Old or Former Friends?

Every single day I interact with approximately 300 people. I love that aspect of my job. Occasionally, I even see people I know or have known some time during my life. This week was one of those times.

I was going to survey a couple standing in the shade. It's very warm here already, but I thought they looked familiar. The man was wearing a WV hat and shirt. I asked him if he was from Morgantown-home of West Virginia University. He said no he lived in a little town near Charleston. "Really" I said. "So what's the name of this little town." "You wouldn't know it." "Okay, but try me." It's called Belle, West Virginia." "No Way!" was my answer. He looked at me confused. I used to live in Belle ( I don't tell everyone that info) and went to DuPont High School. So I started to ask him another question, and his wife called me by my "maiden" name. And, her voice and demeanor allowed her maiden name just "JUMP" into my mouth. "Name Right?" (Remember I'm not using personal names any more) She shook her head yes. Wow! It really "IS" a small world.

This person is ABSOLUTELY the very last person I would have expected to see at our type of park. She was never one for "having fun" and apparently she still isn't. She said probably 3 words to me the 20 or so minutes I was standing there. Her husband, on the other hand, was very polite and started through the list of people that we both had once known. Most of them are either dead or in an assisted living place or maybe close to both at the same time. I'm not one to "reminisce" about old times that were not particularly that eventful or worth remembering, so I'm not really listening to all he is saying, but the look on her face was the very same one I remember as a child. "Condescending, snobby, almost even "bored out of her gourd" look.

Is this look supposed to convey something or she is just constipated, who knows, but it was so her. It could also be the fact that we constantly made fun of her as a child, or she never was very intelligent and I just can't handle stupid, I don't know. I just thought it was very "interesting" to see these people again, and they really hadn't changed much. Too bad. Life is too short to not enjoy your life.

Macho or Wimp?

There are only 2 types of men in this world-"Mr Macho" or "Mr. Wimpy", and some times they are both at the same time especially if they are sick.

As most everyone knows, Bob has just had major surgery. That in itself has proven to be a real challenge. I had to go back to work, or kill him. I thought it might be better on me to go back to work. I'm not sure yet if I chose wisely. I may still have to kill him. Why you ask?

He has had blood in his urine and one of his incisions is also seeping blood. Normally, this would be cause for concern, right? Not necessarily for Bob. In fact, he was a little upset with me for calling his Dr. After returning my call, the Dr said he needed to see Bob. I left work, raced home to take him and he wasn't sure it was such a good idea. After some "persuading" we went to the Dr and Bob has a urinary infection and needed some special care of his incision.

"So, in other words" I said to the Dr, "It was a good idea for us to come see you?" "Absolutely" was his answer. I turned and looked at Bob with that "See. I told you so" look that he really didn't want to see. Bottom line-He needs to take it easy.

Sometimes he doesn't think I know what I'm talking about. Little does he know - I'm the PRINCESS OF SURGERY. I only have necessary parts left and I should know all about taking care of yourself afterward. And now, do you think he will listen to what I have to say? Yeah. Sure. And if you believe that, I have some swamp land in South Florida for sale.

TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT-That is usually the question

There is this "old-fashioned" drive-in that Bob and I have talked about trying for some time. This week seemed like the right time. It was one of our favorite places when we were younger, we both agreed. And, we hadn't been able to understand why it wasn't crowded like we remembered. We found out.

I have reverted to my old adage - "It seemed like a good idea at the time." If there is one thing that really upsets me it is poor service. It is like being rude; there is no excuse for it. Our "waitress" was obviously either on drugs; needed drugs; or, just didn't care about how her attitude came across to us (the customer).

I ordered 2 #5s with 2 diet cokes (foot long hot dogs with chili, cheese, and onions, with fries). Seems pretty straightforward, right? Wrong!!! We got 3 hot dogs-not foot long; no fries and 2 drinks. I told her, "I only ordered 2 foot long hot dogs." "Oh." And she left. She came back with 2 foot longs; no fries, I reminded her that we also got fries with our order. "Oh." She left again. She came back with the fries and I thought everything was okay until Bob discovered that the drinks were root beers. (I ABSOLUTELY HATE ROOT BEER!!!) By this time, I was really upset but remained calm, and called her again. "We ordered diet cokes, and we got root beer. Could we have this changed?" Once again, "Oh." The hot dogs were mediocre, fries were cold, but the drinks had ice, when we finally got them.

Yesterday was better, but still not on target. At least the waiter was better. He just picked up the wrong order and delivered it to us. Not too bad, considering. And today, we actually got the food we ordered AND the person taking our order was pleasant. (We walked up to the counter and ordered) So, maybe by tomorrow we can go back to a restaurant, sit down and actually get what we ordered from a person with a half-way decent attitude. I really don't think that is too much to ask, do you?

WAHOO

We have just left the Dr's office-All clamps, tubes and other such apparatus have been removed and Bob is Cancer free, according to the biopsy. We are thanking God for this. He has to have a few more tests, but the Dr is very pleased with his progress and so are we. He's mobile and feels so much better.

Wiener, on the other hand, has missed quite a few naps since we have been home. She is getting "tiny, itty, bitty, little, bags" under her eyes and yawns constantly. I don't know. She can't function very well with only 18 hrs of sleep a day. She has to have her 23/7 or she just falls apart.

I am still not able to "multi-task" again yet. I'm trying to focus on just one thing at a time and that is all I can do right now, but it will get better, I'm sure. I am not back to work yet. I am thinking of staying off until next week, but then again, since Bob is getting crabby and that means he's getting better, I may have to go back to work just to keep from killing him or at the very least maiming him severely. (I think I need to take Wiener for a walk.)

DREAM JOB

Tasting all kinds of wondrous creations, experiencing familiar or new Epicurean delights is something I live to do. There is nothing like biting into a something new and savoring that first-time experience. I don't know-it just seems like something I'd like to do and get paid for doing.

Just like this morning, Bob "thought" breakfast would be a good idea. We went to a local restaurant; anticipating; mouth-watering; his first real "outing" since coming home from the hospital. And, what did we get?

The waitress was attentive. The menu was varied. The atmosphere was pleasant. We talked. We ordered. We waited. Coffee came and so did the "orange juice." Coffee was okay. The orange juice, on the other hand, was watery, tasteless, and not cold. It WAS orange colored, but that was as close as it got to being orange juice. Being a Floridian for almost 40 years, gives me the right to be selective in my "orange" flavored juice.

Two things in this area should ALWAYS be fresh-seafood and orange juice. There is no excuse for anything else, in my "humble" opinion. IF I HAD BEEN A FOOD CRITIC, I certainly would have not written a complimentary review of this establishment. Everything else, was fair to mediocre. I don't know whether the orange juice spoiled everything else, or I'm just being picky. Either way, I'm saving all my reviews for when I DO get that perfect job. You know - Food Critic for the Sentinel. I'm half way there. I'm already critical.

Sunday

Sunday once again. Bob and Wiener have slept most of the day, and, today, so have I. I DID cook dinner. Bob again wanted oats and toast for breakfast; soup/grilled cheese for lunch; and pork chops, etc. for dinner. That's about all I've done today. I guess everyone has to take a day off once in a while and today was my day. Bob has a Dr's appt on Wed, so I will take another day off then, but I'm expecting to get back to work on Thursday.

Bob's really doing well getting around. He hasn't been out yet, but we expect to do that tomorrow. We wanted to get out today, but I don't think either of us had enough energy to do that. I have seen more TV in the last few days than I have in the last 3 months. I usually don't have much time for anything extra. It's nice to know that some things stay the same-I haven't seen anything interesting on TV yet. I have been able to read some, which I love to do.

Wiener likes all the attention she is getting from both of us the last few days. She is truly an "Only Dog." I don't know where she was before, but I don't think she got much attention, or maybe not much "Positive" attention. She is terrified of the newspaper and when I reach down to pet her she flinches like she thinks I'm going to hit her. I don't even want to think about how she was treated, but she is definitely being spoiled now.

Tomorrow I must get on line and "go to ticket school." I paid my ticket, but you can now do the class on line and for me, that is the easiest way to do things right now. Bob likes to call me his "convicted felon wife." He rubs it in every chance he gets. I, on the other hand, think it's no big deal. Of course, if I don't take this class, it can become a big deal very quickly. To keep me out of the slammer, it's probably a good idea to complete it.

Life is interesting, to say the least. Bob says he wasn't sick until he met and married me. That isn't exactly true though-He just didn't go to the Dr before he met me. And, now he has me to take care of him. He's called some of his "working" guys to see how things are going. Same old; same old. He expects to be out about 4-6 wks. (He will be more than ready to go back.)

I have to make sure Wiener goes out one more time before she goes to bed. It's a rough life for her. For me too, I guess. So many naps; so little time.

Normal?

Normal is on a setting on your dryer, as far as I am concerned. Sommetimes I have trouble deciding what is normal and what is not. My "NORMAL" changes from time to time and right now CHAOS would be a step toward normal for me.

Things have quieted today, somewhat. I actually have time to blog without being in a hospital or waiting room. I took a long shower and haven't had a schedule all morning. Wahoo!

I DID go to the store. Antoinette had cleaned out the refrigerator. Little did I know, most of the stuff in there was waaaaaaaay beyond the recommended expiration date, so I had to procure more stuff to let rot. And, I actually cooked breakfast today. It was for me, but I cooked. Bob just wanted some instant oats and toast, I didn't get to cook for him, and Wiener eats mostly dry food.

Wiener and Bob have had their 30 minutes nap and both are getting restless. Someone needs to go out. Which one is it? I forget.

Time

The procedure went well; he's resting; Bob is home; Wiener is a happy camper now. But obviously, I have had waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on my hands because I have creatively come up with another list of things. This time, it is a list of things you probably DON'T want to hear come out of your Dr's mouth just before surgery:

10. Has anyone seen the scalpel?
9. What do you call that?
8. What procedure are we doing today?
7. Can I sit down and do this?
6. This doesn't look familiar.
5. Which way to the operating room?
4. Hurry. My tee time is in 20 minutes.
3. Let's see if I remember how to do this.
2. What's your name again?

and, last, but not least and my favorite,

1. Oops.

Yeah. It's time for me to go back to work.

Hospital

Another day; another hospital. One of my favorite people, is finally having his surgery today. It is 4:34 am. I feel like I've been hit by a MACK truck, and as I wait for my hot, green tea to brew, I'm drawn back to the day of his birth. (Shhhh! I'm not supposed to mention anyone in my blog any more.)

I was more than ready to have this little person out. According to the schedule, we arrived at the hospital, was admitted, got a room, I threw up, all normal procedures, right? I'm preped and as we are going toward the elevator, his dad says, "What if it's not a girl?" This pregnancy was so different, I was convinced that I was having a girl. We had no boy name in mind.

"What about AB? (His uncle's name) No name; just initials. "No. I don't want just initials!" "What about Abraham Benjamin?" "No. I don't like Abraham as a name!" Me this time - "What about _______ Benjamin?" I had had an previous boyfriend by that name. "Who are you naming him after?" Tom was concerned. "After my brother." "Oh. In that case, okay." And that was how I first knew his name.

He's a lot like my brother-very intelligent; his own person; and I love him with all my heart. I have stood beside his little bed when he had childhood illnesses. I have stood beside his bed when he had his tonsils out. And, once again I will be standing by his hospital bed and that scares me a little. He is one of the most important people to me and I can't even imagine my life without him. I pray I won't have to.

Crazy or Not Crazy?.

Devising a test for determining whether you are crazy or not is one of the things you can do at 3 am and you're just laying around with nothing else to do but listen to machines make weird noises. With all my inert creativity, I think I have come up with a few ways of making the determination:

1. If you come to a hospital expecting to get some sleep, you might consider therapy for a few months.
2. If you think everything is going well just because the nurse hasn't been in for 6 minutes, it might be time to press the medication button.
3. If you think the north wind blowing on your head is actually coming from outside, you might need a reality check.
4. If you think a helicopter landing on the roof is routine, you might rethink your vacation spot for next year.
5. If you think the SMELL of rubbing alcohol is intoxicating, you need some fresh air from outside.
6. If someone in a white lab jacket smiles at you and you think they're being friendly, you might want to check to see if they have a needle in their hand.
7. If you can't remember if you drove today or took a bus, you might want to give the orange ticket you have in your hand to the nice man downstairs and he will find your car for you.
8. If there is a growling noise somewhere in the room and you can't seem to find the origin, you might want to visit the vending machines down the hall.
9. If you feel like you were born in the clothes you are wearing, you might want to go home and shower and burn that clothing.

and last but not least,

10. If you want to stay for another few days "just to deepen your tan", you might want to consider yourself certifiably crazy,

or you might just be in the hospital watching someone you love trying to get over surgery.

Exhaling

It's 9 PM and as I sit here beside my husband, who is hooked up to countless wires and tubes, I am once again reminded how fragile this thing we call "LIFE" can really be. We are at M D Anderson Hospital in Orlando and Bob's surgery is now over, we are finally in a room, and the nurse is checking his vitals.

The Dr WAS able to do laparoscopic surgery, which is a good thing. It's less invasive, less recovery time, less pain and bleeding, and just easier on the patient. There is only one machine in this area, or so the Dr made it sound, and so it had to be scheduled. Our time was 1:00. He went in at 1:08 and came out around 5:30. Like the "SS Minnow" it was supposed to have lasted 3 hrs, but it took a little longer.

I talked with the dr for about 20-30 minutes and he assured me that it was a "textbook" operation. Everything went "perfectly", there was minimal blood loss and the cancer was contained. He did send some nodes to the lab for biopsies, just to be safe, but he said it was only standard procedure and anticipated nothing cancerous. What a relief.

THIS IS THE WAITING ROOM, WHERE I SPENT MOST OF THE DAY.

And to all my friends and prayer partners, I say thanks. Bob has never had nor does he know what to think at times with all the support I have in my life. Vicki and Liz (the other 2 stooges) came over and spent the day with me. Vicki's father just had emergency open heart surgery at ORMC, where we had Bob's surgery, and "Billy" is on the 7th floor, so it was a two-fold visit, but they spent most of the day with me in the 4th floor waiting room. (That is another blog experience) Since Bob's surgery involved cancer, they moved him into the next building (M D Anderson section) which is the hospital that works with cancer patients. We are in a "Hospital Suite" which to me is an oxymoron but it is more spacious than a regular room, it is private, and I get to stay with him tonight. They even have a Murphy bed for me to use.

I HAVE decided one thing-It's much easier being the patient than being the "Waitee." Next time, I'm having the surgery, not matter what!

INEVITABLE

There are times that you just wish you could crawl in a nice dry cave somewhere and just hide out. Lately I have been feeling that way lately.

With Bob's surgery pending in just 2 days, He very graciously took Sun, Mon, Tues as vacation days so we could spend some quality time together. I woke up yesterday feeling nauseated and dizzy. It progressed to "full-blown" upset stomach and continued through today. I was supposed to go to an "Avalon" concert with "a close relative" last night and I even had to cancel that. I'm trying to stay away from Bob, as far as possible, so I can't "give him anything" if it is contagious, and so it goes. Poor "Wiener". I keep waking her and she isn't getting her 23 hrs a day sleep that she desperately needs. Right now she is "sacked" out on the couch "trying" to catch a few winks. It's hard being her.

So far today, I haven't tolerated ginger ale, but dry toast and hot tea have managed to ... So, we'll see what happens.

I had an appointment to have my car serviced early today so I had to go out for that. Good news. It's only going to cost about $1800 to replace the window in my convertible top. Obviously, that isn't going to happen any time soon, but in actuality, the car dealership just called and the service has been done and my car is ready to go. So, I'll have to make another trip out.

Where is a good cave when you need one?

Paperwork Again?

For anyone who has had surgery recently, if the surgery doesn't kill you, the paperwork or pre-operation activities will. We have visited so many doctors, filed so many papers, and jumped through so many hoops, it makes me tired to think about it much less have done it.

This week alone, we have visited two doctors, 3 medical centers, and filled out so much paper we must have killed at least 50 trees. We found out on Monday that Bob had to "bank" 1 pint of blood for his surgery. This had to be done at least 1 week before surgery, so it had to be done by Wednesday, which meant Tuesday because we both work on Wednesday. The scheduler was out of the office until Thursday, so we had to go get the paperwork, go to the blood bank and wait until they could take us. Bob had to be fasting; it didn't open until 9 and we didn't get through until after 12; he had not eaten, and I had a Dr's appt around 1. So, it was probably close to 3 by the time we finished everything and went to eat. Bob was nauseated and very light headed. The paper work they gave us with all the information was old and none of the numbers were in working order. It turned out, after going through several agencies and 411, we found out the local office of the blood bank was about 2 miles from our apartment, not downtown like the paperwork indicated.

Just to get off today for his pre-op procedures, I can't even begin to remember what all we have done. He DID get to eat before hand this time, so it wasn't so hard on him physically, but we spent all morning at the office and filled out even more paperwork. Bob said they tested so many parts of his body-some he didn't even know he had.

Try to coordinate time off between two different places of work, not to mention getting all the paper work in for the surgery. What a nightmare. Our company works with 3 different scheduling programs that do not talk to each other and Bob's primary work company uses 1 program and deals with 2 or 3 different departments. We also have had to apply to 2 different Federal Programs and 2 insurance companies. If the aliens who bombed the twin towers had to have dealt with all the people and paperwork we have, they would have given up before they could have gotten any where.

We finally got home some time after 2 and we both collapsed from exhaustion. I slept for several hours and finally got up to do some laundry. KFC seemed like a good idea. "Someone" came over and had dinner with us. It was good to see him. He's been on a cruise and brought back presents. (Always nice) He probably knows what I like better than anyone else and I always love his presents. I got a silver Mayan cartouche with my name on it; Bob got a cruise-line t-shirt.

Wed is the "big" day. I plan to spend the night with Bob after the surgery. One of the problems that we had not thought of was "What to do with Wiener." I finally figured out that the lady who cleans our apartment and keeps my life on an even keel can come and clean that afternoon and give the dog "potty" breaks, and a friend is going to stay all night here. I should be home some time on Thursday, if all goes well. We have a lot of people around the country praying for us at this time. It's great to have friends who are close enough to be concerned with all that happens in my life. I don't know what I'd do without them.

ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW

We had Marshall's Memorial Service this week-end. Two friends and I went to London, KY to help "celebrate" his life. He was a remarkable person. There was very little he did not know something about. His tastes were eclectic to say the least. He had books on ANY subject you can name from Shel Silverstein to Niche; from nuclear fission to how to put together a Cessna. His DVD collection was just as varied-Battlestar Galactica to Simpsons; Garfield to History Channel informational DVDs.

It was so cold I had on all my clothes I took with me and still was freezing. I also came back with bronchitis or pneumonia. I'm going to the Dr tomorrow to find out. I couldn't go today because I had jury duty. Did I get an interesting trial? No. Not really. It was a criminal case for a man who was accused of having drug paraphernalia on his person. I was interviewed but not selected. I wasn't even considered for any of the interesting ones - the two women who got in a fight at a local theme park over who was pushing in line, or the police officer who pushed someone down the stairs. (Man! I miss out on all the interesting ones.) But, I got to leave early, so I guess that was a trade off.

And, I am really upset with my wonderful, kind, giving, husband. He did something and didn't even talk to me about it. It involved quite a lot of money and he saw nothing wrong with not consulting me. He said it had nothing to do with me. I don't know. I thought we were married and everything he did concerned me. Obviously, I was wrong. Men!

YESTERDAY

We are very fortunate where we work, in that we have a lot of perks. One of them is being able to "pop" in and out of the theme parks when we want to do so. Yesterday, one of my favorite people gave us VIP passes to see Paul Revere and the Raiders at the "F & G" show. This year, I was able to go with my husband. Which is another perk, as far as I am concerned.

I am getting ready to go to KY for my "step-brother's " service. We waited because of winter weather issues. Emily, my "sister", has had to shoulder the burden of all that has transpired since Marshall's disappearance. She has done a wonderful job. It is very hard dealing with the death of a loved one, but his was so sudden and so surreal that it made it harder for me, and I'm sure almost impossible for her.

She had to deal with 2 governments, attorneys, courts, and all the "legalese" of everything that has transpired. So, on Sat we will deal with a service. The last time I was in London, KY was for her Mother's funeral several years ago. This will not be any easier, especially since we haven't any "person" to bury.

But, as I sat at the concert last night, I was reminded of the last time I was at the park with Marshall. It was for the Food and Wine Festival. He called it the "Wine and Food" Festival. I asked him why and he said that I had my priorities and he had his. His dry sense of humor comforts me even now when I can hear his voice as I walk around the park.

I wish you had known him. He had a brilliant mind and eclectic taste. I loved being around him because he knew so much about everything and taught me more than I could ever describe in this limited space. I wish I could have known him even better.

If you think of us this week, remember us as we travel and especially on Saturday around 1:00 pm. We could use your prayers.

Something New

This life, as I know it, is chaotic, at best. I don't know whether it is me, or just the whirlwind around me, but sometimes when I stand still I can "feel" the world moving. That is when I know it's time for me to be still and listen.

We got Bob's test results today. As far as the Dr can tell from the tests that were run, the cancer is contained within the prostate. The Dr has suggested surgery within 4 weeks. Bob has agreed. There are always complications with any surgery, but less if they do lapaorscopic, and minimal time off. God is so good.

A new addition to our "family" is a miniature daschund. She answers to the name of "Wiener" and has more energy than Bob and me put together. But, only for about 4 minutes, then she has to sleep 3 hrs. Bob likes her and she adores him, so I guess we will keep her. She will also be great company for him while he is "recooping" from his surgery.

I "got to" take her to the vet today to be "violated" as Bob calls it. But, examined, shots, and recommendations from Andrew who is a vet that also happens to be a friend. She did very well, but acted like a "maniac" while she was there - running in circles, sniffing everything, trying to get to know a VERY LARGE dog whose name should be 'GODZILLA', if it isn't. I swear to you - I thought it was a bear when I first saw it. Any dog taller than me, has to be one big dog. He weighed in at 167 lbs. It wasn't a Mastiff nor St Bernard. I had never seen one like this before. (It probably has it's own zip code) But she was willing to take it on - all 8 lbs of her. (I didn't say she was smart).

Yes. Today was a good day at all the doctors.

POSTSCRIPT:

I have been severely chastised for mentioning names in my blog. AND RIGHTLY SO!!!

I have lived with my life being an open book for so long that I forget some people are VERY private. I have apologized to the person I mentioned and will "try" not to mention names again. And now, to those of you few who read my blog, I'm also sorry that I gave out personal information on someone else. (Life is so daily). I am reminded of the song by Billy Joel - "Only the Good Die Young" and if that is true I will live to be a ripe old age. But, I prefer to compare myself with good wine and cheese - getting better with age.

St Patty's Day

Aw, tis the wearing of the green today, and my friend Emily, husband Mr. Ray, and 2 of her friends are visiting for a few days.  They are staying at one of our hotels, and I got them into one of the parks today.  We're having dinner together tonight.

I love Emily.  She is like a sister to me and Mr. Ray, as I call him, is so perfect for her.  I just enjoy being with them any time.  Em has had to deal with all the "events" that have taken place with her brother, Marshall, dying in Sept.  She was the executor of his will and property, dealing with 2 govs (he died off the coast of Nassau) and all the emotions that go with that.  Death is never easy; no matter if it is quick or slow and drawn out, but it is reality.

I much prefer "FANTASYLAND".   That is probably part of the reason I work where I do.  I can escape, at times, and just pretend that I live in a world where all is beautiful and bad things never happen.  Eventually that has to end and reality comes creeping back in and I have to be an adult again.  Sometimes I really hate that!  [Don't forget to eat your corned beef and cabbage today]

One year

This time last year I was getting ready for a wedding.  In fact, tomorrow it will have been one year married to this man.  Sometimes it seems so long, and at other times, I can't believe it has been 12 months already.  

We have had to deal with many things this year.  Those who know me, know some of them.  Our latest is Bob's health.  He has been diagnosed with 2 types of cancer.  One type is non-aggressive and the Dr isn't worried about it, but the other kind is very aggressive and the Dr said he would have taken it out before now.  We are going through all the testing and have a meeting with the Dr on March 24 for the results and prognosis.  

I finally know why I am with this man-it's because without me being in his life he would have had no one.  No family, no one to care about him, no one to love him, no one with friends who are strong prayer warriors.  And, these things are very important, whether he knows it or not.  How are we doing?  We are dealing-one day at a time; one test at a time.

I went to my manager and started to tell her about the situation.  She stopped me and said, "I am getting you the forms for the FMLA program.  For those of you who are like I was, I didn't know what she was speak about, so she went on to explain it is a Family Medical Leave Application.  It enables you to take off and not hinder your job or give any reason.  I just call in and say, "I'm calling in FMLA."  and, the rest is taken care of.  

I took the papers to the Dr's office and they told me it usually takes 2 weeks to get them processed.  I called and talked with the nurse who works on these.  I explained that my husband had never been sick and was very upset by all of this new "sick" thing going on with him.  God gave her compassion and she had them ready for me in 2 working days.

I took them to the company Health Dept and they told me it would take at least 48 hours to process the paperwork and they would have lots of questions.  My manager called me 2 hrs later and said it had been approved-no questions asked.  Now if that is not a God thing, I don't know what is.  

I don't pretend to know WHY  God does things.  I don't even try to guess any more.  Right now, it's enough for me to know, He is still in control.  

A GREAT RELEVATION

Being a human, female, and of a "certain" personality type, sometimes it takes a while for me to "get it." And when I do finally understand something, I think of the statement Charles made when he was about 3 or 4 years old, "I have just had a great relevation."

I have a friend that tells me that I just love men. That is VERY true. I honestly DO love men. I don't know where I got it. It certainly wasn't from my mother. I don't think she liked men at all, from some of her statements. But- I think they are wonderful; better than "sliced bread" most of the time. But I have only "BEEN IN LOVE, with 2 men.

My big "epiphany" is that God Loves Me Because I'm Me! Now to some people, that may not be much of a "NEWS FLASH." But I have been pondering "WHY" , as I often do, about the reason I am with THIS man that I am married to now, and other various things, (but - one thing at a time).

As I have said many times, Bob is so different from my first husband. He is "volatile" at times; uncooperative; stubborn; unaware of my feelings; indifferent; rude; crude, and I could go on, but I think you get the picture. My question, as a matter of fact, just yesterday to my friend Barb was, "I don't know why I am with this man, but for some reason God won't let me let go of him. Today God gave me my answer - Bob is me, before God. And God loved me anyway. Wow! That blew me away.

Bob told me once the reason he fell in love with me and asked me to marry him was that I was different. I "think" he meant it in a nice way, at the time, but IF I am, it is only because of God's great love for me. Oh, I still have my moments and I don't always do everything I am supposed to do-the right way-but I DO know God loves me; He always wants the best for me, and HE IS DEFINITELY STILL IN CONTROL!!!

Procedures

Valentine's day has come and gone. It was nice. I got to leave work early; ate dinner with my husband; went to bed early and had the next day off. All in all-a good time. My present was on the dining room table when I got up in the morning. My husband had bought me a framed drawing of Mickey and Minnie, in a "Wedding Day" picture drawn inside an "outlined" heart shape around them. I had seen the picture some time ago and made the comment I really liked it. When he had time to get it, I can't say for he has been working 12-15 hr days for several weeks. I don't know how he does it. I am usually worn out by the end of my 10 hr days, and yet he continues to work this hectic schedule.

He did manage to take off at 12:30 on Tuesday to have his "procedure." I am familiar with many "Medical Procedures," due to my "plethora" of surgeries, but this was one that I had not been "exposed" to in my vast experiences. Bob's TSA counts were elevated, so he had to have an "ultra" sound and biopsy of the prostate gland, which according to him, was, "an unnatural, humiliating, violation of his personal body." (We won't have the results until next Tuesday.)

If you have had the pleasure of meeting Bob, you would know that he tends to "over exaggerate" some times, but according to what I've been told, his discription was pretty much on the mark. There was no anesthesia, no pain-numbing drug nor even a mere "bullet to bite on." So he is still fairly sore, but getting up every morning at 2:30 to be at work at 4. He promises that this will end once the new water park is up and running. I don't know. Seems like he's been saying this for the total time I've known him.

Valentine's Day is Upon Us

Yes. Bob is STILL bringing me flowers about every other week. Yes. He is still bringing me presents home (mostly rats). And, yes. We are still married. (It's been almost a year) So, what is he doing for Valentine's Day. I haven't the foggiest idea. We are both working on that day, so who knows what he will come up with, but I'm sure it will be something this next week.

We have faced a few crises in this year-Meeting my family; getting married; changing parks for my work; Carson dying; Marshall dying; Bob's surgery and my illnesses. We have just been presented with another challenge. Bob's recent bloodwork came back with some of the figures elevated. It seems that he needs to have a biopsy done and he's not real thrilled about it. I have had many surgeries and I have been "waiting" for close relatives that are having surgery. For me, in my opinion, it's much harder on the people who wait. I never know what is going on while I am in surgery. It's the same way when someone else is having surgery-I still don't know what is going on, but I'm awake. And, because you care so much for the person, waiting is hard. Not knowing is hard.

All Bob's relatives have died of cancer, so he automatically jumps to the conclusion that he is going to die that way too. I have assured him that he's not getting out of this marriage that easily.

But, whatever happens-we're going to make the most of the time we have together. And, that is always a positive.

Winnie-the-Pooh

Winnie-the-Pooh has always been my favorite character.  I can't remember when it started, but I can really relate to him.  He's a little pudgy (I prefer fluffy), he loves to eat, he is a friend to everyone, very few things upset him (usually running out of honey), he says "Oh bother" as a response, and he has a positive outlook.  What's not to like?

Yesterday when I came home, my wonderful husband had bought me a "authenticated" painting of Pooh.  He also bought me a small replica of a sewer pipe with the 4 main "rat" characters from the movie - "Ratatouille."   He bought me the DVD of the movie the day it came out and also took me to "Studios" because he found out that "Remy"-the star of the movie- was going to be there signing autographs.  I have a picture of Remy and me that my husband arranged to have taken.  Tuesday of this week, he arrived home from work with a "Valentine" bear and 3 lovely roses.  He has such a good heart. How many husband's buy their wives "RATS", I ask you. 

I have discovered that his way of showing his love is to buy me things.

I don't NEED more things, but he NEEDS to get me things, so I try to accept everything he brings home, without too much fuss.  Sometimes it's hard.  I grew up having strings attached to presents and if I didn't give the right response that was expected for the gift, it was "perceived" as me NOT liking the it and me being "ungrateful."  I try to explain to Bob that he doesn't HAVE to buy me anything, but ...  

If you could see our apartment, you would understand how "Disney" we really are.  So, I will try to accept his gifts graciously, and know that is his way of loving me.

By the way, I named my new bear George.  (That is Bob's middle name.)

Today in O-town

This has been an extremely "interesting" week at work.  I've had meetings, people call in sick, and more meetings.  My role at work is "evolving" into more administration than actual work in the field.  This is going to be interesting.  "Field work" is becoming tedious and a bit boring.  It's almost like washing dishes-It's the same thing day in and day out.  I've done it for almost 3 years and I think it's about time for a change.  Just changing locations hasn't recharged my interest.

The people I work with are awesome.  They work very hard and are proud of the job they do.  My manager is totally wonderful to work with, too-She's complimentary and very gracious, even when I make mistakes.  I couldn't ask for a better working situation, but the "excitement" is gone.

I'm going to shadow someone in another department on Tuesday.  This is a "help" position within the company and it "seems" to be interesting from what I've heard so far;  so we shall see.

It's about 4 am; Bob has gone to work.  I am all alone.  It's the first time in a while that I've been able to be by myself.  I didn't realize how much I really like it until now.  

I have to get ready for church soon.  It's about the only time I get to see Charles now.  He is so much his father's child, and such a joy.   Tom is too much like me. (Maybe he will out grow it.)  I don't think either one of my sons know how much I love and appreciate them. Edward is so stoic I rarely know what he is thinking.  Bret is, well, Bret-solid, level headed and for the most part upbeat and positive.  

I will make it a point of telling them, today.  Life is too short to neglect important things like that.

APPARENTLY

Communication is vital in any relationship, especially marriage. According to my husband, I "wig" out over a lot of little things.

He called an old girl friend this week and I got upset about it. During his conversation, he "implied" some things to her that I "mistook" and wigged out over nothing, according to him.

Maybe he is right. Maybe I do tend to "blow things way out of proportion" at times. This probably stems from lifelong experiences of "misunderstandings", especially within my family.

I am a total sum of all my experiences, but I also believe that you can change your outlook and attitude from a negative to a positive. He says I want to change him. I'm not sure that is totally true, but there are some things I would like him to do that he doesn't do.

Marriage is about compromise and clarification. I truly believe this. I DO ask a lot of questions and he could be partially right about most of the things he said. I like to "get things out" on the table and talk about it. He wants to ignore "the elephant" in the room and go on without ever finding out why it is there.

Did I mention that we had this discussion at 3 am this morning? He worked 14 hours yesterday, and is having to do it again today. I was out of town until today. This could be some of the problem also. There is no time to communicate. According to him, he does what is expedient. He doesn't have time to have a discussion over every little matter. And, I like to discuss everything.

Feelings are another different ballgame, so to speak. He has become such an integral part of my life, I can't imagine he NOT being here. I have been up since around 2. Even the "Frappachinos" aren't helping right now.

I soon have to shower and get ready for work. Hammering out the problems can be a long process, and I guess I want a "quick fix." But, I don't think it going to be any time soon. Hopefully we can agree to disagree and go on. This might be all we can do for right now. (This marriage thing is hard work.)

TODAY

Tom would have been 63 today.  There are so many thoughts running through my mind.  In some ways, this is a depressing time for me; in many ways my thoughts warm me and make me smile.

I miss his chipped front tooth that I see in his son Charles.  I miss the crinkles around his eyes that had developed through the years.  And his eyes, oh so blue-sometimes like the ocean; sometimes like the sky.  I miss his arms around me when things went wrong or just because.  And, as I try to type this through the tears, I miss him most on this day of the year.  I KNOW he is in a better place.  I KNOW he probably sees all the stupid things I do.  I KNOW he can't come back here and be like it was before he left, but oh how I wish he could.

My life is so different now.  Bob is a good man and I was married so long to Tom that I could almost know what he was thinking.  I'm not trying to demean Bob at all.  I do love him.  He is so different from Tom that sometimes I expect too much from him.  He can't know what I am thinking or planning and sometimes I forget that.

This is a new year; one of promise; one of hope; one of forward thinking.  I have hopes and dreams, but "I can't know" where I will be this time next year.  I pray that I always follow God's leadings and I always hear His voice in all my decisions.  For now, I am where I am.

JAN 1

So far, so good.  Most of the decorations are put away; tree is still up until after Epiphany, Jan 6; had to add 6 more boxes for decorations, thanks to my husband's expenditures and additional decorations, and received far too many presents.

There were 14 people and 2 dogs for Christmas Day lunch.  It was a little snug in our apartment, but totally awesome to have everyone here.  It was a little overwhelming for Bob.  He's not use to "family" events yet, but I think he enjoyed it (even the dogs).  Joey (Edward's Golden Retriever) was here several days and a perfect guest.  He ate; he slept; he played-it was all good.  He was a little confused at first, but didn't seem to mind staying with us.  Edward and Tom stayed with Charles; Betty and Joey stayed with us.  Honeybear (Heidi's dog) visited for lunch that day.  It was nice to have everyone.

Tomorrow I go back to work after being off for 3 days.  Last week at our park was crazy-people were crabby and tired.  This is certainly NOT the time to be in the parks.  It is always overcrowded and people hate the long lines, so why do they visit?  Who knows except it is a magical place at Christmas time and if you pace yourself properly, you can have a great time.

I have the name of a professor at one of the colleges here.  They are looking for former teachers to be "mentors" for students in college that want to be teachers.  It sounds very interesting.  I think I will check on this.  I have always wanted to do something like that.  I will contact the professor soon and see if that can happen.  Until then, business as usual.

A New Year

As I look back over this last year, the files of my mind hold so many experiences.  I ended last year, looking toward my life, yet so many unexpected things have transpired on different roads that I never dreamed of traveling down.  

I thought I might be back in school to finish my counseling degree; I wasn't planning on getting married again; I thought I would possibly be moving into a new house with Charles; and, on and on with things that could have happened and didn't, and things thought impossible coming to pass with little or no effort.

I've traveled some; vacationed for over a month; and, enjoyed creating a new life with a new husband.  This has been our first Christmas holiday together.  He spent entirely too much money on me so I've restricted him to only 2 presents at any given occasion.  (We'll see)

This is a picture of Bob resting after having surgery.  (There are some holiday decorations around him)  He's much better and I think anxious to get back to work.  His first day is tomorrow.  He's not sure if he has been reinstated at work, so he may be back home shortly after he leaves.  We'll see.

As I look toward this next year, I am trying to imagine what will be happening.  It's probably a good thing we don't know the future.  There would be nothing to look forward to - and that would be a sad commentary on life.

Merry Christmas

It is "theoretically," as Charles would say, already Christmas.  I am alone, in my living room, on the couch using my new laptop computer that my sons gave me for a present.  I love a MAC and find it so much easier to use than a PC, so I am good to go for using this new toy.

This week has been brutal.  I have worked over 60 hrs, had guests since the 23rd, sung in the processional, shopped, wrapped, walked Joey, tried to cook, ... and the list goes on.  I am exhausted and almost too tired to push down the keys, but I am Oh so grateful for all that God has given me and all the friends and family I will see tomorrow at our place.  

And, even if I never see another Christmas morning, I have already received more than I could ever deserve.  I love my family.  I love being able to work where I work.  I love all the new people I've met lately, but most of all, I feel a sense of peace in my life that had not been there for a while.  Peace is good.  And, my prayer for whoever reads this is that you too will experience the peace that God gives-all we have to do is ask.

Anger

Anger is a waste of energy. I have always believed it, but I try to practice the philosophy and pragmatic attitude that "Life is too short" to waste time and energy on things that do not matter and are not productive. I try to fill each day with positive ideas and things that will be uplift me and others. It even bothers me when I DO waste my time.

With that in mind, I must also say that WHEN I DO GET ANGRY, it is usually because of an injustice either done to me or one of the people closest to me. One of the two or three things that really make me angry is when I am accused of something I haven't done. I have tried to analyze WHY and I have come up with no real answers except I really don't like it. That is exactly what happened to me this past week.

An African American man came up to me this week and wanted to do one of my surveys. I explained that our company's policy is not to do surveys with people who volunteer, and that I must select the people who answer our questions. He stepped even closer into my face, twisted his face in anger and once again said, "I said, I want to do one of your surveys!" I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I'm sorry sir. But we select people randomly for our surveys. It is company policy not to do surveys with people who volunteer to do them." "Where is your manager?" he asked. I directed him to Guest Services which was to the left of where he was standing. He walked into Guest Services and evidently complained to someone that I was a "Racist" because he wasn't allowed to do a survey.

The bottom line is that I explained it to Guest Services, called our MOD (Manager on Duty) and sent an email to my manager explaining what happened. They all said that I did the right thing and there wasn't any problem with what happened, at least on my part.

Did their statements make me feel better? Somewhat. Did I just forget the incident? Not on your life!

I have always believed that there isn't any one person in this world that I couldn't get along with, my mother excluded. I actually enjoy talking with our guests and walking around the parks all day. It is so neat being part of their "experience" to O-Town. I love hearing their stories of why they are here.

People visit from all over the world and add so much to my knowledge base daily. This man, on the other hand, bothers me even today. I know that I have let his accusation have too much of my valuable time. Being the Type-A personality that I am, I am having a hard time "Letting it go." Was this man for real? Was he a "plant" to see how I would react. It really doesn't matter. Ultimately I am responsible for my behavior only. Even now, I can still see his face "up close and personal" inside my own personal space. I am praying through my attitude and soon I hope the hurt will go away.

I do have one consolation though-My company has a policy that I must wear a name tag attached to the left shoulder of my shirt. For probably only the 2nd time in my almost 3 years of working there, I had forgotten my own name tag. I was wearing the name "Beth" on my shirt.

Poor Beth. I almost feel sorry for her. (My manager laughed out loud when I told her that)

My Mess

The living room is a total disaster; the bedroom has clothes that need to be folded and put away, and there are clothes to be washed. What am I doing? I am sitting here, typing, and ignoring the mess around me. That is very hard for me to do in that I am usually very organized and must have things put away, but for some reason I just have no energy to do any of what needs to be done.

There is still a lot of shopping I need to do and it is getting closer to Christmas every day. Bob has "over" bought and already wrapped the gifts he has and even has some ready to send north. He is doing fine after his surgery but the Dr recommends he stay off until after the first of the year. He is almost to the point of being bored though.

I had friends visit from Pasco on Sat. That was really awesome. I miss my life there, at times. Sometimes I almost feel that now is a dream and that I will awaken one day to find out I'm still teaching and Tom is still alive. I sometimes feel as if I am going through the motions of living this life. I don't know if that is normal, but it is at least what it is. And, I am what I am. Most of the time, that is all I CAN do.

Whew!

He made it through, despite all he thought. It took a little longer than the Dr first expected-a little more repair than originally indicated. And now, we are recouping at home on the couch.

Bob is not a wimp. I just want that noted. He is a ride mechanic and has always done "manly" things. But this pain "thing" is totally new to him. He's not use to NOT doing what he wants; when he wants. And, he can't - YET. I keep reminding him that this will be better soon and the pain will go away. (He's not sure.)

He wanted to get out today so we went to dinner @ Mimi's. It went well, but it was painful to get in and out of the car. I'm hoping he will let me give him some Tylenol PM tonight so that he can sleep. He was very restless last night and did not sleep well. So far, he's only taken 2 Aleve, which I applaud for his not wanting to take medications or get hooked on anything, but he does need to rest.

How long will it take to quit hurting, he asks. If I knew that, I could really make some money. "When it's ready, it will quit" is my answer. That's as close as I can get. He just says, "Mmmm."

(This is Bob recouping-"The Cat" is keeping watch on the back of the couch-all dressed up in his Christmas outfit-and a few decorations in the picture.)

ALONE TIME

The mornings are more friendly to me now. When I was younger, just pulling my "over worked" body out of the sack at the crack of noon was a chore.

Now-I'm quite comfortable with the early morning time especially when I am at the beach. The sound of the waves hitting the shore with the reflection of the sun on the water in the wee hours of the morning relax me more than most anything else I know. This has also become the time of day that I have alone; just for me.

I think. I read. I pray. I study. I answer e-mail. I blog. I like it. I become creative, especially after Bob has gone to work. I have never had much "alone" time during my life. Maybe that is why I like it so much now. I don't really understand why.

When else can you dance to music no one else likes or wants to see you do? When else can you bake and eat anything you want, and no one else knows about all that decadent stuff? When else can you cry out to God and no one else hears you or thinks it's you going off the deep end?

It's all good. It's all beneficial. I think I'll keep this "alone" time just for me. Some would call it selfish. I call it self preservation. And, I not only like it-I need it.

Tomorrow

We've made all the preparations; we've jumped through all the hoops for SW; WE are prepared as WE can be; so what's the problem?

Bob is convinced he will die. I am the one with the positive attitude. He is more of the Eeyore type-"Don't bother to put my tail back on; it will just fall off again." (One of Eeyore's famous sayings) That is Bob.

I personally think he will be fine. If for some unforeseen reason a happening does occur, he will certainly come back and say, "See. I told you so." If anyone could do that, he would.

The picture is of Bob on the last day he worked for BB. He is wearing his alligator costume. I think he should have one to wear all the time. (He never likes my "creative" ideas.) Until tomorrow...

Austin

Even in the midst of all the "goings on" with Bob, the hoops he's having to go through with his work place to have his surgery done on Friday, and trying to get to a performance of candlelight, I had scheduled a birthday celebration with MacKenzie. She is TOTALLY not her sister, and the "fru fru" stuff that the younger one does. does not appeal to her at all. But coming out of HOB when we were celebrating 2 other birthdays, Kenzie saw the D Quest sign and said she would like to do that for her birthday. (I had asked both what they wanted to do, and she had not decided until that very moment) Of course I said, "No problem." And then she asked if she could bring a friend. "Absolutely" was my response.

Her celebration had been scheduled weeks in advance, so it was extremely necessary to me to keep that commitment with her. My schedule has been so crazy lately that I never know exactly what "dates" or "happenings" that I can or cannot make, but this was very important to her and also to me.

To tell the truth, DQ is not one of my favorite places. I'm a "curl up by the fire, eating chili on a cold day and reading a book, kind of person. DQ is E X T R E M E L Y noisy (Large Arcade type place) and my ears are always ringing when I leave there, but a promise is a promise. So she came home with me after early service at church, we changed into play clothes, and drove to DTD.

Her "FRIEND" is Austin. You have to know, this is totally new for her. Boys have always had "cooties" and girls do not associate with them except to play baseball, soccer, or whatever time-of-the-year sport it happens to be. So now, we are 13, and we have a "friend" named Austin.

Cute kid. Polite. AND, I got to go to the 5th floor where the food is, read, sip cappuccino, eat lunch, put my feet up and really relax. I was more than happy to have Austin go with us. Kinzie's last statement was very interesting though - "Aunt Sheila, since we had such a good time with Austin, and he was very well behaved, don't you think we need to include him in more of our trips to the parks?" I think Austin will be a nice addition to our soirees.

ORMC

If you have never had any connection with a medical staff where you live, I suggest you get acquainted. Sooner or later you will need to meet someone to deal with health issues. Fortunately for Bob, I am probably a Number one, Grade A, or even AAA expert on the subject of surgery.

Those who know me, know that I am the Surgery Queen. I take the cake when it comes to surgery, or any other clique you want to use to indicate numerous body invasions. In fact, if the truth be known, I probably have only the necessary parts that my body needs to help it function reasonably well. Let's just say, I can't lose any additional parts and live. (Bob is in good hands with me. [Why do I suddenly feel like I am about to hear an Allstate commerical in the background] .)

As you can probably guess, he has to have surgery. I'm told it is no more serious than taking out tonsils, which I had out when I was 7 and I still remember that fiasco. So let's get serious here.

Surgery is Surgery!!! And I don't mind admitting when I am concerned, even if Bob won't. His comment was "I don't want to "stay" in the hospital. People who "stay" in the hospital die." Those are the only type experiences that he has had. Needless to say, he is preparing for his life to end with this surgery.

I don't even pretend to know what God has planned for his life. I barely know day to day what is going on in mine, but I do know - none of us have any guarantees, even for the next few minutes. And, I'm okay with this for me. But he is not for him.

If you are reading this, and you are a praying person, please remember Bob on Friday, November 30; between 6 and 8 am. You know how surgeries go; they never give exact times. And, if God wills, this man that has dropped into my life for this short period of time will continue to be with me a little longer than he thinks. I don't know if that is good or bad for him, but I know it is definitely good for me.

One more time

Here I go again trying to figure out things, but why is it when you think your life is going in one direction and you "have things figured out" there is a drastic 90 degree angle and you go in another direction. Sometimes, it is even a 180.

I went to a "farewell" party for one of my favorite people yesterday. It was back in the other-county life and got to see old friends and met some new ones. There is always good food and great company so we eat too much and laugh a lot, though there could never be too much of that.

My husband was working and couldn't go so I took a male friend that I worked with at the other place here in O-town. He seemed to have a good time, which he usually does most anywhere he goes. He also got to "unload" with me on the way over which seemed to help him too.

Margaret has been a great friend during the time I have known her. She not only gave me a job when I needed it, but she also came over to O-town a few years ago when I had just gotten over pneumonia and helped some other friends buy, deliver, set up, go to storage and get the decorations and actually decorate a Christmas tree for me. (They even returned the boxes to storage.) They knew it meant a lot to me to have it up and it would make me feel better too.

That is the kind of friends I have. And, you know, you can't buy that for any amount. I am truly blessed.

RUTH

Ruth is a long-time friend that I simply adore. She is talented, capable, knowledgeable and has such a sweet spirit. She is the Director of computer programming for a local county library system. I was her oldest daughter's kindergarten teacher and that's how we first met.

I had lunch with her today. Her husband had meetings here this week and whenever we can, we get together either over in her part of the state or here in mine. Our relationship is not hard to define - she's just there for me whenever I need her.

In the last 25-30 years, we have both lost our parents; I've been divorced and remarried the same man-he died about 6 years ago, and now I'm remarried; her girls are grown and married-she's a grandmother; my sons are grown and I've inherited two granddaughters; life has happened.

She has just finished kemo and is getting ready to do radiation. After that, she faces another mastectomy on her other breast and then reconstruction. She is so real and alive it seems almost impossible to believe she would ever not be here for me.

Once again I am face to face with the frailty of this form we call life. I surveyed a family last year that their seven-year old daughter was in remission from a form of leukemia. The little girl was very positive about her condition, all that happened and how much better she felt. As I talked with her, the mother was standing behind her shaking her head "NO." When the little girl stood up, I saw her t shirt. I believe it said it all - "CANCER SUCKS." She's right. It certainly does.

Hard to be Humble

ONCE UPON A TIME - you know the story about how a simple indentured servant became the "princess" of all times. The 20th was Charles' 35th and Monday was MacKaylas. We celebrated last Sat with the "maiden" voyage of our new grill as my previous comments have indicated.

Saturday was my present to MacKayla - a day at the new Bippity Boppity Boutique in "The Castle" at MK. I had planned to clean out the office when Kayla was getting "glammed up" as I am moving to a new park on the 6th and yesterday was the last day I was officially assigned to MK.

As many things in my life transpire, they don't always happen the way I plan. Her mom had a class that came up at the last minute and as someone had to stay with the "Princess", my plans changed and I got to stay as the Fairy Godmother did her magic.

MacKayla is so cute making her look regal isn't hard but as I watched the orchestration of it all, the "glow" continued to expand until the final results were truly magical.

It was her day. The schedule was to be determined as we went along and she decided to do things she had never done before at MK. Believe it or not, she had never ridden the train. As this didn't seemed to be an activity that would "muss" her hair, we jumped on the train after I cleaned out the office. (She waited for me on a bench as she is not allowed backstage)

As we descended from the train station, we were approached by a member of the "Dream Squad." She asked if we were going to be at MK at 12:55. I said probably not and I could not participate as I am a cast member. She assured me that being a cast member didn't matter in this case and again asked if we were going to be in MK at 12:55. (We were on our way out at the time.)

"Well" she said, "If you WERE to be here at 12:55 you could have an personal audience with Cinderella." MacKayla looked up at me, her mouth and eyes wide open, and we both immediately shook our heads and did a choral version of "YES, WE CAN BE HERE AT 12:55."

We DID lunch at Cosmic Rays and headed back to the prearranged spot. Behind some curtains, a photographer captured her look as we entered Cinderella's space and bathed in her presence. She IS as gracious as she seems and MacKayla was "over the moon" with excitement.

When it was time to leave, Cinderella said she hoped that Princess MacKayla would visit the Magic Kingdom again some time soon. MacKayla's only response as she left was "Perhaps."

Friends and Family

The members of my family and my friends are very important to me. They support me; they pray for me; they love me. Bob has not had good, close family ties so this is all new to him. He doesn't know how to respond most of the time, but he's learning.

Yesterday was Charles' birthday so to "christen" our new gas grill, we threw together a last minute "steak/etc." dinner at our place. As I looked around the table, Bret, Julie, Charles, Bob and I were there eating, talking, relating. M/M (the girls) were close by at the coffee table. Bret is "unofficial" griller and Julie makes a wicked salad. I'm just around to make sure we don't run out of coffee or tea to drink.

I don't know about anyone else, but for me it was a great night. (Oops - We forgot to take a picture BEFORE we cut the cake)

Prayer Changes Things

Being born in July makes me a "crab" sign and I am a lot like that. When "Life Happens" and I have trouble processing, then I crawl into my shell, try to sort all the inputting that is going on, and then come out on the other side with resolutions or processes that I can use. This usually involves prayer. When I can't pray, I can't process. That is where I am now:

• I have just gone through the "shift bid" process at work and I chose to move to another area that I really didn't want to move to, but I asked for the opportunity several months ago to try it, so I have to put up or "shut up" so to speak.
• I went to Brooksville to help Em with all that was involved with moving Marshall's other plane back into his hangar and pick up the Denali that was stored in the hangar. I wasn't much help to her. I was okay until I saw the Cessna and then reality arrived.
• On the way home to Orlando last night my battery light came on. I called Bob and he said to keep driving-if there was any damage it was already done and as long as it ran, I needed to try to get home if possible. The light went off and I made it home. Today as we started to go some place (Bob happened to be off-they messed up his work schedule) the battery light came on and stayed on. He called the Ford place and we took it in to get it checked out. Bob paid the $600.00 bill for me and even put gas in my car one more time this week, not to mention the sundry times he has taken me out to eat the last two weeks.
• Kathryn called and the person responsible for setting up interviews for a job for which I applied isn't even calling me for an interview - they didn't like my resume'.
• In less than 3 days my checking account should be at least $200.00 overdrawn and I won't have any money until the 30th.
• And, last but by no means least, tomorrow is Charles' 35th birthday and I don't even have him a birthday card.

I actually wasn't supposed to be here this week-end. I was scheduled to attend a women's retreat in GA. I couldn't walk off and leave the area as long as we are trying to make sense of Marshall's disappearance. I am going back to Pasco on Monday. We are meeting with the Coast Guard Captain who is bringing all the information they have available regarding Marshall.

How do I process all of this, especially without prayer?

When?

Yesterday my "sister" Emily called me with the news that her brother Marshall's plane was reported missing off the coast of Nassau.

Marshall is a brilliant man who is very thorough and conscientious. He is always in control of any situation. He is NOT a risk taker, nor is he a dare devil.

Reports from the Coast Guard's Search and Rescue Teams have come in indicating the finding of his life raft. They know it is his as he had his name, plane #, and other vital information printed on it. That's how detailed he is.

The newspaper article in the Miami Herald and the Coast Guard have indicated that he was in radio contact with MIA about some turbulence when his airplane signal suddenly disappeared from their radar.

This is a picture of the airplane he was piloting.


Knowing Marshall as I do, I HAVE TO BELIEVE he is waiting for his rescue on some island or in the water attached to a piece of his on-board equipment.

He will want to know what took so long. Me too.

To View or not to view

Yes, We made it. This is the set, or at least the
starting of the set of The View. We were not allowed to use cell phones during the program, and we forgot the camera. This is the only picture I got before they made the announcement to turn off all electronic equipment. It causes static on the program.

Charles explained the concept of the group while we were waiting to go in. Five women sit around and talk about whatever happens to be going on at the time. Whoopi Goldberg, who happens to be a favorite of mine, was the moderator, and Meredith, who I'm told once starred on the program, was back visiting today. The girl who stars in the new "Bionic Woman" TV series, who is actually English, was also there.

It was verrrrrrrrrry interesting; fast pace and at times funny. Charles said I was commenting on each thing they said and I didn't need to do that. I didn't even realize I was doing it. But I did get to ask Whoopi a question - "Is there a movie coming up for you?" She said not right now. She has a radio show and now a TV show, so she doesn't have the time.

There was very little interaction with the audience. Barbara Walters went up to talk with the people in the "balcony" area. It wasn't a balcony but higher level seating. The whole studio probably held 200 people and we were on the front row right beside the set.

What was my take on it? It was something I had never done; I was with Charles, whom I miss; they laughed; they talked; they gave us presents. Would I do it again? ABSOTUTELY!!!

The most shocking thing though, and I know you find this hard to believe, not one person asked for my autograph.

Interesting if not laughable

Just when I think I've seen everything, someone shows up to prove me wrong. I can't quite decide though which is the more interesting of the three. Could it be the person dressed as the Statue of Liberty, face paint, torch and all, or maybe the "cowboy" on the street corner wearing only a cowboy hat, boots, white briefs and strumming a guitar (He charges $1.00 apiece to have your picture taken with him). It could quite possibly be the girl with red, white, blue pasties on her breasts with red, white and blue short, short, short, shorts. I don't know. It's just a toss up. But NY certainly is interesting.

We did a triathlon today of two Broadway shoes, one dinner at an Italian Restaurant with friends of Charles (Trisha/Matthew and 3 children) and even found time to throw in a little shopping. I think the only time I sat down was when I went to the restroom. I DID manage to sneak in a Starbucks or two, which is a MUST as far as I am concerned.

Zanadu last night was phenomenal; Hairspray today was funny; but Wicked tonight was just right down engrossing. They all are so different, yet each one in their own right held me just where they wanted me. I found myself totally engrossed as if I was the only person in the theatre - they were playing to me; just for my enjoyment.

And the wonderful aromas and places to see (Flags in front of Rockefeller Center )- I can hardly wait until tomorrow when I venture out on my own.

We have tickets to see The View. I really haven't seen it, but Charles says it's a good show to visit. Who knows? I could be discovered tomorrow.

I promise I won't forget "the little people" when they put that star on my door.

"Start Spreading The News"

Here I am again; traveling. And, like all the times before, this is my view. We're traveling Continental this time, but the view is the same; just the material of the seat in front of me changes. I DID have more room this trip though - 3 across and the middle seat was empty.

It made the ride very pleasant except for the reparte of the pilot and stewardess from "National Lampoon's vacation" on the loudspeaker -

"We're holding"; "No, we're not holding"; "Please fasten your seat belts and put your seat in an upright position for our impending landing." "Ignore that voice; we're in a holding pattern for the next 20 minutes"; "Oh wait, they've changed their minds; we're getting ready to land." "No. We're on hold again." "You can keep all your electronic equipment on." "No. Wait. Please turn off all electronic equipment and place your seats in an upright position." Well, you get the picture. It got a little ridiculous after many indecisions.

This picture is out the window of the airplane. I thought the clouds looked like snow and the wing looks like a shark or dolphin laying sideways. (I've probably had a lack of oxygen or out of body experience.)

We're staying tonight at the Lucerne at 5th/79th. Very nice place; I didn't ask why but tomorrow we move to the Palace. Tonight we have tickets to see Xanadu. Can't wait.

Tomorrow is brunch at Balthazar - supposedly "THE" place to brunch. I'll have to skip Brooklyn Tabernacle visit this trip; can't do everything I want to do; too much to do; so little time.

The trip from the Newark airport was 2 hrs-through the Lincoln Tunnel. [I think we were actually in Mississippi for a while, but who knows.] It took 45 minutes - It is 8,216 feet long (I looked it up) and we inched along so slowly the driver could moonlight as a turtle.

What is with the fire extinguisher's every so many feet? That can't be a good sign. Makes me want to go "Hmmm."

Another odd thing about the tunnel - There was an American flag hung from the front of the entrance and it had systematic rows of half-moon shaped holes in the flag. I don't know what that was all about. If anyone who reads this knows, please let me know.

I got a great view of the Weehaucken Public Library which is shaped like a chalet from the Swiss Alps. I could have actually checked out books it took so long to get past it.

Taking the cab back from uptown was an experience in itself. I have been in many "interesting" cities and had many "different" drivers, but this driver either has a death wish or he is the last living kamikaze pilot who found himself without a job and migrated to NY just because...

I called Kim and asked her - "Do you know where I am and what I'm doing?" She said - "Yes I do. You are sitting in Time Square and drinking a Venti Cappachino from Starbucks." (I hate that she knows me so well) You gotta love a place that has a Starbucks on every corner, any imaginable show you would ever want to see and never seems to close down. Can't wait for tomorrow.

Communication?

It's hard to plan around conflicting schedules, especially when one of the two individuals don't know WHEN they can get off. As I have said many times, my life is not my own, so when my sons gave me a trip to NY for my birthday, it was already scheduled to coincide with the time Charles was to be there. That schedule was out of my hands.

When the women's retreat set their schedule for October, and I asked Bob if he could get off during October, he said "ABSOLUTELY NOT! This is the time they are redoing the train and no one can get off during this time." So, I asked if he minded if I went to the women's retreat in GA. He said no problem; go for it.

And, when Sherry asked when Bob and I could get off because she and her husband wanted to give us a week-end at the beach for a wedding present, the only time that was for sure available was the 12th/13th. I asked Bob if that would be a good time, and AGAIN, he said he couldn't get off during October. I invited 2 friends from Pasco to come over and spend the time with me at the beach.

I've also had some testing scheduled for this month, and, those are basically the reasons why I took off the whole month.

NOW, it seems Bob IS able to take time off. He has, in fact, already scheduled it. Of course, the first few days are during the time I'm in NY; the next times are when I'm in GA; and, of course, the only week-end he has taken off is the 12th/13th.

What now? The events are already set; the times are in place; how do I placate my husband? I think this is one of those "NO WIN" situations.

One more time

Here I am again-3 am and nothing to do; no parties; no playmates; no work to do (that I want to do) so I'm once again writing to "whom it may inform." Some times "in the scheme of things" as my former principal Rich used to say, life doesn't go as you plan. Choices are always interesting no matter how much information we have going into something, it is not always cut and dried how things will go. That is why I have my list of "Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time."

Under this heading goes:
Dance Lessons
Changing Lights Over the Bed (while standing on the bed)
Going back to school
Retiring from Teaching (jury is still out on this one)
Driving alone on a long distance trip with a small baby
Selling my house
Moving to Orlando
Going back to work full time

Just to name a few.

Why I "wax maudlin" during the early morning hours I don't know. Call it what you will or try to analyze it, it doesn't matter. What DOES matter is that when I can't sleep, blogging seems to be what I do to while away my time.

And, oh yes, watching the movies that I've taped and haven't seen while I'm blogging. Right now I'm watching "First Daughter" with Mariel Hemingway. She is an FBI agent protecting the President's daughter on an "Outward Bound" trip in the mtns. I've seen it probably 10 times. Funny thing, it ends the same every time. (Go figure)

That leads me to one clear cut revelation - Why do I do the same things over and over the same way, and expect different results? (Joyce Meyer statement) Human nature? My own stupidity? Either could be the truth, or maybe a little of both. Any way you look at it, I'm still up; I'm still tired; and I have 7 more days until I have the month of Oct off. Wahoo!

Auntie Em

For several years I have been able to talk, walk, drive, balance my checkbook, and a lot of other things - all by myself. So I'm glad I am taking the month of October off from work. I will be able to "get myself together", so to speak.

I did not realize how much I used my ATM card until it was gone. I NEVER carry cash. Or at least, I never did until the card went MIA. The very nice lady at the credit union asked, what I thought was a totally interesting question, "Where did you lose your card?" That in itself seems harmless, right? But doesn't it stand to reason, if I knew WHERE my card was lost, I'd go get it and bring it home? I don't know; it must be just me.

The process to getting another card is tantamount to moving to a third world country, buying a national building to tear it down and building a McDonalds, or some such activity. That isn't even counting how long it will take or the mess you go through while you DON'T have a card. I have noticed though that I have more money in my account than I usually do this time of the month. Could it be I can't spend it so easily thus leaving it in the account?

Really, Auntie Em, we truly are not in Kansas anymore!

"Snarf"

My husband is a genius. No. I mean it. He knows so much and is so up to date with current events. The last time I read a newspaper, Gutenberg was setting the type by hand. So when he used the term "Snarf" I should have known better than to bet him it wasn't a real word.

The e-encyclopedia says:
Snarf is:
A character in the cartoon ThunderCats.
Snarf, a character from the animated television series Trollz.
The main character from SnarfQuest, a comic that ran in Dragon Magazine.
SNARF-1 - a fluorescent dye that changes colour with pH
An underground comic from Kitchen Sink Press

Who knew?

My contention is that he used it incorrectly. He said I "snarfed" at him. Nowhere in those explanations does it give a "verb" as an explanation. So, as Charles would say, theoretically, I am right. I guess I still owe him the $10. Oh well. It's only money. And, that leads me to the reality that I have lost my ATM card. That's another blogging altogether.

I've asked "WHY" before

My son and I have a mutual friend - "J", and, he and his family have been on my mind the last few days; maybe because something on the radio reminded me of him, or, maybe because they are visiting O-town this week-end.

He and his young wife have a beautiful little girl that could be a child model if they chose. They are the "picture" of the perfect family. You would never know J has a condition that is affecting his heart muscles. It was first thought to be a slow process that might take years, but is progressing more rapidly than the doctors first anticipated.

Life is so daily - we plan; we go through our daily routines; we try to make a good life for our family; we look to the future. Then something jolts us into the reality that we are actually frail and merely "dust in the wind." And, it scares us.

It would be so easy to once again ask why. But, the real questions is "Why not?" Scriptures say "It rains on the just and the unjust." To me that means, we all live in this world and life happens! Reality is tough!

Bob is So Bob

What made me think I should get married again? Obviously there are times in our lives that go under my favorite heading - "It Seemed Like A Good Idea At the Time." And, with all my Christian upbring and training, living together didn't seem to be an option. But marriage?

I think there should be an alternative option to the two obvious ones, which are:

Living Together

Marriage

Could there possibly be an arrangement where you could live together, in the same place, with all the "options" except the bedroom part, and learn about each other BEFORE the wedding. Is this possible?

This man I've married is an enigma to me. He is different from anyone I've ever known. He likes things that are foreign to me. He has memories that I haven't even read about. He knows things I don't know. He's exerienced so much. Why does that bother me?

Probably the most enlightening thing to me is that there must be so many people, just like Bob, who know absolutely NOTHING about the love and mercy of God; Who have never experienced the cleansing forgiveness of a power so great that can reach down just to lift me up; who loves me unconditionally; who knows me and still loves me, and best of all, sent His only Son, whom He loved, to die JUST FOR ME.

I am such a poor example of what I should be.

Today is Today

As I sit here, at home, trying to rest, so many thoughts run through my head-Where am I going in life? Why am I taking the whole month of October off? Why am I so tired? Who put that glass on the table without a coaster? - very important issues, right? Okay, some are not so important but issues just the same.

I have almost filled the whole month with activities; some are passive; some active. I'm going to NY with Charles; a week-end at Daytona; a 4-day retreat in GA; and sandwiched somewhere in between all that are two very special birthdays - MacKayla and Charles'. For MacKayla something pink is always good; for Charles-who knows? What do you get someone who can buy anything he wants? And, usually does.

My sons Tom and Edward just returned from Seattle. They want to move out to the other coast, but have only visited thus far, as far as I know.

I don't know when my sons started making their own decisions. I "think" it happened some time between diapers and college, but I can't be any more exacting. Edward and Bret, of course, are adopted so I can't know with them due to age and proximity, but I can't be any closer with Tom or Charles, and I was right there.

Wow. I sound really philosophical, don't I? Enough of that. Life is too short to get too esoteric or maudlin, so I will start watching "Gilmore Girls" and veg out. Both are something that I can do very well and not even have to do any thinking. It's all good.