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THE FANTASY

Traveling is one of my favorite things to do, and when I get to travel with "the relative I can't mention," it is always first class and more.  This ship is named THE FANTASY, and it pretty much is just that-A real fantasy time.  Anything, and Everything.

Chandelier in Rotunda

The Boss and Me

If you are a cruiser, then Disney is the only way to sail.  Lush facilities, wonderful scrumptious food, music, activities for all ages, and an adult area if you don't feel the need to have children as part of your agenda.

Lunch at Enchanted Gardens

Disney is noted for their shows and fireworks at the parks, but the ship has not been left out-elaborate entertainment every night, with a full-blown fireworks show off the aft end.  Such amazing sites are available.

Welcome Drink

Having enough food on this cruise is not a problem either.  I ate at the Royal Court Restaurant for breakfast the second morning-Ham and cheese omelet, croissant, sausages, coffee, juice and a cappuccino to add to the experience.  There was so much to choose from it was hard to decide.  "How many different types of muffins, filled pastries, donuts, breads, can you possibly have?"  If you don't see it, ask for it and they probably have it available.

Room service menu is minimal, but they will fix ANYTHING they have if you want it.  I did a continental breakfast one morning, and a cheeseburger for lunch one day, but pretty much ate everything else in the restaurants.  First night was Royal Court and I ordered a duck appetizer, french onion soup, braised lamb with au gratin potatoes, green beans, and creme brulee for desert.  I also tasted someones escargot, and it was De licious.  Art decided I need my own experience so he ordered one for me.  I was so full I WADDLED out the door and moaned for several hours afterward.

Animator's Palate Show

Next night was Animator's Palate.  Wonderful breads and dips, appetizer trio with shrimp, ahi tuna, and prosciutto on a rectangular plate, popcorn soup that was the consistency of she crab soup only without the sherry with a small container of carmel corn to add to the soup, a type of "johnny cake" that they called cornbread, also a lobster entree with a green bean veggies , venison slices with purple slaw, dessert trio of cheesecake, banana creme brulee, and strawberry shortcake.  These were in small individual bowls on a rectangular dish similar to the appetizer.

Enchanted Garden was the last night. I had a chicken breast and a baked potato.  I was so full from overeating each day, I could only manage half of that.  Like I said, more food than you can imagine.

Castaway Cay

I've pretty much decided I'm not a cruiser.  My bathroom at home is decidedly larger.  I don't have to travel AFT or FORWARD for a mile outside my bedroom to get anywhere I want to be. And, I can raid my refrigerator when I want some snacky stuff. (Not necessary on ship) But most of all - my "FOOT WARMER" can also serve as a "face washer" all in one package.

It's not possible to remember everything even with notes, but this is a slight overview of the 4 days.  I was soooo glad to get home and so was my "saran wrap" dog.  I think she missed me.  I haven't told her about being gone next week.  We'll just surprise her.

THIS IS 'JUST' A TEST

Falling out of the shower wasn't exactly my idea of how to start the day, but too much soap can actually cause you to slip.  DUH!  Anyway, I don't think anything was damaged.

"The person I'm not supposed to mention" took me to St Luke's Eye Clinic in Tarpon Springs on Friday.  We were there 4 hrs.  I thought they would NEVER get finished.  I knew they were going to dilate my pupils, that is why HE went.  But twice?  I found out a few things - Cataracts, on both eyes; no big deal.  The Doctor also discovered I have the beginning of Macular Degeneration.  AND, I need new glasses.  Whew.  He also didn't like what he saw on the lining of my eye.  I have to go back for more testing.  I DID get to have a quick lunch with Vicki, one of my friends in New Port Richey.

Being in church yesterday was a real treat.  I haven't been able to attend for a long time. We are between pastors, but it sounds like they are ready to decide-four men are being considered.  The youth minister spoke and did a nice job.

The Elders search for a potential pastor and narrow it down to several people.  The Elders are the ones who decide.  The congregation doesn't actually have much to say about who is selected. This is different than I've experienced.  My former churches decided by letting the congregation hear each candidate.  (Usually about 3 or 4)  Then the congregation votes, with the district superintendent having the final say.

This past week was better physically for me; not much pain-feeling better than I have been for a very lonnnnng time.  I didn't have to take naps to keep up the energy and get rid of the aches.  I don't know why; maybe the new meds they are giving me actually "kicked in."   I've gotten some work done here at home.  For whatever reason, I'm grateful.  I really don't know how bad I feel until the pain is gone.

Today was the first day of a set of three tests with "nuclear" medicine.  My "relative I can't mention" took me.  All my guys and friends have been awesome.  "He" had to drive back. I had a "slight" reaction to the shot; nausea, aching, and upset stomach.  I was there almost 1 1/2 hrs, for a ten-minute procedure.  Getting ready was the biggest part. Tomorrow and Wed, the "scans" will take about an hr each.  It is supposed to reveal any abnormalities in my body - tumor, infection, whatever.  Wonder what it will show in my brain?

The technician said I should stay away from the dog.  She says that it is recommended not to be close to babies or animals.  Ween is not happy about me not petting her.  Wait until she finds out she can't sleep on the bed tonight.  She will NOT be a happy camper.

Friday I  am supposed to go to MAYO in Jax.  This is the first time since December.  I'm taking paperwork to see if I can get a "charity" notation so that I can HOPEFULLY have my surgery in Jax.  The surgery is on hold anyway because of my heart and lung problems. Who knows?  I just try to take one day at a time.

Resting on the couch and starting to feel better.  I have to eat light because of the tests. I'm marinading chicken and will bake it.  That should be okay.  God is good.

D I V O R C E

Divorce is a travesty to God's plan and yet I am once again faced with the decision to do just that.  I gave Bob "preliminary" divorce papers for some information that needed to be filled out on the pages before it is filed.  He didn't seem surprised.  He's hard to read at times so I don't know exactly how he feels but he filled in the blanks and handed it back to me.

Yesterday was our 5th anniversary.  (Happy Anniversary)  We've been separated almost 3 years.  In order for me to not feel in limbo, I  think this is the next step in our relationship.  I really don't know whether he doesn't want to be married or he just doesn't want to be married to me.  He will not discuss anything with me.

Where does that leave me now?  Pretty much just as I have been yet I won't be married.  I pray this is the right decision.  I don't know what else to do.

One upper that I have to look forward to in the near future is the cruise on THE FANTASY. WAHOO!!!

I AM BLESSED

"The relative I'm not supposed to mention" just text me and asked if I wanted to go on the new Disney Ship, The Fantasy, for the maiden voyage.  DUH!  

Lobby of THE DREAM

I was privileged to go on the maiden voyage of the last ship, The Dream, and it was fantastic.  I can't wait to see the new one the last of the month.

REMEMBERING

Loss of a loved one can be devastating for someone.  The loss of a celebrity affects everyone.  Whitney Houston, Davy Jones, and Robert Sherman are three people who have recently died.  Robert Sherman is probably the least know of the three.  He and his brother Richard wrote so many songs and shows for Disney, I can only begin to list them.  Mary Poppins,  Jungle Book, The Aristocats, and the list goes on and on.

Whitney Houston was every one's favorite darling- songs, movies, directing; so much talent and gone entirely too soon.  I did not have the pleasure of seeing her in person, but enjoying her music was a past time for me.  The nation mourns with her family.


But Davy Jones was someone I had seen in concert many times.  He usually came for Disney's FLOWER AND GARDEN SHOW in the Spring.  He was a true showman.  These pictures were from his 2009 show.  Cute, personable, talented.  I enjoyed all his concerts.  Saying goodbye is always hard, for any reason. Not only will his family miss him, our world will miss him and his music, for music makes the world go around and lightens your heart. His did both.

FOOTNOTE:
Just found out that for Flower and Garden Davy's former partner in the Monkeys, Mickey Dolenz, will be taking Davy's place.  This will be a great way to honor Davy.

Change?

Over the years, I have had many, many "Charles" in my life.  Starting with my brother Charles, dated 3 or 4 Charles, engaged to a Charles, named my natural born son Charles, and my roommate Charles.

My backyard

Today is Charles Pugh's birthday (former engaged person).  Why have I remembered this date for over 40 years - I REALLY don't know for sure.  It's just one of those unimportant facts I have stored in my memory chip for a brain. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to change memory chips as easily as you can change SIM cards?  I would be sooooo smart and up to date on all my facts.  This could be a project for the Cupertino area of the world.

Yesterday I went to my pulmonary specialist.  My breathing capacity has gone down from February's test.  I asked what that meant and he said it meant I wasn't breathing well.  WELL, DUH! That's why I'm going to him in the first place.  So, I'm in for another round of testing with him.  I wonder - is there a limit to the number of tests a body can stand?  I bet I reached my limit a looooooooonnnnnnnnng time ago.  Oh well. Here we go again.  (I have a blood test tomorrow.  I hope I pass.  I better go study for it.)

Quiet Is Good

So far this week, it has been quiet in my corner of the world.  I only have one doctor's appointment and a blood test.  No doctors for Mock.  (Whew)

Ween is sleeping after a mid-morning breakfast of Doggie Food and licking my yogurt container.  I've decided not to feed her anything connected with "People Food."

We have been walking as much as possible, which is not far for me but we're building time and distance each day.

Yesterday was an exceptional day for me.  I went "shopping" for clothes; alone.  I DID have Barb on speed dial, just in case.  We figured out that I had not had any new clothes since she was down here the last time, which was over a year, maybe two.  I know "holes" in your jeans is again the "in" thing, but it's not my "in thing."  I finally found 3 pair of pants at Kohls and immediately quit.  That is more shopping than I want to do at any time.  I also had my allergy shots, did some grocery shopping, picked up some "drugs" from Target, and went to Honey Baked to purchase some Ham.

One of the problems with feeling good is that I try to make up for time lost and I usually feel bad the next day.  Today is an okay day.  Maybe I'm finally coming out of this "unhealthy" era I have been in for a while.  I certainly hope so. In any case, God is still good and in control.  I'm thankful for that.

Another Doctor

The appointment with the new Dr was Tuesday.  He's okay.  He wants to do more testing-blood work, nerve endings, and who knows what else.

He made several suggestions as to "WHAT" could be wrong - A-Z, but nothing definite until the testing is done.  It could be as simple as a B-12 deficiency.  That would be great and a quick fix.  We'll see.

I am so "sick and tired" of being "sick and tired."  I know that's a clique, but so fitting; and never being able to plan anything.

I am praying for healing - TOTAL.

Anniversary Plus

We finally got Julie and Bret to celebrate their anniversary, but it will be on Friday and Saturday.  The even better upside of the celebration is that I get to party with the girls. YAHHHHHHHH!  I so enjoy them and love to spoil them when I can.  They are turning into such wonderful young ladies.  They are definitely not children any more.  They are so beautiful - inside and out.  I love them so much.

Girls At a Concert; a while ago.

Ween loves having them here too.  They show her so much attention, and of course she hates that and always wants to sleep with them so that will be a highlight too.

What to do.  What to do.  So many choices; so little time.  (WAHOO)

Casting Crowns

Being unable to "schedule" things in my life is EXTREMELY frustrating to me.  My life is so much easier when I have a schedule and can stick to it. I am told I have CONTROL ISSUES.  I don't see it but I have always been able to do so many things - concerts, games, parties, etc. Now I can't.  I WANT to go.  I have even gotten ready to go. Then my body shuts down. Today was one of those days.  


One of my favorite groups was in town - CASTING CROWNS.  Awesome group.  The "relative I can't mention" had tickets, of course, and I was going to go.  I had until 3:00 to decide.  Trying to do too much, when you finally feel well, has always been a problem with me. Tom always said I "overbooked my time."  That hasn't changed much except I don't have the energy I once had, and I think I still do. Oh well.  


I am blessed in so many ways, I really haven't anything to complain about and so I won't.  Thank you God for all you have given me.  You are an awesome God.

Every Four Years

Celebrating my birthday or anniversary every four years would just be a big BUMMER in my estimation.  I can't even imagine not getting presents or at least some sort of recognition for my birthday, so when Julie and Bret say "Its' no big deal to not celebrate on the date every year" I was surprised.


I say it's a very big deal so I, personally, believe they should REALLY "Party" for their anniversary next Wednesday.  The relative I can't mention suggested a night at one of the "Theme Park" resorts.  Sounds good to me.  I hope Bret agrees, but if not, it's their anniversary not mine. They are so much a part of our lives, I can't remember when they weren't here, so I want to help them any way I can.  We'll see.


The question is "If you only celebrate every four years is that the opposite of "Dog Years?"  If you were born in say 2,000 are you only 6?  If that's the case, I really wish my birthday was on Feb 29.  I could relive those extra years.  Maybe I'd make better decisions.  As Julie would say, "Makes you want to say Hmmmmm."

Wow

Imagine the surprise when I checked on my bank account today and my money from IRS was there.  It's not a lot, but I finally feel like I'm digging out of the financial hole that I have been living in for the last 3 years.  God is good.  It's taken a while, but I realize more and more that my decisions, bad or good, have a direct affect on what happens next.  WOW.  I think I finally get it.  It's only taken over 40 years and lots of mistakes.  I really hope I remember this lesson.  I don't want to go through it again.  His rainbow is a sign of the end of the storm.  I believe in rainbows.  Thank you God.

Is this my life?

It seems like every week, I see more doctors and have additional tests.  What do they do with all that blood they take? Where do the x-rays finally end up?  And, what exactly is a CAT SCAN?  (I don't even have a cat.)  Do they do DOG SCANs?  And, what is with the "Waking you up to give you sleeping meds?"

John Gedding
HGTV

This week has been a "feel good" week.  One of my doctors has put me back on predinsone.  I hate the "eating like a hog" effect that usually results, but I usually feel so much better.  Yet, I felt better BEFORE I even started the meds.  Maybe it's been the anticipation of new meds.

The family member I can't name just came back from CA.  I wanted to go, but Drs won't let me do much right now.

He did send me a photo of one of my favorite HGTV's stars.

Tom, who has just moved to San Fran, sent me 2 doz BEAUTIFUL tulips; all sorts of spring colors.  His note said the flowers were a consolidation prize for not getting to come to CA.  Whatever reason, I'll take flowers any day of the week.  God is good.

On and on

For the most part, my heart is not "Dancing" as much any more; an occasional blip, but nothing like it was.  I'm on medication for arrhythmia.  I'm having problems with my breathing, so we're still supporting the AMA by visiting as many doctors and hospitals as I can.

Nap time

My pulmonary doctor did not like the X-ray from the hospital, so he ordered a "CT SCAN" and I had that Wednesday, but have not heard from his office.  I went to my "regular" doctor's office and she said "I'm going to live until I die," or words to that affect.

Ween is playing "saran wrap" as I was gone 3 days and she missed me.  If I shift positions, she jumps up to see what I'm doing or what is happening.  It is so nice to have someone who is concerned about you.

She is the perfect pet - eats, sleeps, potties rarely, and stays by my side. If she could only cook, we'd have it made.

Life is an Adventure (and not by Disney)

After spending several days in the hospital, I am finally home with my own 'pharmacy.' This time it was my heart. I have been seeing a heart specialist for 6 or 8 months and could never document the "crazy" dance of my blood pumping organ.

On my way to taking Mock to work Monday, my heart started doing it's "Cha Cha" dance. Some times it quits after a few minutes. That day it didn't.  My heart doctor's office is on the road I was using to return to the apt.  I called ahead and asked if they could do a "quick" EKG.  I didn't plan on the "dance pattern" my heart produced, nor the fact that my blood pressure was 169/97.  Being across from the hospital is convenient, yet...  "Let me stop and walk my dog; she's in the car."  They assured me I HAD to be admitted, then! They would take care of my dog.  I called "The relative I can't mention" told him the situation and he happened to be off work for a doctor's appointment.  He said he would get Ween and take her home. I text Mock the location of the car, and proceeded to be "wheeled" across the parking lot to Sand Lake Hospital. I probably get the prize for most tests this week.  "The relative" said when he arrived, the nurses were playing with Ween outside and letting her potty at her leisure.

Mojave Dessert and Wind Mills

My View

Tom is traveling to CA and should be there some time tonight. This is a picture out of his car window.  I can assure you mine was not as pretty, although it was a suite. Staying anywhere else is nice; even in the best of locations, there's still no place like home.

The First Born

Over the years, many things have happened; hard decisions have been made;  Today is an extremely sad day for me as my eldest "born" son is leaving this coast to relocate to the West Coast.  This doesn't sound like much, in the scheme of life, but for me the moon is probably closer.

Christmas 2009

Our relationship has not always been easy, but I have always loved him with all my heart - even before he "physically"  arrived.  The last few years before his father died, we had become closer.

The Boys

I had come to depend on the fact that he was only 45 minutes away.  If I did not talk to him, I knew I could go see him any time I wanted.  Even when he moved to DC, it was still a manageable trip.
Now it will not be so easy.  I already miss him.

Just Another Day

Probably one of the reasons I haven't blogged in a while is that I am now "handwriting" in a diary that was given to me for Christmas.  My handwriting is hard to read, at times, but I like it because I can put info in there I can't post.  Even at that, I still don't write some of my deepest thoughts.

Holidays were good.  Received much more than I deserved, but I am very grateful for all I was given.  Didn't get to see my oldest son, Tom, but I understand where he is coming from financially and time wise.

PIPPI and THE BOSS

I'm still waiting for a resolution to my health issues.  I've applied with Mayo for a financial "consideration" for my surgery.  I don't know how that will go or how long it will be before I hear something, but I'm hopeful.

One of our friends from NC is visiting and Mock is playing "tour guide" for her.  I don't have the energy or strength to do the parks any more.  In all honesty, I think I'm over the Magic and don't really need to visit again for a while. Breakfast at Chef Mickey's, dinner at Kona - that's about all I can handle right now.  (No one can beat Disney fireworks.)

Time has been spent lately trying to rest and get over an intense sinus and bronchial infection. Just now am I starting to get over the residual "cough" that has lasted since before Christmas.

Edward is having a play produced at Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center and we have tickets for it.  It should be "interesting" if not.... as Tom would say.  I'm very proud of his abilities and strength to be able to complete this production.  I'm sure he is a nervous wreck.

Tom moves soon.  I wish he wouldn't.  It's been over a year since I have seen him.  When he moves, it will probably be longer.  Getting to the "other coast" is quite an ordeal.  It will be interesting to see how it goes.

The relative I can't mention is traveling.  He will be going to San Diego, San Francisco, and of all places, Kalispel, Montana.  I wish I could travel like I used to, but unless something phenomenal happens, I won't be able to.  You never know - God is still in control.

MEDICARE DECISIONS

After visiting MAYO this week, I am teetering on which direction to move at this point. I've dealt with bureaucracy all my working days.  Sometimes I actually have been able to accomplish goals by circumventing the "red tape."  Sometimes not.

Even coming close to understanding the Medicare system is beyond my expertise of knowledge.  That is where I find myself now-trying to accept their decisions on when, where, why, what, where, and certainly not the how.  Medicare will pay for my pre-op and post-op care at the Jacksonville clinic.  The surgery MUST BE PERFORMED in Rochester, MN at a cost of about $150,000.  I must pay to fly there, stay in a hotel for the week after, and fly back after the surgery to have the post-op done at JAX.  And, I have to have someone with me. They don't even do the lesser expensive surgery in Rochester, which is what my doctor is recommending.  In addition to that, they do not have, at this time, a doctor that does the surgery at their location.

In JAX the cost of the operation my doctor wants to do is $20,000.  I still have to stay in a hotel near by for a week because of the post-op care, but I would not have to fly there. I still have to have someone with me, but I have a better chance of getting someone to stay with me here than going to MN for a week.  MAYO doesn't offer in- hospital care after surgery at either location.

NOW - someone explain to me why MEDICARE has to charge an approximate $130,000 additional fee for a surgery that is more invasive, not recommended by my doctor, and more expensive for me?  This just does not make sense to me.  Is this why people cannot afford insurance?  I am beyond frustrated and confused.

The Week That Was

Being blessed is so totally neat.  My friend Vicki, came over from Pasco late Monday and stayed until Wed.  Spent the day at EPCOT, ate our way around the 29 Kiosks that are there now, and went to "Eat to the Beat" on Tuesday evening.   Hanson is not one of my groups, but being with friends is so much more special that it was worth staying for the concert.  I rested Thursday, and today I am privileged to have another friend here today. We're going to Houstons in Winter Park for lunch.  It is always great to be with Ruth.  I'm excited about her visit.

Tomorrow Dean is bringing his Men's Group and Mock is letting them into EPCOT about 10:00, while Vicki is coming back to see another friend, Margaret, who is flying into OIA on her way to a cruise.  We get to take her to Titusville so we'll have some time to "catch up." Wow.  What a busy and joyous week.  Thank you God.

Concert or No Concert?

Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith are in concert here tonight. I'm supposed to go with Charles and whoever else is going-probably Julie, Bret and the girls. I'm not sure I want to go. Loving music does not guarantee you love concerts.  My hearing sensitivity and large crowds do not always allow me to go.  The noise level is usually overwhelming. These two are not especially loud, but people are crammed into an area that is too small, with noises too loud, and people not always in a good frame of mind, even in "religious" venues.  To me, it's not usually worth the effort. We'll see how it goes.  

Thanks

Thank you God for popcorn.

Power Source

Being without power for 3 days has helped me to focus more clearly on

MY  POWER  SOURCE.

Who do I depend on to help me with  MY "light" on reality?
What do I use as MY POWER SOURCE?
Where do I go when MY "LIGHT" is not on for me to see clearly?
When do I evaluate MY POWER?"
Why do I need a POWER SOURCE?
How do I use MY SOURCE for power?

Do I go to the PHONE or the THRONE when I am powerless?
If the Sunday morning sermon is boring and I resort to balancing my checkbook, what is wrong?
Is anyone else responsible for my power?

Having evaluation testing available to oneself, is not necessarily a good thing.  Oh, I can evaluate others and diagnose what is THEIR problem, but can I be objective when diagnosing my own idiosyncrasies?

Saying you have ADHD and knowing it, is like a doctor self medicating - It's probably dangerous or at least funny to some.  Tom used to say, "And what is going on at the circus today?"  He was referring to the noise level in my head. He knew that my head is an ever-changing chaotic mish mash of "THINGS" all happening at the same time.  Some times when I "check out" of reality, my "Circus" becomes my reality.  Sounds strange doesn't it. ( I don't think I've ever put that information in writing before.)  I like my "head" world better sometimes.  Fantasy is usually better.  That is probably why I've always liked Disney.

Right now, I am working on my relationship with MY POWER SOURCE - God.  I have always known He is in control.  I think my biggest problem is believing HE wants to help ME, personally.  I go in and out of relying on Him like I should, and letting reality take over my mind.  Reality says - "Hey!  You don't have (etc. insert whatever is the next think you want) and if God RELLLLLLLLLLLLLLY loved you He would get it for you."  Common sense tells you a good parent doesn't let their child have everything they want - only what they need.  So how does this "devil talk" enter my "CIRCUS?"

Getting tired of being sick and tired, I resort to reading about JOB.  What problems.  And, then his friends come to visit.  "Nuff said?"

God is good - all the time; All the time - God is good.  I HAVE TO stay in the scriptures, focus on Him and "lean not unto my own understanding."  And, when you get right down to it, what is reality any way?


My In Law Grandmother, Sally, was a wise christian woman.  One week-end just after I found out I was pregnant with Tommy, we were visiting her in KY.  I had been soooooooooooo sick and was having a hard time getting up to get ready for church.  She had breakfast ready, and I guess I kind of turned green. She looked me square in the eyes and said, "Sometimes the most religious thing we can do, is go back to bed.  Go on girl. Get back in bed."  She was my hero.  That is also Ween's best advice.  I think I will.  Progress Energy eat your heart out.

TODAY

Psalm 118:24


This is the day which the LORD hath made; 
I will (choose to) rejoice and be glad in it.
Amen!

Blessings

Once again, the "hurricane/tornado" type rain and winds have shifted and not hit our area. We are certainly blessed by God.  There are areas here that would have flooded and been such a mess to so many people.  I, for one, am grateful.

Mayo called and I have been approved for my surgery - that's the good news.  The "not so good" news is that I have to go to Rochester, MN for the surgery, and someone has to go with me. (Medicare)  I can't drive back and forth to the hospital for a week.  This certainly messes with my No 1 rule of life - "Never go north of Florida after Nov 1."  I have an appointment at JAX Mayo on November 14.  I should know more details then.

Tomorrow is a birthday of  "relative of mine I cannot mention".  He will be in San Francisco with some friends.  Kenny's birthday was 16th, so they usually celebrate together, but here not in California.  I will miss him, but he is celebrating how "HE" wants to celebrate.  There is nothing he needs nor cannot afford, so buying him anything is hard.  Not having any extra cash right now, also makes it hard to buy him anything.  He has an abundance of patience with me and says he understands.  I'm glad he does, because I don't.  We will go out to eat when he comes home.  He will decide.

Another Day

Please tell me why the phone rings or "dings" indicating a text message when I have just allmoosst gone to sleep?  Is there some sort of indicator in my body that lets my phone know EXACTLY when to get my attention?  Or, maybe a diabolical plan within the circumference of our universe that stops me from warming my pillow during the day?  It is amazing to me how this happens.

On the other hand, "WEEN" can sleep any time, any way, any place.  She is so good at sleeping that she can sleep right through the smell of hamburgers crisping in the pan, or chicken "dancing" in the skillet, or yogurt being heaped into a clunky bowl for a healthful, nutritious breakfast that I 'HAVE' to eat daily.  

Noise is another issue with her.  NOTHING passes those ear drums.  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!  She can hear a gnat "pass gas" at 30 yards.  If I use the word "GO" or the equally important word "CHICKEN" she is in the living room faster than an eye blink. She is truly an anomaly, and more fun than cotton candy.  Her snoring; don't get me started.

I actually consider Ween a wonderful gift from God.  She makes me laugh.  She makes me cry. She loves to snuggle with her having belly rubs first thing in the morning.  If that doesn't happen due to "MY FAULT" then look out.  She will surely indicate her displeasure in some way.  Ripping apart something or even worse, leave her "oopsies" on the floor, right in front of the door so I won't miss it.

She's very good at snorting her displeasure especially when I tell her no.  She doesn't like that word at all.  Come to think of it - neither do I.  She's a lot more like me than I thought.  We could possibly deserve each other.  She's busy holding down the bed right now, and guess who is not.  Yep, that would be me.

True Identity

Just back from church, and as usual, Dan gave me a lot to ponder.  The biggest question is "How do I evaluate my Identity?"  One of his comments struck home.  "When you understand your identity in Christ, you understand your life in Christ."

Far too long I have listen to negativity about my identity and who I am.  That has prompted me to "feel" unintelligent, incompetent, and viewing a DISTORTED view of who I am.  His statements have caused me to reevaluate who I am and where I am at this time of life.

I have to revert to my two basic ideas - GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL, and, HE LOVES ME.  These two ideals have kept me "steady" for the last few years.  I had forgotten to remember them.  I am now determined to refocus and re-identify who I am in Christ.

BUT, just now I am going to lay down and watch a football game on tv today. ( It usually puts me to sleep.)  Outside it looks like a typical day in Kentucky, dark, damp, and dreary.  Hopefully, this weather will go away soon.  Ween needs company.  She looks awfully comfortable.

Support Your Local Doctor

Many of you know I believe in supporting the AMA-daily, weekly, monthly.  It doesn't matter.  I have seen multitudes of doctors in the last 2 years; had a myriad of tests, and NOTHING much wrong.  Fibrymaligia, bad back, high blood pressure, overweight, and the list goes on BUT mostly due to poor or bad choices.  I'm tired of being analyzed.  


Yesterday I went for my "stress" test at my heart doctors.  ( As if I don't have enough stress in my life.)  My primary doctor suggested this.  According to the tests, everything is fine; no blockages, no abnormalities, nothing to report.  So why do I have the abnormal heart beat occasionally?  They have no idea.


I can't believe I'm falling apart at my age.  I'm no spring chicken, but I'm not "under" the hill so to speak.  I WAS reminded this week that about 10 years ago telling the devil to "take his best shot" and that he could not do anything to me that I couldn't handle, with God's help.  (ME AND MY BIG MOUTH.)  I don't know about God, but I'm tired of the devil hindering me.  


TODAY!  THIS VERY MOMENT!  I rebuke the devil and anything he has to "HEAP" on me.  I'm tired of letting him have his way in my life.  I will no longer accept "WHATEVER" happens to me and I will only make the right choices as God desires for my life.  I'm ready to fight back!


I WILL PRAISE HIM; I WILL PRAISE HIM. PRAISE THE LORD FOR SINNERS SLAIN
GIVE HIM GLORY ALL THE PEOPLE.  FOR HIS BLOOD WILL WASH AWAY EACH STAIN.


Our pastor is starting a study in Galatians.  Paul tells the people of Galatia (mostly Gentiles of converted Jews) that they are not "locked into" following the old laws to be followers of Christ - circumcision, killing a calf for our sins, or confessing their sins to another man.  We are free to live for Christ.


Why were laws given in the first place?  Laws are to show us how to exist; right and wrong; how to live in society.  If you don't BREAK the laws, they don't apply to you.  


When a certain relative of mine went to work for a local "large Orlando employer" he brought home about 20 books on the "correct look" for employees that work for that company.  I looked at them and said, "Man.  That's a lot of info to remember."  He said, "It's nothing I don't already do."  And, that's true. When we follow the mores of society, we don't break laws.  Even more importantly, when we follow the dictates of God we keep His laws, with the Holy Spirit's help, just as He meant for us to do.  

We need the rain.  Even if it is a messy, dreary day outside, inside my heart:


"THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HATH MADE; 
  LET US REJOICE AND BE GLAD!!!"

New Day

Breakfast with  Joseph, Kim, Brandon, and Mock.  I always enjoy those times. We have all worked together at one time or another - if not in research then at the call center.  Cindy forgot and Kathryn couldn't make it.  Sometimes others join us and it's an even bigger "good time."

Mock and Brandon both worked last night and they "HATE" mornings.  They are suggesting lunch time or even dinner.  I can relate.  In some ways working at night is harder.  It turns your whole schedule around; you sleep when everyone is awake, and work when everyone else sleeps.  It's hard to do anything but work and sleep.  It gets boring after a while.  Even when you have 2 days off, you still have to catch up on your sleep.  It's crazy.

Ween had a rough morning of sleeping, eating, and potty breaks.  Sometimes, she is just worn out by the end of the day.  She's sleeping now.

I think I'll play my "Lazy Day" song.  "Today, I don't feel like doing anything; I'm just wanna lay in my bed.  Don't feel like picking up my phone.  So leave a message at the tone.  Today I swear I'm not doing anything."

Ween started without me.

ME

Contemplation of my life has left me to believe that I am not doing all I can do to help others.  Right now I am physically and financially unable to do much of anything, so how can I help?  I can pray, encourage, hold their hand, hug, and genuinely be concerned.  


Writing this is to relieve some frustrations I have right now.  Physically, I hurt all over almost daily; breathing is hard, blood pressure is high, thyroid is not working again, easily bleeding which usually means my blood count is low and the white count is high.  MAYO has diagnosed some problems.  I still have some testing of my heart to determine why I am having irregular heart beats.


MS has been talked about.  Memory loss, all my symptoms previously mentioned, and a few other problems lead me to believe maybe they're right.  If they are, it's okay.  I just wish I knew for sure.


I'm sorry I couldn't be the wife for Bob he needed.  I'm sorry I haven't been the Mother that the boys have needed.  And, I'm sorry I haven't been as close to God as I need to be.  I'm just tired - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Oh God - hear my prayer.

Beautiful Surprises

Today has been an interesting day.  So far, I have received three neat presents from God.  To me, those are gifts I knew nothing about and "just happened" during the day. And yet, I'm reminded each time that they are from God.

One of my "bad habits" is to fold any paper money and just put it in my pocket. When I reach for something else in my pocket, I usually pull out the money. Most of the time, I see it and just put it back.  Today, as has happened before, I pulled out my phone to see the time.  After I had left the first Dr's, I reached in my pocket to see how much money I had to "possibly" buy a Starbucks, and the money wasn't there.  I almost had a heart attack.  That $30 is all I have until the 14th.  God help me.  What do I do?  Do I go back to the Dr's and ask if anyone had found it?  Do I just forget it and hope for the best?  Or, go back after I get my shots?  I went on to the Allergist.  When I got out of the car, "my little inside voice" told me to look under the seat.  It was there.  (Surprise 1)

On the way to the Allergist, I wasn't watching carefully enough and the car in front of me did not start up when the light changed, and I softly "rear-ended" the car. As we moved into an empty lot to the right of the street, I was praying very intensely.  I just really didn't need an accident right now.  The man got out of his car, looked at his bumper and said, "Looks like there's no damage. It's okay."  I apologized "profusely" and thanked him repeatedly, and got back into our cars and drove away. (Surprise 2)   (Angels working overtime today.)

My friend and "energetic example" Mary helped me clean out some boxes of "stuff" that had been in the 2nd bedroom since I moved to this complex.  In one of those boxes, a computer program entitled "Illumina" popped up and surprised me to pieces.  This was a program that I got when I worked for Family Christian the year before Tom died - about 11 years ago.  Technology has changed so much, I thought it probably wouldn't work with this new system I have now.  Guess what!  It works perfectly.  In fact, it may even work BETTER than it did then.

If you have never seen this program, I'm sorry.  One of my jobs at FC was to demo this program to people when they came into the store so that they could see how useful it is.  Duh.  That was a joy that I had while "working" during the day.

The program is one of the best references for the Bible I have ever seen.  I haven't updated it but I can only imagine how it has changed.  And yet, how much better can " THE MOST AWESOME PROGRAM" become?  This was God's third present today.

Not only did I get the room cleaned out, but I found so many neat things. Thanks to Mary!!! God is good; all the time.

FACEBOOK

Later today, I will be leaving the FACEBOOK website.  I have been made to realize that I spend far too much time on Facebook and not enough time doing what needs to be done with my life.  My email is sheila.stovall@gmail.com and of course, you will be able to keep up with what is going on in my life within this blog.

I liked using Facebook to communicate with people I had not heard from in an extremely long time.  I also liked working on the games.  I will miss that mode of communication.

Best wishes and prayers to all who transfer to this site.  Thank you for all your advice and prayers.

THE BIG THREE

Most of my life had been spent in a church that had nothing to offer but rules and regulations.  About 15 or so years ago I finally "GOT IT."  Being a Christian is about a relationship with God; not what I can memorize "NOT" to do, or what "TO" do.  I did not know then what was ahead for me and my life.

A lot of things have changed in those years.  The "BIG THREE" for me was and is - "Bible Study, Prayer, and Tithing."  I am ashamed to admit that lately I have been so wrapped up in my own "Scenarios" and dramas of every day life, that I've stopped doing all three.

Some time ago I realized "I'm not smart."  It's okay.  I can now admit it.  All of the "THINGS" that have happened to me during the last five years especially, are due to choices I have made.  Today I draw THE line - I am back in the game of communicating with my friend, Jesus, reading God's word DAILY, and giving God his "tenth" back.  I have made this choice.  And, I will follow as closely as I can.  

I can hardly wait to experience the new adventures.

Doctors-Love or Hate?

On one hand, I go to Doctors to find out what is wrong with me mostly "Physically."  Do I always want to hear what they have to say?  Not really, but I DO listen.  I've been to a heart specialist, lung specialist, Orthopedic, and testing in all areas.  I'm beginning to believe I am an overweight, aging, hypochondriac.  


I've come to this conclusion after all the Dr's, testing, and medicines.  Getting older, in my case, just isn't being much fun right now. I'm just trying to feel better and remember a few facts so I can get home when I'm out shopping. I don't think this is too much to ask.


Went to Mayo yesterday to get the shot for my back. I'm supposed to rest today, so I'm doing very little, which is not unusual.  I am in absolutely no pain. It is awesome, but Ween is not feeling well, and is running a fever.  I'm not sure what is going on, but she threw up yesterday and has barely moved today. She even refused her favorite, brown rice and chicken. In fact, I brought it into the bedroom for her, and she almost "nosed" it off the bed and then gaged at the smell.  (Been there; Done that)  If she is not better, I may call her vet and try to get her in later today.  


And, if that doesn't work, there's MAYO.

Doctors are only "Practicing" medicine, right?

Another week of drs and appointments.  It seems like that is all I do some weeks.  I was at Mayo for an appt with my orthopedic dr.  Status quo, I guess. He wants me to have surgery to remove the spurs from the spine.  I don't think I'm ready to do that for several reasons - I want to wait to have the stomach surgery, I don't like the idea of them working on my spine, and I can still maintain with pain pills and aspirin.  So, we'll wait.

I've also had blood work, a CAT scan (I didn't even know I had a cat) and will have a breathing test at the Dr's office tomorrow.  I've had some breathing problems and he wanted to check all possible reasons for it, including the diagnosis and progress of the sarcoidosis.

Let's see - is there any Dr I haven't seen lately - Nope.  I'll just have to wait for the diagnosis and results.

I have recently had my phone off.  This has sent some people into cardiac arrest, or at least upset to some degree.  They could not imagine that I would ever do anything like that.  Some times I just don't want to talk or hear the phone.  That is not computable with some people.  I have a hard time dealing with some issues in my life right now, so my SOP (Standard Operational Procedure) is to "back off" and regroup.  I know it is evading issues, but at the time that's all I can do, for my own sanity.

I've always liked the Beach Boys and one of their older songs is "In My Room" by Brian Wilson.  That song and Mandisa's "Stronger" are my lead songs right now.  I'm trying to process and I don't know how or why.  So, I follow Ween's idea of "sleep it off."  She's my hero right now.

NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE

What do I do now?  I've never been fired before.  Part of it wasn't my fault.  Yeah, I know that has been said before, but this time it's true.

To begin with, the person I followed each day did not like me.  She made it very clear.  I don't know whether she was jealous or what, but I knew it from the beginning.  Every chance she got, she "reported" to one of the Managers every mistake I made.  And, I didn't exactly impress two of the three Managers with any aspect of my work.  One even told me to take off my necklace.  I told her I never take it off.  It's a religious icon for me.  She put that on my record card as a reprimand. The "record card" is kept on every "mistake" made and is on file for all to see.  I haven't any hope of anyone even considering me for another job with the record card I accrued in this position.  You also get points taken off when you're out sick.  I had taken off sick twice.

In all honesty, I did not balance the deposit one time while working there.  To being with, I had 4 trainers - all  4 did things differently so it made it hard for me to get a take on "HOW" I was supposed to complete the work.  I was $100 over last Sunday and $24.25 over on Monday.  No one could figure out how that happened.  I learned tonight that the person I followed was "short" $100 on Sunday. Duh. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened there. Only no one bothered to tell me at the time.

So, as I said, what do I do now?

TESTING - ONE, TWO,

What is God trying to tell me?  I keep asking and He just keeps giving me tests to take.  My life is in a moderate spiral.  Today was another example - Just "bopping" down the road, enjoying my tunes, and there he was behind me.  There is no other feeling when the "po po" come up behind you with their lights flashing.  I didn't even know why he was stopping me.  (I wonder if he knew my heart almost stopped)

I was doing 62 in a 45 m zone.  I hadn't even paid attention to the speed limit or my speed.  I was just having a good time singing along with the TOKENS and "The Lion Sleeps Tonight."

One of the many disadvantages of getting stopped by the "berg" po po is they don't have access to updated info.  If it had been a sheriff, or state trooper they can access my info and know my insurance is up to date.  With the local guy, he couldn't.  So, I also got a ticket for not having a recent copy of my insurance in my car or on my person.  That one is done away with as soon as I take the updated copy to the court house.  That I can afford to do.  Paying the $165.00 ticket, I can't do. 

I know I have 30 days to pay it, but unless God provides, I won't have the money in 3 months.  My roommate has to have surgery and he will be out for at least 2 weeks.  That means no money from him.

I was on my way to have my car "Serviced."  $155.00 later, I was told the oil change was free.  (That was comforting.)

So, what is God trying to tell me.  BEATS ME.  I just keep getting deeper and deeper in debt.  Oh well.  There must be an end, right?  Could I have that day and time, please?

Happy Fourth

Being in multi doctor's offices the past three weeks is the ONLY way to waste your time.  In addition to my local doctor, a MAYO trip was made.  After all the blood work, x-rays, probing, poking, and anything else they could think of, the Dr said approximately the same thing as my local Dr, with the exceptions of a Urinary Tract infection and an irregular heart beat.  I've had those for some time but never mentioned them.  One good thing did come out of the visit, I got to spend the night with my friend and her family.  Her Mother cooked.  MAN was it good, especially the dessert which were fig cookies, similar to baklava, only better.

There are times when you just have to do something different, if not to have a change in routine just to enjoy life.  The night with Aida and her family was interesting to see how another culture behaves, but also to see the love between individuals.

Skipping to today, another year has gone by and I'm another year older, or broker.  I occasionally look back at a period of time, to evaluate and to reflect.  This year has been interesting if not enjoyable.  So many things have changed, and yet they have remained the same.  "Ween" woke me up about 7 this morning with kisses and snuggles. She is my "therapy" dog - petting, feeding, and just plain attention are her agenda.  She has no hidden reasons for being there - she just loves being loved.  Attention and food, and she's there.  Even as she has curled up beside me on the couch, she has to reach out to touch me.  That must be reassuring to her.  And, in a way, to me too.

How will I spend my day - no plans.  Maybe just stay at home and pet Ween.

Doctors are only PRACTICING medicine

Why is it some people have to go to doctors more than others?  I feel like I've built more medical buildings than I care to count.  How many hours should I bill my doctors?  Isn't my time as valuable as theirs?  It seems unfair.

On one of my "weekly" visits last week my doctor told me that there was nothing "medically" wrong with me.  She had tested everything she could test.  "Could it be" she asked, "that you're depressed?"

What could I possibly be depressed about?  Well, let's see - Bank account overdrawn by about $300; can't work because I'm sick so there is no money coming in there; separated from my husband; constantly aggravated by a pesky dog.  Did I leave out anything? Oh yes, approximately $50,000 in debt.  SO, she gave me more medicine to take which is for fibromyalgia and depression.  Isn't this where we started?

I don't know - seems very "repetitive" or redundant to me, or is it redundant and repetitive.  Who's to say.  At least I have peace and quiet for a few minutes - "The Beast" is sleeping off her breakfast.

FIRST WEEK BACK

Interesting, if not enjoyable, has never been truer.  I HOPE I can do this.  Lots of pain with walking and standing with going to bed early each night.  Today is Friday and I'm just starting to feel almost okay again.  I don't know -  SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME.

It's good to be back at work.  It's good to be out of the apartment on a steady basis.  And, it is actually good, to make money again.  I "PRAY" I'll be able to do this.

I OWE, I OWE

In the background of my mind, I hear a "funeral dirge" slowly playing to set the mood.  Time is up; the party's over; or however you want to say it - "It's back to work I go."  Y E S.  The day is Thursday.  I go to Traditions, for the fourth time.  I should be able to teach the class, but I'm getting paid to attend and if I answer the questions correctly, I get a small polymer character as a prize.  All is not lost.

I have finally worked my way back to the big "D" as my employer. I'm surprised, but I'm excited to be going back to work.  My days will be S,M,Tu.  Not sure about the hours yet, but it really doesn't matter to me.  It would be nice if Mock and I had the same hours, but Ween doesn't care, so I don't either.

Traditions Class, for those who are wondering, is a class of indoctronation about the company.  It is a full 8-hr day but it starts at 7:30 am, so we're done by 3, usually.  As a trainer, I used to pick newbies up from this class.  This will be a different role for me.  It's at DU and not bad at all, if I remember correctly.  I'm supposed to go to work on the next available shift.  I'll be working at the Poly inputting information for their two larger restaurants.  Hey.  It's a job and a new adventure.  And, you all know how I am about new adventures.  Wahoo!!! I get my magic pass back.

TIME FLIES...

 When you're having fun, it's hard to keep track of time and it truly goes too rapidly.  We have had visitors for the last week and a half. I am so tired.  I ache in places I didn't even know I had places. (Is that possible?)  I've slept for 2 days and thank heavens, so has Ween.  She has been so good.  It's a little scary.

Geosphere

Starting with Sunday eating dinner with Margaret and her family at the "Pepper Market."  The next day they went to MK for Evan's birthday.  "I am only wearing this 4 t-shirt one more day.  Tomorrow I get to wear a 5 t-shirt."  A direct quote from Evan. He was so excited he couldn't even stand still. Mock got them rooms at one of the resorts with "Pirate" rooms.  Evan was "over the moon."  We really enjoy making a "Magical" experience for anyone, but especially for kids and birthdays.

On Tuesday, Mock and Brandon once again helped them into MK.  I went to the airport to acquire our friend, Lucinda.  Using "a relative's car"; he took us back home to rest.  Lucinda had been up since 2am. Mock returned and we were off to "E".

Of course, the first stop is the geosphere.  It's always a nice "sit down, cool off" ride in addition to it being informational.  Soarin next with a "clinging" Lucinda.  That was not her favorite ride, suffice to say.  Test Track on the other hand was.

Off Kilter - UK

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First stop around the countries, UK.  We enjoyed the Scottish group - Off Kilter.  They are not only funny but talented musically.  On to Mexico for dinner.  Not my favorite place to eat on property.  The food is extremely expensive and does not agree with my stomach.  It is more Tex-Mex than straight Mexican.
Afterward, we were excited to see the fireworks.

Belle and Lucinda

If it's Wednesday, it must be Magic Kingdom.

Breakfast with PRINCESSES, Belle, Jasmine, Ariel, and a picture with Cinderella.  As always, they are very gracious and patient.  I believe it was one of the highlights of the trip.  Sometimes, you can even imagine being a Princess.  

We received wands and Mock got a sword. It's exciting to eat at the Castle, and even more special to celebrate birthdays there.

Rides-Jungle Cruise, Pirates, Big Thunder, and the train; Shows-Castle Show, (Tiki Birds was closed) and more during the day. We had another friend join us for dinner at Tonys; always excellent. Their calamari is unbelievable, not to mention the desserts.  Pixie dust, spaghetti, lasagna, and a birthday cupcake - WOW.  Another great meal.for dinner and the rest of the evening.  As I was worn out, I asked Cindy if she would bring Lucinda and Mock home after fireworks and I bailed.

Breakfast at Chef Mickeys is always a treat. Probably the favorite character is Mickey, but it's always good to see all the characters. Studios wasn't very crowded and we got to see most of  what we wanted to see. Fantasmic was great.  Each fireworks show is different.  I think Lucinda liked EPCOT'S best of all the shows.

Friday started a little later.  We were tired and decided to sleep in a little later.  Off to DAK and the Cavi, the Tree, Safari Ride, and the Lion King.  More shows; more rides, 3:00 parade which starts at 4:15.  (Inside joke)

Ft Wilderness - Hoop de Doo.  A real-live "Ho Down."  I'm not even sure how to spell that, but the food is served family style and as always, too much, too good, and too full.

As all things do, the week had to come to an end which for us was at DTD and lunch at HOB.  I soooo enjoyed having Lucinda here.  She seemed to enjoy her time and now has a better idea of how to help guests before, during and after their visits.

I think I can safely say - A good time was had by all.

Just Getting Through It

Being the pragmatic person I am, I suppose just getting through the day can be interesting to say the least.  We got through the "dates" of deaths, good Friday, Easter, and Cinco de Mayo without any major incidents.  Now we are coming up to Mother's Day.  This has always been an interesting day for me.  Any female of any species can have off springs.  It doesn't take any intelligence, education or really any preparation.  So why should we celebrate it?

I think it's more of an honoring or celebration of life.  I don't know how my mother felt when she found out she was pregnant with me.  I can guess, but it wouldn't be fair to her memory for me to "suppose" how she felt.  I DO know how I felt.

I had always known I would have a son, someday, AND I knew I would name him after his father.  From the minute I knew I was pregnant, his name was IRL THOMAS STOVALL, III.  I called him Tommy before he was born.  I spoke to him by name.  I loved him so much, and I now love him even more, if possible.  My second son, I felt was going to be a girl, so Tommy named "her" Cara Sue, partly after his grandmother and his Aunt Susan, both that he loved.  Along the way, I have "acquired" 3 more sons - by mutual adoption of love.  Bret is the oldest, and is married with 2 beautiful daughters.  I love them all.  His wife, Julie, is like the daughter I never had.  She is so talented and capable; with so much energy I'm sometimes jealous.

Then, there's Edward.  He became part of the family by friendship with Tommy.  He and Tom were even roommates for several years.  I miss not seeing him on Holidays.  Actually I haven't seen him since Tom moved to DC.  Mother's Day was a very special day when I saw them all.

This year I have an "added" son - Charles Mock.  I call him Mock, so as to not confuse him with my first Charles.  He is my roommate at this time.  I don't know how he feels living with me, but I appreciate him and his presence.  And, Ween loves him.  There are not many people who can adopt your dog and still be friends.

That is my crew, and a motley one they are indeed.  But, I love them all and wish them the best on the up coming holiday.

WHAT IF

One of my favorite games as a child was "What if?"  What if I lived someplace else?  What if I had different parents?  What if I were smart?  What if I could change my life?  I could instantly go someplace different and be someone else.  Interesting, huh?

Of course that never happened, but I must still be playing that game as an adult because I was just imagining what my life would be like if Tom had NOT died.

Today would have been my Mother's 98th birthday.  On Thursday, Tom will have been dead 9 years. What if he had not died?  How different would my life have been?  We would probably still be in Pasco county; he MIGHT have still been teaching; and, who knows what work I would have been doing.

I could not have imagined my life for the last 9 years without him. At times, it still seems so unreal that he is gone.  I especially feel this way around dates that are important to me.  I don't think I have done anything especially exciting or interesting or even helpful to anyone during this time.  But, more importantly to me is where am I going?  I was just discussing with my room mate what I should do or be doing.  I really haven't any motivation to do anything, or at least anything that makes money. I know I should be concerned by that last statement, but I can't even wrap my brain around that either.  

All the ideas I have cost money, but could I really complete something I start even where money is involved?  I don't know.  I want to be motivated.  I just don't know how.  Of course, when I win the Lottery, I think that could motivate me in ways I can only imagine.  What if...?

WEEK INFORMATION

When it rains, it pours or so it seems.  Supporting the AMA seems to be my occupation lately.  Seeing three doctors in one week is enough to get me at least part of a practice somewhere, except they are three different doctor specialities.

My allergist on Monday - infected right ear, sinus and bronchitis - kind of rhymes doesn't it - and, sarcoma is active again - trouble breathing; easily winded.  I put the scripts into the pharmacy.  The ear drops are $124.00.  (Yeh, like that is going to happen)  She DID give me a new inhaler and I didn't have to buy that.

New dentist on Wed (am) - I've had the same dentist for the last 35 years; new adventure.  Exam; x-rays; eval.  Nothing wrong that $1,000 won't take care of.  Interesting.

Follow up with regular doctor - Wed (pm)  Blood work back - high thyroid; triglycerides; and, not losing weight.  WAHOO!!!  Needless to say, this has not been a "happy" good news week.  And, what do doctors know - They are only practicing any way.  Three new scripts from her.

I don't know.  Seems to me that you can't afford to live; and you can't afford the medicine to help you feel better; and, you can't afford to die.  What is the alternative?

I asked Ween what to do - she yawned; turned over and went back to sleep.  She is so smart.  I think I'll follow her example.

New puppies on the farm.  Who knew she was pregnant?  Mommy and babies doing fine.  So is daddy.

Change

The only things we can count on during this life are death and change. I am so glad I have to wait for change sometimes because the new is usually better.

For the last several months, I have been trying to get a "Restricted Rehire" off of my employment record for "D."  I didn't know about it until I was told that was why I wasn't being interviewed.  It was put on by mistake, but it had to go through my manager, casting administration, and labor relations.  I received notice yesterday that it had been removed.  I'm hoping it was in time to qualify for some new positions that have just come open.

D is advertising for Teachers to go to China for several months. That would be a great opportunity for anyone, and I would love to do it. In addition to a salary, they are also providing a place to live and a "stipend" for food.  Who knows?  Anything is possible.

Another item of concern were the expenses that had seemed "insurmountable." God has provided and we are now able to "breathe" a little financially.

My advice - "Stand still and know that I am God."  "All things work together for good to the called according to His purpose."  and, "The Lord is my Shepherd - I shall not want."

YESTERDAY SEEMS SO FAR AWAY

The Carpenters were one of my favorite singing groups, and I guess they still are since I have one of their cds in my car changer.  Their songs were really sad, if you stop and listen to the words but sadder than that are the happenings in their life.  Just like we all experience, things happen - daily.

Spending 7 hrs in the ER yesterday also seems so far away and a basic way of life lately.  Out of the blue, Sat night I starting having what I can only describe as "a type of dizziness," swirling inside me with heat, cold sweats, ending with throwing up.  I can honestly say I've never felt this way before, and I hope I never do again.  The "episodes" continued in quantity and intensity until around 8:30 am yesterday when I yelled for Mock to come help me.  By that time, I couldn't raise my head.  Progression was - he called 911, paramedics were called, was transported to Sand Lake Hospital, not without throwing up on the way, and spent the next few hours learning everything was perfectly normal with all the tests.  The Dr diagnosed "Vertigo" with unknown cause.

This was not just vertigo!!! I've had that before.  This was a whirling, burning inside my whole body that felt like I was going to explode.  His comment was - "Now, logically, you DO know your body can't really explode, don't you?"  (Can we say CONDESCENDING?)

The ending results are that I have to have a follow up with my regular Dr today.  Why? is my question.  If I am only normal, why do I have to spend the time and money to see her?  Probably just CYA, and could it be the $75 they're going to change my insurance to once again tell me I'm normal.  I'd like that in writing, please.  My friends will tend to disagree, I'm sure.

UPDATE:
Went to my own personal Dr today.  She checked all the results and agreed that nothing was showing up as being wrong.  I DID find out I've been diagnosed a Diabetic.  I did not remember that.  It was Mayo's diagnosis.  This is even more important that I get the weight off.  Yesterday's sugar level was 120; not bad but the weight MUST COME OFF.  Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work I go.

UPDATE TO UPDATE:
Diagnosis - Possible "ASPARTAME" poisoning; too much sweetener in my system.  Who knew?  I am in the process of detoxing and will keep you updated.

Once a Week, Go Greek

Yesterday was very productive for me - up early, signed refinance papers on car, got gas, had car washed, made several calls, paid rent, phone bill, and sundry other chores I had pending; all before 11:00.  Whew!  I was tired.

Mock said I had been such a good "doobie" that I deserved a reward and suggested we try a new place for lunch.  If you know me, I have a lot of opinions.  With restaurants, I have #1 places and all others are 2nd best.  This is very true with my Greek food.  There is NO better place to eat than Tarpon Springs, Florida if you want to "go Greek."  My personal favorite is Platkas on the "main drag."  NO ONE MAKES BETTER GYROS (Yearos)  They just nail it as far as I'm concerned.  But, never let it be said I'm not willing to "try" another place.

Maria, one of my O'town Greek friends, suggested a new restaurant in St Cloud that I just "HAD" to visit.  I am multicultural, so I try all the ethnic foods I can get my mouth on, and she knows this.  Being Greek, I just knew she had found me a closer restaurant to visit.  (Maybe, or maybe not)

It is a little hole-in-the-wall place, which is not necessarily a bad thing.  They're just starting out and I can live with that.  They only serve Pepsi products - Strike 1.  We had to "walk up" to make our order - Strike 2.  And, their Tzaszeki Sauce was too thin and lacked taste - Strike 3.  Not enough meat - Strike 4, but salad parts were okay.  I guess what I'm saying is - Go to Tarpon.  Only place to get good Greek food, in my humble opinion.  Plus, lots of atmosphere and desserts galore.  Yum.  Can't wait to go again.