HIGHS AND LOWS

Ever have a day full of highs and lows?  It's really interesting, to say the least.

I have gotten this "totally wild" idea that I want to move into a house. Why? I can't for the life of me know, but there it is.  Yesterday, Julie and I went looking again.  We found a lovely house, in my price range, on the water, that needed some repairs.  I'm not really into that right now, so we went back to one we had already looked at.  I really liked it when I first saw it.  It was one of four that we were to look at, but 2 were "short sales" which is a challenge and don't want to do (or so I'm told.)  One was not available as it already had a contract pending and the last one, the one I liked, was still available.

We went back to the house, and wouldn't you know, the bank that owns the house, was adding all new appliances.  They had the yard mowed and cleaned of old leaves and branches; had added new carpeting and paint, and it looked even better than when we first saw it.  No additional price.  I was overwhelmed and excited.  Julie, who is a realtor, called the bank to see how we could make an offer.  It was amazing.

At the same time, we had taken Wiener, (seemed like a good idea at the time) she had pooped in the yard and when she sat down on my lap, proceeded to wipe her butt on my jeans.  Of course, it was green and smelly.  Needless to say, I had to go home and change before we could finish some errands we were going to do while out.

We're off again.  Found everything I needed; did everything I was to do; went home. Vicki can't come on Thurs to help me pack, so we rescheduled that for Monday; scheduled a trip to Pasco for Tuesday; called for a carpet cleaning for Tuesday, as they are bringing new furniture on Thursday and the carpet needs 2 days to dry; called about Ween's grooming on Wed. Sometime this week-end, I have to get rid of 2 couches, a bookcase, a chest of drawers, a coffee table and a TV in order to place the new furniture. (Bob's Valentines Day Present to me)  I know it's confusing but try to keep up.  I'm confused and I live here.

And, so my life goes.  It's a good thing I resigned.  I'm much too busy to work.

As Time Goes By

January 30, 2010
Today would have been my brother's 73rd birthday.  My mind will not let me visualize him at that age because he died when he was 30 years old.  I was in summer school at college, in Nashville, TN and don't remember a lot of the details of the event.  I know his plane went down on my birthday, July 12, and they found the plane and his body on his daughter's birthday - July 15.  
I had one of my "spiritual" experiences at that time.  The 15th was a Sunday.  I was at church; sunday school had just finished. I walked out of the chapel and was waiting for Tom on the porch-like area outside the chapel.  I felt an arm around my shoulder. At the same time, I heard my brother whisper in my ear - "It's okay.  I'm fine.  Everything will be okay."  He hugged me; I felt warm all over and he was gone.  This was "before" I was called for them to tell me they had found his body.  (I have had many of those in my lifetime.  I can't explain them or why I have them.  Just one of the perks of being a child of God.)

I know from experience that I was in shock and your memory isn't reliable enough to properly grasp the details in that type of instance.  Bits and pieces stand out and yet, I was fully aware of some of the "intense" events - my mother crying to the point of making herself ill; the memorial service having lots of "Marines" there and wondering why because my brother hated being in the marines; landing at the airport in Charleston, WV - diving to land on the mtn top landing strip; getting back in Nashville and wondering how I got there.

About 3 weeks later I received a reel-to-reel tape from my brother.  I remember it sounding depressing.  I only got to play it once in that it erased as it played.  (Providentially, I'm sure.) I could only remember parts of it.  I don't think my sister-in-law believed me when she asked about it several months later.  He died in Yokohama, Japan.  Billie Jean, his wife,  returned after getting most of the paperwork completed.  And, I lived with her for several months after she came back.  

She had a rough few years - She had another child while in Japan; Her Mother died of cancer; Her Father died in car wreck; She developed cancer and had to have surgery; Charlie, my brother, died in his own plane wreck. I reminded her of Charlie, and she and my mother didn't get along.  I was the one there at the time.  Those are only some of the reasons she seemed upset all the time.

Not many people did know my mother though. She was very guarded with her true emotions. In all fairness to her, I guess she had to be.  She worked hard most of her life and was only able to relax when she was able to retire after moving to Florida.  I didn't actually get to know and understand her until she came to live with us shortly after my father died in 2000.

As for my brother, I still miss him.  I probably always will.  I do remember when I was finally able to mourn for him.  I was sitting on the riverbank, some time later, behind the house where my parents lived, and I felt an intense depressive feeling come over me and I just started crying. I thought I wasn't going to be able to stop.  But I did and life goes on.  I look forward to seeing him again.  He could always make me laugh.

Sowing and Reaping

Galatians 6:7 (King James Version)

" ⁷Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."

There are many laws that God set up when He made the Earth.  The Law of Gravity - What goes up, must come down.  The Law of Genetics - Certain traits are passed to your offspring.  Or, the Law of Sowing and Reaping.  You cannot sow corn and expect strawberries.

I was reminded of the Law of Sowing and Reaping by one of my sons last week.  He could not be more like Tom, my husband, if we had physically had him, but he is one of my adopted sons.  He and "a relative I can't mention by name" are very much alike - logical; level-headed; forthright; and definitely honest with me.  I appreciate those qualities and often go to them for advice.

Going to other humans, you have several options.  You can listen and ignore them.  You can listen, analyze the words and ignore them.  Or, you can actually "hear" what they say and incorporate it into your decisions.  It's like going to the Dr. He tells you that you need to lose weight, and you get upset with him because he has stated the obvious or you follow his directions.

Actually, going to Wiener for advice is much easier.  She looks me square in the eyes, licks my hand or face, and lays down to take a nap.  Very sound advice.  She is extremely wise in her own way.  For now, I'll follow her example.  I should write this down for posterity; maybe a book.  I even know the title - "The Laws of Wiener."  You have to admit - It has possibilities.

Golf is not a sport

Golf cannot possibly be considered a sport.  It was, at one time, men in awful plaid pants who quietly cursed at a small, round white object as they slowly chased around on a lovely green grassy park over little hills and sandy areas.  They also had young men who followed them with humongous canvas bags full of sticks with funky covers on them.  Ever so often, the young bag carriers would hand the plaid wearers a new stick to wave at the round objects and the cursing would begin again.

This week-end I learned this "activity" has changed;  when and where, I wouldn't know. Three friends from out of town, came to O-land just to chase those round, white objects around for 3 days.  They did not have a "Plan B" in case of rain, which of course did happen on the second day.  I would think that it would not be a good idea to be outside with a metal stick in my hand when it is lightening and thundering, especially on an open field with little mounds that have to be climbed.  Fortunately for this area, rain doesn't usually last long.  Plan B or C was to eat breakfast and wait until the storm moved quickly through the area.

Walking has been replaced with driving little carts all over that have racks on them that hold a smaller version bag.  No more funky clothing and no more need for the young men to carry the hugh bags.  I also got a "history" lesson on how to play and what some of the rules are now.  Watching them see the grounds for the first time was like watching little boys coming down stairs to the presents at Christmas.  Their eyes opened wide, sparkled, and I think I even saw some "drool" on their lips.  Not my cup of tea, but a seemingly harmless event.  And, they took me out to dinner last night at one of the top restaurants on property.  Three good looking guys, being able to enjoy "filet mignon" and creme brulee - it's all good.  We only have one life to live, but if you do it right, that's all you need.

FAVORITE THINGS

Funerals are definitely NOT on my list of favorite things.  When I am getting ready to go to one, I dread all sorts of things that deal with those emotions.  I had such an occasion this morning.  A friend's father died this week and  "a favorite relative" and I knew we had to go to support the friends and family.

Imagine my surprise when I came away from the Celebration of His Life, and I knew I had been to church. Wow. What a service.  One of my favorite radio "teachers" - Dr Steve Brown - was the main pastor to speak.  Not only was he inspirational but he also spoke words that touched my heart.

Ed Brandon was a leader for everyone who knew him or was related to him. He not only lived his life in a way to inspire others but as a Husband, Father, Grandfather, etc, he was true to his beliefs and God's word. The music; the words; the whole tenor of the service certainly celebrated a life you can only aspire to follow.  As he ends each of his programs, Dr Brown, completed the tribute to Ed by using his usual "program ending" - Now think about that!  I definitely will, and smile every time I remember.

Seminars can be just meetings

You name it-I've probably taken the class.  Pasco County School System is famous for it's training classes.  As you know, just because you have heard it or read about it, doesn't mean you have practiced it.  Theoretically, as a close family friend likes to say, a seminar should be helpful.

The term "seminar" conjures up, at least to me, boring, listless, or at best-meetings with perhaps one item of interest.  Sunday I attended a seminar that was interesting and possibly exactly what I needed.  "New Goals, New You" was the title and as much as I like to avoid meetings at all cost, this was worth the time and money invested.

Even if I didn't hear a lot of "new" things, I DID hear some things that I needed to hear as reminders.  I need to focus more on what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.  Organization is the name of the game for me right now.  When I get overwhelmed, I have a tendency to just "quit" and lay down.  That is precisely what I have been doing for the last month; but no more.  It's time for action.  I know what I need to do.  I just have to do it.

Why heaven came to mind, I don't know, but I started to think about what we do in heaven.  That opens another whole realm of questions for me.  I know we will be praising God for about 10, 000 years, but is that  "Heaven years, or Earth years?"  Then what?  Also, what about accountability for what we did on Earth?  How does that work?  If God FORGETS AND FORGIVES, and He does-how will we be accountable for all we've said or done while here on Earth?  If we're going to have to be accountable in Heaven, how does He forgive and forget?  Circular thinking?  It's all so confusing at times.

But, do you believe in coincidences?  Me neither.  If not though, why does the name "Sheila" mean "question" in Hebrew?  Check out Jeremiah 1:5.

DECISIONS?

Working New Years was a little different in that it was "quieter" than I thought it would be; more people worked than I imagined would be there; and, we got to party 'a little' for about a minute and a half with hats, horns, and even sparkling cider.  I even worked 8 hours; until 3:30 am on New Year's day.  I have only worked 6 hr shifts since that time.

It's time to make decisions; new year-new life.  I have been accused of having control issues.  That might be true, but once the decisions are made, I don't usually have problems doing what needs to be done.  For me, it's making THE decision.

I'm talking with "a close relative" today and asking about plans for this year.  I need a place to live.  My lease is up March 1 and I would prefer NOT to stay in this apartment.  I have seen several houses, on line, in the neighborhood, that I think I can afford.  Julie will be back today, God willing, and she will take over the "house hunting." (She's much more qualified.)  We'll see.  That leads to another issue - What to do about Bob?  [Seemed like a good idea at the time.]  To be continued. . .

We still have New Years

Christmas Day is over and as usual, I got far more than I deserved.  Family was here.  We celebrated two different times - Christmas Eve for Julie/Bret and family; Christmas Day for the rest of the family.  Julie and Bret were leaving for Oklahoma the next day, so it was good that we could be together at least for a little while.

Christmas Eve evening we went to a new restaurant to celebrate Tom's birthday, which is really December 23, but we celebrate when everyone can get together.  We went to a Greek restaurant that is "on property."  I guess I have been in too many restaurants AND I am too opinionated; but I was underwhelmed.  Being close friends with many people of Greek heritage and eaten so much food with them, that I truly must have authentic ethnic food to really like it.  This wasn't truly Greek food per se, but Greekish type food with a different flare.  The saganaki (fried cheese) was a different type of cheese and had unusual spices on it.  The meatballs had some sort of coating and the shrimp were overly "spiced" with something I couldn't identify.  The spinikopika (stuffed grape leaves) were soggy and "spaghetti" type noodles were used in the pastichio (lasagna) instead of using regular lasagna noodles.  The tsadzacki sauce (cucumber & sour cream) was great and so was the humas and flat bread.  (Some of the spellings are off a little)  I didn't have to pay for it.   I am always grateful when I get to go out and try different food, even though it doesn't sound like it.

New Years is coming up and I am supposed to work.  I have been in bed for 4 days, so I don't know what will happen.  I hope I can make it to work the next few days.  I'm thinking it's a good thing I have handed in my resignation.  I HAVE applied for a PT job there, but who knows about that.  Life is a hoot, right??

A NEW ERA

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who had a dream-to work at the most magical place on earth.  The last five years that dream has been fulfilled and it has been an experience-interesting if not enjoyable.  I have given my resignation letter and as of right now, January 30, 2010, I will no longer work for "the mouse."  I have mixed emotions - sad but at the same time, excited.

I have given this change much prayer and considerations for the last few months.  There are VARIED reasons for the decision; too numerous and personal to mention at this time.  (Who knows-they may show up in a note at a later time).

Your prayers would be appreciated.  I can hardly wait to see what God has in store.

Boycott or just tired?

Not giving gifts for Christmas is probably unconstitutional or at best, un-American but I'm not doing it. There are several reasons for this decision.

First of all, we all have too much "stuff."  Secondly, I couldn't think of a reason why we were giving gifts. After all, it's Jesus' birthday, not ours.  Thirdly, I just don't have the money this year that I have had in previous years.  I have notified all who are involved and not received any responses.  I don't know if they don't believe me, or just ignoring me. IF I do anything at all, I will donate money in their name to Habitat for Humanity, a favorite charity of mine.  It just depends on what resources present themselves.

My sister sent Wiener some small stuffed toys, which have turned out to be a big hit with the dog.  Flea and Tick are their names and they are small, stuffed, figures that she carries around in her mouth.  When the tag hangs out of her mouth, she looks "slightly" mentally challenged and is so funny to watch.

Here is a picture of Wiener bitting Flea while she is on the couch.  Her blue blankie is beside her, just in case she gets too cold.  She also has the remote close by to keep track of Animal Planet and the soaps.

Actually, Ween has fallen in love with the tree skirt, which is silky on one side and velvet on the other.  She is using this as a cover.  So, naturally, we have been unable to put it around the tree.  She also "derailed" the new train Bob purchased because it was in her way of getting to the windows in the doors that lead to the porch.  (She is really getting to be a brat.)

Joey (Edward's Dog) is coming for Christmas.  This is always a challenge as Wiener takes away his toys and food; hides the toys and eats his food.  He is part Golden Retriever and Chow and he just lets her get away with it.  Maybe I should talk with Joey about this.  After all, he is 3x her size, and outweighs her by probably at least 50 lbs.  I'll let Edward.  After all, he is Joey's father.

Sometimes I don't understand

One of my close relatives sent me this picture.  The caption was-"Saw this and thought of you."  I don't always have to understand, do I?  And, I might not WANT to understand.  So, enough said.

I performed my first time for candlelight last night.  I had forgotten how "grueling" it can be.  It was warm, even before we were under the lights, and it only got hotter.  I think I know how a water falls feels with all that sweat running down my back.

Isabella Rosselini was the reader.  She was pretty when she was younger, but now she is beautiful; flawless skin.  I was directly behind her.  She did a fantastic job reading also.  Rick directed and even though he is a little slower than Dr John, I think it went well.

After I came home, I began working on the decorations again; wanted some water; went to the garage to get a bottle and dropped a soda can on my foot-lacerated and broke my big toe on my right foot.  I am so glad it didn't happen BEFORE I sang.  Went to my dr today; "keep open until going to bed; cover with antibiotic cream and gauze; keep elevated; taped to other toe" (not much to do with toes.)  I had a lot of pain today; took Aleve and most of it went away.  Since I sit during my job, if I can drive to work, carefully, and keep it elevated,  I "SHOULD" be okay.  My life is NEVER, EVER, boring.

WHEN I WIN THE LOTTERY...

It  IS  going to happen.  It's just a matter of time.  Preparation needs to be done so I won't be caught in the "lurch" so to speak.  I'm counting on it being for Christmas this year; ASAP would be nice.

Arriving in Tallahassee late on Sunday, or early Monday, a hotel room is a necessity.  Taking the ticket to the office the next business day and receiving the check, we will go to Bank of America and establish an account.  First and foremost are the cashier checks - One to Metro and one to SI's church. (10% to both) The personalized checks are next - Immediate Family - C, T, E, J/B, SJ, B, (Mock), and me;  Isham; Additional Family is next - Meltons-W/N, N, C, BJ, R; M;  Jones- A, T;  Griffin-L, C/A, C.  Groups-Habitat for Humanity, Salvation Army, Pay It Forward, and Heart to Heart all have designated amounts. Close Friends - VH; KD; D/HS, M, A; Sayre; Wendy; (list will grow as needs arise)  Whew!  That is a lot of "thinking" this early. (Control Issues again)


I'm sitting beside the lit tree with dancing lights and a few ornaments. Memories are fun, especially of Tom and the boys. I have to smile. It seems faded or oblique at times; and yet, it is so "touchable" too.


Anticipation is revitalizing. I am content with my life at this point in time, for the most part. A few things are about to change - I can feel it. GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING and that is exciting. I like to stand back and watch how He works. It is amazing, yet so simple. Complex, and easy.

My little Wiener has joined me on the couch.  She misses me when I leave the bed.  She has to come find me.  Curled up in her "blankie", warm once more beside "her" provider just as I  like to do with my Provider.  She has been such a boost and example for me.  She is a walking example of how I should look to my Father - Total Trust.  She doesn't have a problem letting me know what she needs and she fully expects me to provide it.  Her look at me says she believes in me and, for the most part, she follows my directions with only an occasional lapse in judgement or distraction to the "bling" that is around her.  


With a gentle tug on her leash, I remind her to stay focused on what she is supposedly doing and her attention is directed once more to important things. Why does she get distracted?  Inquisitive? Exploring? or Just plain deluded?  Can't say for sure.  But she has learned it's best to be beside me and she gets a lot more rewards doing what is on the agenda than what looks more interesting at the time.  (She is barely visible in this picture)


It's a good thing God has more patience with me than I do with her.

WHY?

Someone recently asked me why I write my on-line blog and lay my life out for all to read. In retrospect, I think it's because my life is an open book and so many friends want to know what is happening with me in "O-town."

Today I had lunch with two of my sons, Julie and the girls. It was "someone's" birthday celebration. The Cheesecake Factory was the restaurant de jour. We were supposed to meet at 11:30, I misunderstood and thought 12:30, so we finally ended up there around one o'clock. I'm not usually late for any type of "get together" but I really missed it today. We ate, we celebrated, and we ended up with a piece of "Red Velvet Cheesecake." It was EXTREMELY, over the top sweet, but I drank cappuccino with mine and it wasn't too bad. I could not have eaten a whole piece by myself, but the 5 of us got rid of it easily.

This is a pic of the cake, with a candle.  The group that sang did a nice job and "he" blew out the candle. We're going to see the new 3-D movie tomorrow night. That will be fun too. It's always great with family no matter how many of us get together.

Kinz, who will be 15 soon, scared me when she said she is getting her learner's permit. I hope she is talking about an educational experience and is not talking about her "driving permit." That is really scary. She is not allowed to date until she is at least 27. Her dad is already "accumulating trophies" that he is going to use to make sure the "prospective" date thinks he is an award winning marksman. I said cleaning the shotgun when the date arrives would probably be enough warning. The trophies are a "little over the top," to say the least.

Did you know that the State of FL now allows people to go "on-line" and take the driving test. Part of the over-all experience is being scared to death, shaking, and almost throwing up at the Driver's Department. How can they get a "fully total" experience if they do it on line. It's just NOT RIGHT!!! (my humble opinion) I don't know why they didn't ask me.

WHO KNEW?

Les Parrott's book, "THE CONTROL FREAK", reveals some unique insight into the person who wants to change things. When I was a teacher, back in the ice age, these were great attributes; not so good evidently in personal life, especially right now.

Bob says I am spoiled. That is probably true. Tom pretty much let me handle everything that had to do with home and family. My classroom was basically under my control. As a Team Leader and Facilitator, I had to be in charge of how things went in either situation. I was caregiver for both my parents for many years. When I first started working for the theme park, I was promoted several times and eventually to Asst Manager (Coordinator) and first place for seniority in relation to experience time. Again. I was in charge. So, yes. I guess I've had to be "in charge" most of my life.

Being in charge is not something I sought, but seemed to be what I was supposed to do. Now I have to "undo" or relearn what I've done all my life. Change is not easy or something I especially enjoy, but the book gives two hints as to how to start.

First, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS EVERY DAY. Not especially overwhelming, but a good reminder. Dr Parrott says to actually write down your daily blessings each and every day to "SEE" what God has given us. Secondly, remember the GRACE God has given to us-not just remember it, but pass it on to every person in which I come in contact. Doesn't sound too hard, right? (As Julia Roberts once said in a movie, "We'll See.") {Wiener should be glad I'm practicing Grace}

I can hardly wait to see the experiences today.

First.

1. Family
2. A place to live
3. Friends
. . .

REVELATIONS

Seeing yourself as others see you can be interesting, to say the least. I have collected, over the years, an eclectic group of friends and acquaintances. I am an upfront, honest, detail person so it's not surprising when the people who are closest to me "TELL ME LIKE IT IS" even when I don't really want to hear it.

Spending time this past week with Linda, a friend I hadn't seen in a while, certainly illuminated a few of my "faults" that must be very evident. I was told I was always complaining and had control issues. I guess if enough people tell you about a character flaw, it must be true. I was also told I needed to be "kinder" to my husband. Whew. It was certainly a week-end.

I can't say I like criticism, but I am "reflective" at times. I think it helps to know how others perceive you. NOW. What do I do about it?

Whatever

In visiting my primary-care doctor yesterday, she seemed very happy with "whatever" I'm doing. She is of the opinion that if it makes me feel better-it is okay, and that works for me. My blood work that I had done for her on Monday, was much better than it had been in the last few samples. Cholesterol and triglycerides were both lower than previous results. Which is good.

I like the positive results from all the vitamins and minerals I'm taking. It just seems excessive when I see them all lined up on the counter. I even told her about the acupuncture. She seemed okay with that too. I don't have to go back for four months. That is the longest I have had between visits.

Our trip to GA is getting closer. I'm excited. It's been a while since I've had been on a road trip with "the girls." It's kind of like "Golden Girls" meet Willie Nelson. Emily is arriving in Florida earlier than expected. She had a relative in John's Pass that died this week. and is coming for that service and to help the relatives. Her calling is certainly one of service, especially in instances like that one. She is knowledgeable and compassionate. For anyone who has been through a time like this, a person with all her abilities is definitely needed. We will connect sometime after Sunday or Monday depending on how long she needs to stay there.

Tomorrow night "The family" is supposed to go to "Mickey's Not So Scary" Halloween Party. I took off yesterday because of basically not wanting to work, but ended up needing to be off because of some stomach problems. I'm not completely "healed" or in remission but definitely on my way. I don't know whether I will take off and go to the party, or try to work and leave early. Only time will tell.

It is getting late and I need to go back to bed so that I can get up to take Wiener out. She hasn't showed up yet, but I'm sure she is getting a little chilly by herself and will come hunting me. Bob has today off and is going "car hunting." He has caught the fever from me. He has not driven my car, but he is extremely attached to all the "goodies" that are on it. Whatever he does, will be exactly right for him. He is careful with his money and doesn't spend money he doesn't have. I would like to give him the car for Christmas. Unless God decides to "gift" me with a little extra, it won't happen any time soon. Who knows? God has done stranger things than that, especially for me.

TOTALLY

Here I am again. It's 5 AM and I'm not sleeping. So many things to "MULL" over and so little time during the day. I have an acupuncture appt at 8:30, going to Pasco to pick up a cushion for my denim chair, eat lunch somewhere over there, and hurry back for choir practice at 5:30.

My days are filled with "DOING"-Wiener, grocery shopping, work, and anything else that needs to be done for that day. Each and every day comes and goes and my life is happening. . .What else, I ask God and the voice is silent for now. Sometimes I feel I should be somewhere else, doing something else, but I don't know what. When it's time He will let me know. My impatience sometimes gets in the way and yet-the adventures come and go.

I'm getting ready to go to a conference in GA. I'm reallllllly looking forward to that. Being too close to my life, I some times can't see the forest for the trees, as Tom would say, and with the daily scenarios unfolding I seem to be "floating" through life. I hate that feeling. I call it my "WAITING" periods. That is where I just have to wait until God gets ready to open the doors for my new adventure.

As anyone knows, I don't like to wait and as my relative I can't mention says, "I have control issues." Today is another day to wait, I think. And, as I wait, we'll see what unfolds. It's always" interesting, if not enjoyable."

Wiener is up again. Need to go.

Elusive

Here it is 4 AM again, and I am wide awake wondering what I'm doing up at this hour. Bob just went to work; Wiener is still sleeping (smart dog) and me; I don't know why I am awake. Actually I do. I've had an upset stomach since Friday and had to miss work yesterday. I hate to do that. It makes it so much harder on everyone there, not to mention the fact I don't get paid for being off.

It seems like every time I think I am over this "condition" it comes back and whacks me up the side of the head (so to speak), and I am laid up for several days again. I have taken one of the "blue" pills I used to take to settle my stomach but they make me sleepy so I should doze off some time soon, and they only temporarily stop the condition. It takes at least 3 or 4 days to get my stomach back to "my normal."

I'm also watching another episode of Gilmore Girls. I hate the fact that they are no longer on the regular programming; only in reruns. This episode is about Rory getting involved with Jess. If you are not a "Gilmore" er, then you won't get it, but it is not only funny, but almost my life. If my mother had had money, she would have been Emily Gilmore. Of course, I'm not as cute as Lorelai, nor witty, and I had more than one child and not before I was married, but a lot of the crazy things they do or have happen, parallel my life.

I grew up in a very small town. If something happened during my day, my mother knew about it before I could get home. I read as much as I could; probably escapism. And, I left home as soon as possible; I graduated from high school while Lorelai didn't, etc. I have my "bad boy" in my life now not in high school.

I guess I was MISS GOODY TWO SHOES, or lived in a nunnery (as Bob likes to state) so I didn't do any "wild child" things, but I had several "adventures" in college. OH NO!!!

This note is "OFFICIALLY" over. Wiener just got up and DEMANDS attention, so I have to go. She is sooooo spoiled.

IT TAKES SO LITTLE FOR ME

What most people don't know about me is that it takes so little to make me happy. New car. New house. Lottery. Simple things, but only distractions in the scheme of things.

I'm getting ready to go to a retreat the second week of October. I will be with old friends and surely meet new ones. I am so ready that any higher level of excitement, I'd be illegal in ten states. One of my friends is coming from a "gadzillion" states away just to go with us. She is like a sister to me and I love and appreciate her so much.

This is what life is all about-FRIENDS AND GOOD TIMES. While I DO have a new car, and looking for a new house, and have high hopes of winning the lottery, those would make life a little easier. I can readily do without all of that, and still have a wonderful, blessed life, which I do. But do without friends-NO WAY. Thank God I am especially blessed in that area.

Catch Phrases

Many sayings seem to personify the last few years of my life - "And you're telling me this because?...", or "This affects me how?..." and my all-timed favorite "Seemed like a good idea at the time." Why do I use them? Escape? Tap dancing around an issue? Maybe even a way to avoid the truth? I don't know exactly but I couldn't come up with one this week-end at a family gathering.

One member of my family, name which I can't mention, made the statement - "You don't understand. She has "Control Issues." It starting me thinking. Do I really have control issues? To me that is someone who makes sure all events only take place the way they want it to happen. I've asked friends and other relatives if this is me. So far, I haven't had anyone who disagreed with the statement.

Do I do this? Each person I've talked with has been able to cite instances where they think I either "tried" to control or "did" control the situation. In each instance, I couldn't see why they thought I was trying to be in control.

I feel like I don't have ANY control over anything in my life, especially with all that is happening with me now. Maybe I just can't realistically look at me or my life. The statement has really made me rethink a lot of issues. Maybe I don't know me as well as I thought I did.