TODAY

Tom would have been 63 today.  There are so many thoughts running through my mind.  In some ways, this is a depressing time for me; in many ways my thoughts warm me and make me smile.

I miss his chipped front tooth that I see in his son Charles.  I miss the crinkles around his eyes that had developed through the years.  And his eyes, oh so blue-sometimes like the ocean; sometimes like the sky.  I miss his arms around me when things went wrong or just because.  And, as I try to type this through the tears, I miss him most on this day of the year.  I KNOW he is in a better place.  I KNOW he probably sees all the stupid things I do.  I KNOW he can't come back here and be like it was before he left, but oh how I wish he could.

My life is so different now.  Bob is a good man and I was married so long to Tom that I could almost know what he was thinking.  I'm not trying to demean Bob at all.  I do love him.  He is so different from Tom that sometimes I expect too much from him.  He can't know what I am thinking or planning and sometimes I forget that.

This is a new year; one of promise; one of hope; one of forward thinking.  I have hopes and dreams, but "I can't know" where I will be this time next year.  I pray that I always follow God's leadings and I always hear His voice in all my decisions.  For now, I am where I am.