KNOTAZOU

Disney's Animal Kingdom advertises that they are  KNOTAZOU. or Not a zoo. I sometimes feel as if I need to shout that about my life - it just seems SEEMS like a one.  I plan such good plans; follow such wonderful layouts, and it still turns out crazy.

Saw Dr Filart yesterday.  He did an EKG, x-ray, and a "sh" test.  He thinks I may have pneumonia. The EKG looked great.  My heart beat is steady and even.  No more Afib.  The x-ray and "sh" test revealed a "nearly frozen" diaphragm, which explains why I can't breathe properly.  The right side is about 2 inches higher than the left side. I don't know much about that condition but I know today is not a good day.  The nausea is still continuing and should have stopped.  I'm taking so much medication that it could also be the problem.  I'm sure that I am able to give Walgreens a run for their money matching pill to pill.  

Losing weight seems the most logical cure to all the problems.  That isn't a problem right now - everything is tasteless.  

Ween took a little "jaunt" around the apartments today.  She has this "cutesy" little act she does by leaving by the patio doors, and makes her way around the side of the building to the front door.  She thinks that is so cute.  She's much too smart.  Right now I don't feel like walking her so the only option is to allow her to go out by herself.  Against the rules here, but I haven't much choice right now.  So far, she's stayed close.  She's very nosy thought.

I haven't any idea how this "physical" body will end up but I still believe God is in control.  That comforts me.

OKAY

Days are passing and I'm feeling much better.  Have developed a "viral infection," blisters on my tongue, and still some "tummy trouble."  Incisions are healing.  I'm trying to get an appointment w/my doctor for follow up.  He is so busy.  I don't know how he has time to breathe.  The problem is that he cares for his patients.

Ween is still clingy and doesn't want me to leave her eyesight.  I have managed to redirect her attention when she wants to get on the furniture. She's almost to the point she doesn't even ask any more.  She will be so thrilled with having her own yard.  The weather is cooler and she loves being outside.

I'm getting cabin fever from being inside so long.  Ween is mostly the only "human" I talk with each day.  She looks like she's interested, especially when I'm eating something.  I wonder.  DOES SHE LOOK INTERESTED ONLY BECAUSE I AM HER FOOD SOURCE? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I DO have a nurse that visits 3x a week.  She comes to check my vitals and blood level.  Cute little oriental lady that goes through every procedure each time and makes the same recommendations for me each time.  I just nod and say  "sure" "okay" or shake my head.  It makes her happy.

Today is another day or recouping.  I'm glad to be home.

Second Day

This is my second day home.  I haven't mastered the art of keeping my food down yet, but I'm working toward that goal.

The eval nurse was here, took off old bandages, let me take a shower, put new bandages, and checked all my vitals.  Low blood pressure, but its been low for a while.  She came to make an eval of how much help I need.  My nurse, Rose, will be here tomorrow to check my clotting level. If its good, I will not have to take shots again.  It needs to be 2-3. When it was last checked, it was 1.9 so I'm almost there.  It needs to be thin when I don't have any procedures done; thicker when there are some to be done.

Also blood count is a little low.  I have some sort of blisters in my mouth, indicating what I don't know.  I have to get an appointment tomorrow w regular dr to see what is going on now.

I should have a "PHD" in visiting drs.   If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care off this body.

Some wonderful friends stayed with Ween while I was in the "big house." Heidi and David were coming to visit Orlando, and they agreed to stay here so I wouldn't have to board her.  She was so calm and low keyed when I got home.  That was good. I thought they had drugged her. (Probably just tired from all the partying.) When I came home I gave her part of a Arby's roast beef. After she ate, she put herself to bed and slept from around 3:00 to 7:30. Being so cute is hard work.( She is so spoiled.)

We're watching another ball game, OR the ME of we is -  NY v Green Bay. Ween is sleeping, of course.  So far it's been very boring.  Up the field; score. Down the infield; score. Boring!

Busy tomorrow. I'm working toward getting better. What will I ever do when I don't need to spend time visiting waiting rooms.  I should call some agency.  I could be their "scrounging around person" and check out the place.  "Board of Health?"  I guess not.

New Day

Dawn is breaking and it's another day for me.  My room is beside the helipad. It has been busy all night.  I'm sure whoever they brought in are in worse shape than me.

The surgery went well. Dr Filart corrected the heart "boo boo" and I'm breathing much better.  I can't say enough good things about this place.  Except for a slightly uptight "blood sucking vampire" named Richard, everyone has been fantastic.  No beach area, but this is a great resort.  I'm waited on hand and foot, I don't have to clean anything, and the food is not bad.

I hope to leave today.  I miss Ween and my apt.  It was a "God thing" that David and Heidi could stay there.  I'm sure my little girl aggravated them because she does me, but I really appreciated them being there.

I'm thinking a shower would be good right now. I'll ring for someone. (This won't last much longer.)

Surgery

All is well. More later.

REMEMBERING

Washing clothes leaves a lot of time between w/d time.  I have begun to think - big mistake.  
The day Tom was born - SURPRISE - C-section; he was such a perfect baby - no misshapen parts to his body, all ten fingers and toes, and so hungry.  He was the only baby in their hospital history that had GAINED weight instead of losing.  

I loved him long before I even knew his dad.  I knew I would have a son; I knew I would name him after his dad. 

He did everything early - his teeth - he had 8 by 7 months. [I told my mother that he was cutting his teeth at 2 months. She said I was crazy.]  That was probably true, but nevertheless, a tooth edge was showing.  He had a word vocabulary of 50-60 words (maybe more) by 8 months and sentences by 10 months.  Potty trained himself and was walking without help by 9 months.  We did word games and puzzles before he was a year old.  The perfect child.  MAN. This baby thing is easy. (Famous last words)  

Then there was Charles.  I threw up all 9 months and even on the operating table.  He did not cry when they took him out.  He made a little whiny noise and balled up in the fetal position.  He was cold.  He still gets cold easily.

Charles wasn't talking except for about 5 words until he was almost 2.  He didn't walk by himself until he was about 1 1/2 and was perfectly content to sit in his play pen and WATCH everything around him.  I thought he was deaf or at the very least SLOW at growing.  The next thing I knew he said, "May I have a peanut butter sandwich, please." (Where did that come from?)

His potty training, when he was 2 and talking complete sentences, spelling and knowing the alphabet, consisted of me taking him to the bathroom, pointing to the commode, asking him what it was, "Potty" he said.  I said,  "What is it for?"  He said, "To go to the bathroom."  I said, "If you pee or poop in your pants again, I will spank you."  He looked at me and said very nonchalantly, "OK." He could read at 3.

Tom's personality was not really evident until he was about 12.  He was an early bloomer.  He turned into a "teenager", enough said.  He has more of my personality than I would like, but has turned out to be such a wonderful man who is educated, talented, creative, knowledgeable. I am so proud of him.  He can never know how much I love and appreciate him.

Charles has continued his approach to life situations - nonchalantly.  He is his father's child - intelligent, creative, knowledgeable, and self assured.  He has come to mean so much to me.  We have always had a special relationship.  I love and adore him more than he will ever know.  He keeps his dad's memory alive.  He is here for me while I am going through . . . He just called.  He is at the Realtor's office finalizing the choices for things for his new house.  He asked about the tile in my two rooms.  He has asked me to live with him.  He is so kind.

Charles doesn't like me writing about him.  I'm sure Tom doesn't care, but just in case - It would probably be a good idea not to mention this particular blog to them.  Then again, I don't really care.  Ween thought it was a good idea.

COUNTDOWN

Testing starts on Monday.  Depending on the numbers on my PTINR (Blood clotting factor) it will determine whether I have to take shots before the surgery.  Taking Coumodin affects the thinness of my blood and if it will clot properly.  So many things have to be checked.  Tuesday I will be at the hospital at 7:00 am and other testing will be done to determine if "all systems are go."  If it is, the surgery will be done early Wednesday morning.

Again, it's early and I'm awake.  There was a time when waking up early scared me only because I liked to sleep late.  Now I welcome it with open arms.  It has become a good friend that I seek.  So many thoughts about today. Who will I see today?  Where will I go?  If I don't leave my apartment, what will "my world" be?

My thoughts remind me of the character in the movie "UP" that is talking to a friend, and suddenly jerks his head sideways and yells, "SQUIRREL."  (Short attention span.)  That's me today.  Oh well.  I might as well admit it - It's me most days.

Heidi and David are coming on Wed and staying in my apartment.  I'm so glad Ween will have company.  I see my little "blanket lump" on my bed and she sleeps innocently.  It's only a matter of time until she's up and wanting to go out. I get my attention span from her - "SQUIRREL."

Peace and quiet

Sitting here at midnight, alone, with the quietness of the apartment, I can't think of anything that I actually need. Mary cleaned the apartment tonight and made a wonderful dinner for me - salad, meatloaf, mashed potatoes w/gravy, fresh corn from the cob, and a bowl of fruit and a cinnamon roll.  I am very grateful for her friendship.  She is getting ready to fly north for T-day.  But tonight, she is driving to Naples to work there tomorrow; left my place about 9:00. I don't like her driving so late by herself.  (God be with her.)

Mock came over Tuesday to take me to my 8:00 am Doctor's appointment.  What was I thinking?  I have water behind my ear drums, and "out of whack" thyroid.  So what's new. She once again changed my medicine.

I think I have someone to watch Ween while I'm gone.  Heidi and David are coming from Georgia to visit the "Parks" so they have agreed to stay here and watch her.  I really do like keeping her home.  Their children, Abby and Max are coming too. Such a nice family.  I really appreciate them staying here. There is a slight "snag" in the schedule. They're not coming until Wednesday, and I have to be in the hospital by Tuesday.  I'll get someone to stay or keep her for one night.

I'm not concerned about the surgery.  Whatever happens is what happens.  I would like to get over this and get on with my life.  We'll see.  Dr Filart is an excellent doctor.  I really appreciate him and know he's the best doctor I could have, so on Wednesday, one day before T-day, if all goes well, I will have the ablation surgery that was supposed to have happened the last time.

Thank  you  God  for  all  you  do  for  me.  I  love  you, Abba Father.

MY LIFE

Pragmatic is the name of the game.  I don't know when I identified that characteristic but I know it has certainly been true since Tom died.  Of course, I measure most everything by that time frame.  

Two weeks from today, I should be having surgery.  I'm looking forward to getting through it and going on to be whole.  I know everything seems to be hinging on this, but I feel like it will be life altering.

My friend Vicki is also having surgery that day.  Hers seems much more serious, but as my son found out this week, any surgery can be harried.  One of his co-workers went in for some heart surgery, had a stroke, and slipped into a coma. (He subsequently died.) This brings it to reality. (I'm  okay  with  reality.)

No matter what happens, its a WIN/WIN.  If it's successful, I win.  If it isn't successful, earthly definition, I still win.  That has been my philosophy for a LONGGGG time.  That is also how I handle most situations in my life.  God has been so good to me, I can't complain.  I've made some "not smart" decisions in my life, but God has remained steady and sure. I'm so glad that is true.

Another Day at the salt mine

Having nothing to do except going to Drs, is really boring. My vision isn't good enough to read, which I loved to do; there is really nothing on TV worth watching, and I can't walk very far due to my breathing and my back.  So, Mock came up with a great idea - Audio Books.  Totally neat. Today we went to the Public Library to check out their stock of audio books.  

We forgot that our voting system is allowing people to vote early. Mock dropped me off and had to park in the "North 40."  I have a card for the Kissimmee Library, but I didn't even know this library existed. Mock had been there several times.  Of course, my card wouldn't have worked there even if I had been able to find it.  It's for Osceola County. I had to fill out an application and they will mail me the card.  Mock had his card so I checked out a book written by Joyce Meyer. I believe this is her first novel.  I can't wait to hear it.  I will be prepared next time with a list of books I want to hear.

Therapy for my right arm is going well.  The therapist comes to the house and has me do exercises.  She also gives my arm and "the knots" in my arm a massage to free up the muscles and tendons.  She's also doing some stretching of the arm too.  Today's was excruciating and Ween ran over to the couch to see what she was doing to me.  She's so protective of me.  I assured her I was okay and told her to go back to her pillow (to lay down.)  I look forward to each session as it is freeing up my arm to do routine tasks.  

I don't have any more Dr's appts this week.  (Wahoo) Therapy on Thursday, and Friday Ruth is coming to visit. She mentioned the Red Lobster as a potential place to eat. It is always so great to see her. She has been a close friend for so many years.  She is another one that I could call any time and she'd be here as quickly as possible.  I am so truly blessed.

LIFE IS FUNNY

Why I'm not surprised when things happen, is probably because crazy "earthly" things happen so often with me. Vicki and I are both officially scheduled for surgery on the Wednesday, before Thanksgiving. Dr. Filart's scheduling nurse called today and that is the earliest they can schedule me.  I'm really okay with it.  (God has a sense of humor, doesn't He. )

I'm not supposed to have stress in my life but as you know, life is not always smooth and easy. Right now, someone very close to me is upset because of a misunderstanding.  She won't talk to me about it and only answers my text with sarcasm and curt meaningless statements.  She doesn't know what this is doing to me, emotionally.  I'm trying to stay calm but it's difficult when you have personal relationships that are sometimes out of whack.  I pray we can solve this quickly.

Charles is returning from NY today.  He should have left about 30 minutes ago and will be home around 6:30.  I have missed him but he works hard when he is gone and needs rest when he returns.

Ween is adjusting to sleeping on the floor.  I had to move her to the floor because of Charles' allergies.  When we move, she won't be able to sleep on the furniture so I decided to start early moving her.  She seems okay, but she still tries to get up on the couch because she CRAVES attention.  Such a brat.

Not much to do today.  Mary brought me some "packs" of homemade mac/cheese.  I had to have one.  That was my lunch.  She is an awesome friend. (and cook).  I am so blessed.

Update on Vicki

Vicki called a few minutes ago.  The doctor at Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa discussed the options.  The most viable one is surgery to remove the kidney and growth.  The won't know the extent of the cancer until they get to  the growth. After they determine the extent of the growth, they will know how to proceed. Right now the surgery is scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving.

Funny thing - my nurse scheduler called yesterday and wants to schedule my surgery for the same day.  If we were in for the same thing, we could be roomies.  I don't think either hospital is ready for both of us at the same time.

I go to my neurologist next week.  I had bloodwork done for her.  We'll see how the medication worked.  I am feeling so much better most days.  God is good.

Gems and Jewels

Jewels in God's crown are friends you can call any time, and they respond with eagerness.  One such friend, Vicki, has just received a harsh blow of earthly reality - she has been diagnosed with a cancerous growth on her kidney, and a spot on her lung.  This is devastating to me. I can't imagine how it was to her.

No one can compare with Vicki - she is a solid, giving, loving, christian lady. She has never refused to help anyone with anything.  She has painted my house. She has helped me move at least 4 times.  She's purchased beautiful live Christmas Trees, brought them to my house, set them up and even helped decorate.  She calls to cheer me while I've been sick.  She even made a platform bed for me so that Ween could get onto it to sleep.  
We've been to retreats together.  We've attended Bible studies together.  I can't even remember half of the things we've done over the years. It's been such a "wild and crazy time."

She has two married daughters with grandchildren.  Her husband, Hank, is a strong Christian man who supports her in all her "Adventures."  Other than him being a Seminole, he's okay.

I love Vicki as a sister in Christ.  She has been such a wonderful example for me to follow. Please God.  Heal her.

THE BIG APPLE

Law and Order, even on the plane.

The "BIG APPLE"is pretty much the way I remember.  We were there to celebrate Charles' birthday. He takes such good care of me. He rented a scooter for me and it was invaluable. I don't know what I would have done w/o it. Jenn, Kenny, Pat and David were also there.  Tom couldn't make it.

Horizon from the plane

Saturday we arrived at LaGuardia about 8:30 am. Everyone else went to tour. I rested. I also had a friend, Lucinda, come to the hotel and we went for a tour of Broadway. She was so patient with me and helped me get through the "hoards" of people.  (I thought Main Street traffic was bad.)  True New Yorkers crossed the streets against the lights.  I was too chicken and slow to do that.  Lucinda didn't want to risk it either.  It was great to see Lucinda again. She brought me a piece of Red Velvet Cake that was unbelievable.  Evidently there is a small bakery that is famous for it's cakes, especially Red Velvet, so she went there, stood in line for over an hour, and purchased 2 pieces.  One for her and one for me.  (See what kind of friends I have.  They're awesome.)

Restaurant

Lucinda took me to her favorite place to eat in Manhattan.  It was a small "diner-like" bistro that had good food and lots of atmosphere.  I didn't even realize that we hadn't paid until we were leaving.  I asked Lucinda if she paid, she said no she just walked out w/o giving them any money. She, of course, was joking.  I didn't even realize she had paid.  I was too busy checking out the restaurant.  Very colorful.

Gang

Pat and David have never been to NY, so all is new to them. For dinner we ate at a neat Tex/Mex restaurant and then went to The Met to see Carmen. It was fantastic. I miss going to concerts with Tom, my husband.

Sunday was another "tour time" for the group.  I wasn't feeling well, so I stayed in and ordered room service.  We had tickets for a matinee of "Mary Poppins."  The group went to "Bills" for burgers afterward.   Charles brought me a burger back to the room.  Delicious.

Monday is our day to go home.  We have all day as our flight is not until 6:00 pm.  I woke nauseated so once again the "group" went touring without me.  Kenny and Jenn left very early, so they didn't get to go, but this is mostly a "shopping" day.  Disney Store, Broadway shops, and "Kodak" moments.  I took the scooter back to the valet area to be picked up some time today; then went back to bed. I don't know why I get sick some days; some I don't.  

Lobby of Hotel where we stayed.

When they returned, Charles took me to the hotel restaurant.  I got a BLT.  For some reason, bacon always seems to settle my stomach.  Crazy huh? I felt much better after I ate.  We were picked up at 2:00.  (Charles is great for details.)  Went to the airport, and went through security.  It took me longer because of the pacemaker, but they were thorough and I don't mind that at all.  We had to wait again at the gate, and by 6:00 were boarded and left good old New York.  

WAHOO

This is my third good day; more normal; level vital signs, AND, I am starting to remember better.  I am walking more, cooking, and more energy.  It's about time.  I am so thankful.

Going to New York is on the menu for Saturday.  We are going to celebrate "someones" birthday.  Friends are meeting us there, plans are made for an opera and musical.  At this moment in time, I am planning to go.  I pray that I will be able to do that.

Once again, I'm going to board Ween.  I'm trying the new Disney kennel called "Best Friends."  It's a luxury resort type kennel and hopefully she will like this place better.  We get a discount as a cast member, so it is only a few dollars more than the place she stayed before.  She has abandonment issues but I hope this will make leaving her a little better.

Paperwork needs to be done before I leave Sat.  It's in a pile on the table. Hopefully, I'll get it done.  I am such a procrastinating princess.  Hopefully my "card" will arrive before I leave.  I have to have an ID card indicating I have a pacemaker.  If not, Dr Filart's office provided me with documentation indicating I have one, but I'd like to have the "official" one.

Ween and I have been going to the mail boxes each day.  She likes getting out and I need to walk. Usually, we walk after dinner, but Julie, Holly and Charles are coming by to discuss the necessary decisions on paint, tiles, etc. I'm excited. Ween is excited too.

TIRED

Going to see Dr Filart yesterday was another point for the AMA's side. My "INR" was checked-3.5; too high.  It should not be above 3.  Every day it is a new experience and a change of medication.  Leave it off yesterday; move to today and take that scheduled amount.

Dr is also wanting to still do the ablation.  Fran's scheduling it for some time in October; after October 20 (Charles' Birthday.)  Charles will be out of town part of that time, so that is another reason to schedule later in the month.  I just want to be well.

Our trip to NY is "supposed" to happen next Friday.  Dr Filart has cleared me to travel, with all meds and information sheets indicating my pacemaker.  I don't know if I can physically do it or not.  I haven't much energy even on a good day, so I need to make a decision, quickly.

I can't board Ween again.  It was not a positive experience for her.  She didn't sleep or eat, but seemed to like the place and people, but had a very raspy bark.  She probably yapped a lot.  I had to take her back to the clinic for her cough, and she wanted to go back to see every one.  She is very social.  I'll try to get Mock to stay with her.  She misses him, so it would be a good time for her.  I will also need someone while I have surgery, soooooo. We'll see how it goes.

GOOD DAY

Today is another good day.  I walked to the mail box.  Now, in itself, that doesn't sound like a lot but in the "scheme of things" as my former principal would say, it's a great move forward.  Ween went with me, of course.  She found a motorcycle to chase.  Thankfully, the rider stopped and let her have her time barking.  Excitement galore.

I'm trying to "ween" Wiener from getting on the couch.  When I move in with Charles she will need to stay off because of his allergies so I thought this would be a good time to "ease" her off.  I even put one of the pillows on the floor.  She IS laying on this, so this may really work.

I'm still excited about the house.  It seems to  move sooooo slowly.  I think it's just me.

Charles took me to the store yesterday.  Moving around really helps but tires me.  I will be building strength every time I take a trip somewhere.  Ween seems to have extra energy now too.  She isn't sleeping as much as she used to.  Maybe because I am more active; who knows.

I go to my heart surgeon, Dr Filart, on Thursday.  I think he needs to make some adjustments, but what do I know.  He will evaluate and do accordingly. Blood pressure was low this am, but better than high I am told.

I am having more good days now.  I'm excited about being able to go more.  I only hope I can go to NY by October 3.  We'll see.

Awwww

Today was a good day.  I didn't have any heart problems, that I know of, no fever, no pain, and I was even hungry.   Ween is feeling better too.  She was running around, jumping, and playing with her toys.  I wasn't quite that active, but I got my dishes done today.  I even sorted through my piles of papers that had accumulated in my desk area.  That was an extremely "overwhelming" task.  I hate paperwork.  When I win the lottery, I'm getting a secretary for that job. 

Yesterday Julie took me to see Dr LaFran, one of my heart specialist. I'm still having some dizziness so I have been restricted to no driving.  It was my first appt since I left the hospital.  I was "in afib" all day yesterday.  It started around 8:00 am with a heart beat of 130.  It continued throughout the day and was around 100 by the time I got to his office. He was concerned. I had an ekg, an "inr" test and he changed my meds. The inr is to check the clotting factor in my blood.  It was 2.8, which is good.  Most any where between 2-3 is considered good.  

After coming home I made the adjustments in meds and the afib slowly quit.  It makes me so tired when it 'dances' so I spent some additional resting in bed this am.  Of course, Ween was right beside me.  She has been such a trouper. She is very sympathetic, usually lays beside me, and never seems upset.  She's the perfect companion.   I love the bumper sticker - "The more I learn about men, the more I love my dog." So true.  So true.

Today

Healing.   I can't do much yet, but I have wonderful friends and family who are making sure I'm taken care of each day.  I'm still sore, tired; resting as much as I can.  Mary came and cleaned up, helped me take a shower, fixed me food, fresh and frozen for later, and made sure I had what I needed.

Ween, on the other hand, is not doing well.  She came home with a "wheeze" that I can hear, but not feel in her chest. I need to take her back to vet and see what is going on.  I can't ask anyone else to take me, so I may have to "break a rule" and drive to vet.  We'll see.

Holding down the couch is our big deal today.  I think Ween and I are up to it.

There's No Place Like Home, Dorothy

Dr Filart released me to go home yesterday.  The only person more tired than me was Ween. We got home, ate a sandwich, and both sacked out on the bed. She slept most of the day, but I was up and down a few times.  I don't even really remember the day except we were home.

I woke up about 6.  Ween is still sacked out under the cover.  She has hardly left my side.  I think she missed me as much as I missed her.

I have a bandage over the place they inserted the pacemaker.  I can't get it wet until at least Friday.  I am TOTAL bed rest for 5 days, except for Dr appt Thursday to check my blood clotting level.  I have to go to the Heart Clinic for that. I am " basically" isolated for 5 weeks.  That period of time covers our trip to NY for Charles' birthday party.  I don't know if Dr Filart will allow me to go or not.  I am to make an appointment within 2 weeks, and that will be a "pacemaker" adjustment, if necessary, and check me out to see if everything is okay.

I am so grateful to God for His hand in everything that was done.  I guess He's not ready for me yet.  I am used to staying inside, but Dr Filart wants me to be careful of crowds and not come into contact with a lot of people.  I'm supposed to get a "card" that says I have a pacemaker so that when the alarms go off, they won't cart me away to the POKEY.

I am looking forward to today.  It will be exciting and new.  PTL.