Devising a test for determining whether you are crazy or not is one of the things you can do at 3 am and you're just laying around with nothing else to do but listen to machines make weird noises. With all my inert creativity, I think I have come up with a few ways of making the determination:
1. If you come to a hospital expecting to get some sleep, you might consider therapy for a few months.
2. If you think everything is going well just because the nurse hasn't been in for 6 minutes, it might be time to press the medication button.
3. If you think the north wind blowing on your head is actually coming from outside, you might need a reality check.
4. If you think a helicopter landing on the roof is routine, you might rethink your vacation spot for next year.
5. If you think the SMELL of rubbing alcohol is intoxicating, you need some fresh air from outside.
6. If someone in a white lab jacket smiles at you and you think they're being friendly, you might want to check to see if they have a needle in their hand.
7. If you can't remember if you drove today or took a bus, you might want to give the orange ticket you have in your hand to the nice man downstairs and he will find your car for you.
8. If there is a growling noise somewhere in the room and you can't seem to find the origin, you might want to visit the vending machines down the hall.
9. If you feel like you were born in the clothes you are wearing, you might want to go home and shower and burn that clothing.
and last but not least,
10. If you want to stay for another few days "just to deepen your tan", you might want to consider yourself certifiably crazy,
or you might just be in the hospital watching someone you love trying to get over surgery.
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