WHAT IS WITH THIS WEEK?

Why is it when you "think" you have your day all planned, it doesn't "quite" turn out like you thought it would? This seems to be the norm for me this week.

I had this, what I thought was, wonderful day planned for my son to celebrate his birthday, which was actually on Oct 20. He was supposed to be out of town, then he wasn't-he was home, then he didn't feel like partying because he was sick, then he went out of town again, and just got home Thursday.

On Thursday I went to a concert with this very nice man and was looking forward to dinner afterward. My son's flight was snowed in @ the Denver airport and it looked as if he wouldn't be able to leave. My last communication with him was that it didn't look good. I happened to check with the airline between the concert and dinner and found out his flight was not only in the air, but was only 30 minutes late, and I was 30 minutes away from the airport at that time. I had to change plans, and driving directions.

And, then today, with reservations again to celebrate, I couldn't get off of work. I worked until after 5 and only 2 people showed up to eat with him. I felt so bad; even his brother couldn't make it.

I must be "out of synch" lately. I don't know what is happening to my planning abilities. Maybe I haven't thought through my schedules, or could it be I'm "trying to pack too many things into one day" as Tom used to say, or could it be something else? I don't know, but whatever it is, I hope I can get things straightened out this week. If not, oh well. I'll just try to hold on.

My life as I know it

Life is certainly interesting. Where could you walk around all day, "chat" with people, and get paid for it? That is not even mentioning all the perks we get. One of those advantages is getting to enjoy mouth-watering ethnic cuisine, a wonderful concert by the Beach Boys, Three Dog Night, Gloria Gayner (her picture), or The Four Tops and great company with friends. All this AFTER work. I am still smiling.

In my world, I am constantly on the go. My son travels quite a bit and I have his schedule AND mine to work around. He just came back from a trip to LA/San Fran/Seattle/Vancouver. I picked him up at the airport and gave him the good news that his car battery is dead and so is the air conditioner in the house. (Kind of like giving your husband all the bad news when he hits the front door). I probably should not have done that so soon after his arrival, but he asked.

My love life is "null and void" right now. I've been attending concerts with a new friend and things are going well. We are NOT a "couple"; just friends attending concerts and catching some food before or afterward, but it's different to enjoy male company and not have to worry about the ending of the evening. I don't know if this will lead anywhere; probably not, but that's okay too. It's nice to have friends.

Sandwiched in between schedules is also "Processional" practice, church, Dr appointments, and a myriad of errands. Crazy, huh? To quote one country western song, "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful life." That pretty much says it all.

So much to do; So little time

I have so much to do on my day off. My son was supposed to help some people get into a hotel and since he is in NY, I am doing this. I also have to make a trip to my old "stomping grounds" because of info I need for a presentation, AND, I have an appointment to get my "ugly" hair cut from my favorite guy, Larry.

Larry has cut my hair for the last 15 or so years, so he knows me very well. He is a genius, and an artist. He knows all the "nooks and crannies" on my head and compensates for them, the shape of my head, and even gets the blond streaks positioned nicely.

So you see, another busy day off. And, I am working on my other day off this week. Sounds rough? Not really. I love my job. The condo was cleaned today and all my clothes are caught up right now, so I really haven't any complaints, right? I just like to " express" myself, and this is my best venue.

Now that it is sufficiently late and I am winding down, it IS time to go to bed. So, like it has been said by another lady, "Tomorrow IS another day."

The Old Grind

With two days off, I feel like a slug. I haven't been to work in 7 days. SEVEN count them, SEVEN days. The last time I had seven straight days off I was working for the school system and it was Christmas of 2000. (I think)

Today I return to work. Not a heavy schedule, mind you; just 3 hours. Maybe that is good. I don't even know if my mind is still working. I haven't had to think, make decisions, or cook. Wow. That sounds pretty good just thinking about it.

Chicago was "interesting, if not enjoyable." I'm glad I went to Jen's wedding; it was totally awesome. I reunited with old friends. I met some new ones. I was even a tourist, somewhat. And, I totally spent too much money. But, as you know, I have a tendency to do that. Tom was my "string holder." I always compared us to a balloon and the balloon holder; we all know which was which.

I also have processional practice tonight and Friday night. I hope to make both. I was hoping to have a date Friday night, but I can't seem to fit it into the schedule. Oh well. It's only my life. And, as everyone knows, change is the one dependable thing in life, except for death.

More Chicago

Up Michigan Ave












Out our hotel window

Out a window at Sear Tower - Zero Visability.

I am so glad to be back in Florida. I got in my car today, put the top down, and "basked" in the sunshine.

WAHOO! I LOVE FLORIDA!!!

THE Event

Once again, while attending a wedding I am "led back" to my own weddings to face reality. This one was no exception.

It was raining. I got totally soaked from waist to foot. Before I left the hotel, I looked presentable. After that, all bets were off.

(The bride "to be" at the rehearsal dinner)

The chapel was small, but tastefully decorated. Most everyone was in black/white or shades and combinations of it. No oranges, no reds, not even "perky purple." It is Chicago in Sept. White was only present as accents.

I got to see old friends and make new ones. A couple I was reacquainted with I had not seen in 6 years. Such a long time especially when you think they only live less than 5 miles from us. Shameful. I hope to correct that when we return home.

The wedding coordinator was buzzing around; the flower girl was the usual cute little relative that "did her thing" and then tried to remove the pins holding her hair that was put up in curls. The reception, held at Maggianos, was more food and booze than I had seen for a long time. And, for all intents and purposes, a good time was had by all.

(The cake BEFORE)

Weddings make me nostalgic. My mind immediately goes back to my own. My first one (most everyone knows Tom and I were married twice) was simple; more so than this one. We didn't have a lot of money, neither did my parents. We didn't go to Hawaii for several weeks. We went to the "Smokies" for two days. Yet, I remember the day as if it was yesterday instead of 40 years ago. Maybe I reminisce because of the rain, because it was a similar night weather wise. Or, maybe the chapel setting, similar to ours. I don't know exactly, but I could see Tom at the altar instead of D. I could see Dr. Martin, instead of the pastor who was really there and I could hear me promising to "have and to hold, etc." instead of this young bride.

What did I promise? "til death do us part?" What does that really mean? Did I know how it would end? Not in my wildest dreams. I think a country western song says it best, "I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." And, when you get right down to it, "the dance" was way more than I could have hoped.

Downtown

Last night Carmen gave us a tour of downtown Chicago. She could be a taxi driving, extremely informational tour guide. She was awesome. She was in Florida for a while working with my son and they have stayed in touch over the years. Good thing. She was so good that I felt brave enough to "take on Chicago" by myself. And, I didn't do such a bad job because of her.

(This is Charles, Carmen and me @ Cheesecake Factory in Oak Brook after our tour of downtown.)

Charles let me out on North Michigan and I was to walk south about 30 blocks back to the Art Institute while he was in a business luncheon and meeting. There were so many things to look at between the two areas that I only made it back to the Tribune building, which is about 20 blocks.

I shopped. I took pictures. I ate a Chicago hotdog. I drank cappucino @ one of the "gadzillion" Starbucks that was available. And, then I shopped some more. I spent entirely too much money, but a lot of it is "return gifts" for friends and Christmas presents.

Downtown was a lot easier to manipulate than getting across 22nd Street here in Oak Brook. I really did feel like a tourist though.


(This is on the Interstate on the way to downtown)




Of course I had to visit the Apple store. Great 2nd story window showing out.

















This is the 8th floor Mall Area of Chicago Place, where I had my Chicago hotdog. There is also a "Chicago" store for souvenirs of Chicago and, of course, I "HAD" to shop for 'necessary things'.

The views out the windows were great.

This is a view off of one of the downtown bridges.

One of the "disadvantages"of touring is that it is also tiring. By the time I met up with Charles, I was pooped. And, we were to meet Kenny and Art about 6:15; not much time. We decided to return to the hotel. I quickly fell asleep. So much for museums today.

The Windy City

We made it to Chicago.

This is my view, AGAIN. Why is it that every time I go somewhere, this is my view for an elongated period of time. This is probably my lot, but here it is again.

This picture is looking out the plane window leaving Orlando. It was a beautiful sunrise, even through the raindrops.

It was 47 degrees when we arrived in the Windy City. I thought the pilot meant Celsius, but found out, too late, I might add, he meant Fahrenheit. I wanted to stay on the plane and return to Orlando, but they were going on to Vegas. That would have been okay.

I am freezing my "tocus" off. While my tocus can use reducing, I am also turning blue, which isn't very flattering.

I am so glad that I brought my leather coat with me. I reached in my pocket to get my beautiful, black, leather gloves, which match my black, leather coat so nicely, and pulled out my purple wool "Pooh" gloves. Not the same impact of course, but they ARE keeping my hands warm. (I cannot be cool all the time now can I?)

(Chicago from the airplane)

I need someone to play with. Charles is "schmoozing" in lunches and dinners and I am "whining" about the cold and lack of someone else with which to enjoy the town. It is so much harder to whine when there is no one to listen. I texted "S", a former friend, and she had absolutely NO sympathy at all. "Tough love, Baby!" (She is just right down mean!)

I think I will take "S" a souvenir of Chicago; maybe a stale pizza. She will be so grateful that I thought of her.

Wahoo!

It was crunch time. I had 2 hours on Monday before I had to go to work and I "DEDICATED" that time to hunting an outfit. I have always had good luck at Dillards so I headed there. I met this lovely lady named Carmen. I told her "alllllll" about my dilemma and she listened with what seemed all sincerity. And then said, "I think I can help you." I was her slave forever, or at least until I got out of the store.

She took me over to the "fru fru" area and showed me all kinds of outfits that had ruffles, etc. I looked at her and mustered up all my strength and said, "Aaah. Those are just NOT me. I'm not fru fru. I'm more of a pants person." She didn't bat an eyelash. "Okay then. Let's go over here." She took me to another section that had gaucho-type outfits. She showed me one that had flared pants made out of a a "silky" type material and a lacy top with jacket. The pants were fine, but the top didn't do anything for me. She knocked on the changing room door with another top and jacket and those were perfect; even made out of the same material as the pants. The whole outfit cost under $100 because it was on sale. (Isn't God good?)

The only thing wrong with the outfit was that the sleeves were too long. I rushed to the cleaners and begged, promised the moon, and finally talked the nice lady at the cleaners into hemming the sleeves for me to be ready the next evening. (I am so pitiful when I whine) I was ready to kiss her feet. Charles had to pick it up for me because I worked from 7 to 7.

I was up until about 11:00 washing clothes and packing, so when the phone went off at 3 am, I was very annoyed, to say the least. Drinking a Frapacinno and a diet coke didn't give me any energy at all. But I managed, with Charles' help, to make it to the plane, and sit down. I nodded off most of the trip, but couldn't sleep.

We are off on another adventure.

Drama Queen or Princess

I have never thought about myself as being a drama queen, but lately my life has taken on a "persona" all of it's own. Things just seem to happen to me. I'm just standing and watching it go by. Am I being too sensitive? Maybe. But, maybe not.

The latest things are trying to work 75 hrs in one week, and working 14 straight days without a day off. It also seems people are trying to hit my car with their cars. I keep dropping things. I fell asleep during Toby Mac's performance @ NOJ, and last but not least, I CAN'T FIND A DRESS FOR THE WEDDING IN CHICAGO!!! And, I have no time to shop and no days off before I leave.

Am I pitiful or what? The world as I know it is not going to end. I WILL eventually get some sleep. I WILL go to Chicago. I WILL have a great time. The wedding WILL go on as they have planned.

Who could I get to go shopping for me to get an outfit? I need a personal shopper. Are there some listed in the phone book? I don't know, but there should be, especially when I so desperately need one. Am I being too snooty? Am I being too melodramatic? Is it all about me? Yeah. Sometimes it just is.

Dear Tom

Dear Tom:
How are things with you? I miss you terribly and wish you were here. It seems like only yesterday when I last saw you. I'm sorry, but I am starting to forget. The first thing I forgot is your special "smell." It was kind of a sweaty, clammy feeling that you had and you tasted salty when we kissed.

But I DO remember - your beautiful blue, sometimes grayish eyes that twinkled when you smiled, your broken tooth, and the way you peeled apples for me as a snack. I also remember the "through the eyebrows" look you would give me when you were upset with me. Charles has that look. And, he uses it.

He reminds me so much of you - his smile, his broken tooth, his generosity and sense of humor-all your traits. His intelligence and attention to detail is also yours and he blows me away sometimes he is "so" you. He's also gracious, and like you, if he ever gives his heart away, it will be completely.

I still haven't figured out why you loved me. Even when we were @ our worst, you loved and forgave me. How "Christ-like" you were. I learned so much, but I think the most important thing was the unconditional love you always showed.

It will be very hard to find someone that can compare to you, but maybe I need someone NOT like you. I'm not sure where God is leading me, but I know I am lonely. I loved being married, especially being married to you.

I hate dating though. It's kind of a cruel joke to be married and enjoying the experience, and then you die and I'm all alone. So where do I go now? HUH?

I recently met a nice Christian man named Kris. He doesn't make my eyebrows sweat, like Barb says, but neither did you when we first met. He is fun to be with, and he will make a great friend. It is kind of spooky how much we are alike. He even decorated his bathroom in the "beach scene" like I had.

Charles and I are going to Chicago next week for Jennifer's wedding. I am excited about the trip because as you know, I have never visited there. I like traveling with Charles because we always do fun things. With the hours I'm working right now, I can really enjoy the time off. I will have worked 14 or 15 straight days with no days off. (This was supposed to be a part-time job. )

I'm really thankful for my job though. In addition to the money, it allows me to do "other" things; extra things, so I don't really mind even the full time. This is CES time and I have been moving from place to place, but it IS different from my usual work.

Tom III is doing okay, I guess. I rarely see him, but we talk at least once a week. I miss doing breakfast with him and of course, seeing Carson. He changed jobs recently and is working in Tampa for a health care company. He says he likes it and still free-lances, but I don't think he works his own company as much as he was.

They also moved - He and Edward - into a small house, not too far from their old apartment house. He likes St Pete and seems to like his neighborhood. I hope he's happy. In once sense, though, he will never be happy until he surrenders his life to the Lord. I pray someone can reach him with their kind words of guidance. I don't think they go to church anywhere. You know how I always want to "fix" things; one of my many flaws.

I still want to go to school - maybe that will happen - I don't know. Linda is right though, I need to either do it or shut up about it. I still have dreams and aspirations, as you know. I still want God's will. The frustrating part is - I don't know what it is yet. I want to know "the plan." I want to have it mapped out - You know me.

It's really hot here now, but we are heading into fall so we "should" be getting cooler weather soon. At least with this present job, I'm inside most of the time with a/c.

Charles and I are still living in his apartment. I'm "so" wanting to move, even to a rental house, just out of here. We're gone a lot, so it should be ideal but it needs paint, new carpet, etc. - I could go on. But, I like living with Charles. He's easy, but a "slob" - just like you. In so many ways, it's like having you here, but NOT!!!

I find that I am better off NOT "what iffing." Jeff is a nice guy, but God said - ABSOLUTELY NOT! Even if I wanted to have a relationship, Jeff is probably not interested and God is definite. I scare Don. "Little Dan" just likes to talk about his trains, and Mike is no longer in the picture. So, who? And, if not a who, then what? or where?

I like Metro Church. I'm not sure you would like it though - no band or orchestra, but beautiful worship music. It speaks to my heart and so do Dan's sermons. The sermon Sunday was entitled "The Lost Boys." He always has a slant to his way of looking @ scriptures. I am usually convicted and that is not always a bad thing. Dan is usually right on target for me.

You would like Brett and the girls, especially Kayla and Kinzie - They just grab your heart. They have me right where they want me. There isn't much I wouldn't do for them. Brett is like another son and he has music "oozing" out of his pores. And Julie, his wife, is so me, especially when we first got married. But, she IS learning, and she's like a daughter to me. The family is so much fun. I just love them to death and I know you would too, especially the little girls. I'm sorry you didn't get to know them.

I wanted to tell you a few things - I don't know why - I just did. I still love you, honey, with all my heart, and I wish you were here.

Ernesto-Best Case Scenario

When I worked in the Florida school system, in my other life, I enjoyed days off due to weather or whatever happened to be the "reason de jour." We didn't have may days off due to hurricanes. The last time was 2 years ago and it wasn't a joyous time then. We had families displaced, children sleeping in cars for lack of housing, and not enough food to go around.

It is different when it is in "your neighborhood." It isn't fun and it's not fun-ny. I'm sure all of Florida residents are breathing better today when we saw Hurricane Ernesto's winds die down and it is being downgraded to a tropical storm. We DO need the rain though. We have been in drought conditions for several months. So, once again, God knows best and has sent the rain we needed and not the stormy winds.

My department is not working today and I WOULD HAVE HAD a day off, but IT IS my day off so, I missed out on that today. But, that's okay. I'm glad to be safe and dry inside my condo. I intend to do "rainy day" activities - eat, read, watch "chick-flick movies", and eat some more. So, all in all, a good day off.




(This is the view from my condo
window. Neat, huh?)

Routine?

There is a lot to be said for routine. I personally believe in it. It is a comfort and a distraction both at the same time. My husband used to say he liked his "rut" and preferred to stay there. I'm beginning to believe he was right.

The trip to Nashville brought back a flood of memories. That was where my "life" began - I went to college there; I met and married my husband of 36 years there - Our life together began there. I expect a funeral to be sad, but it was as if a raw spot in my heart had been opened again. And, I didn't even realize how rough it would be.

I went back to work yesterday and the routine of my work and the connection with the people I've come to love helped to restablize my "now" life. It was a comfort to put on my "work" clothes, boot my computer, and walk out "on stage" to talk with people from all over the world.

At a prescheduled meeting I went to, I got to see many of my "now" colleagues and to touch base with some I had not seen in a while, and that too was a comfort. My job helps me to focus. And, in many ways, it has helped to recenter me and "create" a new life.

I have the best of both worlds though. I still get to see old friends from my "former" life and that is tremendous, but I also have made new friends that I can fraternize with, even after work. One of my newer (not a work person) friends is having a birthday party on Sunday.

It is important for me to be there. I don't mean entirely for him, because he will have a "gadzillion" people there as he is such a special guy. It is important for me to see him and wish him well. I need the connection and the party atmosphere. Also, his sister is a tremendous cook. At this time, I can only dream of all she will have prepared for her "baby" brother's celebration. Need I say more? I think NOT!

NEW DAY/PREVIOUS PROBLEMS

My nephew Chris called yesterday to say that my father-in-law had died. He was approximately 85 and had been in a nursing home for a few years. My youngest son and I are leaving tomorrow for Nashville to support my sister-in-law and family.

I can't even verbally express all the emotions that are swirling in me. In a lot of ways, this is an ending to a life that I didn't know very well, but was introduced to through his son. In other ways, this brings back all the old emotions that I thought I had dealt with when my husband died.

How we deal with death is different for us all. I readily admit that I don't deal well. My "daughter" Julie texted me at the same time I was texting her - her brother-in-law dropped death of an apparent heart attack. She left for Atlanta about the time Charles was making arrangements for us to go to Nashville. She too is dealing with all the emotions loss brings.

I love my sister-in-law and family. She was so there for me when Tom died. I could never express how much she helped me and bolstered me at that time. I don't know exactly what I can do to help her now. I only know I HAVE to be there. The only thing I can really do is pray; pray for both families; pray for guidance; pray for wisdom. And, if you read this and you would feel inclined, you could remember all of us during this time. We would certainly appreciate it.

Is Today Only Wednesday?

Today was supposed to be a busy day. Instead, I got to rest and watch TV. It was "interesting, if not enjoyable." I didn't know there were so many inane shows. I rarely get to see programming during the day any more. It's probably because I am usually at work most days. I am suddenly very happy about missing it.

My friend Vicki called this morning. She always provides a smile for my day. We have been friends for probably 10-15 years and our lives parallel in many ways. She has 2 daughters-I have 2 sons; her daughters are about the same age as my sons; she's married to a "somewhat" quiet guy-I was too; she loves her family-so do I; she lets me "crash" @ her house when I need to be in that area, and visa versa; we use to go to the same church when I lived on the other side of the state, and she accepts me just the way I am. Man! THAT IS A FRIEND.

She is in the process of quitting her part-time job to become a full-time grandma. She has been getting her 2 grandsons off to school every school day for a year or so, and now that her youngest daughter is about to have a child, she will be taking care of ALL four children (she has inherited a child from her daughter's boyfriend that she now also drops off to school.)

She is amazing to me. She always has everything under control; she's a good cook; allows her husband to be head of the family; works outside the home; travels back and forth to Orlando when her parents call, and still has time to be a friend when I need her. I have learned a lot from her - All good!

Sunday Again?

Today is Sunday and I chose NOT to go to church today. I do not do that lightly, or without the "churning" emotional years of guilt-ridden "parenting" from my mother. I was "programmed" from birth to ALWAYS go to church, especially on Sunday morning. It was routine. It was expected. It was even mandatory at times!

For anyone who bothers to keep up with my life, it has been hectic. That seems to be my MO (method of operation) lately. I go from one project and long night to another with little or no relaxation or sleep in between. It's no wonder that I am tired, plus the heat I work in and the extra days I am now doing, I guess it is inevitable. I just don't like feeling tired. (My husband would have said that was a good sign I was fairly normal) But - I don't like missing church.

I am grown; an adult and I CHOOSE to go to church on Sunday mornings. This particular church I am now attending is where I need to be. The staff is caring; people nurturing; varied educational programs ; and, the pastor teaches most every service EXACTLY what I need to have in my life at this time.

YET - I have a pile of laundry that needs to be folded and put away; my bedroom is a shambles and driving me crazy; the sink is full of dirty dishes and here I set with my, what serves as my nightshirt on, watching "Must Love Dogs" for the 49th "gadzillionth" time. I can almost recite the dialog. I just don't want to move.

I seem to need some justification for what I am doing and what I'm not or should be doing. My mind says one thing and my emotions say another. Why can't I just set here and rest? Inbreeding? Training? "My mother's voice?" Who knows. The bottom line is just "I'm tired" and I don't want to do anything else!

Encore

The last few weeks have been hectic, to say the least. I am now working full time and since I left teaching, I really haven't wanted to work this hard, but here I am again, "back in the saddle" so to speak.

One of the perks of my job is being allowed to attend great events that are presented "on property." Thursday night I went to one of those happenings. It was presented by employees - singing, dancing, comedy routines, and those playing instruments in the orchestra all done for the cause of Juvenile Diabetes Research. Even the people who ran the sound equipment volunteered, and of course the venue was free, compliments of our company. It was one of the most outstanding concerts I have been to in a very long time. It was hard to believe that they were NOT professional performers. I am so sorry you missed it. The music of Stephen Schwartz, who was responsible for the music for Pippin, Wicked and many of our own successful animated pictures, was outstanding. Truly a talented, gifted person.

Some would say what I do all day is not working. My older son says I almost have a real job. Be that as it may, I am outside each day for approximately 6 hrs in the blazing FL sun. Temperature index at work yesterday was 106. THAT IS HOT!

Why do I do it? I could probably live on my present retirement income. My younger son takes very good care of me and I suppose I "COULD" take it easy and not work, but what would I do every day?

I could volunteer. I could just work a part-time job. I could even run around and have fun, except most everyone I know is busy working or have prior commitments. So, why not work? And even better, why not enjoy what you do? Not many people can say that. And, the "perks" are UN-BELIEVE-ABLE!

To Do or Not to do

Anyone who knows me, knows there is very little I wouldn't do for my two little "nieces" K and K. They are so wonderful and I love them so much. So when they decided they had a great idea - that was to end the summer hiatus by going to a local theme park (not one of ours) - of course, I knew it was my job to make it happen. (The pictures were taken on several of the rides we experienced)
Several months ago, when we first visited that park, "WE" decided to invest a few more bucks and get a "year pass." Of course, all we had to do this time was drive over there ( for 2 hrs one way) and once more lay out our day's agenda. And, we did!

I needed to be in the 98 degree weather, walking all over, and not resting on my day off. My bathing suit faded on one of my white shirts and my new beige shorts, my clothes were "melted to me" and I drank so much to keep cool that I visited EVERY restroom in the whole park.

Yeah, you're right. We spent the whole day, just the girls and me. I HAD AN AWESOME TIME!!!

Who moved?

I was talking with some friends tonight about their "errant" son. They have tried to raise him correctly, "in the church." They have given him all the wonderful comforts of this world and tried to help him every step of the way. They have expended thousands of dollars trying to keep him where they think he should be. They have left some necessities of their own "by the wayside" just to provide for this kid. And what has he done?

He has chosen instead to barely get through HS; flunk out of college wasting a $50,000 scholarship, not to mention what they invested, and lose or damage most every piece of electronic equipment they have provided for him in the last few years.

The question "Why?" comes to mind. Why would he reject all his teachings? Why would he deliberately choose to throw away a "free" college education that was his "just for the asking?" Why would he leave home and not even let them know where he is or what he is doing? Doesn't he know he is breaking his parents' hearts? And yet...

Isn't this just what we do with God? He offers us the very best of everything; He provides us with abundant living; He holds out His plan for our lives and says, "Here. This is what is best for you, and all I ask is that you love me." And, we choose to do "our own thing." We are so much smarter! WE KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR US. And so, we go a different way. Don't we know how we are breaking our Father's heart? Evidently, we don't care either.

I have been convicted lately of some lines I have crossed with respect to what I know I should be doing, or not be doing. Oh, nothing outlandish. I haven't stolen anything; I haven't lied about anyone; I still try to do all the "churchy" things I am supposed to do, but I know God is telling me I'm not where I should be and I am "drifting" farther from THAT line. NOW! What do I intend to do about it?

Replacement is NOT an Option

The cushion I need to help me see over the hood of my car is waaaaaaaaaaay beyond used. Many would say, to "infinity and beyond" just needing help. Several friends have even offered to buy me a new one. These truly ARE well meaning friends. And, I know they love me.

"It doesn't go with your car" they say. "It is not only ragged, but putrid looking" they say. "Can't you afford a new cushion?" they ask. The truth be know, I actually like my cushion JUST THE WAY IT IS!

IT IS raggy looking. IT IS probably passed it's prime (who isn't.) It doesn't "class up" my sporty mustang convertible. It might even be a detriment to all those guys who like to be seen in a hot, red car. I keep it because I like it. I like what it stands for. I like it because it reminds me of where I came from. But, most of all, it reminds me of how I use to be. And. I need those reminders to keep me grounded and focused.