REMEMBERING

Washing clothes leaves a lot of time between w/d time.  I have begun to think - big mistake.  
The day Tom was born - SURPRISE - C-section; he was such a perfect baby - no misshapen parts to his body, all ten fingers and toes, and so hungry.  He was the only baby in their hospital history that had GAINED weight instead of losing.  

I loved him long before I even knew his dad.  I knew I would have a son; I knew I would name him after his dad. 

He did everything early - his teeth - he had 8 by 7 months. [I told my mother that he was cutting his teeth at 2 months. She said I was crazy.]  That was probably true, but nevertheless, a tooth edge was showing.  He had a word vocabulary of 50-60 words (maybe more) by 8 months and sentences by 10 months.  Potty trained himself and was walking without help by 9 months.  We did word games and puzzles before he was a year old.  The perfect child.  MAN. This baby thing is easy. (Famous last words)  

Then there was Charles.  I threw up all 9 months and even on the operating table.  He did not cry when they took him out.  He made a little whiny noise and balled up in the fetal position.  He was cold.  He still gets cold easily.

Charles wasn't talking except for about 5 words until he was almost 2.  He didn't walk by himself until he was about 1 1/2 and was perfectly content to sit in his play pen and WATCH everything around him.  I thought he was deaf or at the very least SLOW at growing.  The next thing I knew he said, "May I have a peanut butter sandwich, please." (Where did that come from?)

His potty training, when he was 2 and talking complete sentences, spelling and knowing the alphabet, consisted of me taking him to the bathroom, pointing to the commode, asking him what it was, "Potty" he said.  I said,  "What is it for?"  He said, "To go to the bathroom."  I said, "If you pee or poop in your pants again, I will spank you."  He looked at me and said very nonchalantly, "OK." He could read at 3.

Tom's personality was not really evident until he was about 12.  He was an early bloomer.  He turned into a "teenager", enough said.  He has more of my personality than I would like, but has turned out to be such a wonderful man who is educated, talented, creative, knowledgeable. I am so proud of him.  He can never know how much I love and appreciate him.

Charles has continued his approach to life situations - nonchalantly.  He is his father's child - intelligent, creative, knowledgeable, and self assured.  He has come to mean so much to me.  We have always had a special relationship.  I love and adore him more than he will ever know.  He keeps his dad's memory alive.  He is here for me while I am going through . . . He just called.  He is at the Realtor's office finalizing the choices for things for his new house.  He asked about the tile in my two rooms.  He has asked me to live with him.  He is so kind.

Charles doesn't like me writing about him.  I'm sure Tom doesn't care, but just in case - It would probably be a good idea not to mention this particular blog to them.  Then again, I don't really care.  Ween thought it was a good idea.

COUNTDOWN

Testing starts on Monday.  Depending on the numbers on my PTINR (Blood clotting factor) it will determine whether I have to take shots before the surgery.  Taking Coumodin affects the thinness of my blood and if it will clot properly.  So many things have to be checked.  Tuesday I will be at the hospital at 7:00 am and other testing will be done to determine if "all systems are go."  If it is, the surgery will be done early Wednesday morning.

Again, it's early and I'm awake.  There was a time when waking up early scared me only because I liked to sleep late.  Now I welcome it with open arms.  It has become a good friend that I seek.  So many thoughts about today. Who will I see today?  Where will I go?  If I don't leave my apartment, what will "my world" be?

My thoughts remind me of the character in the movie "UP" that is talking to a friend, and suddenly jerks his head sideways and yells, "SQUIRREL."  (Short attention span.)  That's me today.  Oh well.  I might as well admit it - It's me most days.

Heidi and David are coming on Wed and staying in my apartment.  I'm so glad Ween will have company.  I see my little "blanket lump" on my bed and she sleeps innocently.  It's only a matter of time until she's up and wanting to go out. I get my attention span from her - "SQUIRREL."

Peace and quiet

Sitting here at midnight, alone, with the quietness of the apartment, I can't think of anything that I actually need. Mary cleaned the apartment tonight and made a wonderful dinner for me - salad, meatloaf, mashed potatoes w/gravy, fresh corn from the cob, and a bowl of fruit and a cinnamon roll.  I am very grateful for her friendship.  She is getting ready to fly north for T-day.  But tonight, she is driving to Naples to work there tomorrow; left my place about 9:00. I don't like her driving so late by herself.  (God be with her.)

Mock came over Tuesday to take me to my 8:00 am Doctor's appointment.  What was I thinking?  I have water behind my ear drums, and "out of whack" thyroid.  So what's new. She once again changed my medicine.

I think I have someone to watch Ween while I'm gone.  Heidi and David are coming from Georgia to visit the "Parks" so they have agreed to stay here and watch her.  I really do like keeping her home.  Their children, Abby and Max are coming too. Such a nice family.  I really appreciate them staying here. There is a slight "snag" in the schedule. They're not coming until Wednesday, and I have to be in the hospital by Tuesday.  I'll get someone to stay or keep her for one night.

I'm not concerned about the surgery.  Whatever happens is what happens.  I would like to get over this and get on with my life.  We'll see.  Dr Filart is an excellent doctor.  I really appreciate him and know he's the best doctor I could have, so on Wednesday, one day before T-day, if all goes well, I will have the ablation surgery that was supposed to have happened the last time.

Thank  you  God  for  all  you  do  for  me.  I  love  you, Abba Father.

MY LIFE

Pragmatic is the name of the game.  I don't know when I identified that characteristic but I know it has certainly been true since Tom died.  Of course, I measure most everything by that time frame.  

Two weeks from today, I should be having surgery.  I'm looking forward to getting through it and going on to be whole.  I know everything seems to be hinging on this, but I feel like it will be life altering.

My friend Vicki is also having surgery that day.  Hers seems much more serious, but as my son found out this week, any surgery can be harried.  One of his co-workers went in for some heart surgery, had a stroke, and slipped into a coma. (He subsequently died.) This brings it to reality. (I'm  okay  with  reality.)

No matter what happens, its a WIN/WIN.  If it's successful, I win.  If it isn't successful, earthly definition, I still win.  That has been my philosophy for a LONGGGG time.  That is also how I handle most situations in my life.  God has been so good to me, I can't complain.  I've made some "not smart" decisions in my life, but God has remained steady and sure. I'm so glad that is true.

Another Day at the salt mine

Having nothing to do except going to Drs, is really boring. My vision isn't good enough to read, which I loved to do; there is really nothing on TV worth watching, and I can't walk very far due to my breathing and my back.  So, Mock came up with a great idea - Audio Books.  Totally neat. Today we went to the Public Library to check out their stock of audio books.  

We forgot that our voting system is allowing people to vote early. Mock dropped me off and had to park in the "North 40."  I have a card for the Kissimmee Library, but I didn't even know this library existed. Mock had been there several times.  Of course, my card wouldn't have worked there even if I had been able to find it.  It's for Osceola County. I had to fill out an application and they will mail me the card.  Mock had his card so I checked out a book written by Joyce Meyer. I believe this is her first novel.  I can't wait to hear it.  I will be prepared next time with a list of books I want to hear.

Therapy for my right arm is going well.  The therapist comes to the house and has me do exercises.  She also gives my arm and "the knots" in my arm a massage to free up the muscles and tendons.  She's also doing some stretching of the arm too.  Today's was excruciating and Ween ran over to the couch to see what she was doing to me.  She's so protective of me.  I assured her I was okay and told her to go back to her pillow (to lay down.)  I look forward to each session as it is freeing up my arm to do routine tasks.  

I don't have any more Dr's appts this week.  (Wahoo) Therapy on Thursday, and Friday Ruth is coming to visit. She mentioned the Red Lobster as a potential place to eat. It is always so great to see her. She has been a close friend for so many years.  She is another one that I could call any time and she'd be here as quickly as possible.  I am so truly blessed.

LIFE IS FUNNY

Why I'm not surprised when things happen, is probably because crazy "earthly" things happen so often with me. Vicki and I are both officially scheduled for surgery on the Wednesday, before Thanksgiving. Dr. Filart's scheduling nurse called today and that is the earliest they can schedule me.  I'm really okay with it.  (God has a sense of humor, doesn't He. )

I'm not supposed to have stress in my life but as you know, life is not always smooth and easy. Right now, someone very close to me is upset because of a misunderstanding.  She won't talk to me about it and only answers my text with sarcasm and curt meaningless statements.  She doesn't know what this is doing to me, emotionally.  I'm trying to stay calm but it's difficult when you have personal relationships that are sometimes out of whack.  I pray we can solve this quickly.

Charles is returning from NY today.  He should have left about 30 minutes ago and will be home around 6:30.  I have missed him but he works hard when he is gone and needs rest when he returns.

Ween is adjusting to sleeping on the floor.  I had to move her to the floor because of Charles' allergies.  When we move, she won't be able to sleep on the furniture so I decided to start early moving her.  She seems okay, but she still tries to get up on the couch because she CRAVES attention.  Such a brat.

Not much to do today.  Mary brought me some "packs" of homemade mac/cheese.  I had to have one.  That was my lunch.  She is an awesome friend. (and cook).  I am so blessed.

Update on Vicki

Vicki called a few minutes ago.  The doctor at Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa discussed the options.  The most viable one is surgery to remove the kidney and growth.  The won't know the extent of the cancer until they get to  the growth. After they determine the extent of the growth, they will know how to proceed. Right now the surgery is scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving.

Funny thing - my nurse scheduler called yesterday and wants to schedule my surgery for the same day.  If we were in for the same thing, we could be roomies.  I don't think either hospital is ready for both of us at the same time.

I go to my neurologist next week.  I had bloodwork done for her.  We'll see how the medication worked.  I am feeling so much better most days.  God is good.

Gems and Jewels

Jewels in God's crown are friends you can call any time, and they respond with eagerness.  One such friend, Vicki, has just received a harsh blow of earthly reality - she has been diagnosed with a cancerous growth on her kidney, and a spot on her lung.  This is devastating to me. I can't imagine how it was to her.

No one can compare with Vicki - she is a solid, giving, loving, christian lady. She has never refused to help anyone with anything.  She has painted my house. She has helped me move at least 4 times.  She's purchased beautiful live Christmas Trees, brought them to my house, set them up and even helped decorate.  She calls to cheer me while I've been sick.  She even made a platform bed for me so that Ween could get onto it to sleep.  
We've been to retreats together.  We've attended Bible studies together.  I can't even remember half of the things we've done over the years. It's been such a "wild and crazy time."

She has two married daughters with grandchildren.  Her husband, Hank, is a strong Christian man who supports her in all her "Adventures."  Other than him being a Seminole, he's okay.

I love Vicki as a sister in Christ.  She has been such a wonderful example for me to follow. Please God.  Heal her.

THE BIG APPLE

Law and Order, even on the plane.

The "BIG APPLE"is pretty much the way I remember.  We were there to celebrate Charles' birthday. He takes such good care of me. He rented a scooter for me and it was invaluable. I don't know what I would have done w/o it. Jenn, Kenny, Pat and David were also there.  Tom couldn't make it.

Horizon from the plane

Saturday we arrived at LaGuardia about 8:30 am. Everyone else went to tour. I rested. I also had a friend, Lucinda, come to the hotel and we went for a tour of Broadway. She was so patient with me and helped me get through the "hoards" of people.  (I thought Main Street traffic was bad.)  True New Yorkers crossed the streets against the lights.  I was too chicken and slow to do that.  Lucinda didn't want to risk it either.  It was great to see Lucinda again. She brought me a piece of Red Velvet Cake that was unbelievable.  Evidently there is a small bakery that is famous for it's cakes, especially Red Velvet, so she went there, stood in line for over an hour, and purchased 2 pieces.  One for her and one for me.  (See what kind of friends I have.  They're awesome.)

Restaurant

Lucinda took me to her favorite place to eat in Manhattan.  It was a small "diner-like" bistro that had good food and lots of atmosphere.  I didn't even realize that we hadn't paid until we were leaving.  I asked Lucinda if she paid, she said no she just walked out w/o giving them any money. She, of course, was joking.  I didn't even realize she had paid.  I was too busy checking out the restaurant.  Very colorful.

Gang

Pat and David have never been to NY, so all is new to them. For dinner we ate at a neat Tex/Mex restaurant and then went to The Met to see Carmen. It was fantastic. I miss going to concerts with Tom, my husband.

Sunday was another "tour time" for the group.  I wasn't feeling well, so I stayed in and ordered room service.  We had tickets for a matinee of "Mary Poppins."  The group went to "Bills" for burgers afterward.   Charles brought me a burger back to the room.  Delicious.

Monday is our day to go home.  We have all day as our flight is not until 6:00 pm.  I woke nauseated so once again the "group" went touring without me.  Kenny and Jenn left very early, so they didn't get to go, but this is mostly a "shopping" day.  Disney Store, Broadway shops, and "Kodak" moments.  I took the scooter back to the valet area to be picked up some time today; then went back to bed. I don't know why I get sick some days; some I don't.  

Lobby of Hotel where we stayed.

When they returned, Charles took me to the hotel restaurant.  I got a BLT.  For some reason, bacon always seems to settle my stomach.  Crazy huh? I felt much better after I ate.  We were picked up at 2:00.  (Charles is great for details.)  Went to the airport, and went through security.  It took me longer because of the pacemaker, but they were thorough and I don't mind that at all.  We had to wait again at the gate, and by 6:00 were boarded and left good old New York.  

WAHOO

This is my third good day; more normal; level vital signs, AND, I am starting to remember better.  I am walking more, cooking, and more energy.  It's about time.  I am so thankful.

Going to New York is on the menu for Saturday.  We are going to celebrate "someones" birthday.  Friends are meeting us there, plans are made for an opera and musical.  At this moment in time, I am planning to go.  I pray that I will be able to do that.

Once again, I'm going to board Ween.  I'm trying the new Disney kennel called "Best Friends."  It's a luxury resort type kennel and hopefully she will like this place better.  We get a discount as a cast member, so it is only a few dollars more than the place she stayed before.  She has abandonment issues but I hope this will make leaving her a little better.

Paperwork needs to be done before I leave Sat.  It's in a pile on the table. Hopefully, I'll get it done.  I am such a procrastinating princess.  Hopefully my "card" will arrive before I leave.  I have to have an ID card indicating I have a pacemaker.  If not, Dr Filart's office provided me with documentation indicating I have one, but I'd like to have the "official" one.

Ween and I have been going to the mail boxes each day.  She likes getting out and I need to walk. Usually, we walk after dinner, but Julie, Holly and Charles are coming by to discuss the necessary decisions on paint, tiles, etc. I'm excited. Ween is excited too.

TIRED

Going to see Dr Filart yesterday was another point for the AMA's side. My "INR" was checked-3.5; too high.  It should not be above 3.  Every day it is a new experience and a change of medication.  Leave it off yesterday; move to today and take that scheduled amount.

Dr is also wanting to still do the ablation.  Fran's scheduling it for some time in October; after October 20 (Charles' Birthday.)  Charles will be out of town part of that time, so that is another reason to schedule later in the month.  I just want to be well.

Our trip to NY is "supposed" to happen next Friday.  Dr Filart has cleared me to travel, with all meds and information sheets indicating my pacemaker.  I don't know if I can physically do it or not.  I haven't much energy even on a good day, so I need to make a decision, quickly.

I can't board Ween again.  It was not a positive experience for her.  She didn't sleep or eat, but seemed to like the place and people, but had a very raspy bark.  She probably yapped a lot.  I had to take her back to the clinic for her cough, and she wanted to go back to see every one.  She is very social.  I'll try to get Mock to stay with her.  She misses him, so it would be a good time for her.  I will also need someone while I have surgery, soooooo. We'll see how it goes.

GOOD DAY

Today is another good day.  I walked to the mail box.  Now, in itself, that doesn't sound like a lot but in the "scheme of things" as my former principal would say, it's a great move forward.  Ween went with me, of course.  She found a motorcycle to chase.  Thankfully, the rider stopped and let her have her time barking.  Excitement galore.

I'm trying to "ween" Wiener from getting on the couch.  When I move in with Charles she will need to stay off because of his allergies so I thought this would be a good time to "ease" her off.  I even put one of the pillows on the floor.  She IS laying on this, so this may really work.

I'm still excited about the house.  It seems to  move sooooo slowly.  I think it's just me.

Charles took me to the store yesterday.  Moving around really helps but tires me.  I will be building strength every time I take a trip somewhere.  Ween seems to have extra energy now too.  She isn't sleeping as much as she used to.  Maybe because I am more active; who knows.

I go to my heart surgeon, Dr Filart, on Thursday.  I think he needs to make some adjustments, but what do I know.  He will evaluate and do accordingly. Blood pressure was low this am, but better than high I am told.

I am having more good days now.  I'm excited about being able to go more.  I only hope I can go to NY by October 3.  We'll see.

Awwww

Today was a good day.  I didn't have any heart problems, that I know of, no fever, no pain, and I was even hungry.   Ween is feeling better too.  She was running around, jumping, and playing with her toys.  I wasn't quite that active, but I got my dishes done today.  I even sorted through my piles of papers that had accumulated in my desk area.  That was an extremely "overwhelming" task.  I hate paperwork.  When I win the lottery, I'm getting a secretary for that job. 

Yesterday Julie took me to see Dr LaFran, one of my heart specialist. I'm still having some dizziness so I have been restricted to no driving.  It was my first appt since I left the hospital.  I was "in afib" all day yesterday.  It started around 8:00 am with a heart beat of 130.  It continued throughout the day and was around 100 by the time I got to his office. He was concerned. I had an ekg, an "inr" test and he changed my meds. The inr is to check the clotting factor in my blood.  It was 2.8, which is good.  Most any where between 2-3 is considered good.  

After coming home I made the adjustments in meds and the afib slowly quit.  It makes me so tired when it 'dances' so I spent some additional resting in bed this am.  Of course, Ween was right beside me.  She has been such a trouper. She is very sympathetic, usually lays beside me, and never seems upset.  She's the perfect companion.   I love the bumper sticker - "The more I learn about men, the more I love my dog." So true.  So true.

Today

Healing.   I can't do much yet, but I have wonderful friends and family who are making sure I'm taken care of each day.  I'm still sore, tired; resting as much as I can.  Mary came and cleaned up, helped me take a shower, fixed me food, fresh and frozen for later, and made sure I had what I needed.

Ween, on the other hand, is not doing well.  She came home with a "wheeze" that I can hear, but not feel in her chest. I need to take her back to vet and see what is going on.  I can't ask anyone else to take me, so I may have to "break a rule" and drive to vet.  We'll see.

Holding down the couch is our big deal today.  I think Ween and I are up to it.

There's No Place Like Home, Dorothy

Dr Filart released me to go home yesterday.  The only person more tired than me was Ween. We got home, ate a sandwich, and both sacked out on the bed. She slept most of the day, but I was up and down a few times.  I don't even really remember the day except we were home.

I woke up about 6.  Ween is still sacked out under the cover.  She has hardly left my side.  I think she missed me as much as I missed her.

I have a bandage over the place they inserted the pacemaker.  I can't get it wet until at least Friday.  I am TOTAL bed rest for 5 days, except for Dr appt Thursday to check my blood clotting level.  I have to go to the Heart Clinic for that. I am " basically" isolated for 5 weeks.  That period of time covers our trip to NY for Charles' birthday party.  I don't know if Dr Filart will allow me to go or not.  I am to make an appointment within 2 weeks, and that will be a "pacemaker" adjustment, if necessary, and check me out to see if everything is okay.

I am so grateful to God for His hand in everything that was done.  I guess He's not ready for me yet.  I am used to staying inside, but Dr Filart wants me to be careful of crowds and not come into contact with a lot of people.  I'm supposed to get a "card" that says I have a pacemaker so that when the alarms go off, they won't cart me away to the POKEY.

I am looking forward to today.  It will be exciting and new.  PTL.

Oops

Things don't always go as planned. I keep forgetting that. My ablation was "aborted" after dr Filart got into the right side, ready to go into the left side and found a "flap" of skin hanging from the upper chambers  entrance.  He did not want to risk the flap breaking off, going into the blood stream, and causing a stroke.  Plan B is a pacemaker to, hopefully, be inserted tomorrow. I am to do nothing but rest, no phone, no visitors, no nothing.  I appreciate your prayers so very much.

Dr Filart has been so wonderful. He even came in on his day off, yesterday, because he was concerned. ( IT WAS A GOD THING)  My heart was stopping for several seconds at a time.  I understand "this is not good." I now have paddles taped to my chest, just in case. There were about 10 people that were immediately in my room when I was having those "episodes." He was so quick and on top of what was happening  He changed some meds, and stayed here until I was stabilized.

I miss Ween so much.  Now I won't be able to go home until at least Tuesday. I'm sure she is confused too.  Any questions, forward to Charles. He and julie are the only people visiting right now. And, they can't stay very long at a time.

Keep the faith and PTL.

WAITING

We're over the Isaac "scare," and weather has returned to our "Normal." Ween and I are just holding down the couch until Wednesday.  She goes to the groomer and then to her vets where she will be staying while I am in the hospital.  She is going to be one upset little girl, but I haven't any choice as I can't find anyone to keep her.  Her vets also has boarding facilities so that is probably the best place for her.  She's never been away from home except for one night with Bob while I was at Mayo.  I don't know who will be more upset Ween or me.  I hate leaving her any time, but especially some place she doesn't know.  I'm sure we both will be okay.

I go into the hospital at 6:00 am on Thursday.  This will be a day of testing and getting ready for the surgery on Friday.  I've read all I can read on my doctor, the hospital, and the surgery.  It is said that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.  While that may be true, I like having all the information. Some people think I ask too many questions.  My name in Scottish actually means "question."  That would be me.

Actually, that is my learning style.  My scattered thoughts, put together, help me to process and put ideas together.  I don't know exactly how it works, but ...

Ween has just gotten up and wants to go back to bed.  She usually comes in and goes back to sleep under her blankie that is on the couch.  But, I had to wash her blankie so she is huffing at me because it's not there.  She does not adjust well.  Poor baby.  Life is so hard sometimes.

ISAAC

Central Florida is well.  We are getting some much needed rain.  So far not much wind. South FL and NW panhandle are getting a rougher version than we are at this time.  God is good and in Control.

Charles has decided to build.  He and Julie have been SEARCHING and getting paperwork in place and have narrowed it down to two versions.  Both are beautiful.  We would be so fortunate to live in either.  The only problem is it will take 5-6 months but anything that is worth having sometimes takes longer than expected.  Ween and I are excited.  We will try to take pictures along in the process after all is settled.

Surgery still scheduled for September 6-10. Going in on Thurs, and having the surgery on Friday.  I will be at ORMC in Orlando.  AKA Arnold Palmer Hospital. (Orlando Regional Medical Center).  Great hospital. We expect no hiccups. Either way it is a WIN/WIN situation.  I'll try to keep everyone informed.

FYI - The company building the house is RYLAND.  The two versions are the Clearwater and Boca Raton, if you would like to check them out.

Thanks for your prayers.  Keep the faith.

Careful What You Say

Why do I always open my mouth and say stupid things like - "I haven't had many Drs. appts this week or last week."  Obviously, God thought I needed Him to show me He is still in control.  I had two appointments yesterday and two today-all unexpected

I had to see my regular PA-Tania on the 14th, which was last week.  She decided I needed to see an endocrinologist.  My thyroid has never been stabilized, since first discovering it wasn't working over twenty years ago. Tania has only been seeing me for about 6 years, and she is concerned so I went to see Dr Bourne.  My appointment was yesterday and Dr Bourne ordered a Sonogram of the thyroid (I didn't know it was pregnant) and more blood work.  I had the sonogram yesterday; blood work today.  I also went to my allergist today.  I talked with two more Drs. offices today. I believe I have done my share of supporting the AMA this week.

Unless something crazy happens, I only have two appointments next week.  I also stop my Coumadin 5 days before surgery (Saturday) and proceed with shots for several days.  Then, the surgery.

I haven't figured out what to do with Ween. Mock moved out today (surprise.) I didn't expect him to move until the 30. I'll need to find someone to take care of Wiener while I'm in the hospital. I'm also moving, but not sure where or when.  I was hoping Charles and I would be in a house by now, but...  My life is always "interesting, if not enjoyable."

Doctors, who knew.

Having only one appointment in three weeks is something of a miracle with me. It is always good to see Tania.  I had lost 6 pounds, blood pressure 120/80, ptnr (or whatever letters it is) was 2.3, which is great, but my thyroid is still out of whack.  She's concerned that it hasn't stabilized in the 5 or 6 years she has known me.  I have news for her - it has NEVER stabilized since I started taking Synthroid, which is 15 or 20 years.

Tania is sending me to an Endocrinologist for more testing.  It's a shame that Drs are still "PRACTICING" medicine and have nothing else to do but use me as a guinea pig.  Soooooo, I have another appointment for another doctor for more testing.  I go Monday to see her and, well, here we go again.

My concerns are more intense for Bret and Julie.  Our church is really going through "IT" now.  The new pastor left after only 6 weeks, the teen director was fired, and now, after voicing his concerns, I believe Bret was also fired. He won't talk about it, but he is very angry.  He has given his all to this church for 16 years, and now what?  I don't know what to tell him except GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME.  I have been holding on to that for years.  I can't turn loose of it.  And, I know he knows that too.

We will all make it.  God has promised.

Lessons Ween has taught me

1.  Hugs are necessary.

2.  I still love you, even though...

3.  Hugs are necessary.

4.  Food is good, whenever it is available.

5.  Hugs are necessary.

6.  Mistakes can be forgiven.

7.  Hugs are necessary.

8.  Visitors are here to see me.

9.  Hugs are necessary.

10. Hug someone you know today.

RELATIVES

Being with relatives can sometimes be taxing, especially if you have nothing in common.  Not true this week.  My nephew, his wife, and family, and his sister were here all week.  Wow.  They are the sweetest people and I enjoy them so much.  I wish they lived closer so we could get together more.  Their oldest son just graduated from high school and the next son will be a senior this year.  They will soon have two college men in the family.  (That can be very expensive)  They like to joke about getting rid of him, but I know they will miss him so much.  They have a daughter that is going into 7th grade and an eight year old son. Both are so personable and easy to love.

We had dinner the other evening at Rainforest Cafe at DTD.  That is a very noisy place, but the food was good and we enjoyed just being with them. Laughter is such a great commodity.  And, when we get together we have so much to catch up on and to laugh at that it is such a joy when they are here.

His sister seemed to enjoy being here too.  She took advantage of the lower tax amount here and bought some thing she had been saving to buy.  I got to spend some time with her, even though I tire easily.  I hate that part of my condition and hope it changes soon.

Ween saw her eating a yogurt this am and thought she would get some of it. I warned her that Ween thought everyone fed her like I did.  You have to tell Ween  NO! IT'S MINE.  Otherwise, she thinks everything is for her.  She did get to lick the container.  That's almost good enough for her.  Sometimes I think its just acknowledging her being there.  Sometimes, she's just being plain spoiled.  Usually the later.

Italian Daschunds

Who knew Wiener liked spaghetti?  According to Mock, she will eat anything I eat.  Most of the time, he's right.  She does eat most anything, that is except eggs.  I don't know why, but she won't eat them.  Now, if I throw in some cheese and ham, or happen to have a four-cheese quiche handy, she's there.


I have had lots of animals in my life time.  My dad loved animals.  My mom not so much.  In fact, she gave away my cocker spaniel one day while I was at school.  I have never had an animal that didn't like eggs except Ween.


Maybe she has a point.  When you think about where eggs come from, it kind of does make you think about whether you should eat them or not.  Then again, I love Mock's eggs when he fixes them.  He says he just adds milk, but I've done that and mine aren't as good as his.


Why is it when someone gives you the recipe for something, it never turns out the way it did for them.  I think it must be something in the interpretation.  I don't usually ask for the receipt, even if I like it.  It just never tastes the same.


I fixed spaghetti for dinner tonight.  Charles and Carole, my niece who is visiting from Nashville, came over.  It is always good to see and be with relatives.  Her mother, Lila, didn't get to come this time.  They belong in Orlando; they just haven't been able to move here yet.  That would be totally neat.  I love family gatherings.


Ween passed out a few minutes ago.  She put herself to bed tonight.  I guess she can't hold her spaghetti.

Interesting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86dsfBbZfWs 


My sister sent me this "information" from a youtube placement.  I found it very interesting and yet, another thing came up to mind when i saw it.  


I agree with the "theory" that life is short and eternity is forever.  Yet, I am a realist for the most part. We still have to exist in this world.  We still have to deal with issues.  We are still concerned when things happen.  We cannot forget this life, we just have to manage to live in it.  


Look to eternity, but please don't tell me to forget this life even with the shortness of it in relation to the after life.  I have issues I have to deal with every single day.  I have it pretty easy in relationship to others I have met.  


Just dealing is hard and frustrating at times, especially when it doesn't seem like it's getting better no matter what you do.  And, to the person who posted the youtube "sermon, " Please forgive me while I try to live DAILY.

Unofficially Official

After talking with my doctors office this AM, I am tentatively scheduled for surgery on September 7. I was hoping for sooner but the doctor is off the whole month of July. He only does surgery on Fridays and there are already scheduled surgeries during August. Unless someone cancels, the first opening is September.

I will go into the hospital on the 6th for tests and have the surgery on the 7th. I can't say I'm looking forward to the surgery, but I AM looking forward to the positive results. I am still having TIAs and AFIB, but so far I haven't gone back to the hospital. Not because I haven't needed to go, but I hate going there.

It's not the hospital personnel; they have been great. I can have all sorts of symptoms to the point of death, but as soon as I walk through the ER doors, I AM HEALED. No symptoms; no pains; nothing shows up in the testing. Those are magical doors. I don't know how they do it, but it is certainly miraculous.

As of right now, Ween and I are holding down the bed. I still have some vertigo which makes moving interesting. If I don't try to do anything, I'm okay. She is taking herself to the potty and for the most part, ok. She has a short attention span, so we have to be careful and "FOCUS" on the task.

Once again, we wait. I'm excited to see our new house God is giving us.

No surprises

After talking with my cardiologist's PA, Marsha, the Ablation procedure is being scheduled, even as we speak.  My "ECHO" was good - no abnormal blood flow; but, enlarged upper left chamber and enlarged bottom right chamber.  She said this is not unusual for people with high blood pressure.

Cardiac ablation is a procedure that is done in order to destroy areas in your heart that may be causing heart rhythm problems. Small wires called electrodes are placed in the heart to measure the electrical activity and destroy the problem areas.

It is being scheduled for happening in about 2 weeks.  I will be in the hospital about 5 days.  I am having the procedure at Arnold Palmer - ORMC (Orlando Regional Medical Center).  Not my usual hospital, but great reputation for "cutting edge" procedures.  (No pun intended)

My doctors have a 90% success rate and do not anticipate any problems.  As I look at it, it is a WIN/WIN situation.  If it happens and works, I win.  If it happens, and something might go wrong, I also win.  I am ready to do almost anything to feel better again.  Hopefully, after this, I'll be able to exercise and lose weight.

I'll blog about the procedure as we go along.  God is good; Yeah, God.

WAHOO

"He's" home.  I'm home.  No pain.  Doctors to see.  Visits to make.  Wahoo.

YESTERDAY

It was not one of my favorite days, to say the least. After having my AFIB since Sunday, I was exhausted and trying to sleep.  Ween decided it was time for me to get up, but not her.  I saw myself staying in bed, but after thrashing about for 30 minutes or so, I decided to get up and get ready for the day by taking a shower.

It's always a "tossup" for me to decide what to do about the irregular heart beat.  It usually returns to "normal" after a few hours.  I have additional medication to help, but nothing seemed to work and it had been three days.  I took my shower and walked five feet into my closet to get something to wear. The next thing I remember is coming face to face with the carpet in my closet. Interesting.

"He" has had a kidney stone since Thursday and the pain had not subsided.  He called to discuss the next step.  We decided we would "both" go to the ER. (The family that gets ill together...)  I had several "episodes" of weakness while en route to our "familiar" local ER.

I found out my heart rhythm had returned to normal; my episodes had subsided; and, I can't take hot, hot showers any more.  According to the "expert" at the hospital, the extreme heat of the shower makes the blood vessels constrict and lack of oxygen can make you pass out.  Hummmmm.

I was released; He was admitted.  Precautions warranted additional tests for him.  I was going home and get some rest.  Backed the car out of the space, ready to buzz home, and heard the familiar "THUMPING" of a flat tire.  (Icing on the cake.)  Finally decided to have it towed to his tire place, called Mock to come to get me, and waited.  And, waited.  And, waited.

The tow truck arrived; Mock had not.  It had been 45 minutes.  We live approximately 15 minutes away.  The tow truck man  (He had to have cash) took the "limping" vehicle away.  Still no Mock.  He was dealing with our cities "finest."  61 in a 45.  I suddenly felt a large drop on my shoulder and after 5 more, there was a deluge from the sky.  I was soaked through all my clothing by the time I got back to the ER drop off area.  And, still no Mock, and no cash. (Is God trying to tell me something?)

Twenty minutes later, Mock showed up with all his paperwork, and we were off to the credit union to get a check cashed that I had received in the mail. Traffic was heavy as we made it to I-drive, got money, had to get gas, and finally made it to the car, paid the poor tow man, and arranged to have the tire fixed.

It was after 2, and we were both starved.  Tried to drive through Mickey-Ds, but it was torn up for remodeling.  Had to drive about 10 miles away. "Megan" from the tire store called.  He had a "razor blade" in the tire.  Not fixable. She assured me that she would work her magic and get us a good deal.

I was TOTALLY wiped.  We headed for home, food, and Ween. After consuming appropriate amounts, I felt the bed calling my name.  Ween and I woke up about 6.  I had to go to Charles' and get some things, then we headed back to the hospital. (Ween didn't go.)

Julie and Bret were there and we stayed until "they kicked us out."  Mock went to get the car and I sat down on a bench beside a black lady wearing a lovely red dress.  I did what I do best, I started talking.  She had been there all day with her son, Steven, 41, who was experiencing some problems with the stent of his dialysis tube and had an infection.

I listened as she explained Steven's situation.  He has been on dialysis 10 years and gone through so much during that time.  He's on "the list" for a new kidney, but no hint as to how long.  Her last words to me, as I got up to get in the car, "Keep the faith."

God has a way of jerking me up short.  Reality is - my day could have been a lot worse.  In perspective, I was grateful for just a "kidney stone."

AHHH/ C0LLEGE LIFE

Trevecca College (Now University) is the college that I went to for the first year+ of higher education.  I was older than the "regular" students as I worked 3 years after high school.  My loving "emotional" parents, Marie and Darrell, gave me the money for my first quarter's tuition.  My biological "father" told me I was too stupid to go to college, and would not support me in any way.

Arriving the day before the Summer Session started, I was able to take a class, and stay in the Senior Dorm.  It was a dream come true.  I was finally "somewhere else."  Wonderful, crazy times and I got to explore the college without the hoards of other students.  I devoured all I could and basked in the glow of learning.  I thought I had died and gone to heaven, especially inside the new Library building.  I have always loved learning.

On my 22nd birthday, July 12, I received a call.  I think it was Susan, but I can't be definite.  (Not important anyway.) My brother, Charles, was missing. He had been taking his final tests in Yokohama to receive his pilot's license. He was a missionary in Japan, traveling quite a bit for the church, and decided flying would be easier and quicker.

The authorities "thought" he had crashed in the water surrounding the area, but he had not been close enough for that kind of "ditch."  His airplane was found on July 15, his daughter's birthday, broken apart on the side of one of the mountains.  Everything during the next few days is a blur.  I remember being at the church for his service, but not much more.  

Charlie, to me, was the ultimate brother.  I thought he could walk on water; so smart he made mostly A's in college; and, knew everything.  I remember being numb; going through the motions of talking with people, and yet trying to avoid everyone.

He was cremated in Japan and his ashes were placed in a niche in a garden there.  At the time, they did not embalm nor bury bodies; not enough land. His wife and children came back to the US, without him.  I know they are remembering him today, just as I remember Tom on April 7. My best wishes and prayers are focused on them today.  

Change - One thing for sure

Didn't make Konas.  "He's" still in pain.  We decided to postpone it until next week-end, or whenever.  It's always a special occasion when we get together, so we will celebrate then.

Vicki dropped by last night.  She was on her way home.  Chloe and Ween played, Vicki worked on my bike, and I watched.  I'm getting really good at that, and of course, holding down the couch.  I need Chloe to come over more often,  She wore Ween down.  That's the most exercise she's had in a long time.  Ween was so tired that she went to bed directly after she ate and didn't get up until this am.

Nothing planned for today.  More resting.  I had some twinges in my back yesterday.  Picking up Ween is a chore and I guess I shouldn't be doing it.  I'll try to be more careful about HOW I lift her.

Only tomorrow will we know whether we can go to church or not.  I hope all "He" needs is rest. We'd like to go, but we'll see.

I'm not sure how I feel about the new pastor.  I've heard him preach and he's just okay.  New pastor has changed the Acapella Service to include instruments too.  And, starting next week, we're going to a 9:00 service instead of 8:45.  I know 15 minutes isn't much, but it's still a change.  Like I said, I don't know yet.  We'll see.  I'm not opposed to change per se, but I really enjoy Acapella music.  For me, the instruments are too loud and hurt my ears.  I have almost stopped going to concerts for the same reason.  Even the ear plugs don't help.  They cut out the noise, but also the music.  I guess I'm turning into an old "poop head."  Interesting turn of events, hummm?

Home

Finally home. Charles drove but I don't think he really felt like it. He's still in pain but should subside soon.

We're celebrating tomorrow w/all the family at Kona Cafe. I really like their food, but it's expensive. Julie's choice. Works for me.

My "Saran Wrap" missed me. Bob used to say I was her food source but I think it's more than that. She's so spoiled and likes things her way. I think it's more that and some love thrown in. I miss her when I'm gone.

I have another appt tomorrow to start therapy. I can't actually exercise until next week because of my back procedure but I'm really looking forward to it. My back pain is gone so I think this will work now. Still having a problem breathing but hope to get that under control soon.

Can't wait to celebrate.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Being at MAYO at 8:30am is quite a task in itself. That means we have to get up at 4:00am and be on the road by 5:00.

We arrived and hit the ground running, as they say. It was an extremely full day of appointments - MRI, bloodwork, drs to see, procedures to have. We left about 4:00 pm, and headed for the closest Red Lobster. I got to choose and coconut shrimp sounded good; it was. We left the restaurant to come back to our hotel. (another part of my birthday present - staying over night on the beach.)

I had made arrangements to have dinner at Aida's but I was so totally drained that I begged off. She is so sweet and so are the boys. I hate to have missed them. It's a good thing we didn't go because "My driver" suddenly experienced intense pain and we had to go back to Mayo ER and spend another 3 1/2 hours determining he had a kidney stone.

Not exactly how I planned to celebrate, but he got the medications he needed and is now sleeping for the first time in approx 21 hours. ENOUGH SAID? HAPPY HAPPY.

Thelma and Louise

Kali called yesterday and has ANOTHER "wonderful idea." She is "an idea man" if there ever was one.  The truth be told, some of them are actually pretty great.  Others - not so much.  I'm not sure which this one could be.

Her counselor has told her of a RETREAT type spa that is close to us, provides 21-28 day programs that help with weight loss, depression, and wellness issues of any kind.  She assures me that Medicare pays for it, we can go and stay as long as we want up to 28 days, be on a strict regime, rest and relax, and participate in group activities, and counseling.  I even called Barb and suggested it to her.  "He" thinks its a good idea; so does Mock.

It is for only 28 days.  It does sound like a good plan.  I do need help in a lot of areas.  I'm thinking seriously about doing it.  She says she wants to go for the month of August.  The only problem I see is that Kali has a very short attention span and by next week, she might be on to something else "interesting."

We have been cohorts in many escapades.  We taught together for several years and retired about the same time, both due to health issues.  We both remarried, and she's already divorced.  We both have sons and are outspoken, even if our opinion isn't solicited.  Yes, a lot in common.  I always end up saying, "It's another fine mess you got me into Ollie."  I hope that's not the case this time.  And, whatever will Ween do without me?

Life is so Daily

This week has again been a roller coaster of emotions and appointments.  Up and down; date changes; miscommunications.  I returned the heart monitor on Monday.  Tuesday I began having the "dancing" motion but it didn't last long, thank God.  Maybe the Coumadin is working.  Celebrated the 4th by watching TV and petting Ween.

I had my blood check yesterday and it was 2.3.  That definitely is good.  Tania was happy; the lab tech was happy; Ween was happy.  All was good.  Had to change several appointments with Tania, as our schedules are overlapping for the next few weeks.  Did not get the results of my ECHO.  According to Drs office, it hasn't been processed yet.  It's a good thing I'm not dying or anything.  It was done on the 29th.  Two weeks seems a long time to get it processed, but what do I know.

I had an appointment to have bloodwork done this morning.  Left late, got there with just a script, but it was the wrong one, so I had to cancel that one and reschedule for Tuesday.  Nothing available on Monday.

I have several appointments for MAYO on Wed.  I hope this will be the help I'm looking for with my back.  I am also having an MRI, and see a cardiologist.  I hope to see Aida again.  I miss seeing her, and the boys.

I have a pile of paperwork on my table and need to take care of it.  Some day when I'm rich, I'll have a secretary to take care of that stuff.  Dream on, Sheila.

 

Heart Beat

Friday was the "ECHO" at my cardiologist office.  I wore a heart monitor for 24 hrs after - until 3 on Saturday.  I had two extra heart beats during that time so I indicated it on the machine.

Experienced another TIA on Sunday.  It wasn't as bad as the last one so the Coumadin must be working.  I was taking a shower and when I got out I felt it coming on, quickly got dressed and reached the bed in time to lay down without falling.  Mary happened to be here so she was standing by in case I needed to go to the hospital.  It slowly subsided but there were "after shocks" so I laid still for a few hours.  By then, I was still feeling the vertigo but was able to talk.  Mary insisted I needed to eat.  I usually have nausea during this time, but the food seemed to help.

I had a very hot shower.  I don't know if that brought it on or what did exactly but I'm beginning to sense the signs and can usually get to a chair or couch before it is full blown.  I had the vertigo most of the day and couldn't go to church, but the "episode" was several hours after the vertigo started.

Interesting, huh?  I go back to MAYO on July 11.  More tests.  I am also seeing another cardiologist there.  Dr Dorcher arranged it for me.  He thought there was not enough being done from the signs I described.  He's a sweetheart. He actually cares for his patients.

I've started another blog.  This is creative musings from my "distracted" brain. I generally do "stream of conscienceness" writing; some of it will not make sense to anyone but me.  I've been encouraged to write, so here I go.

One More Time

During this tropical storm Debby, my son drove me to Jacksonville.  Three hours later we are at the Lab, doing Dr ordered blood work in the Davis Building.  ("He" has been so gracious with his time.  I do appreciate him and all he does for me.)  Once again, plans go awry.

After labs, we head for the Mayo building with him pushing me in a wheel chair.  We check in on the 1st floor, move to the 5th floor and are told that they aren't ready for me until 12:30.  It is now 10:30.  They advise that we can go eat.  The cafeteria is back in Davis building.  He wheels me back over to Davis, I eat.  He just had something to drink.  Afterward, we have to traipse back across the campus to the Mayo building.

We arrive at the 5th floor waiting area at approximately noon, and settle down to wait again.  As I have said, Mayo is very exacting with their scheduling.  Today was no exception.  At 12:30 the nurse comes out, takes me back into the procedure rooms area and I undress and put on the "fashionable" procedure wear.  And, I wait.

Donna, the assigned nurse, came back into the "holding" area and sits down in the other chair.  "I see you are taking Coumadin.  When did you stop your medication?"  I didn't know what she was asking.  I HAD NOT stopped the pills. "We have a slight dilemma."  My thought was "We who Paleface?" (Old joke)

She asked if Dr Dorcher had advised me to stop the meds.  I said if he did I had not remembered. They can't do the procedure while I am taking the meds, and my cardiologist must "sign off" on the procedure.  (Someone at Mayo had dropped the ball.)  Sooooooooo, basically we made a six hour trip to have blood work done.  And, they had not even included the PTINR test to check the clotting level.  It's time to head for home.

Back to Jacksonville

Sounds like a country-western song; if not already available, I think I'll write it.  Blood work and a procedure for my back; so much fun.  "He" is taking me. This is supposed to relieve the pain I'm having.  Dr talks surgery, but I don't want that unless it is the VERY LAST option.

It is a total day of fasting tomorrow.  I don't really mind that so much as I do waiting.  Mayo isn't as bad as most places.  They usually stay to a strict schedule and minimal waiting is their directive.  I like my doctors there.  They actually seem to care.

Wed is "blood check" day with my regular GP.  And, then on Friday, I'm back to my cardiologist for more testing.

My life seems to exist just to see Drs.  Although they are extremely capable and kind, I'm really over the "thrill" of the visit.  To me, its like eating the same meal 3 times as day, 7 days a week with no changes in the menu.  I still haven't been able to get to the PT that is waiting for me.  I'd really like to do that.  It probably will help more than anything else.

I would love to get into the water again.  It has rained so much, it is not only hard to get into our pool between storms, but the water is also too cold to use it.  The temperature of the water adversely affects my over all body temperature.  It needs to be at least 80 degrees for me to be able to tolerate it.  It would be nice to have solar heating available.

Today is another day of holding down the couch.  Ween and I have already "assumed" our positions.

Good News; Bad News

Once again supporting the AMA - the doctor "de jour" was my cardiologist. The "echo" showed an enlarged upper chamber on one side.  I am still having the "afib" problem so he is once again increasing the meds.  I am to go back next Friday to see if there is any change and to have another echo.  If not, surgery is recommended.


If we have to go the surgery route, it is a procedure called Ablation:


In cardiac ablation, doctors insert thin, flexible tubes (catheters) with electrodes on the tips into a blood vessel in your arm, groin or neck and thread them through your blood vessels to reach your heart. Doctors then apply heat (radiofrequency energy), a laser or extreme cold (cryoablation) through the catheters to destroy (ablate) abnormal heart tissue causing your heart rhythm disorder  (from Mayo Clinic website)


It is, once again, a wait and see game.  I think that is worse than actual procedure.  I find it much easier to be a patient than being a fixture in the waiting room.  


The President is visiting the Magic Kingdom - EVERYTHING SHUTS DOWN for his visit.  Traffic, parks, and various sundry areas.  It is such a mess when he visits.  I hope he likes the weather.


Ween and I are watching the clouds roll in with the beginnings of a storm coming closer and closer. I love storms. Oh not out in it, but watching the fierceness and presence of God.  Living on a preserve, it is awesome to see the lightening skip across the water, trees bending to the pressure of the wind, and the large, hard raindrops that are released by the dark clouds. Ween is fine with watching it from inside; outside, not so much.  Right now she is ignoring all the signs of the outdoors.  Sleeping is a hard job; but, someone has to do it.

Four Days In Hell

Probably the most frustrating thing about my "four days in hell" is once again being misunderstood.  It has been a reoccurring theme throughout my life. And, yes, it still makes me angry. Maybe I don't make myself clear. Maybe I am trying to give too much responsibility to others.  Either way, that's what had transpired and landed me at "The Farm."

I had to have someone unlock the bathroom door for me.  Permission to bath is also required.  Eating and "group" meeting times are rigidly dictated.  There are absolutely no electronics allowed.  They search your room and belongings all through the day.  And, a really big AND, I miss Ween.

I didn't have anyone to "lick" me awake, if I could finally sleep.  I didn't have to stumble around trying to let someone go outside.  I didn't even have someone to share my food.

Yesterday I "got" to see the Grand Pooba (Psy Dr)  He determines if someone can leave.  He sees me for all of three minutes and he can evaluate my competency?  POWER. It's a wonderful thing.  You have no power or opinion there.  You are a face that moves in front of a body.

I have been blessed to be able to travel.  Tijuana, other border towns, Paris' train station, an interesting shop in Israel.  I guess I was surprised about the facilities - mold in the shower, shower curtain is fall down, window blinds broken, floors dirty to name a few things.  On the positive side, there was hot water for a shower, I have clean linens (uniforms) to wear.  And, don't get me started on the uniforms that "the guests" must wear. Plain street clothes for the staff, and paper blue scrubs for those not yet admitted.  All possessions are taken away and stored "somewhere."  You are supposed to get them back when you check out.

Food is edible up there on 4 W; not so much in the "holding" area.  It took approx 14 hours to get admitted. I had to stay in two different areas before finally moving up to the fourth floor. They did have bag lunches in that area. I'm not sure how they could improve those except by adding a cafeteria. It's a bag lunch.

Cameras are all over.  I even had one in my room.  It's supposed to be because of my heart condition.  My room mate is interesting too.  About 14-16 and sometimes acted like she was 4 or 5.  She screams on a level almost out of normal hearing range.  She's required a "handler" most of the time.  They gave her a shot the first night and she slept after that.

Short of being in an arena at a sporting event, the noise level raises to a slight roar.  My day is usually very quiet and like it this way.  It is indigenous to an ant farm with super bowl speakers on crack.  The walking dead in the halls have blank looks on their faces.  There is also laughing for no apparent reason, screaming, shouting at invisible targets.  Medicated or need meds, I don't know.  I just know my TOTAL goal is getting out.

UNTITLED

I am greatly upset at the "misunderstandings" that people have recently made .


IF YOU HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT ME, DO NOT CONTACT ANOTHER MEMBER OF MY FAMILY TO FIND OUT ABOUT ME.  


Kindly contact me.  Or, better yet.  Keep your concerns to yourself and discuss them with God.  He knows what is going on and doesn't fault me or misunderstand me.


I am old enough to make my own decisions and really do not appreciate anyone's input unless I ask for it.  


This is all I have to say about the matter - If you don't like what I write, don't read it.

TIRED

Anyone who has kept up with me, knows how my life has been spiraling. As I told my doctor, "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired."

I have tried to do what is right.  I have tried to hold it together.  I am too tired to try any more.  Please don't make a big deal out of this.  I know things are constantly changing, but they have not changed for the better in the last 10 years.  I'm too tired to fight any more.

Please forgive me.



(An excerpt from a story in the writing stage by Sally Kirk.)

Practicing Medicine

You realize, of course, doctors are just "Practicing" medicine.  Every time I go to another office; every time I wait in a crowded noisy waiting room; every time I have to get weighed I try to imagine my life without doctors.  I wouldn't have any place to go or have expectations of wonder over what is their diagnosis.  My life would be so boring.

I'm being referred to another doctor to have an "Echo" done; meds have been changed again at both places today; and, blood was checked for clotting level - 3.7 - a little high so we're changing that too.  Where would I be without my doctors.

I stopped at the store and got dinner.  Mock was off today but had to do the doctor thing too. He's still on restricted duty so he's back in a park tomorrow. He is going to "sweat" again.  I remember those days.  That was one of the reasons I changed for an inside job - heat, sweat, sun poisoning, all those good things.  He can hardly wait.  I'm sure he will have several "scenarios" to tell me about.  Oh what a day.

Canada is North, Right?

Canada is north and Mexico is south.  Seems simple enough, right?  "He" has made it to Canada from Kalispell.  Now for the next leg of his trip.  This is officially business now. Everyone in my family went to Canada one summer. I have never been.  I would love to have been included in this trip, but alas. (You know my song of woe.) I'm not sure where "He" goes from Calgary, but I'm sure it will be a great trip.

Doctors appointments on Wed will keep us busy.  I have two; Mock has one. We believe in supporting the AMA. At this point in life, I haven't much choice. Still trying to get things straightened out so I can start my PT.  My heart doctor on Wednesday will be able to advise me more.

Dr Dorcher, at Mayo Clinic, wants me to see their Cardiologist.  I tried to get an appt for several weeks and they said they were booked.  He got me in to see one the middle of July.  In the meantime, we are still testing and whatever needs to be done.

Mock is on "light" restricted duty due to his injured thumb.  He's at Epcot today, and off Tues and Wed.  He is supposedly a greeter.  With his sunny disposition today, he may not play as nice as he should.  He hasn't had any sleep and he is crabbier without it.  Oh well.  It was probably nice for him to work there.

Who made breakfast necessary?

Tom could eat the moment his feet hit the floor.  I, on the other hand, have a challenge to try to figure out what to eat in the a.m..  I have to eat to take my meds, but I really don't like breakfast food.  I'm more of a "bruncher" than I am excited about eating early.  I have "leftovers" from Mary's breakfast last night.  I also have yogurt, eggs, turkey bacon, bread and cheese.  It's just too early to eat, in my humble opinion.

Shouldn't the day start around 11?  Ween thinks so.  She usually gets up at the crack of 10, comes to the couch and proceeds to take her "nap time" at the other end.  (It is a lonnnngggg way from the bed to the couch.  It "could" be a grueling experience.)

I'm not sure if Mock is sleeping or at one of the parks.  He was supposed to let someone into STUDIOS today, but had not heard what time they wanted to get in.  His keys are not on the counter, but his doors are closed. Ah, the mysteries in my life.

The numbness in my brain says it's time to nap.  Honestly, Ween is so much wiser than I could ever be.  With "Gilmore Girls" music in the background, I just have to organize my day, right after my rest. Ween would be proud.

Cleaning Day

So many times I have said I am blessed with good friends.  Today is another example.  My friend Mary, who also happens to clean my apartment for me, cooked the most marvelous meal for Mock and me.  When she comes to clean, she also brings food.  Today's dinner "de jour" was actually a breakfast. Sausage and biscuits, sausage gravy over biscuits, toast with egg in the middle and hash browns that are to die for.  Everything is "homemade" and low in calories. It not only was great to eat but also marvelous for her to do this.  (Did I mention that she is also a caterer?)

Received a text from "Him."  Beautiful picture of Lake McDonald.  According to Wikipedia, it's the 2nd largest lake in Montana.  They are visiting Glacier National Park today.  And, afterward, I believe they're having a bbq.

We have gotten some much needed rain today.  I had to take a pain pill earlier so I slept most of the morning.  Ween has so much sympathy, she slept with me.  She is so helpful.  I woke up in time to shower and let Mary into the apt.

Now that our "tummys" are full, we're thinking very seriously of going to bed. That is probably the best idea Ween has had all day.

I wouldn't tell "Him" this, but I miss "Him" when he's gone.  I hope he has a great time.

It's Party Time

Dropped "someone" off at the airport this morning. He's on his way to his first leg of his journey.  (He has a rough job, but somebody has to do it.) He's doing one of the "Adventures" because he has to know what he is talking about when he talks to Media People about the trip.  He will be in Kalispel, Montana for a few days.  He wants to see Glacier Park.  According to him, it's free tomorrow.  I would love to have gone but at this time, I'm not quite able to do all that involves.  I'd love to see Canada, and do all the wonderful things they will be experiencing.  Maybe some day.

While I was at the airport, which took all of 12 minutes, Ween managed to put herself in the proverbial doghouse. I took her out 2 minutes before I left. When I came home, there was a "gift," "heap," or ginormous "PILE" on the carpet in front of the door.  And, another smaller pile over by the dining room table, AND a large wet spot on the carpet going into Mock's room.  I was, and still am, LIVID.  That has sealed her doom.  She WILL NOT be left loose when I exit the apartment.  She WILL BE penned in the kitchen.  It's a good thing Mary is cleaning tomorrow. She has a special liquid she uses on the carpet to get up the "spots."

When I finally move into my house, I will only have tile.  That will eliminate a lot of problems on her part.  Until then, if I don't kill her she will be lucky.

Other than going to the airport, I am basically "holding down the couch" again today.  Mock injured his thumb last night and went to "Centre Care" and had x-rays.  They said it wasn't broken, but he's not supposed to use it for several weeks.  I'm sure that is going to go over like a lead balloon with his boss.  He uses the keyboard all shift, soooo who knows how they will handle that. Since he did it at work, it is considered Workman's Comp.  He's wearing a brace over his thumb and forearm.  What fun.  Always something exciting going on in my life.

I am cooking "black beans," which I haven't done for a very long time.  Julie sent me some on Memorial Day and they were delicious.  And, believe it or not, Arby's roast beef sandwiches and black bean soup are the only two things my stomach could tolerate when I had ulcers.  Since I had some black beans in the pantry, I decided to see how they would taste.

And, paperwork.  Don't get me started on all the paperwork that needs to be filed and filled out.  It's all over the apt. and it needs to be gone.  Since the "tooth fairy" isn't available, I guess I have to do it.  Of course, I haven't tried pixie dust.  I'll see if I can find some.

No Dr Day - Wahoo

Today is another resting day.  I was released yesterday to drive and exercise.  I felt like singing - Free at Last.  I sometimes sound so pitiful to myself.  It's impossible to deny I'm blessed.  I have far more "things," friends and family than most people, yet sometimes I get in a "funk" and can't see a way out of issues.  


I'm reminded of Job and what he had to endure.  I'm nowhere near that place, yet occasionally I feel God has hit his "MUTE" button and is ignoring me entirely.  In a verbal whisper in my ear in Jerusalem, He promised to take care of me. Sometimes His idea of care isn't mine. And yet, I hear Garth Brooks' song, "Sometimes I Thank God for Unanswered Prayers."


Is God saying to satan what He said about Job - "Have you considered my servant Sheila?"  Can He actually say that about me? I'm not sure.

If it's Tuesday it must be Jacksonville

Here I am again. As the picture indicates, I'm waiting to see another Dr at Mayo. Most waiting rooms look alike, right? This one isn't any different. We've been here since 8:30, with a short trip to Bob Evans, and I'm pretty much over it. 


Don't even have time to see Aida. She isn't free until 3, and I can't wait until then.  According to Dr, I "probably" have a pinched nerve, hopefully.  If not, we may have to do surgery.  


Testing today - x-rays; EKG; and wanted to do blood work, but it has to be done fasting, so we had to put that off until I can get it done.  When I go back, in July, he wants to do MRI, blood work, pain induction (?) and decide what needs to be done.  


According to him, I was taking the wrong medication for pain, so he changed it.  Mock says I can take one and see him next Thursday.  (He has more experience with pain meds than I do, so he thinks this will put me out.)  He's probably right.  Two aspirins knock me out for the night, so I don't know what this stuff will do.  We'll see.  The script says I can take one every 4 hrs.  (Yeah.  That is going to happen.)


Had dinner with Julie and Bret.  Julie invited us to stop on our way home.  It was delicious.  I'm really not to have spicy foods, and this wasn't too bad, but it was Tacos.  I made a Taco salad and ate about half.  I brought the other half home for tomorrow. MMMMMMMMM good.


Just got home and I'm totally wiped.  I have another dr's appt tomorrow and "he" is taking me.  I feel really awful that "he" is missing so much work, but "he" says not to worry about it.  So, I won't.


Ween is already in bed.  I'm right behind her.  I wonder if she took one of my pills?  Na. She can't even open the bottle.  It's a "thumb" thing.

Monday Again

Once again Monday happens.  Ween and I held down the bed most of the day yesterday.  I don't know why, but I had no energy at all.  I think the Coumadin and my blood pressure medicine are interacting to lower my blood pressure too low.

No appts today.  Wow.  It's a miracle. Tomorrow "he" is taking me to MAYO in Jacksonville.  I absolutely HATE not being able to drive.  It is such a nuisance. Someone must take me everywhere outside the apartment.  It's ridiculous, but I guess necessary.  Hopefully, it should end soon.

Wednesday is another "blood" checking day.  I have to go to the drs office to have that done.  I also need to get my allergy shots at another drs office. Hopefully, no other drs this week. It will seem like vacation.

I Know where I was

Forty-five years ago today, I was in Nashville, TN. The plans were made. People were in place. All was set up for the big event. What could possibly go wrong? Tom forgot my flowers; I was so nervous I had to pee, with my dress on, five minutes before going down the aisle; I put his ring on the wrong finger; It rained all day and night. Did any of that stop us? Thank goodness it didn't.


I was married to one of the most amazing people in the world. I didn't even realize it at the time. The first year and a half were wonderful. We loved. We laughed. We had fun. Then I found out I was pregnant and I threw up all nine months. That does not make for a "happy" time.


He was understanding, helpful, and patient. I was a total bitch, and I didn't even know it. I didn't know how to love that man properly. I did not let him be the person God had created him to be. I was self absorbed, and not the woman God wanted me to be. If I could I would go back and change so many things.


That man made such an impression on me. I learned so much from him, and his "sayings." I recently spent some time with our old friends Mary and Byron. We reminisced about those times - most were good; some not so much. We all felt we were blessed to have known him, even for such a short time.