There's no place like home; (click, click) There's no place like home.

Another beautiful night's sleep.  Not yet day break, the lights of the Cape were visible.  An emotional "let down" just as most any exciting event, and yet glad to be almost home.  Disembarking was fairly rapid and we were on our way within a few minutes.

How did things at home continue without me?  Apparently fairly well. My roommate is extremely competent so everything looked great.

Wiener, on the other hand, was another issue.  The best analogy I can give is - Are you familiar with "Saran Wrap?"  Or, have you tried to unwrap a DVD or CD?  She is still a "bit" clingy right now.  I'm sure the cold nose I get on the back of my leg will stop soon.  But, I'm really looking forward to going to the bathroom by myself again. Do you think she can really read minds?  Yeah.  I think she missed me.

THIRD DAY (Not the music group)

Looking out the sliding door, passed the verandah, and viewing the beautiful dark blues of the water against the lighter shades of the sky, is more beautiful than words can describe.  God really knows how to paint, doesn't He?

Coming into Castaway Cay we were delayed a bit because the helicopter was taking pictures again.  But, who could complain?  What a way to be delayed. 

I once again opted to have "breakfast" on the verandah; leisurely viewing the scenery; sipping coffee and having my bagel.  (This is rough, but somebody has to do it)  

After showering and dressing, I made my way to the island.  I did not stay long due to several reasons; none that I can mention at this time.  I did send post cards, which shall arrive sometime soon.   

I came back on board, ran some errands, went to the pool, and watched some of BOLT on the ginormous screen beside the pool.  There is an "adult" pool and spa area which is nice if you want a little quieter atmosphere.  There is also an adults only restaurant and bar close to the pool.  The island also has an adults only area.  (Disney is very detailed and usually thinks of everything)

Dinner tonight was at Animator's Palate Restaurant.  A totally unique experience!   There were pictures on the wall; painted and drawn; black and white and in color. 

The servers are in a less formal costume that I really liked with characters drawn on the long-sleeved shirt.  Their colors were red, black and yellow.

We walked into a "design" room with multiple items on the walls and tables that have to do with animation and design. 

The chairs were designed to look like Mickey's outfit.  The meal was also quite different.   The napkins were designed to look like "Luminar" the candle and  the butter knife looked like a small paint brush.  (I can see those walking away with the guests.  I was tempted myself)

The appetizer I ordered was a delicious  onion cheesecake with bits of ham.  This was similar to a quiche, but better.  The sauce on the plate was some sort of catsup-based decoration.  The cheesecake didn't need anything else with it for my taste.  


I also ordered a butternut squash soup with a "dollop" of sour cream.  This was very rich tasting and even better than I thought it would be.


Choosing my entree was as easy as selecting the dessert.  I chose a chicken and potatoes with carrots and beets in a sauce that tasted similar to the broth that is used to make beef stew.  It sounded yummy and it was.


The dessert I chose was their Great Temptations -  consisting of a lemon sponge cake with baked apples on top as a garnish; a double chocolate cake and last but not least a lemon mousse.


The presentations have all been wonderful and entirely appetizing.



 Shortly after we placed our order, the lights dimmed, the posters on the walls slid to the side and the whole area became an aquarium with all the Nemo characters swimming beside our tables.  It was beyond neat.  Crush swam up to our table and started talking and asking questions of everyone.  This interactive addition was extremely entertaining.  It continued throughout our dinner.

Bruce (the shark) was present, of course, and swimming so fast I could hardly take his picture.   The blow fish, Nemo, and Dori buzzed by and talked quickly.



The ray was a beautiful deep blue with white dots on its back.  I don't know his name or how he is woven into the story, but he was beautiful in the restaurant aquarium.

Once again, I waddled out of the restaurant and moved toward one of the theatre areas to see tonight's show - BELIEVE.

BELIEVE

The story is of a scientist who doesn't believe in Fairies but is trying to get his plant to grow.  His daughter, who does believe in Fairies, says if he believes the Fairies will help his project.

The characters from Disney movies all perform dances and songs about believing and wishing.

And, of course, when it ends his plant grows, and Everyone lives "HAPPILY EVER AFTER."






When the show was over, I went back to my stateroom and once again, fell asleep immediately.  So much to do; so little time.

Tomorrow is our last day.  We dock early.

AHOY, II - The Sequel

After a fantastic first day and a relaxing night, Saturday was another exciting time of expectations.  I had breakfast on the verandah, showered and got ready to go onto the Bahama Island.  It was chilly to me, so I layered just to get off the ship.

Charles had arranged a bus tour for me. (He thought of everything)  Anna Nicole Smith must have been quite a celebrity here for every other sentence had her name in it referring to her life while she was living there.  There were some beautiful old buildings, lots of tourist areas, restaurants, aquarium, casino and a straw market.

This decoration was in the entrance to the casino.  I'm not sure of the structure material, but it made for a great presentation.

Many of the shops and restaurants had varied offerings and seemed to welcome everyone with their wares.  After several hours of viewing, I returned to the ship and got ready for dinner.  There are such sumptuous offerings of food at dinner that I don't want to miss, I already decided to skip lunch while on the cruise.

Being a "guinea pig", of sorts, for Disney on the Inaugural voyage is anything but mundane or boring.  In true Disney style, everything is unbelievably opulent and grand - the size of the ship, the decor, the staff and of course the food.


The table setting was more elegant for this restaurant.  With golds and bronzes throughout, the decor lived up to the name.


The chandelier for the Royal Palace Restaurant was something my Kayla would love for her room.  Draped off the side were glass slippers.  (Truly made for a Princess.)




I almost forgot about taking a picture of my onion soup appetizer.  As you can tell, it was delicious.  As was the salad
that I had after it.


Lamb, au gratin potatoes and green beans never tasted so good.  I'm not sure what was in the sauce, but it was amazing.  


Again, I was forced to order dessert.  Being a "Creme Brulee" officiant of sorts, I had to order it.  

Even though the Great Temptations dish looked very tempting, I always have to try new creme brulees.  


This was just okay; almost a little bland.  In my opinion, it could have used some chocolate mousse or strawberry something or other under the creme.
But remember - I am VERY picky about that particular dessert.  It also had a "foamy" tasting cookie type offering on top with a strawberry in the middle.  


Other offerings were Roast Beef with a risotto and veggies, AND cheese ravioli dish with greens included.
It all looked delicious.

Two other desserts chosen were a chocolate mousse cake with whipped creme, and a sponge cake with strawberries and yogurt.


After the day off ship, the fantastic dinner and great conversation with our dinner companions, the "Pirates Show w/fireworks was next on the agenda.  I'm not a pirate fan, and I've probably seen a "kidzillion" fireworks that Disney has had, I opted out of the show and opted TO go back to the stateroom.  I was asleep almost as soon as I hit the mattress.  (I don't remember even changing clothes)



Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

AHOY

Having my picture made with Captain Mickey was an exciting way to start the cruise.  We boarded the ship by 1:30, had lunch at Cabanas, which is a buffet.  Just a "few" of the offerings were ham, crab, shrimp fixed 4
different ways including a shrimp salad, salmon fillet with bacon wrap, lamp chops, and any type of salad or veggie you might want.  Carved road beef was also available, but I went straight for the "peel and eat" shrimp.

An emergency drill was a mandatory meeting with a "good time had by all." An official welcome from Mickey And Minnie on 11th deck was next on the agenda.  A short rest in the stateroom, and off to dinner at the "Enchanted Gardens" Restaurant.  We rotated from Enchanted Gardens on Friday,  to Royal Palace on Saturday, and last on Sunday night to Animator's Palate.. The staff and other couple at our table also rotated with us.


On Friday night, at the Enchanted Gardens Restaurant, I chose an appetizer, salad, and entree that all had mushrooms as a base.  (I guess         
I was in a "mushroomy" mood)  The appetizer had mushrooms and mozzarella cheese.  The salad had chopped mushrooms in with a few greens. The entree was a saute' mushroom dish with sun dried tomatoes, and a sauce with a smooth, creamy guacamole base.  (Outstanding)  Dessert was NOT made of mushrooms, but called Great Temptations - Three mini desserts that just melted in your mouth. The first one to the left is a strawberry creme with a chocolate on the top, middle one was a lemon cake with lemon filling and chocolate swirled topping; and a chocolate mousse with creme.  Again,  unbelievably  delicious. 

As I waddled out of the restaurant, trying to let my food digest, someone suggested we go to the ice cream parlor.  (I couldn't believe he said that.)

To top off the evening, there was a performance of Disney's signature ship show, THE GOLDEN MICKEYS.  We saw this in Hong Kong when we were there, so I knew what to expect-outstanding entertainment.  The premise is they are awarding "Golden Mickeys" (not Oscars) to special shows and/or movies that were made by Disney.  Each "candidate" performed their section of the movie being considered.  Cruella was her usual "self".  Beauty and the Beast were also part of the show. There was also Pocahontas, Tarzan, and many other characters and wonderful music.

Afterward off to our stateroom and let the ship sweetly rock me to sleep.  Totally Awesome day.  I am truly blessed.

Waxing wise

Events in my life are sometimes less vivid as the years go by.  Tom's birthday is not one of those days.  Yesterday he would have been 65. Would he have retired?  Would we have been able to travel?  What would have been had he lived?  Can't really say.  I just know I still miss him.

My oldest son, Tom(my), sent me a text.  Not long or wordy; just - "Thinking of you today."  Whether he knows it or not, I appreciate that more than I could ever say.  Once in a while, he surprises me. He doesn't know it, he probably IS my favorite. He is the first born. Tom and I were so in love and excited about each other.  It's hard to beat that.  Charles is my extra blessing.  Unexpected but such a joy at a time when a lot wasn't right with Tom and my relationship.

Both my natural sons are unique in their own right.  They show their love in different ways.  My "adopted" sons are equally different.  Bret is more like Charles than Tom could ever be.  He and his family are such a part of my life they seem like they have always been here.  I haven't seen Edward in a while.  I miss him so much.  We text and email, but it's not the same.  And, my newest "adoptee" (Mock) has added dimensions and areas not previously there in my life.  All in all, God continues to surprise me when I least expect a new blessing.

Unexpected

Ween took me for a walk today.  If she hadn't, I would have missed the most glorious sight.  The sky was ablaze with an unbelievably gorgeous rainbow. It went from one side of the sky to the other with bright vivid colors sparkling in the rising sun.  No rain. No thunder. No storm of any kind; just this incredible sight, for me.

Having always loved rainbows, this to me was a sign from God.  If you remember, God gave Noah a rainbow to tell him the storm was over.  I receive this sign, today, to indicate my storm is over.  

One of the many "perks" of living in Florida is the beautiful sunrises and sunsets.  


On the other side of the apartment, the sun was rising; the clouds were rolling across the sky and even Ween was amazed at the sight. 


It was an unreal morning experience and I almost missed it.  Thanks Ween.

The future is?

Watching the tree blink the reds, blues, and greens, I can't help but wonder what is in store for this year.  It's a clean slate. It's unused. It's full of promise and hope.  I am also drinking coffee for the first time in this apartment.  My roommate bought me a coffee pot and a toaster yesterday just so I could start the year properly. (He's been very good to me).

I try not to delve into motives, but my brain jumps to - "Why am I in this place and time?"  Ween is asleep; Mock is asleep. And, I'm awake.  Lots of questions.  As you know, my name means "Question" in Hebrew, and I certainly live up to that.  My thoughts flit from thing to thing; not concentrating long on any one event or an unknown for very long.  Have I always been that way?  I think so. It's easy for me to appear to be listening by looking attentive; the volume inside my head will be muted and I'm off in my happy place once again.

Enjoying the coffee with the quiet stillness that surrounds me. I look forward to my cruise which is coming up in six days; another new experience holds adventure and excitement.  I remember this little girl in the backwoods of her childhood, who thought there must be more to life than what I was experiencing and yet, I had no hope of seeing it.  Life is interesting, isn't it?

HAPPY NEW (WHATEVER)

Looking back on 2010, I can't help but think of the many experiences that have occurred.  


Ween has taught me a lot - Resting is good; eating is good; potty is good and then go back to resting.  (She's very wise).  I have also learned - Plans are flexible; don't hold onto "things" too tightly; cherish your friends and family; dream a little dream occasionally; and, by all means - ENJOY WHERE YOU ARE, NO MATTER WHAT.


My life has changed so drastically that I don't really know WHO I am supposed to be.  At one point in my life, that would have freaked me out.  As my sister-in-law has said, "I am in a holding pattern.  Just hang on; God is working."  She's right.  I am also learning to be patient.  For me, that has been a hard lesson; one I am still trying to learn.  


I don't know a lot of things - where I am headed; what will happen; and, I could go on forever.  One thing I do know -  I am truly blessed and I thank God for that.  

Different

It seems that daily I experience changes in my life, and this holiday season is no different.  Instead of meeting with all the family on Christmas Day, we spread it out over 3 days.  Trying to get schedules together is more than I could deal with. I gave up and decided to feed "WHOEVER" and "WHENEVER" they showed up at the apartment.  It does elongate the gift giving but to a certain extent it is very tiring.  I used to be able to "throw" a party together with a moments notice. (Ah, the good old days.)

Elder son, Tom, made it out of DC just in time.  My sister-in-law and niece also made it here.  Now the trick - get back home.  Lila, my sister-in-law, is leaving tomorrow.  It is especially sad for me when she leaves.  She has been a wonderful mentor and prayer partner for many years.  I so appreciate her.  But, for now, she has to go back to Nashville.

Tom is in St Pete visiting friends after being here for several days.  He brought his dog, Luke, and decided to stay at a motel close by.  Luke and Ween's altercation was unreal.  Wiener was high pitched, running around, yelping and barking.  Tom said Luke thought he got a new, battery powered squeaky toy for Christmas.  That IS what she looked like "flying" around the living room.

(This is the tree that my friend Vicki bought me, even delivering it.  I have unbelievably wonderful friends)

Ween needs to go to obedience school, per Tom, and he's probably right, but Luke WAS in her home and she didn't like it. Either pooch would have been fine by themselves.

We exchanged gifts; not so much this year.  And, I am so glad.  None of us "NEED" anything.  I was personally glad to see the reduction.  My only sad part was that Edward and Betty were not here.  I miss them so much.

Tom is leaving some time this week; not sure exactly when.  I hope I get to see him on his way out.  And, next week, all will quiet down again.  

Best wishes and prayers to all who read this.  God bless.

CEL-E-BRATE GOOD TIMES; COME ON

This time of the year is always filled with emotions for me.  Happy, sad, up, down, and definitely remembrances.  This is one of the times I miss living in my house.  Lots of room to decorate; lots of decorations.  PICTURE THIS - the 90s (1990s)  OCTOBER 30.  For me, the start of the REAL holidays.  In School, get out the turkey pictures, fall colors, etc.  At Home, dig out the bins of decorations. Not only decorating, but food - cookies, candy; YES, even fruitcake; pumpkin pies, Farm Store's Eggnog (the only kind to have), and, of course,  more food.

I don't decorate as large a space now.  That isn't an issue.  I've pared the boxes down to 10 from over 20, so I feel good about that, but I miss all the chaos and clamoring - Christmas cards; Boys at home, school out for two weeks; having money to buy lots of presents; even Tom fussing about so many decorations.

I remember one year so clearly.  As most everyone knows, Tom and I were divorced for 3 years and then remarried.  This particular time was, I think, the first Christmas we were back together.  It was very special and I wanted everything to  be perfect.  Unfortunately, I caught the flu from one of my "cherubs" at school and came home on Monday before Thanksgiving, deathly ill.  I looked at all the decorations I had out, our trees were all real at that time, and I had not purchased it yet.  I slowly turned and went into the bedroom TO DIE. Tom came home, saw me in bed, asked about me, and he slipped into his "servant" mode.  (He started using that aspect of his personality with me after we remarried)

He went to the store bought ginger ale, crackers, cheese, bacon, and some other items.  (He remembered that I always want bacon when I'm sick.  Who knows why that is; it has just always been.)  I don't recall the rest of that day, and most of the next.  I was starting to come out of it on the third day, which was Wed.  I smelled the bacon cooking, and "STAGGERED" out of the bedroom to follow the smell.

My wonderful husband had cleaned the house, purchased a tree, decorated it and the rest of the house, and fixed me a large plate of bacon, and had even set the table.  I couldn't stop crying.  And so that you will know how REALLY special this was, if you haven't already, for the first 10 years of our marriage, Tom did not want to celebrate the holidays.  (Most of his memories were not as happy as they could have been)

Things are different now.  As I sit here on the couch, watching my partly decorated "real looking" tree flashing all the lights - the memories are so real. If the good Lord allows, I will make many more.  I look forward especially to this year - new start; new tree (not real this year but bought just for me by a wonderful friend) and I definitely can't wait to see all my Family.

Having "OPEN HOUSE" this year Noon until . . . Come join us.  Call for directions. EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE.

DC and more

Once again, my trip starts the same way - My View.  The seats change, but the view is basically the same.

Breaking one of my cardinal rules turned out great.  Wonderful flights, both way. Landed to 57 degrees weather.  We went to Tom's apartment and I got to meet my Granddog, Luke.  His energy level is way more than I had at that time, but so cute.  He's part Golden and Lab combo, but loves to jump up on you.


On the way home the clouds were so beautiful I couldn't resist taking this picture.  This was after we had begun traveling over the ocean.  


For it to be such a "whirlwind" trip, it was awesome.  Saw my Nephew Walter and his wife Nanette, sons Nathan and Chris.  What a joy to see them again.  Thursday we went to breakfast with some friends of Toms.  Rested, then went to someones (Parker) house for an unbelievable dinner with new and old friends.  Back to the hotel and then an early flight home.  (Turkey fixed 3 different ways, ham, veggies, pies, cakes, cookies, 3 different cranberry dishes, several different kinds of bread just to mention some of the food)

Tom gave me an I-phone (early Christmas present) and my trip was an early Christmas present from a "relative I can't mention."

Mock said Ween didn't eat while I was gone.  Hard to believe, she loves to eat so much.  I know she missed me as she didn't leave my side for several days after I returned.

It has been a long time since I have enjoyed so many things at one time. I am so truly blessed.  (The only down side is Dallas lost.  Guess you can't have everything you want)

A Little Miracle Just For Me

Having very few items left from my first husband, Tom, I cherish each with a great deal of love and fondness.  One of these items is a pair of earrings that Tom gave me the year after he died.

I know it seems impossible but I found a "gift certificate" for Tom. One that a student probably gave as a Christmas Gift several years before and he had never redeemed.  There were a bunch of papers that I almost threw away but decided to sort individually. And, there it was.  I called to find out if it was still valid and they assured me there wasn't any expiration date.  I decided to go by myself.  It was a lovely intimate jewelry store on Dodcanese Street in a nearby city that I actually love to visit. 

Tarpon Springs is a unique place.  There are the old sponge docks, restaurants, shops, bakeries, and the most amazing food any where. The primary income for many years was from the diving for and sale of sponges. The history is rich with tales of adventure and memories. I love to hear the stories my friends tell of bygone days.  The sponge economy is just recovering from a blight that killed the business years ago.  The surrounding town has grown into a "tourist" area to experience.

As I entered the store, an older gentleman rose from his desk behind an open area in the back of the shop.  I asked him what could I purchase for this gift certificate.  He showed me an array of items that were available and none were anything that "caught my imagination."  I said that I didn't see anything I could wear and started to leave.  He stopped me with a box from another case.  There in plain sight was the most beautiful pair of earrings that I had ever seen.  They had the "Greek Key" insignia wrapped in a circular form.  They were perfect. When I got home I saw the date was April 6. Tom died on April 7, the year before.  (How neat is that)

I lost one of the earrings three days ago.  My heart was broken.  I COULDN'T LOSE ONE OF THOSE.  As tears were rolling down my face in realization of what it meant NOT to see both earrings, I spoke aloud, "Please Father. Please, please, please.  Don't let that earring be gone. You know what those mean to me.  Please show me where it could be.  I can't lose it."  

I tore apart my bathroom and bedroom.  Nothing! The evening progressed.  I kept searching.  It was bedtime. I am using a nebulizer for my sinus infection so I reached down under the sink to get it ready to use, and there was a plastic bag on top of the liquid I use in my machine.  I started to move it and "My Voice" said, "Look in there."  

Inside were small items that I had gotten in Hong Kong.  I was sorting through them earlier that morning.  There in the bottom of the bag was my other earring.  How?  I remembered scraping the items off the top of the vanity back into the bag and the earring had been included.  I WOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT OF LOOKING THERE, but God did.  

Isn't it amazing that He even cares about something so simple.  He knows our heart.  I am grateful for so many things, especially the fact that He loves me and cares about me.  Thank you again, Father.  

Decisions

When I am headed in one direction, and suddenly the path does a 90 degree turn onto a different path, I'm usually confused at first. Disappointment is sometimes evident or a "what to do now" thought runs through my head.  I am at one of those crossroads even as I write.

I had reapplied to go back to work, part time, to the job that I had left in January.  I wasn't rehired.  Disappointed?  Yes.  Confused?  Some what.  So, where now?  I thought when the department supervisor sent me an email telling me of the opening, that it was more or less a "sure thing."  Over the weeks, the job changed, the requirements changed, and obviously I wasn't rehired under the new refocusing.

Believing God has my best interest in mind, I have to believe it was for a reason.  I still have some money problems, but He knows that.  I still need some sort of job, but He knows that too.  And, last but not least, God is still in control.  And, He knows that too.  I'm excited to find out what is next on HIS agenda.

Sunlight

As the sunlight streams into my living room, Ween is basking in the warmth and enjoying the afternoon.  A butterfly waves at her and moves on to a nearby flowering bush.  For me it's a little chilly but most everyone else seems to enjoy the change in the weather.  From here, the scene is perfect - trees weaving back and forth; leaves turning to an expected orange or red with smatterings of "Christmas Tree" like shadows in the distance.

The high today is 64; warming this week to about 80.  A "relative of mine I can't mention" has decided we need to go to DC for Thanksgiving.  Tom lives there now and we haven't seen him since May, when he moved.  We also have relatives in Westminster, Maryland and Virginia.  We're going to see all of them the 3 days we are there.

I HAD to ask the question, "Does it snow there in November?"  One of my few cardinal rules is "NEVER LEAVE FLORIDA AFTER NOVEMBER 1." And once again, thanks to that relative I mentioned earlier, I'm traveling after that date.  (Makes you want to say - "Hummmm")

Some of my concerns are that I can't find any shoes since I moved.  I mean NOT ONE PAIR.  I only have a pair of open-toed rubber sandals to wear right now.  And, I can't find many "heavy" clothes yet. I found a coat and 2 long-sleeved sweaters, and a couple pairs of long pants. I did find my jeans, but I can't get in them right now due to some weight gained because of inactivity and basic "sitting" ability. What a quandary.  At least I know what "that relative I can't mention" is getting me for Christmas - a round-trip ticket to DC.  (He gives great gifts.)

Shall We Dance

Doing the limbo is an extremely difficult thing to do.  Not the dance, but the "emotional" version.  It seems as if my life has been there for many years; probably since Tom died.  I really haven't noticed for a while, but I am great at ( "de nile") or denial; not the one in Egypt.

I have the perfect "Crab" personality - I'm running along; something happens to scare me, or confuse me, and I run and hide from whatever has happened.  When I feel safe, I venture out to once again take on the world. Not the best way to live life.  I feel reality is highly overrated, and difficult at times.  And yet, I deal with reality every day.  This is probably one of the reasons I like reading so much.  You can escape into another world, "observe" what is going on in the characters' lives and not have to deal with them, personally. That is the easy way to get through life.

But life is not always easy; ironically, it is daily.  Dealing day after day can take a toll on someone.  I don't know how single parents cope without some sort of "back up system."  I had my parents and friends. What do you do if you don't?; not as well I'm sure.

I have a friend that is also in financial problems; a lot worse than mine.  She's a single parent and needs help or she is going to lose her home.  I would like to help.  Wouldn't it be nice to assist people that way?  My friend, Vicki's daughter, Stacy is a real hero of mine. She had 2 great boys from a horrible previous marriage; met and married this wonderful man who also had children and moved into a "broken down" trailer in GA.  She is a RN, who chose to prioritize her family instead of working out of the house.  They have been able to live due to her ability to "creatively find" bargains to remodel, clothe everyone, plan healthy meals, and just "live" their every day life. She should give classes on how to do this.  She could.

When I think of just the people I know that need help, I want to get busy. What do I do first?  I'm praying that God will show me. Anything is possible with God.

FL Dreamin'

Falling in love with Florida was easy.  It's beautiful here.  This is my favorite time of the year - 80s, breeze, sun and blue skies.  I've never wanted to live any where else since arriving in the early 1970s.  Lately though, I have felt I was swimming in "quicksand" in this lovely place.

I've been so fortunate in that I haven't really had to think about money.  I'm not rich. I never have been, but I guess the term "comfortable" comes to mind.  I thought my life changed so much when Tom died, and it did, but my lifestyle really didn't change.  I could travel, work or not work, do pretty much whatever I wanted to do.  For the first time, ever, that isn't true.  I feel that there isn't any thing or any way to turn, so I find myself almost paralyzed and definitely overwhelmed.

There are boxes everywhere, piles of paperwork that needs to be take care of and I can't seem to be able to make any progress in any area.  I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, a car that is in good shape, and of course, Wiener, my constant companion and confidant.  GOD HAS TO DO SOMETHING!  I know He is in control and that He is working.  I just need His blessing, NOW.

I don't "do nothing" well, and yet that's all I can seem to do.  Please let it stop.

Football Games

This weekend has been up and down emotionally, as far as sports is concerned.  The only thing better than watching a great game on TV, is to be there in person.  I would love to have been in JAX to see the FL/GA game. Once of the best games I have seen in a long time, bar none.  It was even better that FL won in overtime, 24-21.  (Lots of turnovers and action to behold)

On the other hand, my very most all-time favorite team, DALLAS COWBOYS, played worse than any middle school team I have ever seen, EVER!  Have mercy!  It was as if they decided to see how many mistakes they could make and still be standing when the game was over.  Dallas won the award for this year, maybe for the last 5 or so.  I doubt any other team would have even come close this weekend.

As the saying goes, "There's always next year" or is there?  There was talk among the announcers that neither the quarterback nor the coach would be back next year.  That remains to be seen but let's not forget the remainder of this year.  Will I stop watching Dallas?  No way.  They are my team, always.

How real do I want to be

Platitudes are aggravating and frustrating to me, especially when someone regurgitates the very advice that I already know, but choose to ignore.  I have long thought most of the information that I have "stored" in my ever decreasing memory is mostly "useless knowledge" except if I wanted to go on Jeopardy, or a similar situation.  And yet, I used the very same "wisdom" with someone else this week.

I awoke very early this am and was struck with the thought that I had thrown out a piece of advice for a friend as if I actually knew what I was saying.  Pompous isn't it? That I would actually have a solution for another person's problems is hubris at the very least, ignoring the person entirely.  Those of us who know things, tend to do this occasionally.  Why do I do this?

My "high school history teacher", Victor Asseff, once told me, "You will either grow up to be an advice columnist or a psychologist.  You like to dissect "why" for someone, go about delving into their lives, and then explaining the reason to them. Eureka.  I have the answer."  He called it some sort of syndrome.  I am older and supposedly wiser, yet I still have a penchant for doing exactly that. 

Why?  I really don't know.  I actually think I'm helping someone, at the time.  Even as the words "jump off the page" or come rolling out of my mouth, they sometimes sound ridiculous to me.    Will I never learn?  It is much easier to keep quiet, than to try to remove the foot from my mouth.  Either way, I'm always sorry.  I'm glad God forgives me even if the other person doesn't.  I AM getting better - at least I recognize that I have a problem now.

DATING OR WHAT?

Mostly out of curiosity, I went to dinner with Bob.  It was "interesting" and enjoyable.  I have never known Bob's agenda, but sometimes tried to figure it out.  If there was one, it wasn't evident to me.

We went to "Logan's Steakhouse" which is a restaurant close to Hunter's Creek, where I still live even after moving. We talked, we ate, and I had a nice time.  Julie asked me why I went.  Curiosity was certainly a big part of it, but since I am living on a tight budget, it WAS a free meal.

Interestingly enough, Bob had a hard time looking me straight in the eye.  I just now thought about this.  Prior experiences with him, usually meant he was not exactly "truthful" when he behaved like that.  Whatever it meant, God knows and He can deal with it.  I'm glad I don't have to any more.  I did offer to reciprocate in that I promised him a meal as a thank you.  We'll see.  (The saga continues.)

About my new apartment - I am living on a preserve-type area that has a lake. The trees are turning, as much as they can in Florida. (Picture is my backyard) The serenity is unbelievable.  I am in an isolated section-only 2 buildings, with a security gate across from my sliding glass door to my patio.  I have a 2/2.  It's smaller but I use the word "cozy" to identify my place now.


I have a roommate.  He works at Disney also, and I have known him about 3 years.  In fact, I was one of his trainers when we worked in Research.  He needed a place to stay.  I need the extra money, and Ween loves him.  He is "house and doggy sitting" for someone right now and works 40 hrs a week.  I don't see him a lot and he's quiet; it works, so far.


And, we have a visitor.  She visits two or three times a day, hungry. She has babies and needs the extra food for them.  She's skittish, which is okay with me.  It means she isn't rabid, just hungry.  Ween isn't fond of her, but she's beginning to relax a little when the raccoon arrives.

The interview hasn't produced a job, yet.  It was over on Friday.  There are 10 part-time positions available and I "SHOULD" have a good chance to be "rehired."  We'll see.

God's plan isn't totally clear yet, but I'm sure He will keep me and provide. He always does.

New Post

New Post; new apartment; new life.  I think a trend is beginning.  New is good.

Opening boxes is getting to be ridiculous. I didn't realize I had so many; about 60.  I'm down to the last 20; mostly books.  I am trying to weed through each box to see if I really need to keep every one.  Books are so much a part of me that I feel like I am getting rid of one of my children when I give them away.  I try to find good homes each time.

Interesting event - my husband just sent me a text and asked me to dinner.  I wonder why.  Does he miss me?  Does he still love me?  Or, has he decided to get a divorce.  Aw.  The mystery deepens.  I will be going about 5.  And, then the suspense will be over.

Ween is settling in.  We have a raccoon that comes to our back patio. She comes in the day time.  I'm guessing for probably one of two reasons - Her babies are driving her crazy or they are draining all her energy.  She comes hungry. I feed her old dog food that Ween wouldn't eat.  She eats and leaves until the next visit.

We live on a preserve with a scene that is framed by the sliding doors.  I look to the sky, blue and white mixtures; trees swaying in the light wind, and I feel serenity.  I am where I am supposed to be for now.

FRIENDS

If you've ever seen the Friends TV show, you can see how people can get close to each other, especially when they live together.  I have people who are dear to me, in real life.

One of those people is Vicki.  This woman has so many "irons in the fire," she could use a wife to take care of all the details.  And yet, she always stops her world and comes to rescue me from some other "Lucy/Ethel" project. Yesterday was such a time. Last week, I mentioned that I wanted to get a platform bed, but that they were very expensive.  Her 'wheels' started moving.

I showed her on HGTV the info concerning several beds that they had made. We talked, measured, talked some more,  looked on line, and she came up with a "drawing" that resembled some "Child Art" that needed to be on the refrigerator, not actually used.  It was awesome!

It was definitely a trial by error project. First stop-Home Deport.  An awesome man, Dante, was there to help us.  He made suggestions and gave us options. After selecting materials, loading it, and setting up at home, she was good to go. "Mock" also helped.  (He's the brawn of the group)  Four hours later, I have a bed.  (I used the mattress Charles had on his "loft" bed)  This woman is incredible.

There must be something totally wrong to have a bed made just to let "Wiener" have a place to sleep, on her level.  Can you say 'SPOILED.'

ROUGH WEEK

Life is funny sometimes.  It seems when one thing happens, it snowballs into several other things.  I broke two toes on my left food, my partial and a glass globe for one of my candle holders.  I also have several other things happening that I prefer not to list at this time.


You never know WHY things happen, but if God is really Lord of my life, then I must believe I am exactly where He wants me to be, no matter what happens.  He is always in control, just sometimes we can't see the "behind scenes" events until they unfold completely.  I am ready for that miracle and would really appreciate it soon.

Wiener is taking everything in her stride. She eats, poops, pees, and sleeps. She is not worried about anything; very trusting that everything will be okay. I am learning so much from her.

WHAT NOW?

Moving in doesn't necessarily mean everything is in it's place.  I've made a good start, with the help of friends and relatives, but one bedroom is full of boxes, so if I'm going to have a roommate, I HAVE TO get that stuff emptied out and find a place for it.

After that, what?  Am I going back to work?  Do I sit and twiddle my thumbs until ...?  I haven't the faintest idea.  My life has changed so much lately, I don't even recognize me.  (That might not be so bad?)  Whatever it is, I'm excited to find out what God has in mind.  He has a way of doing things totally different from anything I can imagine.  So, we'll see.

Ween is settling in.  I let her scatter her toys all over the apartment so she would feel at home.  Her blanket is on the floor, so she has access to it, and she knows where to find her bowls for food and water.  I put those in the laundry room.

I am still sleeping on an air mattress.  Haven't quite decided what to do about a bed.  Charles offered me his double bed that is in the loft and I might do that.  The bedroom isn't large enough for a queen.  I don't know.  Ween doesn't have enough room in a queen-sized bed.  How could she possible sleep in a double?  It certainly will be interesting looking at life from this position.  Ween has the right idea.

NEVER AGAIN

Saying "Never" is the kiss of death in that if I say it, I always regret it.  I usually end up eating those words.  In this case, I can safely say, "I'M NEVER MOVING AGAIN.  EVER!"  As if life isn't stressful enough, throw in 4 moves in 2 months, and you obviously must be mad.

My new apartment is nice, but smaller than the previous one, so needless to say, too much furniture is too much.  Having a "Kadzillion" boxes of books doesn't help any.  Where in the world did I get all of these?  My second bedroom is completely full.  What to do?  What to do?

Moving seems to be an event that I depend on friends and relatives to help with, when they can.  One relative, who I can't mention, will donate money to get someone else to help.  One son is in DC.  One working.  One who said, "You're moving?"  Julie and Vicki have helped me move so many times, I can't even count that high.

I've come to the conclusion, that if you want to know who your friends really are, tell them you're moving.  God willing, I will never have to say that again.

Alone or Lonely

By nature, I am a very social person.  Being by myself again, is "interesting" to say the least.  Ween and I are doing fine. She loves all the individual attention.

I had to leave O'town quite abruptly in that I did not have any place to stay with Wiener.  I went to a friends in KY.  It was a time of enlightenment and enjoyment.  Ween had a great time too.  Lots of belly scratches and rubs (Wiener, not me)

While I was on my "sabbatical", I readjusted my attention on God and my direction. I had missed that focus just by not making Him first in my agenda.

He woke me about 3am or 4am one morning while I was there, with the thought - "I have a place to stay.  I am paying rent on a two-bedroom apartment that I can live in now and it won't cost anything."  Duh!

To get out of my lease, I had to pay 3 months rent - August, Sept and October.  It never dawned on me that I could still live there.  God is good, isn't He? In fact, it's a lot cleaner than when I left.  My cleaning lady had cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen, and had the carpet cleaned while I was gone.  It cost something to have my furniture moved back in, but God will take care of that too.

Why should I be amazed when the God that made the Universe takes great care of me?  "I Can't Know."  I'm just soooo grateful.  (More exciting news to come).

Dr Seuss' Wisdom

One of my favorite books is "And To Think It Happened on Mulberry Street" by Dr Suess.  The boy "sees" (imagines) all sorts of fantastic things on his way home from school, and yet when he gets home his father shoots down his wonderful imaginations.  When you "run away from home", you meet all sorts of people and go all sorts of places.  So far, Ween and I are doing great, and it has been a great adventure.

God is such a great God.  He told me in Israel (1992) that He would take care of me, if I let Him.  I was "forced" to do just that this week.  Bob and I have separated and I have moved out of the apartment.  Big move for me, and yet I felt it was the thing to do.  It's a long story so I won't bore you with the details, suffice to say, I thought I didn't have any place to stay.  Charles could not take me in because of Wiener, and it's very hard to find a place to stay in Orlando when you are in an entirely different place geographically.  I gave it all to God, which I should always do and don't.

He woke me up "early" this morning with the realization that I have an apartment to live in.  I am not scheduled to leave there until Nov 1, so I can actually move back into the apartment when I return to Orlando and stay there until my one bedroom apartment is ready.  How simple!  And, He didn't reveal this to me until I spoke the words, "He has always taken care of me, and He will continue to do that."  He is so patient.  Why should I be amazed?  He loves me, unconditionally.  (Wiener is a lot like that).

WHO AM I

Theoretically, as a close relative would say, I am living in three different locations at this place and time.  Emotionally, I feel like "silly putty" being pulled in all directions.

Eight tenths out of the old apartment, one tenth in storage, and one tenth in with "The Relative" I can't mention.  He has his father's patience.  I'm not sure I could put up with me, especially right now.

So many regrets I can't list them all, but a few are:
.  Could I have done anything else?  One person I thought was a friend is believing lies told about me.  I don't have Wiener with me, at this time.  I've wasted so much time in doing "busy" things.  Where do I go from here? 

Who am I?  Identity has always been important with me.  Right now, I don't really have any.  I'm just me.  And, I guess when it comes right down to it, that's all I've ever had.

Disappointing Beach

Usually I rejuvenate at the beach.  This time is different.  I am ready to go home. WHY?  Maybe it's the fact that I am moving soon, and have so much to do. Maybe it's because I am restless.  I don't know exactly.  I just know I'm over this trip and I have 2 more days to go. Thinking back, I probably should have driven home and come back on Sunday. (shoulda, woulda, coulda)

Missing Wiener so much.  She is such an integral part of my life now, I don't relax when she isn't with me.  I worry about her.  She's so tiny and helpless, and I feel responsible.  I know Bob would never intentionally hurt her, but he ignores her sometimes and she is such an attention hound that I'm concerned.  She also doesn't understand why I'm not there.  I hate that part. (Silly huh)

The beach is not as enticing this time.  We have a beautiful room, great food, and a fun time with a new friend here.  I think maybe I'm being unrealistic. We're going to attend church here tomorrow for the first time.  That should be interesting.  I let SI choose the church.  We'll see.  A church is a church, right?