my car detailed. It is such a nice car, but so filthy dirty right now. Of course, here in FL it is the rainy season and it doesn't make much sense to have detailing done this time of year, but when is a good time?

Another want is more energy. My "daughter" says that she has the remedy for all that ails me. I personally feel 2 weeks at the beach would cure anything.

Want No. 3 would be some new knee-high hose. I am down to my last pair and they look like cats have been fighting over them with all the snags and stretched areas.

World Peace and the end to World hunger fit somewhere in between on my list of wants. The list is usually short, depending on the time I have to think about it and when I actually verbalize it internally. My attention span varies depending on what type of meeting I am attending at the time.

So you see, I really don't NEED a lot of anything else, except, if someone were to donate a new dark blue Mustang convertible with a parchment colored top, I wouldn't turn it down. Oh and yes, make the interior leather, please.

HI HO; HI HO

It had to happen sooner or later - Bob went back to work today. This is the first day after his surgery. His doctor gave him two thumbs up for all his bloodwork. "Cancer Free" is a good thing to hear. Thanks to all who have offered prayers for us during this time. The hardest thing today was - Wiener was so confused. She IS almost over her PMSing, but was terribly disappointed that Bob was not here to play with her today. Even though I feed her, walk her, take her to the Vet, he is her favorite. Oh well. As you can see, she was so upset she had to go back to sleep. She has such a rough life.

A very close relative of mine (remember-no names) spent several hours with me Sat at the emergency room as I had another round with this stomach problem. I am so tired of this. I had to leave work, but all the tests were negative. The Dr said there was probably residuals from the "flu" that I had earlier in the week. (I'll spare you the gory details.) She gave me 2 shots to ease the pain and I finally woke up today and was able to function again. I don't remember what it was, but man it certainly worked. And, if you have to visit a hospital, my advice is Sand Lake Hospital on Turkey Lake Rd in Orlando, and Dr O'Brien is totally awesome. If she was in practice somewhere, I would DEFINITELY recommend her.

Today I had to have another set of bloodwork done - 3 in 2 weeks. My question - Where does all this blood go and why do they like mine better than any other person I know. It must be valuable! I think I'll start selling it. That would be a better way to make vacation money. On the other hand...

PMS

Any woman of age knows the symptoms of PMS-the pain; the aching; the "blahs." One thing you might never have been privileged to is observing a female dog "PMSing." I have never had a female dog before so this is all new to me, but I have learned a thing or two this week. A moaning, sighing, frantic dachshund is NOT PRETTY!!! If she were not in pain, it could also be considered comical.

She is laying on the top of our couch, upside down, with her head propped up on one of the cushions beside her. She also lays on her back with her head "dangling" over the back of the couch with her feet straight up in the air. She sighs. She moans. She snorts. She looks at me and rolls her eyes. In my "imaginative" mind, I can hear her saying - "Oh dear God. I am sooooo miserable. If I could only find the heating pad and my aspirin. But, I don't have thumbs so how would I get the lid off? Oh dear God. I'm in pain." And, then she sighs again!!!

I guess I need to get my old charts and graphs out and "teach her" all the facts she needs to know. Ah! The joys of being a woman.

Looking back

If Tom had lived until tomorrow, we would have celebrated our 41st anniversary. In some ways, it has been a very long time and in others, it has gone as quickly as the mist of a spray.

It was raining that night. Tom forgot to go by the florist and pick up my bouquet, so he had to call all over the area to find a florist still open and got me an orchid. It died within 3 days, before we came back from our honeymoon. We had gotten blue and white polka dotted sheets as one of our wedding presents and my mother had put them on our bed when she had left our apartment earlier in the day of our return. Tom went back to school and I went back to work.

We moved into an extremely large trailer park close to his school and I was working for a publishing company in downtown Nashville, TN. We worked; he went to school; we got to know each other better and it was great; for a while. It was his senior year and he wanted to leave Nashville to live in the mtns. I had lived in the mtns all my life. I loved Nashville. I had a great job. I didn't want to leave, but he applied for jobs all over NC, GA and FL and he was hired to teach band and chorus in a small-town high school in Jasper, GA. Some time during all of this "decision" making, I found out I was pregnant.

Life happened and then he died. And, now I'm remarried and live in "O-town" and work in a very magical place. I'm retired from teaching and my recent husband just went through cancer surgery.

There you have it. Except in 1972 while living in GA, at the height of some of the "most hostile days of my first marriage" I found out I was pregnant with our second son. I was remembering that today when we had lunch together. He is such a joy. He is his father's child with "smatterings" of me in him. I like to think he has the best traits from both of us. And, if the truth were told, I am probably closer to him than any other person on this earth. He knows me! And, he still loves me. That was soooo his father. How he turned out so well is only by the Grace of God. And I am so proud of him.

One day he will have to make decisions for my care. One day he may have to sign DNR papers for me. Or, one day, he may have to take care of the "arrangements" for this earthly body I have. I know I am in good hands with him.

God has been so good to me to allow me to have such wonderful men in my life. I am extremely blessed.

SOME PERKS; SOME SADNESS

One of the many perks of where I spend at least 4 out of 7 days, is that we are allowed to go "backstage" where many guests cannot go. One such trip was last Saturday. For our team builder, we toured one of the "fireworks" exhibitions backstage. Ordinarily, we are not allowed to take pictures backstage. But, our guide actually encouraged us to do so. Here is one taken on the top (mountain) of the exhibition. This was taken with my camera phone. (Aren't they great)

This week has been, on an emotional chart, an example of a grid that has spiked and sank all week long. We had a wonderful team builder at work. I had some very dear and close friends come to visit this area. Unfortunately, I was working and didn't get to spend much time with them, but they used to live here and can get around quite well by themselves. (Lucky for them) It is always great to see them and there is NEVER enough time to spend with them.

Another set of friends, not so close, lost their 5 year old daughter when she was backed over with their car by the older son. We just received an email from another sweet, loving family that is really dear to us and the husband is losing the functioning of parts of his heart. He had been on an experimental medication but had to quit taking it because it was making him nauseated. He is only in his 30s with a young 3-year old daughter who might never realize how much her earthly father loves her.

Sometimes I say to God, "Father. I really don't understand Your thinking. I can't even imagine why these horrible things are happening to such wonderful people, but I have to believe You are in control and I bend to Your understanding. That sounds like a "Cop Out." It's not. I have learned the hard way, sad to say, after struggling with many decisions and life experiences.

One of my "lean on" scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11-13 - "I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper and for good. If you will seek me with your whole heart." That is where I am right now.

What do you say?

On Friday, we received word that the youngest daughter of a friend of ours was killed when her older brother backed out of their driveway. How do we comprehend this? We can't! Even with all the death that has transpired within my life in the last 8 years, I haven't any words to relate to how they must feel. This is when I say, "God. I just don't understand this."

They live in Nashville and we are not able to reach them at this time, but we can pray. Pray that God holds them tightly in His arms. Pray that God helps them to hold on. Pray that God reminds them that He is still in control. And, pray that He helps them to "do the next thing." That was what He told me when my husband died. "Don't try to look ahead to what you are to do, or try to figure out your life, or make any major decisions. Just do "The next thing." Some times that is just to breathe.

Old or Former Friends?

Every single day I interact with approximately 300 people. I love that aspect of my job. Occasionally, I even see people I know or have known some time during my life. This week was one of those times.

I was going to survey a couple standing in the shade. It's very warm here already, but I thought they looked familiar. The man was wearing a WV hat and shirt. I asked him if he was from Morgantown-home of West Virginia University. He said no he lived in a little town near Charleston. "Really" I said. "So what's the name of this little town." "You wouldn't know it." "Okay, but try me." It's called Belle, West Virginia." "No Way!" was my answer. He looked at me confused. I used to live in Belle ( I don't tell everyone that info) and went to DuPont High School. So I started to ask him another question, and his wife called me by my "maiden" name. And, her voice and demeanor allowed her maiden name just "JUMP" into my mouth. "Name Right?" (Remember I'm not using personal names any more) She shook her head yes. Wow! It really "IS" a small world.

This person is ABSOLUTELY the very last person I would have expected to see at our type of park. She was never one for "having fun" and apparently she still isn't. She said probably 3 words to me the 20 or so minutes I was standing there. Her husband, on the other hand, was very polite and started through the list of people that we both had once known. Most of them are either dead or in an assisted living place or maybe close to both at the same time. I'm not one to "reminisce" about old times that were not particularly that eventful or worth remembering, so I'm not really listening to all he is saying, but the look on her face was the very same one I remember as a child. "Condescending, snobby, almost even "bored out of her gourd" look.

Is this look supposed to convey something or she is just constipated, who knows, but it was so her. It could also be the fact that we constantly made fun of her as a child, or she never was very intelligent and I just can't handle stupid, I don't know. I just thought it was very "interesting" to see these people again, and they really hadn't changed much. Too bad. Life is too short to not enjoy your life.

Macho or Wimp?

There are only 2 types of men in this world-"Mr Macho" or "Mr. Wimpy", and some times they are both at the same time especially if they are sick.

As most everyone knows, Bob has just had major surgery. That in itself has proven to be a real challenge. I had to go back to work, or kill him. I thought it might be better on me to go back to work. I'm not sure yet if I chose wisely. I may still have to kill him. Why you ask?

He has had blood in his urine and one of his incisions is also seeping blood. Normally, this would be cause for concern, right? Not necessarily for Bob. In fact, he was a little upset with me for calling his Dr. After returning my call, the Dr said he needed to see Bob. I left work, raced home to take him and he wasn't sure it was such a good idea. After some "persuading" we went to the Dr and Bob has a urinary infection and needed some special care of his incision.

"So, in other words" I said to the Dr, "It was a good idea for us to come see you?" "Absolutely" was his answer. I turned and looked at Bob with that "See. I told you so" look that he really didn't want to see. Bottom line-He needs to take it easy.

Sometimes he doesn't think I know what I'm talking about. Little does he know - I'm the PRINCESS OF SURGERY. I only have necessary parts left and I should know all about taking care of yourself afterward. And now, do you think he will listen to what I have to say? Yeah. Sure. And if you believe that, I have some swamp land in South Florida for sale.

TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT-That is usually the question

There is this "old-fashioned" drive-in that Bob and I have talked about trying for some time. This week seemed like the right time. It was one of our favorite places when we were younger, we both agreed. And, we hadn't been able to understand why it wasn't crowded like we remembered. We found out.

I have reverted to my old adage - "It seemed like a good idea at the time." If there is one thing that really upsets me it is poor service. It is like being rude; there is no excuse for it. Our "waitress" was obviously either on drugs; needed drugs; or, just didn't care about how her attitude came across to us (the customer).

I ordered 2 #5s with 2 diet cokes (foot long hot dogs with chili, cheese, and onions, with fries). Seems pretty straightforward, right? Wrong!!! We got 3 hot dogs-not foot long; no fries and 2 drinks. I told her, "I only ordered 2 foot long hot dogs." "Oh." And she left. She came back with 2 foot longs; no fries, I reminded her that we also got fries with our order. "Oh." She left again. She came back with the fries and I thought everything was okay until Bob discovered that the drinks were root beers. (I ABSOLUTELY HATE ROOT BEER!!!) By this time, I was really upset but remained calm, and called her again. "We ordered diet cokes, and we got root beer. Could we have this changed?" Once again, "Oh." The hot dogs were mediocre, fries were cold, but the drinks had ice, when we finally got them.

Yesterday was better, but still not on target. At least the waiter was better. He just picked up the wrong order and delivered it to us. Not too bad, considering. And today, we actually got the food we ordered AND the person taking our order was pleasant. (We walked up to the counter and ordered) So, maybe by tomorrow we can go back to a restaurant, sit down and actually get what we ordered from a person with a half-way decent attitude. I really don't think that is too much to ask, do you?

WAHOO

We have just left the Dr's office-All clamps, tubes and other such apparatus have been removed and Bob is Cancer free, according to the biopsy. We are thanking God for this. He has to have a few more tests, but the Dr is very pleased with his progress and so are we. He's mobile and feels so much better.

Wiener, on the other hand, has missed quite a few naps since we have been home. She is getting "tiny, itty, bitty, little, bags" under her eyes and yawns constantly. I don't know. She can't function very well with only 18 hrs of sleep a day. She has to have her 23/7 or she just falls apart.

I am still not able to "multi-task" again yet. I'm trying to focus on just one thing at a time and that is all I can do right now, but it will get better, I'm sure. I am not back to work yet. I am thinking of staying off until next week, but then again, since Bob is getting crabby and that means he's getting better, I may have to go back to work just to keep from killing him or at the very least maiming him severely. (I think I need to take Wiener for a walk.)

DREAM JOB

Tasting all kinds of wondrous creations, experiencing familiar or new Epicurean delights is something I live to do. There is nothing like biting into a something new and savoring that first-time experience. I don't know-it just seems like something I'd like to do and get paid for doing.

Just like this morning, Bob "thought" breakfast would be a good idea. We went to a local restaurant; anticipating; mouth-watering; his first real "outing" since coming home from the hospital. And, what did we get?

The waitress was attentive. The menu was varied. The atmosphere was pleasant. We talked. We ordered. We waited. Coffee came and so did the "orange juice." Coffee was okay. The orange juice, on the other hand, was watery, tasteless, and not cold. It WAS orange colored, but that was as close as it got to being orange juice. Being a Floridian for almost 40 years, gives me the right to be selective in my "orange" flavored juice.

Two things in this area should ALWAYS be fresh-seafood and orange juice. There is no excuse for anything else, in my "humble" opinion. IF I HAD BEEN A FOOD CRITIC, I certainly would have not written a complimentary review of this establishment. Everything else, was fair to mediocre. I don't know whether the orange juice spoiled everything else, or I'm just being picky. Either way, I'm saving all my reviews for when I DO get that perfect job. You know - Food Critic for the Sentinel. I'm half way there. I'm already critical.

Sunday

Sunday once again. Bob and Wiener have slept most of the day, and, today, so have I. I DID cook dinner. Bob again wanted oats and toast for breakfast; soup/grilled cheese for lunch; and pork chops, etc. for dinner. That's about all I've done today. I guess everyone has to take a day off once in a while and today was my day. Bob has a Dr's appt on Wed, so I will take another day off then, but I'm expecting to get back to work on Thursday.

Bob's really doing well getting around. He hasn't been out yet, but we expect to do that tomorrow. We wanted to get out today, but I don't think either of us had enough energy to do that. I have seen more TV in the last few days than I have in the last 3 months. I usually don't have much time for anything extra. It's nice to know that some things stay the same-I haven't seen anything interesting on TV yet. I have been able to read some, which I love to do.

Wiener likes all the attention she is getting from both of us the last few days. She is truly an "Only Dog." I don't know where she was before, but I don't think she got much attention, or maybe not much "Positive" attention. She is terrified of the newspaper and when I reach down to pet her she flinches like she thinks I'm going to hit her. I don't even want to think about how she was treated, but she is definitely being spoiled now.

Tomorrow I must get on line and "go to ticket school." I paid my ticket, but you can now do the class on line and for me, that is the easiest way to do things right now. Bob likes to call me his "convicted felon wife." He rubs it in every chance he gets. I, on the other hand, think it's no big deal. Of course, if I don't take this class, it can become a big deal very quickly. To keep me out of the slammer, it's probably a good idea to complete it.

Life is interesting, to say the least. Bob says he wasn't sick until he met and married me. That isn't exactly true though-He just didn't go to the Dr before he met me. And, now he has me to take care of him. He's called some of his "working" guys to see how things are going. Same old; same old. He expects to be out about 4-6 wks. (He will be more than ready to go back.)

I have to make sure Wiener goes out one more time before she goes to bed. It's a rough life for her. For me too, I guess. So many naps; so little time.

Normal?

Normal is on a setting on your dryer, as far as I am concerned. Sommetimes I have trouble deciding what is normal and what is not. My "NORMAL" changes from time to time and right now CHAOS would be a step toward normal for me.

Things have quieted today, somewhat. I actually have time to blog without being in a hospital or waiting room. I took a long shower and haven't had a schedule all morning. Wahoo!

I DID go to the store. Antoinette had cleaned out the refrigerator. Little did I know, most of the stuff in there was waaaaaaaay beyond the recommended expiration date, so I had to procure more stuff to let rot. And, I actually cooked breakfast today. It was for me, but I cooked. Bob just wanted some instant oats and toast, I didn't get to cook for him, and Wiener eats mostly dry food.

Wiener and Bob have had their 30 minutes nap and both are getting restless. Someone needs to go out. Which one is it? I forget.

Time

The procedure went well; he's resting; Bob is home; Wiener is a happy camper now. But obviously, I have had waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on my hands because I have creatively come up with another list of things. This time, it is a list of things you probably DON'T want to hear come out of your Dr's mouth just before surgery:

10. Has anyone seen the scalpel?
9. What do you call that?
8. What procedure are we doing today?
7. Can I sit down and do this?
6. This doesn't look familiar.
5. Which way to the operating room?
4. Hurry. My tee time is in 20 minutes.
3. Let's see if I remember how to do this.
2. What's your name again?

and, last, but not least and my favorite,

1. Oops.

Yeah. It's time for me to go back to work.

Hospital

Another day; another hospital. One of my favorite people, is finally having his surgery today. It is 4:34 am. I feel like I've been hit by a MACK truck, and as I wait for my hot, green tea to brew, I'm drawn back to the day of his birth. (Shhhh! I'm not supposed to mention anyone in my blog any more.)

I was more than ready to have this little person out. According to the schedule, we arrived at the hospital, was admitted, got a room, I threw up, all normal procedures, right? I'm preped and as we are going toward the elevator, his dad says, "What if it's not a girl?" This pregnancy was so different, I was convinced that I was having a girl. We had no boy name in mind.

"What about AB? (His uncle's name) No name; just initials. "No. I don't want just initials!" "What about Abraham Benjamin?" "No. I don't like Abraham as a name!" Me this time - "What about _______ Benjamin?" I had had an previous boyfriend by that name. "Who are you naming him after?" Tom was concerned. "After my brother." "Oh. In that case, okay." And that was how I first knew his name.

He's a lot like my brother-very intelligent; his own person; and I love him with all my heart. I have stood beside his little bed when he had childhood illnesses. I have stood beside his bed when he had his tonsils out. And, once again I will be standing by his hospital bed and that scares me a little. He is one of the most important people to me and I can't even imagine my life without him. I pray I won't have to.

Crazy or Not Crazy?.

Devising a test for determining whether you are crazy or not is one of the things you can do at 3 am and you're just laying around with nothing else to do but listen to machines make weird noises. With all my inert creativity, I think I have come up with a few ways of making the determination:

1. If you come to a hospital expecting to get some sleep, you might consider therapy for a few months.
2. If you think everything is going well just because the nurse hasn't been in for 6 minutes, it might be time to press the medication button.
3. If you think the north wind blowing on your head is actually coming from outside, you might need a reality check.
4. If you think a helicopter landing on the roof is routine, you might rethink your vacation spot for next year.
5. If you think the SMELL of rubbing alcohol is intoxicating, you need some fresh air from outside.
6. If someone in a white lab jacket smiles at you and you think they're being friendly, you might want to check to see if they have a needle in their hand.
7. If you can't remember if you drove today or took a bus, you might want to give the orange ticket you have in your hand to the nice man downstairs and he will find your car for you.
8. If there is a growling noise somewhere in the room and you can't seem to find the origin, you might want to visit the vending machines down the hall.
9. If you feel like you were born in the clothes you are wearing, you might want to go home and shower and burn that clothing.

and last but not least,

10. If you want to stay for another few days "just to deepen your tan", you might want to consider yourself certifiably crazy,

or you might just be in the hospital watching someone you love trying to get over surgery.

Exhaling

It's 9 PM and as I sit here beside my husband, who is hooked up to countless wires and tubes, I am once again reminded how fragile this thing we call "LIFE" can really be. We are at M D Anderson Hospital in Orlando and Bob's surgery is now over, we are finally in a room, and the nurse is checking his vitals.

The Dr WAS able to do laparoscopic surgery, which is a good thing. It's less invasive, less recovery time, less pain and bleeding, and just easier on the patient. There is only one machine in this area, or so the Dr made it sound, and so it had to be scheduled. Our time was 1:00. He went in at 1:08 and came out around 5:30. Like the "SS Minnow" it was supposed to have lasted 3 hrs, but it took a little longer.

I talked with the dr for about 20-30 minutes and he assured me that it was a "textbook" operation. Everything went "perfectly", there was minimal blood loss and the cancer was contained. He did send some nodes to the lab for biopsies, just to be safe, but he said it was only standard procedure and anticipated nothing cancerous. What a relief.

THIS IS THE WAITING ROOM, WHERE I SPENT MOST OF THE DAY.

And to all my friends and prayer partners, I say thanks. Bob has never had nor does he know what to think at times with all the support I have in my life. Vicki and Liz (the other 2 stooges) came over and spent the day with me. Vicki's father just had emergency open heart surgery at ORMC, where we had Bob's surgery, and "Billy" is on the 7th floor, so it was a two-fold visit, but they spent most of the day with me in the 4th floor waiting room. (That is another blog experience) Since Bob's surgery involved cancer, they moved him into the next building (M D Anderson section) which is the hospital that works with cancer patients. We are in a "Hospital Suite" which to me is an oxymoron but it is more spacious than a regular room, it is private, and I get to stay with him tonight. They even have a Murphy bed for me to use.

I HAVE decided one thing-It's much easier being the patient than being the "Waitee." Next time, I'm having the surgery, not matter what!

INEVITABLE

There are times that you just wish you could crawl in a nice dry cave somewhere and just hide out. Lately I have been feeling that way lately.

With Bob's surgery pending in just 2 days, He very graciously took Sun, Mon, Tues as vacation days so we could spend some quality time together. I woke up yesterday feeling nauseated and dizzy. It progressed to "full-blown" upset stomach and continued through today. I was supposed to go to an "Avalon" concert with "a close relative" last night and I even had to cancel that. I'm trying to stay away from Bob, as far as possible, so I can't "give him anything" if it is contagious, and so it goes. Poor "Wiener". I keep waking her and she isn't getting her 23 hrs a day sleep that she desperately needs. Right now she is "sacked" out on the couch "trying" to catch a few winks. It's hard being her.

So far today, I haven't tolerated ginger ale, but dry toast and hot tea have managed to ... So, we'll see what happens.

I had an appointment to have my car serviced early today so I had to go out for that. Good news. It's only going to cost about $1800 to replace the window in my convertible top. Obviously, that isn't going to happen any time soon, but in actuality, the car dealership just called and the service has been done and my car is ready to go. So, I'll have to make another trip out.

Where is a good cave when you need one?

Paperwork Again?

For anyone who has had surgery recently, if the surgery doesn't kill you, the paperwork or pre-operation activities will. We have visited so many doctors, filed so many papers, and jumped through so many hoops, it makes me tired to think about it much less have done it.

This week alone, we have visited two doctors, 3 medical centers, and filled out so much paper we must have killed at least 50 trees. We found out on Monday that Bob had to "bank" 1 pint of blood for his surgery. This had to be done at least 1 week before surgery, so it had to be done by Wednesday, which meant Tuesday because we both work on Wednesday. The scheduler was out of the office until Thursday, so we had to go get the paperwork, go to the blood bank and wait until they could take us. Bob had to be fasting; it didn't open until 9 and we didn't get through until after 12; he had not eaten, and I had a Dr's appt around 1. So, it was probably close to 3 by the time we finished everything and went to eat. Bob was nauseated and very light headed. The paper work they gave us with all the information was old and none of the numbers were in working order. It turned out, after going through several agencies and 411, we found out the local office of the blood bank was about 2 miles from our apartment, not downtown like the paperwork indicated.

Just to get off today for his pre-op procedures, I can't even begin to remember what all we have done. He DID get to eat before hand this time, so it wasn't so hard on him physically, but we spent all morning at the office and filled out even more paperwork. Bob said they tested so many parts of his body-some he didn't even know he had.

Try to coordinate time off between two different places of work, not to mention getting all the paper work in for the surgery. What a nightmare. Our company works with 3 different scheduling programs that do not talk to each other and Bob's primary work company uses 1 program and deals with 2 or 3 different departments. We also have had to apply to 2 different Federal Programs and 2 insurance companies. If the aliens who bombed the twin towers had to have dealt with all the people and paperwork we have, they would have given up before they could have gotten any where.

We finally got home some time after 2 and we both collapsed from exhaustion. I slept for several hours and finally got up to do some laundry. KFC seemed like a good idea. "Someone" came over and had dinner with us. It was good to see him. He's been on a cruise and brought back presents. (Always nice) He probably knows what I like better than anyone else and I always love his presents. I got a silver Mayan cartouche with my name on it; Bob got a cruise-line t-shirt.

Wed is the "big" day. I plan to spend the night with Bob after the surgery. One of the problems that we had not thought of was "What to do with Wiener." I finally figured out that the lady who cleans our apartment and keeps my life on an even keel can come and clean that afternoon and give the dog "potty" breaks, and a friend is going to stay all night here. I should be home some time on Thursday, if all goes well. We have a lot of people around the country praying for us at this time. It's great to have friends who are close enough to be concerned with all that happens in my life. I don't know what I'd do without them.

ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW

We had Marshall's Memorial Service this week-end. Two friends and I went to London, KY to help "celebrate" his life. He was a remarkable person. There was very little he did not know something about. His tastes were eclectic to say the least. He had books on ANY subject you can name from Shel Silverstein to Niche; from nuclear fission to how to put together a Cessna. His DVD collection was just as varied-Battlestar Galactica to Simpsons; Garfield to History Channel informational DVDs.

It was so cold I had on all my clothes I took with me and still was freezing. I also came back with bronchitis or pneumonia. I'm going to the Dr tomorrow to find out. I couldn't go today because I had jury duty. Did I get an interesting trial? No. Not really. It was a criminal case for a man who was accused of having drug paraphernalia on his person. I was interviewed but not selected. I wasn't even considered for any of the interesting ones - the two women who got in a fight at a local theme park over who was pushing in line, or the police officer who pushed someone down the stairs. (Man! I miss out on all the interesting ones.) But, I got to leave early, so I guess that was a trade off.

And, I am really upset with my wonderful, kind, giving, husband. He did something and didn't even talk to me about it. It involved quite a lot of money and he saw nothing wrong with not consulting me. He said it had nothing to do with me. I don't know. I thought we were married and everything he did concerned me. Obviously, I was wrong. Men!

YESTERDAY

We are very fortunate where we work, in that we have a lot of perks. One of them is being able to "pop" in and out of the theme parks when we want to do so. Yesterday, one of my favorite people gave us VIP passes to see Paul Revere and the Raiders at the "F & G" show. This year, I was able to go with my husband. Which is another perk, as far as I am concerned.

I am getting ready to go to KY for my "step-brother's " service. We waited because of winter weather issues. Emily, my "sister", has had to shoulder the burden of all that has transpired since Marshall's disappearance. She has done a wonderful job. It is very hard dealing with the death of a loved one, but his was so sudden and so surreal that it made it harder for me, and I'm sure almost impossible for her.

She had to deal with 2 governments, attorneys, courts, and all the "legalese" of everything that has transpired. So, on Sat we will deal with a service. The last time I was in London, KY was for her Mother's funeral several years ago. This will not be any easier, especially since we haven't any "person" to bury.

But, as I sat at the concert last night, I was reminded of the last time I was at the park with Marshall. It was for the Food and Wine Festival. He called it the "Wine and Food" Festival. I asked him why and he said that I had my priorities and he had his. His dry sense of humor comforts me even now when I can hear his voice as I walk around the park.

I wish you had known him. He had a brilliant mind and eclectic taste. I loved being around him because he knew so much about everything and taught me more than I could ever describe in this limited space. I wish I could have known him even better.

If you think of us this week, remember us as we travel and especially on Saturday around 1:00 pm. We could use your prayers.

Something New

This life, as I know it, is chaotic, at best. I don't know whether it is me, or just the whirlwind around me, but sometimes when I stand still I can "feel" the world moving. That is when I know it's time for me to be still and listen.

We got Bob's test results today. As far as the Dr can tell from the tests that were run, the cancer is contained within the prostate. The Dr has suggested surgery within 4 weeks. Bob has agreed. There are always complications with any surgery, but less if they do lapaorscopic, and minimal time off. God is so good.

A new addition to our "family" is a miniature daschund. She answers to the name of "Wiener" and has more energy than Bob and me put together. But, only for about 4 minutes, then she has to sleep 3 hrs. Bob likes her and she adores him, so I guess we will keep her. She will also be great company for him while he is "recooping" from his surgery.

I "got to" take her to the vet today to be "violated" as Bob calls it. But, examined, shots, and recommendations from Andrew who is a vet that also happens to be a friend. She did very well, but acted like a "maniac" while she was there - running in circles, sniffing everything, trying to get to know a VERY LARGE dog whose name should be 'GODZILLA', if it isn't. I swear to you - I thought it was a bear when I first saw it. Any dog taller than me, has to be one big dog. He weighed in at 167 lbs. It wasn't a Mastiff nor St Bernard. I had never seen one like this before. (It probably has it's own zip code) But she was willing to take it on - all 8 lbs of her. (I didn't say she was smart).

Yes. Today was a good day at all the doctors.

POSTSCRIPT:

I have been severely chastised for mentioning names in my blog. AND RIGHTLY SO!!!

I have lived with my life being an open book for so long that I forget some people are VERY private. I have apologized to the person I mentioned and will "try" not to mention names again. And now, to those of you few who read my blog, I'm also sorry that I gave out personal information on someone else. (Life is so daily). I am reminded of the song by Billy Joel - "Only the Good Die Young" and if that is true I will live to be a ripe old age. But, I prefer to compare myself with good wine and cheese - getting better with age.

St Patty's Day

Aw, tis the wearing of the green today, and my friend Emily, husband Mr. Ray, and 2 of her friends are visiting for a few days.  They are staying at one of our hotels, and I got them into one of the parks today.  We're having dinner together tonight.

I love Emily.  She is like a sister to me and Mr. Ray, as I call him, is so perfect for her.  I just enjoy being with them any time.  Em has had to deal with all the "events" that have taken place with her brother, Marshall, dying in Sept.  She was the executor of his will and property, dealing with 2 govs (he died off the coast of Nassau) and all the emotions that go with that.  Death is never easy; no matter if it is quick or slow and drawn out, but it is reality.

I much prefer "FANTASYLAND".   That is probably part of the reason I work where I do.  I can escape, at times, and just pretend that I live in a world where all is beautiful and bad things never happen.  Eventually that has to end and reality comes creeping back in and I have to be an adult again.  Sometimes I really hate that!  [Don't forget to eat your corned beef and cabbage today]

One year

This time last year I was getting ready for a wedding.  In fact, tomorrow it will have been one year married to this man.  Sometimes it seems so long, and at other times, I can't believe it has been 12 months already.  

We have had to deal with many things this year.  Those who know me, know some of them.  Our latest is Bob's health.  He has been diagnosed with 2 types of cancer.  One type is non-aggressive and the Dr isn't worried about it, but the other kind is very aggressive and the Dr said he would have taken it out before now.  We are going through all the testing and have a meeting with the Dr on March 24 for the results and prognosis.  

I finally know why I am with this man-it's because without me being in his life he would have had no one.  No family, no one to care about him, no one to love him, no one with friends who are strong prayer warriors.  And, these things are very important, whether he knows it or not.  How are we doing?  We are dealing-one day at a time; one test at a time.

I went to my manager and started to tell her about the situation.  She stopped me and said, "I am getting you the forms for the FMLA program.  For those of you who are like I was, I didn't know what she was speak about, so she went on to explain it is a Family Medical Leave Application.  It enables you to take off and not hinder your job or give any reason.  I just call in and say, "I'm calling in FMLA."  and, the rest is taken care of.  

I took the papers to the Dr's office and they told me it usually takes 2 weeks to get them processed.  I called and talked with the nurse who works on these.  I explained that my husband had never been sick and was very upset by all of this new "sick" thing going on with him.  God gave her compassion and she had them ready for me in 2 working days.

I took them to the company Health Dept and they told me it would take at least 48 hours to process the paperwork and they would have lots of questions.  My manager called me 2 hrs later and said it had been approved-no questions asked.  Now if that is not a God thing, I don't know what is.  

I don't pretend to know WHY  God does things.  I don't even try to guess any more.  Right now, it's enough for me to know, He is still in control.  

A GREAT RELEVATION

Being a human, female, and of a "certain" personality type, sometimes it takes a while for me to "get it." And when I do finally understand something, I think of the statement Charles made when he was about 3 or 4 years old, "I have just had a great relevation."

I have a friend that tells me that I just love men. That is VERY true. I honestly DO love men. I don't know where I got it. It certainly wasn't from my mother. I don't think she liked men at all, from some of her statements. But- I think they are wonderful; better than "sliced bread" most of the time. But I have only "BEEN IN LOVE, with 2 men.

My big "epiphany" is that God Loves Me Because I'm Me! Now to some people, that may not be much of a "NEWS FLASH." But I have been pondering "WHY" , as I often do, about the reason I am with THIS man that I am married to now, and other various things, (but - one thing at a time).

As I have said many times, Bob is so different from my first husband. He is "volatile" at times; uncooperative; stubborn; unaware of my feelings; indifferent; rude; crude, and I could go on, but I think you get the picture. My question, as a matter of fact, just yesterday to my friend Barb was, "I don't know why I am with this man, but for some reason God won't let me let go of him. Today God gave me my answer - Bob is me, before God. And God loved me anyway. Wow! That blew me away.

Bob told me once the reason he fell in love with me and asked me to marry him was that I was different. I "think" he meant it in a nice way, at the time, but IF I am, it is only because of God's great love for me. Oh, I still have my moments and I don't always do everything I am supposed to do-the right way-but I DO know God loves me; He always wants the best for me, and HE IS DEFINITELY STILL IN CONTROL!!!

Procedures

Valentine's day has come and gone. It was nice. I got to leave work early; ate dinner with my husband; went to bed early and had the next day off. All in all-a good time. My present was on the dining room table when I got up in the morning. My husband had bought me a framed drawing of Mickey and Minnie, in a "Wedding Day" picture drawn inside an "outlined" heart shape around them. I had seen the picture some time ago and made the comment I really liked it. When he had time to get it, I can't say for he has been working 12-15 hr days for several weeks. I don't know how he does it. I am usually worn out by the end of my 10 hr days, and yet he continues to work this hectic schedule.

He did manage to take off at 12:30 on Tuesday to have his "procedure." I am familiar with many "Medical Procedures," due to my "plethora" of surgeries, but this was one that I had not been "exposed" to in my vast experiences. Bob's TSA counts were elevated, so he had to have an "ultra" sound and biopsy of the prostate gland, which according to him, was, "an unnatural, humiliating, violation of his personal body." (We won't have the results until next Tuesday.)

If you have had the pleasure of meeting Bob, you would know that he tends to "over exaggerate" some times, but according to what I've been told, his discription was pretty much on the mark. There was no anesthesia, no pain-numbing drug nor even a mere "bullet to bite on." So he is still fairly sore, but getting up every morning at 2:30 to be at work at 4. He promises that this will end once the new water park is up and running. I don't know. Seems like he's been saying this for the total time I've known him.

Valentine's Day is Upon Us

Yes. Bob is STILL bringing me flowers about every other week. Yes. He is still bringing me presents home (mostly rats). And, yes. We are still married. (It's been almost a year) So, what is he doing for Valentine's Day. I haven't the foggiest idea. We are both working on that day, so who knows what he will come up with, but I'm sure it will be something this next week.

We have faced a few crises in this year-Meeting my family; getting married; changing parks for my work; Carson dying; Marshall dying; Bob's surgery and my illnesses. We have just been presented with another challenge. Bob's recent bloodwork came back with some of the figures elevated. It seems that he needs to have a biopsy done and he's not real thrilled about it. I have had many surgeries and I have been "waiting" for close relatives that are having surgery. For me, in my opinion, it's much harder on the people who wait. I never know what is going on while I am in surgery. It's the same way when someone else is having surgery-I still don't know what is going on, but I'm awake. And, because you care so much for the person, waiting is hard. Not knowing is hard.

All Bob's relatives have died of cancer, so he automatically jumps to the conclusion that he is going to die that way too. I have assured him that he's not getting out of this marriage that easily.

But, whatever happens-we're going to make the most of the time we have together. And, that is always a positive.

Winnie-the-Pooh

Winnie-the-Pooh has always been my favorite character.  I can't remember when it started, but I can really relate to him.  He's a little pudgy (I prefer fluffy), he loves to eat, he is a friend to everyone, very few things upset him (usually running out of honey), he says "Oh bother" as a response, and he has a positive outlook.  What's not to like?

Yesterday when I came home, my wonderful husband had bought me a "authenticated" painting of Pooh.  He also bought me a small replica of a sewer pipe with the 4 main "rat" characters from the movie - "Ratatouille."   He bought me the DVD of the movie the day it came out and also took me to "Studios" because he found out that "Remy"-the star of the movie- was going to be there signing autographs.  I have a picture of Remy and me that my husband arranged to have taken.  Tuesday of this week, he arrived home from work with a "Valentine" bear and 3 lovely roses.  He has such a good heart. How many husband's buy their wives "RATS", I ask you. 

I have discovered that his way of showing his love is to buy me things.

I don't NEED more things, but he NEEDS to get me things, so I try to accept everything he brings home, without too much fuss.  Sometimes it's hard.  I grew up having strings attached to presents and if I didn't give the right response that was expected for the gift, it was "perceived" as me NOT liking the it and me being "ungrateful."  I try to explain to Bob that he doesn't HAVE to buy me anything, but ...  

If you could see our apartment, you would understand how "Disney" we really are.  So, I will try to accept his gifts graciously, and know that is his way of loving me.

By the way, I named my new bear George.  (That is Bob's middle name.)

Today in O-town

This has been an extremely "interesting" week at work.  I've had meetings, people call in sick, and more meetings.  My role at work is "evolving" into more administration than actual work in the field.  This is going to be interesting.  "Field work" is becoming tedious and a bit boring.  It's almost like washing dishes-It's the same thing day in and day out.  I've done it for almost 3 years and I think it's about time for a change.  Just changing locations hasn't recharged my interest.

The people I work with are awesome.  They work very hard and are proud of the job they do.  My manager is totally wonderful to work with, too-She's complimentary and very gracious, even when I make mistakes.  I couldn't ask for a better working situation, but the "excitement" is gone.

I'm going to shadow someone in another department on Tuesday.  This is a "help" position within the company and it "seems" to be interesting from what I've heard so far;  so we shall see.

It's about 4 am; Bob has gone to work.  I am all alone.  It's the first time in a while that I've been able to be by myself.  I didn't realize how much I really like it until now.  

I have to get ready for church soon.  It's about the only time I get to see Charles now.  He is so much his father's child, and such a joy.   Tom is too much like me. (Maybe he will out grow it.)  I don't think either one of my sons know how much I love and appreciate them. Edward is so stoic I rarely know what he is thinking.  Bret is, well, Bret-solid, level headed and for the most part upbeat and positive.  

I will make it a point of telling them, today.  Life is too short to neglect important things like that.

APPARENTLY

Communication is vital in any relationship, especially marriage. According to my husband, I "wig" out over a lot of little things.

He called an old girl friend this week and I got upset about it. During his conversation, he "implied" some things to her that I "mistook" and wigged out over nothing, according to him.

Maybe he is right. Maybe I do tend to "blow things way out of proportion" at times. This probably stems from lifelong experiences of "misunderstandings", especially within my family.

I am a total sum of all my experiences, but I also believe that you can change your outlook and attitude from a negative to a positive. He says I want to change him. I'm not sure that is totally true, but there are some things I would like him to do that he doesn't do.

Marriage is about compromise and clarification. I truly believe this. I DO ask a lot of questions and he could be partially right about most of the things he said. I like to "get things out" on the table and talk about it. He wants to ignore "the elephant" in the room and go on without ever finding out why it is there.

Did I mention that we had this discussion at 3 am this morning? He worked 14 hours yesterday, and is having to do it again today. I was out of town until today. This could be some of the problem also. There is no time to communicate. According to him, he does what is expedient. He doesn't have time to have a discussion over every little matter. And, I like to discuss everything.

Feelings are another different ballgame, so to speak. He has become such an integral part of my life, I can't imagine he NOT being here. I have been up since around 2. Even the "Frappachinos" aren't helping right now.

I soon have to shower and get ready for work. Hammering out the problems can be a long process, and I guess I want a "quick fix." But, I don't think it going to be any time soon. Hopefully we can agree to disagree and go on. This might be all we can do for right now. (This marriage thing is hard work.)

TODAY

Tom would have been 63 today.  There are so many thoughts running through my mind.  In some ways, this is a depressing time for me; in many ways my thoughts warm me and make me smile.

I miss his chipped front tooth that I see in his son Charles.  I miss the crinkles around his eyes that had developed through the years.  And his eyes, oh so blue-sometimes like the ocean; sometimes like the sky.  I miss his arms around me when things went wrong or just because.  And, as I try to type this through the tears, I miss him most on this day of the year.  I KNOW he is in a better place.  I KNOW he probably sees all the stupid things I do.  I KNOW he can't come back here and be like it was before he left, but oh how I wish he could.

My life is so different now.  Bob is a good man and I was married so long to Tom that I could almost know what he was thinking.  I'm not trying to demean Bob at all.  I do love him.  He is so different from Tom that sometimes I expect too much from him.  He can't know what I am thinking or planning and sometimes I forget that.

This is a new year; one of promise; one of hope; one of forward thinking.  I have hopes and dreams, but "I can't know" where I will be this time next year.  I pray that I always follow God's leadings and I always hear His voice in all my decisions.  For now, I am where I am.

JAN 1

So far, so good.  Most of the decorations are put away; tree is still up until after Epiphany, Jan 6; had to add 6 more boxes for decorations, thanks to my husband's expenditures and additional decorations, and received far too many presents.

There were 14 people and 2 dogs for Christmas Day lunch.  It was a little snug in our apartment, but totally awesome to have everyone here.  It was a little overwhelming for Bob.  He's not use to "family" events yet, but I think he enjoyed it (even the dogs).  Joey (Edward's Golden Retriever) was here several days and a perfect guest.  He ate; he slept; he played-it was all good.  He was a little confused at first, but didn't seem to mind staying with us.  Edward and Tom stayed with Charles; Betty and Joey stayed with us.  Honeybear (Heidi's dog) visited for lunch that day.  It was nice to have everyone.

Tomorrow I go back to work after being off for 3 days.  Last week at our park was crazy-people were crabby and tired.  This is certainly NOT the time to be in the parks.  It is always overcrowded and people hate the long lines, so why do they visit?  Who knows except it is a magical place at Christmas time and if you pace yourself properly, you can have a great time.

I have the name of a professor at one of the colleges here.  They are looking for former teachers to be "mentors" for students in college that want to be teachers.  It sounds very interesting.  I think I will check on this.  I have always wanted to do something like that.  I will contact the professor soon and see if that can happen.  Until then, business as usual.