What if?

When I agreed to marry Bob, it never occurred to me that he could get sick. He seems invincible, so when I talked with him tonight, I wasn't sure what I would find when I met him for supper. His eyes were watery, his face was flushed and he had a fever. Why is it that scares me?

Work is crazy, hectic and busy to say the least. I'm not getting enough sleep, the new job is more than I thought it would be, and the details of the wedding are at times overwhelming. Maybe subconsciously the memory of finding my husband dead on our bedroom floor is just beneath the surface of my life. Maybe I have unresolved issues. I don't know. I only know I am tired and this is just another "thing" to deal with at this time.

Bob has not felt well for some time. His father was diabetic, and I know what he is thinking. "What if he is too?" I've lived with a diabetic. It isn't easy for either person. I don't know how Bob would handle this.

When my dad taught me to drive, he insisted on me dealing with "What ifs." What if a car pulled out in front of you? What if you are driving and hit a water spot on the road? What if you accidentally drive off the road? These are "defensive" driving techniques. I had lived with "What ifs" most of my life. About 15 years ago I chose NOT to live like that any longer. I love Bob very much, and I refuse to "what if" my life away. It is a useless waste of time and energy. Besides, 95% of all we think will happen, doesn't. So, Robert G. Brown, I love you, and whatever time we have together, it will all be good. God willing, we have many good years ahead.