Elusive

Here it is 4 AM again, and I am wide awake wondering what I'm doing up at this hour. Bob just went to work; Wiener is still sleeping (smart dog) and me; I don't know why I am awake. Actually I do. I've had an upset stomach since Friday and had to miss work yesterday. I hate to do that. It makes it so much harder on everyone there, not to mention the fact I don't get paid for being off.

It seems like every time I think I am over this "condition" it comes back and whacks me up the side of the head (so to speak), and I am laid up for several days again. I have taken one of the "blue" pills I used to take to settle my stomach but they make me sleepy so I should doze off some time soon, and they only temporarily stop the condition. It takes at least 3 or 4 days to get my stomach back to "my normal."

I'm also watching another episode of Gilmore Girls. I hate the fact that they are no longer on the regular programming; only in reruns. This episode is about Rory getting involved with Jess. If you are not a "Gilmore" er, then you won't get it, but it is not only funny, but almost my life. If my mother had had money, she would have been Emily Gilmore. Of course, I'm not as cute as Lorelai, nor witty, and I had more than one child and not before I was married, but a lot of the crazy things they do or have happen, parallel my life.

I grew up in a very small town. If something happened during my day, my mother knew about it before I could get home. I read as much as I could; probably escapism. And, I left home as soon as possible; I graduated from high school while Lorelai didn't, etc. I have my "bad boy" in my life now not in high school.

I guess I was MISS GOODY TWO SHOES, or lived in a nunnery (as Bob likes to state) so I didn't do any "wild child" things, but I had several "adventures" in college. OH NO!!!

This note is "OFFICIALLY" over. Wiener just got up and DEMANDS attention, so I have to go. She is sooooo spoiled.

IT TAKES SO LITTLE FOR ME

What most people don't know about me is that it takes so little to make me happy. New car. New house. Lottery. Simple things, but only distractions in the scheme of things.

I'm getting ready to go to a retreat the second week of October. I will be with old friends and surely meet new ones. I am so ready that any higher level of excitement, I'd be illegal in ten states. One of my friends is coming from a "gadzillion" states away just to go with us. She is like a sister to me and I love and appreciate her so much.

This is what life is all about-FRIENDS AND GOOD TIMES. While I DO have a new car, and looking for a new house, and have high hopes of winning the lottery, those would make life a little easier. I can readily do without all of that, and still have a wonderful, blessed life, which I do. But do without friends-NO WAY. Thank God I am especially blessed in that area.

Catch Phrases

Many sayings seem to personify the last few years of my life - "And you're telling me this because?...", or "This affects me how?..." and my all-timed favorite "Seemed like a good idea at the time." Why do I use them? Escape? Tap dancing around an issue? Maybe even a way to avoid the truth? I don't know exactly but I couldn't come up with one this week-end at a family gathering.

One member of my family, name which I can't mention, made the statement - "You don't understand. She has "Control Issues." It starting me thinking. Do I really have control issues? To me that is someone who makes sure all events only take place the way they want it to happen. I've asked friends and other relatives if this is me. So far, I haven't had anyone who disagreed with the statement.

Do I do this? Each person I've talked with has been able to cite instances where they think I either "tried" to control or "did" control the situation. In each instance, I couldn't see why they thought I was trying to be in control.

I feel like I don't have ANY control over anything in my life, especially with all that is happening with me now. Maybe I just can't realistically look at me or my life. The statement has really made me rethink a lot of issues. Maybe I don't know me as well as I thought I did.